About this Blog

I am a 29-year-old, American, straight, white, single man. I write this blog in my free time. I am from a large family and my parents are still happily married. My father taught me next to nothing about women (explicitly, anyway), so I can empathize with being ignorant about the opposite sex, as well as the learning process one has to go through to correct that.

I do well with women. There are certainly some better-looking men out there, maybe some that are more confident, and possibly some that are smarter. I am not at the very top of the heap, but I've come a long way. Several years ago I could barely talk to girls, let alone attract them; so I can definitely identify with the struggle for self-improvement.

I am crazy about women and have an extremely analytical mind. The former trait motivates my observations, while the latter facilitates my curiosity and helps to process those observations. I also love ideas and writing: this blog is the result.

I write for women rather than men simply because there are so few resources of this type for women. Men have thousands of books and blogs; women have a handful. Originally this seemed unfair to me, and I decided to start writing to "fill the gap." I realize now that it partly has to do with the fact that women aren't as inclined as men to dissect their problems and construct solutions; their approach is normally more intuitive. But the success of this blog bears witness to the fact that a large number of women can and do benefit from this kind of advice, so I am happy to provide it.

This post gives some more background and overview of the blog: CLEO Magazine Interview

Assumptions and Caveats

In everything I write I make several assumptions about the reader and their beliefs. If you disagree with the content of this blog, it is likely because you disagree with one or more of the following:
  • Happy, monogamous, long-term relationships (marriage in most cases) are possible and desirable.
  • Modern, western, liberal thought is reasonable enough to warrant the on-going experiment of attempting life according to its tenets. This is relevant because the most of the advice I give assumes that the sexual mores of western culture are reasonable, despite some apparent excesses. If I didn't think these things were reasonable, I would instead be writing a blog urging that women be blindly submissive to men, never wear revealing clothing, etc.
  • The various characteristics of men (physical, social, cultural, financial, etc.) follow a Gaussian distribution in most cases, and a woman can maximize her chances with men by appealing to the average man.
The second half of the post Don't Fuck on the First Date, gives a good overview of my philosophy on male-female social and sexual dynamics. This perspective underlies all of what I write on this blog. If you are interested enough to have read this far down the page, I suggest that you read that post before continuing to read anything else.

106 comments:

  1. I've been following your blog for a while now. I have to congratulate you on the eloquent execution of your observations. I have always been interested in a male perspective, and well, I don't have to look anywhere else. I'm always looking forwards to your next post. I live in San Diego too. :)

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  2. i think we need a picture!

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  3. Keep posting!!!

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  4. You sound exactly like my boyfriend. I wonder if you look like him too (maybe you ARE him and he's running this blog without telling me?). Either way, pic please!

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  5. I believe congratulations are in order! Building this page means you're already getting enough hits to warrant it. (And I bet you have a ridiculous return rate, like 95%+).

    I forsee a book deal in your future.

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  6. Can you expand on this? "The various characteristics of men (physical, social, cultural, financial, etc.) follow a Gaussian distribution in most cases, and a woman can maximize her chances with men in general by appealing to the average." Thanks!

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    1. I just mean that by appealing to the average man, you appeal to the greatest number of men, because there are more men that match the average than men who do not. For example, a woman who cuts her hair short is making a bad move if she wants to attract men, because only 3 % of men are attracted to short-haired women. If she wears her hair long, she has more men to choose from.

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    2. Being masculine and analytical, you will appreciate my observation that the following sentence has been missing a word since you started this blog:
      "Five or six years ago I could barely girls in the 6 - 7 range,..."

      You could barely get/date/approach...whatever you mean to say.

      Good website.

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    3. OH DEAR, only 3% of the men in the world are attracted to short-haired women? I don't know why but unfortunately they must have all moved to where I live then. Except for the few that are in the countries around that I visit around the world. I really wish there were fewer men that liked short hair on men, so I could get some peace and quiet and be left alone a bit more.

