tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post8257359411814618022..comments2024-03-28T01:29:54.776-07:00Comments on The Rules Revisited: The "Three Mistake Minimum" Rule on DatesAndrewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09266216180030320537noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-63641904961975909822015-04-07T12:40:46.401-07:002015-04-07T12:40:46.401-07:00What about introverts like myself?What about introverts like myself?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13326011380804013986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-68887380389860564162013-08-03T10:54:15.495-07:002013-08-03T10:54:15.495-07:00This is great advice. My friend, who is divorced,...This is great advice. My friend, who is divorced, 45, bald, wears glasses and is slightly out of shape, attracts women in droves because he is authentic with them. Has great manners and a very grounded type of confidence. <br /><br />None of us (i.e., his close friends) can quite figure it out. He is like catnip to really, really cute 30-something women and has serial relationships with total hotties. The reason for it seems to be that he has opinions and is authentic and real, and even self-effacing ... and is willing to take chances. While not rude about it, he does not worry if they have different opinions. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-44280489024517745622013-06-24T07:07:58.718-07:002013-06-24T07:07:58.718-07:00@original poster,
I'm assuming you live in NY...@original poster,<br /><br />I'm assuming you live in NYC, since you said "everyone leaves the city for memorial day". I think you are 22. I am speaking from my own hard-learned experience: forget him. I don't like that he is texting you at a late hour "are you out tonight" - that screams booty call. If you are okay with that, then go for it...if you are looking for a relationship, scratch this man out of your life. I don't care how wonderful and fun the first date was and that he was nervous and he paid and picked a great spot. If he is interested in you for a real relationship, he will communicate with you constantly and plan to see you in advance, and you should develop feelings for a man who expresses his genuine interest in you - a great first date is not an indicator of anything. I have been on many a first date with the same story line as you - great date, good convo, good chemistry, guy seems VERY into me, texts, etc, but then never makes plans for a second date and then I get a late night text on a friday or saturday night. I'm only learning now: axe these men! (assuming you are looking for something meaningful). <br /><br />Andrew has several excellent posts about not initiating conversation, and how a woman of high value doesn't worry about any one suitor because she has several options - and weighs these options based on how they court her, versus texting her late on a Saturday night - read those and re-evaluate. Good luck!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-89508279933281370182013-06-18T11:47:22.165-07:002013-06-18T11:47:22.165-07:00I would appreciate more posts on this topic, parti...I would appreciate more posts on this topic, particularly how to balance authenticity with femininity. I love dressing up and I'm a definitely girls' girl, but I have some definitely more masculine qualities as well, such intense ambition and an adventurous spirit.<br /><br />I think my struggle with this may have been part of the reason I just got dumped on date 11. I have been dating a guy I really like during my school breaks -- he lives in the same city as my family. He really took initiative in pursuing me when we met in January, and we seemed to hit it off on our first few dates (in January and April), but during my current visit things have been a bit off. He was aware that I lived across the country when we met, and in April had suggested that we spend more time together during my June visit and then consider a long-distance relationship for the next two years while I finish school (with visits as frequently as possible.) Last night he told me that although he had fun with me, and would be interested in seeing me if I were in town again, he didn't think there was enough of a connection to try to make the distance work.<br /><br />At first I attributed his ambivalence to comparing me with a hot-but-crazy ex he recently bumped into (yes, that kind of bumped into -- ugh -- don't know why he told me) but now I'm wondering about my role in it. This was my first time dating someone I really liked since I broke things off with a boyfriend of six years about 8 months ago, and I feel like I tried so hard to make a good impression, I didn't let my authentic self shine through and that prevented us from really connecting (both emotionally and physically). On early dates, I downplayed some of my intense career passions (told him I'm studying to become a pediatrician when I'm really hoping to be a pediatric surgeon), my very liberal politics, and my sharp, sometimes sarcastic sense of humor. I tried to act a bit more demure than I usually would, but while it got him interested, it didn't seem to keep his interest. Then when I relaxed a bit and was more honest during our most recent dates this month (talking about how awe-inspiring my first time scrubbing in on a C-section was, defending gay marriage adamantly, admitting that I once got caught skinny-dipping in college) he seemed really confused and uncomfortable. <br /><br />Before you ask, yes we did sleep together, dates 6-10 (April and June). While I would usually wait for a commitment, in this case I guess I wanted to know if we had that connection before I left town for two months but it seemed a bit premature to commit to a monogamous LDR after date 8, even after sex. And no, I have no intention of ever talking to or dating this guy again -- I want to know what I can do differently with the next person.