Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Ugly Girls Don’t Exist

Every once in a while I get e-mails from girls who have clearly resigned themselves to a life of lovelessness because they think they are ugly. This post is for them.

I used to feel sorry for ugly girls. When you're a young guy who still feels completely in awe of beautiful women, it's easy to fall into thinking that the girls who don’t have a visual effect on you are incapable of enjoying the dating world. Female good looks were overwhelming to me at the time, so the girls without them mustn't have been able to get guys – or so my 22-year-old logic went, anyway.

This reasoning sustained some damage when I finally went out with some hot girls. Doing so made me realize that what my mom had been telling me for years was actually true: a girl's looks aren't everything. But this actually wasn't what put an end to my pity. That didn’t happen until I realized that, when you frame the situation correctly, there actually isn’t anyone to pity. Let me explain...

It's common knowledge that physical beauty in women consists mainly of signs of health, youth, and fertility. Wide hips are attractive because they are conducive to childbearing. Long, full, smooth hair is sexy because it shows that a woman has all the nutrients she needs to grow it. Big breasts are attractive because they emphasize a woman’s ability to feed her child. Tight skin and big eyes are attractive because they make a woman look young and therefore more capable of bearing healthy children.

This state of affairs isn’t a coincidence. It exists because, throughout human history, the men who happened to be attracted to signs of health, youth, and fertility were more likely to fuck healthy, young, and fertile women, and they were therefore more likely to pass on their fertility-attracted genetics to future generations. The dudes who happened to be attracted to some other set of traits in females ended up having sex with less-fertile women, and their genetics were never passed on – or at least, they were passed on less and less until they died out completely. Likewise, the infertile women (in other words, the unattractive women) – or the women attracted to impotent men – also failed to reproduce, and their genes were similarly drained from the gene pool.

Most of you have probably heard all of this before. What is interesting here isn’t so much the evolutionary narrative, it’s the corresponding implication: because the weakest and least-attractive genes died out long ago, and the strongest, healthiest, most attractive ones have persisted, the human race is getting perpetually more attractive.

Of course, you don't need the spiel on natural selection to realize this; just look at what we used to look like:

A Neanderthal Woman and Modern Woman
(Image from National Geographic)

Yes, that’s right, I am comparing you to cave women. But it is a legitimate comparison because it makes an important point: if you exist on the earth today, it is only because men, collectively, throughout human history, wanted to fuck you. The ones who didn’t died off millions of years ago, along with all of the “ugly” genes in both sexes. Everyone left is sexy.

It’s like the whole human race has been using Tinder for millions of years, and now we’re living in a world populated only by our matches. Except it’s even better because our matches didn’t just swipe us right because they were bored on the way to work; they actually voted for us by banging our ancestors – there’s no ambiguity about what they wanted. And sure, maybe you like some of your matches more than the others, and maybe some of your matches like others more than you; but there is no getting around the fact that your sexual attractiveness (or potential for it) was a prerequisite for your existence in the gene pool.


Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you are attractive just the way you are. It may well be that you need to lose some serious weight and learn how to dress well in order to make men realize that they want to bang you. But that is a good thing, because it means that you can lose some serious weight and learn how to dress well and men will realize that they want to bang you.

And of course, there will always be “least hot,” “hotter” and “hottest.” Our minds have evolved to care about that, but the interesting thing is that men’s penises have not. I’ve talked about this with many guy friends many times, and we all agree that, when we are horny, we are willing to fuck about 50 % of women under the age of 60. And this considers even the women who don’t make an effort – imagine how high that number would be if everyone did.

Neither am I saying that every woman has an inherent capability to lock down a top-shelf dude. There are a lot of things other than looks that matter in dating and relationships, and there is a lot more to life than getting sexual attention from men. But what I am saying is that every woman who thinks she’s “just ugly” or somehow “unfuckable” is flat-out wrong. You are on this earth today because you have the ability to give men a boner. End of story.