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  7. I am curious; most of our advice in this blog is based on the assumption that most men will chase a woman they genuinely have feelings for.
    I have experienced men playing hard to get. Pulling back for a bit - then realizing it didn't work and start initiating again. I've also heard male friends say that they prolong replying or ignore text messages to make women more interested.
    I'm assuming you think women shouldn't rely on that possibility - which I agree with. I'm personally not interested in dating a man who doesn't contact me reasonably often and show his feelings for me.
    Is this part of what men call "game"? Is it reasonable to assume that a majority of attractive men are aware of this? Even if they don't practice "game", I think a lot of men make sure they don't come on too strong?

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    1. That's a really good question - how many men actively use "game"? I can't give you an exact answer, but I would estimate that something like 80 % of men are AWARE of SOME form of "strategy" or "game" in attempting to win a girl's attention. The most obvious form of this is delaying responses in communication. I've often heard other men discussing how long they should wait to call a girl, and I've had that same conversation plenty of times with my friends. It is on almost every uy's mind. That being said, the fact that a guy thinks about it is a separate matter from whether or not he actually applies it. I think the numbers are dramatically less for application. Maybe 60 % of guys are waiting to reply to a girl's texts, but this number reduces a lot when they guy is more attracted to a girl. Game is a lot easier to pull off on girls a guy isn't that interested in. Also, a guy will be less inclined to delay texts witha girl he likes because he likes communicating with her and receiving her approval.

      It is a reasonable assumption that a man is closely watching what he says and how he says it when he is communicating with a girl he likes (I am sure this is no different for women when they are talking to a man they like). Each guy, however, will have a different "strategy" so it is hard to say whether his late text is "usually" game or a real indifference.

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    2. Thanks, this is useful. There are different ways of doing applying 'game' though - delaying replies is one way, but it is likely to genuinely annoy a girl (without make her more attracted) if it keeps happening.
      Since the guy is the one to initiate contact, he can also control how often that happens. Say you've been seeing a guy and he texts you about every day or every second day. He continues to do this, the girl replies but does not initiate anything. I suppose it is on his mind that he doesn't want to text more often, as in 'coming on too strong'? Even if he really likes her? Even a guy that is really infatuated will probably stop himself from calling a girl all day?
      More so if she's been passive, out of reach or may have come across as a bit indifferent - he keeps up the texting/calling, but over time only contacts her every 3 or 4 days. As long as the guy keeps actively initiating meetings or contact and verbally says he's into her, I would assume this 'game' is a result of him not wanting to come on too strong?

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    3. Game I don't think works as effectively on girls with healthy levels of self esteem. If a man's contact starts to slacken I will usually (as a woman) assume that he has lost interest, distance myself emotionally and move on to the next guy.

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  8. Do you think location matters at all in what you advise - I believe SoCal is more favorable for women (more women than men), so it is easier for them to wait for an approach, vs a place like NYC, where demographics heavily favor men.

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  9. I'm really curious, what is your motivation for doing this blog and what do you hope to gain out of it? What's in it for you? Is it completely anonymous who Andrew is or do your friends/girlfriends know that you're writing this?

    Btw, have you gotten engaged yet :D?

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    1. I do it mostly for writing practice. If it continues to get good feedback I might try to assemble the better material into a book, but I am not very interested in putting my name on a self-help book for women.

      I am also legitimately interested in helping women get their shit together. It's painful to see girls that really could be getting much better guys suffer just because they haven't been told some obvious but simple ways to improve themselves. My sisters are like this.

      Only one, maybe two people who have read this blog have met me in person. I want to keep it anonymous for a number of reasons. I'd never want a girl I was dating to read this shit because it would probably make her feel inadequate, even if she didn't like me that much.

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    2. Yes...You sound like EXACTLY like someone I dated who knew exactly what to say, how to be, supportive, although I must admit his action weren't all 100% in hindsight. I really started to think later that it was for practice for some self help book..or maybe a BLOG like this one. Hope you didn't do this to women for self motivation and blogging. Or would you?

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    3. No I wouldn't do that. I care way more about finding a girl to marry than about this blog.

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  10. Interesting perspective. I've been with my husband since I was 18. I had plenty of fun before him. I'm almost 40 and I feel a change in me. I keep questioning to myself "Is this as good as it gets?" I hope not. I work out 2 hours a day, I eat healthy, hike etc...My husband does nothing! What is it with men in their 40's? It's as if he has given up on sex and life in general. I feel like i am missing out on my prime. My sex drive is off the charts and his is just about non existent. It would be nice to have a male's perspective on this. I feel more confident and attractive than I did when I was in my 20's. Why does my husband not see this?