<br /><br />Any advice would be most appreciated -- I'm hoping to avoid making the same mistake with the next person I date! How can I be more demure and feminine while also showing enough of my personality to inspire a connection?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-56022765538876710052013-06-18T09:16:12.016-07:002013-06-18T09:16:12.016-07:00Thanks Joe. I guess I should wait and see if he ge...Thanks Joe. I guess I should wait and see if he gets in touch with me then, right? I think I am starting to get clued into what this blog says. :)Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-63487479911951394112013-06-14T12:19:54.014-07:002013-06-14T12:19:54.014-07:00That sounds promising.That sounds promising.Joenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-8783585626432054822013-06-14T06:13:18.564-07:002013-06-14T06:13:18.564-07:00Well since he asked me for date ideas, I replied w...Well since he asked me for date ideas, I replied with some. He got back to me this morning saying that he was cool with my idea but that his father had been to place I mentioned and that it wasn't that good. haha Anyway so he said "We can decide on something when I get back. Thanks for your number. Talk to you soon". Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-77349030545344707782013-06-13T14:26:44.923-07:002013-06-13T14:26:44.923-07:00Thanks. I've done that. Here's hoping. Che...Thanks. I've done that. Here's hoping. Cheers for your advice. :)Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-44604813993840327762013-06-13T08:08:45.764-07:002013-06-13T08:08:45.764-07:00Message him before he leaves and tell him to have ...Message him before he leaves and tell him to have a good holiday, but don't say anything about a date. Just say something like, "Let me know when you're back!"Joenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-27277978707208297062013-06-13T05:38:45.793-07:002013-06-13T05:38:45.793-07:00@Andrew and other posters
I need some advice on w...@Andrew and other posters<br /><br />I need some advice on whether I've messed things up with this dude. We went on a date on Tues. He asked me twice during the date whether I'd want to go on another one to which I replied positively. I then sent him an email that night thanking him for the lovely date, and he thanked me then asked me, "would you like a second one?". The next day I replied with:<br /><br /> " Another date would be great. :) Even thought of a few ideas of what we could do based on what we talked about (haha not bungee jumping) so I think you know what I mean ;)."<br /><br />My male friend says that would have come on too strong to the guy, although it wasn't meant that way. Should I just wait for a reply? He is going on holiday tomorrow and I don't want him to lose interest. I want to leave him my phone number. But would that come across as chasing?Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-85626315505021809152013-06-10T19:57:12.167-07:002013-06-10T19:57:12.167-07:00And stop talking about him. And don't respondAnd stop talking about him. And don't respond Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-77955530150369103882013-06-10T19:22:18.515-07:002013-06-10T19:22:18.515-07:00just forget about him...don't text him.just forget about him...don't text him. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-43562758704714068562013-06-10T14:09:10.021-07:002013-06-10T14:09:10.021-07:00So, you all were right. On Saturday he texted me &...So, you all were right. On Saturday he texted me "hey stranger, are you going out tonight" to which I told him my plans and he said he was planning to stay closer to his neighborhood. I said "we should all meet up later" (meaning our respective groups of friends). No response...agh, I'm just as confused as ever.<br /><br />Now I'm almost sure he will be back yet again. Ran into a guy I went out with a few times that things awkwardly ended (he was pretty awkward but he and I were cordial and he saw many other guys talking to me which is always good) and met three new guys this weekend (well two I vaguely knew, both of whom got my number), all of whom who have already texted me to make plans, but of course this is the main guy that I'd actually like to talk to since we hit it off so well. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-65512104578030031492013-06-10T03:32:50.677-07:002013-06-10T03:32:50.677-07:00I think you will enjoy this site Andrew:
http://w...I think you will enjoy this site Andrew:<br /><br />http://www.masculinity-movies.com/articles/understanding-the-masculine-and-the-feminineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-69116231948217318132013-06-08T22:12:02.222-07:002013-06-08T22:12:02.222-07:00Andrew,
