I never pursued her any further. I excused my reluctance by the fact that she wasn't my type - and this was actually true; her mother wasn't the only reason I didn't go for her, but it played a significant part. Whenever I saw her after that, and revisited my decision not to ask her out, the memory of her mother loomed in the back of my mind.
the way a woman ages, and it isn't absurd for a man to want his wife to avoid becoming a monster.
When you introduce your boyfriend to your mother, you can be sure that he evaluates her, and that she reflects on you to some degree. Not all men do this consciously. Many do, but all men will at least consider the "feel" of your family, and this impression is strongly influenced by the health, warmth and appearance of your mother. So if your mother is fat, loud, or nags your father, wears sneakers all the time, cuts her hair short, never makes herself beautiful, or is otherwise unattractive, I suggest dealing with this in the following ways:
Example (a) "Ugh, I wish my mom would lose some weight... I am sure it is partially my father's fault - he is such a pushover. She doesn't respect him, so I think she feels no need to be beautiful for him anymore. I wish my dad would man up. The thing is, if she gets hotter, he might man up - it goes both ways."
Example (b) "Ugh, I wish my mom would lose some weight... Ever since she had that operation it's been a problem. It sucks, and I can't imagine what it's like to struggle with fitness like that. I am at least relieved that [her illness] skips generations."
that in 25 years." Their moms actually made these girls more attractive. Here, too, of course, wishful thinking plays heavily into the phenomenon. But this means that the positive effect of a fit mother can actually be stronger than the negative effect of a sloppy one. Whereas the wishful thinking counteracts the negative anticipation, it actually augments the positive anticipation.
Finally, I am well-aware that women size up a man's father for very similar reasons - and I think this is a smart thing to do.
As I acknowledged before, this might all seem like a cruel and calculating way to think about the woman who bore and raised you, especially if she has struggled to maintain her appearance over the years with little success. I am not claiming that it is honorable, but keep in mind that you aren't mocking your mother for her sloppiness or even holding her responsible; you are simply recognizing the way men think and navigating the situation so that it affects you as mildly as possible. If you navigate it well, no one will be hurt.