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    1. He's getting sex elsewhere - either from porn (most likely), a mistress or hookers. Read this post: The Male Sex Drive Always Recharges or this post: Don't Let Pornography Become Your Substitute.

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    2. Well, I asked for a divorce recently. He fought it tooth and nail. Thoughts?

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    3. Pride (i.e. to avoid social embarrasment), emotional investment (he probably still loves you, just not sexually) and a lack of other sexual prospects. This makes porn seem even more likely, since he'd be more inclined to accept the divorce if he could still get ass elsewhere.

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  11. I like reading your articles. It's honest and I appreciate that.

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  12. When I was really young I was in an accident with boiling hot water and it left a massive scar on my chest (above my boobs). I wear clothes that hide this area and no one knows except my mum. Is it important/what should I do?

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    1. It is hard to say how much it matters without seeing the scar, but the general idea is to play up your strengths and play down your weaknesses. If your chest is attractive enough to outweigh the scar, show more cleavage. If not, continue to cover up until you know a guy a little better, at which point I would just tell him. If you start to get into situations in which you'd be taking of a shirt, or wearing clothes that are more casual and would typically show it, just tell him "look, I know this is kind of a weird thing to do, but I am a little self-conscious about a scar that I have. I want to show you for a second just so that it doesn't surprise you and then you feel awkward looking at it when it catches your eye the first time I wear something more low-cut."

      Chances are your scar isn't a big deal and you should stop covering it up ASAP because you are probably shooting yourself in the foot by doing so, but I might be wrong. If you are comfortable sending me pictures I'd be willing to give you my honest opinion.

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    2. I feel your pain anon. 22 year old male virgin here, I'm reasonably good looking but I also have a huge late-onset birthmark on my chest and neck that makes it difficult for me to get intimate with a girl (to say nothing of pool or beach parties; I haven't swum in public in years).

      I'm in the process of getting it lasered off though. It's long and painful, but it's something you could look into if it's affordable for you.

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  13. Wish the recent comments was longer..sometimes I enter a question, I don't remember under which post I put it, and by the time you replied, there are so many new comments, it's disappeared in the "recent comments" field :(

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    1. Thanks for the feedback. I just increased it from 10 to 30. Let me know if that isn't enough.

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    2. It is not enough. :-) Also, can you move the label section down and move the recent comment section up? Thank you!

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    3. Remember that if you want to keep track of your comments you can subscribe to them using the "Subscribe by e-mail" to the bottom right of the comment box.

      How would you feel if I put the "recent comments" on a separate page? Then you could open it in another window. Let me know what you think. My concern is that simply up-ing the number on the main page is a "band-aid" fix - more will be needed as the blog continues to grow.

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    4. I agree. How about adding tabs [placed horizontally] under the blog title and description? Each tab links to one page. Recent comments can be listed on a separate page. The upper left hand column "blog information" and "labels" can have their own pages too. That way the posts can stretch to the full width of the page. What do you think? :-)

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    5. This is what I had in mind. Anyone else have ideas about the blog layout? I am interested to hear.

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    6. Actually I like how the recent comments are listed on the front page. That's where I go first. :)

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    7. Andrew-I heart the blog. As always, great and very insightful.

      You mentioned a while back redesigning the blog. Just a suggestion--when I read on my ipad I keep having to click in/out of the text box if I type because for some reason the text stops. Hard to describe, but I often have to cut and start typing again. Not sure if anyone else experienced it.

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  14. Did you ever consider writing a blog for men? We can give you tips on what topics to cover :) I wish someone could tell the male population that the friendzone doesn't exist, for example. But they don't always seem to keen on getting genuine advice from women.

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    1. that already exists - its called the manosphere - check out heartiste, hookingupsmart, dalrock, spearhead, etc.

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    2. I just checked manosphere, and got horrified!

      If that is what's going on in a lot of men's head, then ffs! It's like teaching guys how to get easy sex with minimum efforts with no senses of love. And a lot of sex it mentions seems to be around the clubs and alcohols only.

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  15. Andrew, thanks for the insights!