Is it possible to for a guy to remain jus...Andrew,<br /><br />Is it possible to for a guy to remain just friends with his ex? If they broke up on mutual terms (she broke up with him), but he still stays friends with her. <br /><br />Does this means that he probably still has feelings for her? Or can he just truly remain friends with his ex. By friend, I mean talked to on a regular basic or commenting on each other Facebook, instead of acquaintance. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-37904987258167729152013-06-07T07:06:38.856-07:002013-06-07T07:06:38.856-07:00I am not a guy, but a chick with a lot of dating/g...I am not a guy, but a chick with a lot of dating/game experience so I feel the need to respond. I think he is definitely distracted by someone else at the moment, but he will be back. You are doing the right thing by talking to other guys. Just don't text or call him and he will be back if he thinks you are hot. This happened to me recently. I thought I would never hear from the guy again, and all of a sudden...bam! He was back. But yeah, I agree with the reply above. He's really young and you are probably just "out of sight, out mind" at the momentAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-86966399499234429832013-06-06T16:21:12.345-07:002013-06-06T16:21:12.345-07:00a man's interest can sometimes fade fast. They...a man's interest can sometimes fade fast. They're like goldfish and they forget how originally cute and cool they thought the girl was if they hadn't seen her in a few days. he probably didn't want to invest a ton of time into texting someone he only went on a date with once, meaning he didn't see you as the woman he wants to marry. plus, he's young as helllll girl. not ready to settle yet. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-65993129046023595852013-06-06T14:58:28.087-07:002013-06-06T14:58:28.087-07:00This was a very good post, which leads me to a rec...This was a very good post, which leads me to a recent situation that happened to me. <br /><br />I went out with a guy for drinks, and we really hit it off. We talked about so many topics from family to friends to travel to career and many more and I felt totally myself around this guy. There was definite physical and intellectual chemistry, lots of flirty brushing and touching. The guy admitted he was nervous to go out with me and how he took extra care in selecting a spot that he thought was chic and cool knowing I work in the fashion industry. He even told me how all of his roommates noticed his nerves when he came home from work before the date. I thought this was endearing that he admitted nervousness. We laughed a ton and after he paid (of course, I offered!) he walked me home which was coincidentally two blocks from the spot he chose. We chatted for a bit outside my door and as I hugged him goodbye, when I pulled away, we locked eyes and he kissed me. I pulled away and he went back for more. He made lots of comments about hanging out again and jokes about things we had talked about on the date that we could do together, and even said, "I'm not going anywhere, I'll be around". I wished him a goodnight and went to my apartment giddy and excited.<br /><br />About ten minutes later, or when he got home (he doesn't live too far), he texted me saying what a great time he had and that he was so glad we had met. I told him I had a great time as well, and he said that margaritas were his new favorite drink (the place we went to specializes in gourmet margaritas). I replied that my homemade ones could compete and he said "we'll have to see about that, I'll have to try them."<br /><br />Two days later he texted me to see what I was doing and if my friends and I wanted to come meet him and his friends out. I was out of town for the memorial day holiday so I made a joke about how all the normal people had left the city. He sent a few more responses but didn't text me for too long as at that point it was getting pretty late at night.<br /><br />I didn't hear from him for the rest of the weekend so on Monday night I texted him saying "hope you had a great holiday weekend :D". No response. Its now been almost two weeks since I've heard from him.<br /><br />What I can't figure out is what happened? He seemed very interested and then he disappears...I'm so confused. I am talking to other guys at this point so I'm not hung up on it, but I did think we hit it off and I'd like a guys opinion on what happened. <br /><br />He is only a year older than me (he's 23) and I know his ex-gf now has an internship in our city so who knows, they could have gotten back together? It is all just mysterious to me. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-77560059972679185992013-06-05T08:48:17.563-07:002013-06-05T08:48:17.563-07:00Andrew,