    Here are some ideas I've been wondering about:
    - how a girl should text a guy she likes
    - how to figure out if a guy is a player
    - how fake is fake to men? i don't know if i wear too much or too little makeup
    - elaborate on the 1-10 scale. show a picture of each type maybe?
    - how to tell if a guy is ready to settle down or not
    - what are signs you look for in women before approaching them in a public place? (i think i am doing it right because i get approached a lot but might be helpful)
    - relationship game for women - what makes men start looking at other women? what are some tips for keeping relationships as good as they were when it started from a man's perspective?

    ... those are just a few ideas if you need more inspiration :) great blog!

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    1. Marie-a girl should never text a guy unless she is responding to him. Don't chase men, it puts you at a severe disadvantage.

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  16. Andrew,
    I cant stand the way sum up your little insights about women. These topics are all highly objective and superficial. The worst part about this is women are going to read this crap and take it to heart. NO, trust me ladies, most men do not think like this. Even if the do, its on a subconcious level, that doesnt matter. I understand this is an attempt to be honest about attraction, but some things are better left unsaid. Andrew, Im guessing you have trouble maintaining meaningfull relationships with women. Stop analyzing women, start loving them.

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    1. There might be some truth to the fact the my analysis of women makes it difficult for me to maintain a relationship. But that is my problem, and if you can benefit from it by reading this blog, so much the better for you. It certainly doesn't make the posts any less true, though of course you are welcome to disagree with them on other levels.

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    2. The truth, as they say, may hurt, but it does you a lot better than fantasy. You can act on truth. A lot of these observations are hard to listen to, and may not apply to all men. Though it also shows me my game and what I'm doing right.

      Andrew is your favorite brother giving you his opinion fter too many Jaegers. And every woman in the room is listening.

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  17. Have you done the Myers-Briggs test? I'd be curious to know your result.

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  19. I love your blog, it gives very practical advice :) I've been stuck on a guy for a couple of months which I dated three times, but we met online and we did chat for a couple of months. I was totally devasted, he gave me the crap of its not you but me and lets be friends. I know the truth is he was just been a coward and couldn't just say I am not into you and don't want to see you again. At times in these month I've been week and so wanted to contact him but deep down I know what I want to do is use the energy that I use thinking about him to rebuild myself. So when the right guy does come along I will be ready to charm him with just me. So all you girls who just want to be friends with an ex, don't waste the energy. Give yourself the time to rebuild you and meet a better person!

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    1. Wise words..wish I was as strong as you more often! x

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  20. I sometimes think that, true love is proved when someone can "see you when you are invisible", which means when a female is in the worst of her time, struggling for life's frustrations rather than well dolled up, dressed classy, or when a male is still in desperate poverty and building up his future. I think if in such circumstances, someone can still see the best from you, then stronger love is seen from here compared to "chameleon" like people who only try to ally with expediency only?

    I do believe that men and women should do self improvements to bring out the best from themselves for the people who they love and care for. But I also am unsure if I like the idea that if people aren't nice to you in the worst of your times which occured to you through no faults of your own, you should just go all the way to do "self improvements" just so that you could get the missing connections back again?

    But it's also true that everybody loves good stuffs like beauty, confidence etc. over bad things. But I still feel something is just not right there equally. This thought quite often bothers me especially recently.

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  21. The Rules Revisited, just wondering, are you still single?

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    1. You don't read very carefully... check out the first sentence

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  22. You're hysterical and spot on! Thanks for writing this blog!

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  23. I love your blog Andrew... I'd love to see some tips or advice for women who have kids from a previous relationship and how that might effect dating

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  24. I'm most impressed by the use of Gaussian dispersion modeling. The bane of my (previous) existence as an undergrad. Great blog btw.

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  25. Thank you so much for blogging. I never knew all of my dating troubles were because of my utter ignorance about the male mindset. I've been doing everything wrong!! Thanks again Andrew!

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    1. Ha ha. "Like" (if we were on Facebook)

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  26. While your blog is somewhat informative, I truly think most of the posts are overly-critical of women. To be honest, you sound as if you don't truly like the opposite sex. Since I won't be trying to attract a man like you, most of the information here is useless.

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    1. I would guess he is overcompensating for his insecurity toward women by being disparaging of them, which is a common way for ppl to deflect their insecurities.

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    2. I agree, but I doubt he even realizes this. The general tone of the blog is: women are inferior, women are worthless, women are annoying... but I am obsessed with them. Lolz.

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  27. Andrew,

    I very, very much enjoy reading your blog even though I take it with a pinch of salt :D... You are mostly spot on but some of your posts are ridiculous (one that comes to mind is the one about you and the 29 yr old 'older woman' and how her beauty was fading or some crap like this... it did make me chortle, admittedly). You are a great writer and I look forward to your posts. Is there a way we can subscribe to your blog so that each time you put out a new post, we get a notification in our emails? Thanks very much. Also, I totally agree w/the others that a photo of you is necessary bc otherwise you could be a short and squat, hideous-looking troll (no disrespect meant) writing very authoritatively - at times, disparagingly - about all things women related...

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    1. Yes, I've added a "follow by e-mail" box in the left column under the Twitter subscription button.

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    2. I've just checked back and tried it, and it doesn't work :( (the page it loads has a bunch of html-esque gibberish).

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  28. while other men are simply sitting infont of their computers whining and complaining about how bad women are behaving etc, you are actually doing something about it! congrats. nice blogg, (even though i dont agree on some of the things written here). very helpful in letting us understand how to deal with men in a non-politicaly correct but honest way.

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  29. Question about texting, you said that a female should only be responding to a man's text. So when responding does she ask a question to keep the conversation rolling or just give an answer?

    Also, how do you deal with men who either

    1. Text only (never call or reply with your call with a text)
    2. Constantly trying to escalate things with you via text
    3. Often/sporadically text short/lack of grammer "hey" "what u doin" kind of answer or responses?

    AnonymousLilly

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    1. I'll answer your first question via a new post, but the short answer is that you should keep the convo rolling until HE stops it by not asking you another question.

      1. Humor them for a few days then start to ignore them
      2. Text them "I only do that in person ;)"
      3. Live with it. It is the way of the future, for better or worse. Some people view this as lazy, other people think it is how you are "Suuposed" to talk via text so I wouldn't think in to it too much.

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    2. Great answers on how to answer texts. I believed I was in a long distance relationship that was going somewhere and I responded to those " escalating" text messages. My self respect is gone with the man.

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  30. Dear Andrew,

    I'm a regular reader and I've noticed that you seem to travel alot. You are also really intelligent and have great observations and insights. This is outside the scope of this blog, but I was wondering what sort of career you have? I'm 16 and I'm trying to learn as much as I can about future pathways and I would like to develop some qualities you have. Any advice?

    Thank you,
    Marie

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  31. Hey Andrew! I really love your blog and really look forward to your new posts. I'm working really hard to follow a lot of your advice and its definitely paying off, so thank you very much!! I was wondering if you knew of or followed any other blogs or websites of a similar nature to this one, or perhaps some about self-improvement in general that resonated with your strain of thought. There are so many blogs out there that its hard to come by ones of really good quality and advice like this one. I would appreciate any recommendations!

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    1. Christina,

      There is no blog that I can wholeheartedly endorse, since I disagree with some things on all of them, but two excellent ones are www.hookingupsmart.com, www.evanmarckatz.com. There is also some good advice on www.davidwygant.com/women/

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  32. Anyone interested in my Myers-Briggs personality type, I just took a test and got the following results:

    ESTJ
    Extravert(78%) Sensing(1%) Thinking(12%) Judging(1%)

    You have strong preference of Extraversion over Introversion (78%)
    You have marginal or no preference of Sensing over Intuition (1%)
    You have slight preference of Thinking over Feeling (12%)
    You have marginal or no preference of Judging over Perceiving (1%)

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    1. As an avid reader of your blog and a slight Myers Briggs fanatic I've always wondered, but never dared ask, what your personality type was. I would never have pegged you as an ESTJ but your low preferences in intuition, thinking and judging are therefore not surprising - your results would probably change if you were to re-take it in a few months time.