I think your advice on this blog is aweso...Andrew,<br /><br />I think your advice on this blog is awesome. I cite your posts often on other blogs :) I agree with your examples that the woman lacked authenticity and that would prevent her from find a compatible man.<br /><br />However, I disagree that one should make "three mistakes minimum" on a date "to push through your reservations and express the things you would say in non-date situations." <br /><br />Rather than considering "expressing her authenticity" as mistakes, I would suggest that the woman needs to really understand and accept herself, warts and all, such that she can freely express herself without judging herself or being afraid of giving the wrong impression. <br /><br />Date with a positive mindset. You know who you are; you know what you have to offer; you know your quirks...and that they aren't for everybody; you know your faults and accept them; you know what causes you to be insecure; but you know that your whole package is one-of-a-kind. Date with feminine grace--with smiles, warmth, radiance, laughter. Date with compassion and trust, that the guy is just a human being, not a potential jerk with a penis. <br /><br />The right mindset will help project the right attitude, and that "right attitude" is what most guys key on for gf-material, after they've qualified the woman as hot enough to date. LOL<br /><br />That said, if a woman is bitchy, whiney, fakey, whatever, she really needs to get rid of bad attitudes and work on improving her personality. If she's bitchy, learn to be non-bitchy, and not just hide it on dates, I mean really learn to be a sweet person. If she's whiny, fakey, whatever, she needs to get rid of those qualities. If she's insecure, she needs to learn to NOT EXPRESS those insecurities. Be self-aware so that she can self-improve.<br /><br />Because ultimately while bitchy, whiny, fakey, insecure people can end up in relationships, those relationships are neither long-lasting nor satisfying.Karmic Equationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04255572582230767184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-45221427284575027842013-06-04T14:23:46.188-07:002013-06-04T14:23:46.188-07:00Andrew, this post is great advice, thanks! I just ...Andrew, this post is great advice, thanks! I just read your post "never tell a guy why he shouldn't want to date you" though and have a question regarding that. Don't you think that it is important at some point to let a guy know about negative aspects of your life? For instance, what if you have a serious medical condition that creates hardship for you on a daily basis but isn't immediately recognizable on a date? Obviously you have to talk about those things at some point, right? When is a good time/should you ever talk about them?Christina Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-37608374568065425372013-06-03T06:41:01.145-07:002013-06-03T06:41:01.145-07:00Ha - I love the idea of going out with the purpose...Ha - I love the idea of going out with the purpose of getting rejected. Really puts a nice reframe on the whole 'approach' thing.Chadd Pfannensteinhttp://www.howtogetlaid.me.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-82105633218356212232013-06-03T01:53:16.612-07:002013-06-03T01:53:16.612-07:00Read the post titled "never tell a guy why he...Read the post titled "never tell a guy why he shouldn't want to date you."<br /><br />And no, it doesn't contradict what I'm saying you should do in this post.Andrewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09266216180030320537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-87806211940144823362013-06-02T19:44:39.784-07:002013-06-02T19:44:39.784-07:00I can relate to that because once you do open up, ...I can relate to that because once you do open up, if you get rejected it makes it that much more of a struggle to open up to the next guy. I do think guys would see confessing low self-esteem early on as a red flag for sure. <br /><br />I agree with what Andrew says about being honest on dates, but no way would I tell a guy anything super personal until I felt like I could trust him. When you tell someone your personal business too soon, you are setting yourself up for failure, in my personal opinion...."Don't throw your pearls before swine."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-23958126482929015072013-06-02T17:09:18.272-07:002013-06-02T17:09:18.272-07:00What if you have emotional problems? How soon can ...What if you have emotional problems? How soon can you open up to someone about that? I struggle with depression and anxiety, and while it's gotten a lot better since I started seeking counseling, I feel like I have to 'hide' my insecurities. I think I scared off the last guy I dated by mentioning having low self-esteem very early on, before we got to know each other that well (ugh, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't remember what context that came up in). I think I missed out on something really good because of that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882065480599769720.post-18064477047955286492013-06-01T23:59:57.986-07:002013-06-01T23:59:57.986-07:00I agree that a "beta orbiter" do encoura...I agree that a "beta orbiter" do encourage men to hang around for their ego boost. But they only get an ego boost BECAUSE those betas have some attractive qualities. Those qualities are just enough to keep the betas in the friendzone. The orbiter can enjoy these betas without dating or having sex with them. She is having her cake and eating it too.<br /><br />This blog talks about how important it is to cut men out of your life when they are not satisfying your romantic needs. This rule applies to men as well. A "beta orbiter" female is just like a "commitment phobe" male. It would be dumb to add another notch to my belt and have a man enjoy my looks and youth without committing to me.Sonynoreply@blogger.com