      Penelope Trunk is a blogger that I like to follow that talks a lot about how knowing your personality type can help positively enhance your life in a practical way:

      http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/01/15/fast-track-your-career-with-myers-briggs-four-day-seminar-with-penelope-trunk/

      http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/01/31/how-to-pick-a-wife-if-you-want-to-have-kids/

      I think, because you have very low preferences on XSTJ you may find that the ESTJ profile does not fit you and knowing your personality type wasn't and won't be that life altering as it was for me. I'm a woman in my early twenties and I got strong preferences in all the letters for being an INTJ (many times!); this is the rarest personality type for a woman and one of the most masculine in characteristics. As an avid reader, knowing your type (ESTJ) helps me understand your perspective even more.

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    2. I find Myers Briggs so fascinating. I am a very "strong" INFP. I wonder if Andrew would have anything to say about compatibility between personality types. Maybe an idea for a blog post?

      I find Socionics and Keirsey's types not that great though... when I read the description for my type, I really identify with the Myers-Briggs one, Keirsey's I find slightly off and Socionics pretty bad.

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    3. A good article I found with a lot of mariage statistics is this one: http://www.personalitydesk.com/story/compatibility-and-your-myers-briggs-personality-type.

      One thing I dislike about Keirsey is that his advice for relationships is limited to pairing up the "rarer" types (idealists (NF) and rationals (NT) ) and the more "common" ones ( artisans (ST) and guardians (SF) ). As you can see in the article I posted, and as you could guess just using common sense, it's more complicated than that. I also feel it takes somewhat of an "elitist approach" (that's really the feeling I got reading his book), which I don't like.

      I haven't been able to find anything that talks in depth about the importance of gender when examining relationships from a personality-typing point of view. For example, I'm an INFP and my fiancé is an ESFJ. We have incredible chemistry and I from what I have read our types complement each other very well (like in that article I linked, they have the highest satisfaction rate), but I don't think the relationship would work as well if, as the woman, I was the ESFJ and HE was the INFP instead. This is mostly I think because some kinds are inherently more feminine and others masculine, not to say that you can't have a male INFP that is masculine, but I think anyone would agree that INFP is a feminine type. ESFJ, while the most common type in women, is unusual for men but ESFJ men are very masculine (the type tends to naturally be aware of gender roles).

      Maybe also extraverted men are naturally more attractive in the sense that they are often charismatic, which is an attractive male quality. I would be curious to know if anyone has any thoughts on the role of gender in MBTI relationships advice.

      Disclaimer: I know that you can't limit a relationship to statistics nor can you categorize a person by their personality type, everyone is unique, all that stuff. It remains however that general trends are observable.

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    4. Can I do this test online for free?

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    5. Andrew-I think you should switch the extrovert wit thinking scores lol Do you agree?

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    6. looking at your scores objectively, it looks like the analysis suggests you like to give opinions but are less receptive & introspective about others ' opinions ... do you think this description fits?

      Andrew, here's an interesting experiment for you: next woman you date that you think you might genuinely like, don't analyze, just note your raw emotions and record them here, analysis-free. Kind of a field experiment. Would be interesting for us to chew over.

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  33. Jane, thank you for recommending Penelope Trunk's blog. She has some great advice and a lot of her posts really complement well the general strain of thought on The Rules Revisited about personal responsibility for your happiness. The stuff about personality types is really interesting too (test says I'm an ENFJ). If you know of any other blogs similar to that or this one, please do share them!

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  34. I am in love with this blog. When I settled down, I think I will owe a lot to my finding this.

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  35. Delighted to have discovered this blog. This is as real as it gets

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  36. I stumbled on this blog a few days ago, and now I am addicted to it. Staying up late to read this cool advice. The fact that it comes from "a 28-year-old, American, straight, white, single man" who "is more interested in finding a girl to settle down with" and who is "ridiculously good looking, extremely intelligent and humble" makes it even more appealing. Plus, the author definitely has a charisma...

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  37. Hey Andrew -

    I stumbled across your blog and really enjoyed reading this. I'm struggling with some self-control with a sporadic texter/bad boy in my life. I know he's a good guy, but also an obvious head case/packed with issues from the last girlfriend. The chemistry was through the flipping roof all times we went out. My issue is not giving in to the temptation to engage in the back and forth texting when he decides to kick up contact. There's a part of me that wants to see him again....but the reasons there are obvious....I don't want to let myself believe that I was wrong in thinking he was a good guy. I also have a tad more control issues than I like to admit and don't like when things aren't in my control.

    Any tips to get inside his head and help me let this one go?

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  38. A lot of your advice focuses on looks. And "mass market game playing" e.g. don't fuck on the first date, avoid X stereotypes, where to meet men, etc. Not saying these aren't valid ideas, but I think developing a seductive personality is just as important. Looks are secondary for a confident woman that lights up a room with her energy. Cold, bitchy, hot, game playing women can hook an attractive guy. But genuine, warm, loving, heart stealing women can have their pick of any guy.

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  39. wow..i wish I had landed on this 10 months ago or much earlier.. I would have saved myself so much of heartache and pain that I went through because of one confused and a coward man-child !! It's amazing though, that you are doing this as a service to women, can I request if you could send out some grow up/ maturity lesson posts to those man-children who exist in this world? Or maybe you should write a post about toxic men and how to detect a man-child. It would save the next girl who might be up for another heartache. Thanks btw, this is a life saver for every woman who has been through a horrible breakup for no fault of hers..

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  40. Hi Andrew,
    Just have to start off by saying I absolutely love this blog! I appreciate your time and effort and do value your advice.
    I have a question about one area of dating that you've never really touched on. Do you have any thoughts on being set up with someone? For example, I have friends, sisters, aunts, etc who always mention that they may know someone and that they can introduce us to each other. I'm always a little reluctant to try and get "set up" with the men they are suggesting. It just doesn't feel natural and is a bit awkward. Would you say that men perceive this in a similar manner? Do you have any advice on this area of dating?

    I look forward to your response! Thank you!!

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  41. I just wanted to say thank you. I am soooo clueless. Thank you. I wish I had seen this blog years ago...But alas I'm 25 and have a few more years of attractiveness. So Uhmm will be studying this blog in my free-time for the next few months.
    -A former misguided tomboy :S.....
    ps. any advice on online dating? Are they all creeps. I had someone want to do some really awkward activity on a Christian dating website...yea...I said no.

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  42. Just discovered your blog and wishing I had discovered it earlier. It's honest and to the point.
    I need some advice if you have an opinion on this topic:
    Last week I was using my boyfriend's iPad and I realised that for about a week he has been facebook messaging a girl pretty much all day - talking about their days, their families, sending photos of what they had for lunch, etc.
    Then yesterday he went to coffee with that same girl.
    I imagine this coffee went well as they have moved from facebook messaging to texting on the phone.
    I brought her up this morning and he apologised for being 'distant' for the past couple of weeks, saying he thinks we put a strain on our relationship by moving in together only 6 months after dating (we lived together for a year while I was looking for places and studying full-time, and I've since moved out).
    After this discussion we hugged and kissed and I thought it was fine.
    But today he and this girl have kept texting, and then they went for a beer tonight.

    Am I allowed to bring up the girl again?? Does he want to break up??
    I'm so confused!!! Up until last week when the girl came in the picture, I thought we had a great relationship.

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  43. I had a serious relationship for 3 years which ended a month ago. It happened so suddenly that I was in shock. Things between me and my boyfriend were not good lately and even I suggested that perhaps we would be better off without each other. He said we wanted to work things out. Two days later he called and said "I am done. I can't be with you. I want us to be friends and to see each other from time to time." That was that and two weeks ago he called to say that he has a new girlfriend and he wanted me to hear it from him because he respects me and does not want to lie to me.
    He called me yesterday and said he wants to meet up and I said Ok because I am due to move to Hong Kong in a few months.
    I am so confused. When we first met I was looking for fun and he was the one who said he wants a relationship and we had it. He wanted to have a child with me, to live together and so on. Perhaps I overlooked those things because I was focused on finishing my MA and the next goal was my career.
    Now he shows some sort of interest in my life and I am very confused.
    I am not dating anyone still. I am over the relationship, as much as I could be but I can't understand what is it that he wants.
    I am geeting worried about this meeting next week and I would appreciate any opinions on the matter.

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  44. Hi Andrew,

    I was wondering if you had any update on the 'Dating as a Virgin' post you've been working on, or any idea when you will post it? I'm 25 and have been putting myself out there more recently with a fair amount of success, but I could really use advice on how and when to approach the sexual inexperience issue.

    Thanks!
    -Allie

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  45. your blog is pretty much one of the worst things I've ever read in my entire life.

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  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    Replies
    1. Your definition of shallow is flawed.

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  47. Dear Andrew, I've recently started reading your blog. Wow! many of your insights just blew me away (and I'm an older pretty smart woman who just 43 yesterday!). So many things you know so clearly of I had no idea of them before. It's almost mind boggling how you could know so much and so precise. At your age, so many people are so clueless. Even people my age, they can still be just as clueless.

    Your EQ level must be quite high. I'm baffled at your ability to have such amazing understanding in the topics of love, males and females, and the related. Thanks for this wonderful blog. I wish I could meet you :-)!

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  48. What I find interesting, is that this blog is such a good example of sexism. It's a huge collection of generic sexist ideas that get repeated over and over in the media. It almost seems like you get a lot of your relationship knowledge from the media (movies, hollywood, etc.)

    On one hand, it seems you are trying to "help" women, but you do so by feeding them toxic ideas that suggest they are worthless and unlovable unless they are "hot" and score a man. It's kind of scary to think that insecure young women will read this blog and accept your beliefs as fact, but I can totally see how your blog will attract vulnerable and desperate women, and men who need an ego boost.

    I think women deserve to be valued primarily for their non-physical traits (character, humor, compatibility, reliability, companionship), and not for their body parts. It seems ridiculous that I have to point this out. Of course you will argue 'but that's just how men are - beauty and youth is what is important to them." Well then I would suggest women are better off without men.

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  49. I just found your site, and scrolled by some negative comments on here. I'm 29, female, and I am very impressed with this blog (I hate to even call it that, it's so good). I believe your take on men and women is honest, true (with a few exceptions, of course), and quite helpful. I do not find it in any way sexist, misogynist, or ass-hole-ist. Telling the truth as you know it is a lot more respectful to women than regurgitating the same "you're perfect, as is," pep-talk CRAP that's everywhere you look. Those articles just reaffirm what a lot of women already believe, which is that they don't need to improve the way they treat men or be more respectful of the things which matter to THEM. Wanting to be a strong, powerful, admirable man (whose lady ADORES him) is a good thing to aspire to. But, if you say that the wrong way, or god forbid DESCRIBE HOW THAT FEELS as a man, you'll get snickering comments about the "male ego," and such. I was raised to have confidence as a person and a woman, and I don't buy into the sexism bit in today's world, I just don't. Many women ask the questions you address here, but they don't expect (and can't handle) the TRUTH when it's given to them. I’ll keep reading, because I want to be the best partner I can be to MY man, and I CAN handle the truth.

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  50. I found your blog and it's helped me with alot. Im a 24 Black single female and Ive emailed this blog to all my friends. Keep it up

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  51. I found this blog by typing the search term "she's a loser" into google.

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  52. There's no way in heck this blog's written by a man, especially one in his 20s. If y'all were suckered into believing it, y'all are pitifuller than I thought. You know who needs a blog like this? Losers. Think about it. I stumbled upon this blog by accident in search of one of my own archived posts. And my blog's got nothing to do with this subject. Now, how did THAT happen?! At any rate, no offense... just sayin'! ;-)

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  53. I never really imagined there were so many rules in order to attract a man you like. This exahauts me just by reading and thinking about it. BAH!

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  54. Really no rules. Just a couple of things. 1. Be true to your relationship values. 2. know your life goals- they must be aligned or going in the same direction (reason for divorce) 3. You need to see no red flags or deal breakers. Chemistry is a plus! Been married 12 years with second hubby. For more practical information- go to http://www.motivatedtomarry.com. Coach Amy

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  55. Your blog is wonderful. I'm thoroughly amused by your writing and helped an immeasurable amount by the insights. Why, oh why, in God's name, was I not given ANY of this advice oh say, 15 years ago?! Great blog, Andrew. Thanks!!

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  56. Hi Andrew, I am really impressed by your blog. I have read every single post again and again and I find that your writings motivate me a lot. Your insights are very helpful in my life. I am inspired to learn more and wonder if you (or the readers here) can recommend other blogs or books. (I have read The rules and Why men marry bitches)

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