This is a pretty important point – important enough that I made it in one of my earliest posts a few years ago. I drew the conclusion then that no girl needs to be below a 5 on the 10-point scale. And I stand by that. To borrow from what I said there:
...the time and effort you put into your appearance will produce results. Do not worry if your gut tells you otherwise; your gut is informed by beauty pageants and "100 Hottest Women" lists, and a thousand other influences that both reinforce and reflect the notion that beauty is a matter of winning the genetic gene pool - i.e. a matter of 'haves' vs. 'have-nots.' This notion is bullshit...no girl needs to be less than a five on the ten scale...If you present yourself well and get in great shape, you will be above average. And for those of you that are naturally about average, the sky's your limit.
I realize this message probably doesn’t apply to most of my readers. If you are reading websites like this, you haven’t given up hope. You know or at least suspect that there are things you can do to improve the quality and quantity of attention you get from men. So this message isn’t necessarily for you. But you probably know other girls who have given up. Maybe you have a friend who thinks she’s inherently unattractive or that she’s destined to be single her whole life because men don't want to fuck her.

The next time that conversation comes up with her (or even if it doesn’t), remind her of what I've said here. Remind her that hope should never be lost. Better yet, remind her that hope should never be necessary. You don't need hope when you're a winner in the genetic Olympics; you just need motivation. And a damn good way for her to get motivated is to recognize the truth: that with a little effort, being sexually attractive is well within her reach.


Related Posts
1. Feminine Beauty Is Highly Controllable
2. You Can Control How Attractive You Are
3. Should You Focus on Your Looks or Personality More?

135 comments:

  1. This is a very empowering message and interesting. However, while reading this, I was thinking "there is a difference between guys wanting to only fuck you and guys who would like to fuck you AS WELL AS date/settle down with you".

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    1. Well yeah. That's what I meant by saying

      "Neither am I saying that every woman has an inherent capability to lock down a top-shelf dude. There are a lot of things other than looks that mater in dating and relationships, and there is a lot more to life than getting sexual attention from men."

      But you can't get a guy to settle down with you until you can get him sexually attracted, so being sexually attractive is a good start.

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    2. Andrew,

      Losing weight, hitting the gym to a level where my body fat composition is 17% and in a position to compete as an athletic model hasn't given me the love I desire. It's made me a sexual conquest for many of my previously wonderful male friends (and I've lost many who can't bare to be in my company anymore not because my personality has changed but because they are too aroused to be friendzoned). While it's very possible to morph into beauty after two gruelling years of training for anywhere between 1-3 hours per day, calculating all my micro and macro nutrients, giving up going out etc, I can actually say it's been sad, I've not only failed to attract good quality men but also lost many of my previously wonderful male friends (when I was morbidly obese)

      While it feels good to be fit and healthy, making myself into a self object (part of my career now as a model) has been awful for my personal life. If you've got a hot body, downplay your looks and somehow the more serious men come after you.

      I think your article works against women seeking relationships but is spot of on for women who enjoy being a sex toy who gets tossed aside after being used.

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    3. That's just because you have weak boundaries and are most likely inexperienced with men due to years of a lack of attention.

      If you can develop your boundaries (see my post The Importance of Personal Boundaries) then being sexy is purely a benefit.

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    4. I know you mean well Andrew but you are very very wrong about my boundaries, I've only had one sexual partner and I can't emphasis how my boundaries are firm and in place. I wouldn't allow any man to take advantage of me sexually, I wont hand over something I know they desperately want until I get an emotional connection first and foremost... I was just pointing out that as I became desirable, they could no longer see me as an emotional being with intelligence no matter what I did or said. It's difficult to cover up my body when I work in an environment that requires me to show my body (in a bikini for example) but I would downplay my looks and makeup to get that respect back.

      You should be encouraging us to not want sexual interest, it's not the attention we want at the end of the day. We want respect and to be looked at as wifey material (who's also attractive NOT sexy). I believe you mean well but I truly believe you're void of emotional attachment. You write from a players perspective which means you're making us attract those men who are a dime a dozen. Sometimes the softer Andrew writes and he makes lots of sense and helps us (but it ebs and flows). I feel you write articles like this when your love life sucks but when you're in love, you seem to hit the nail on the head.

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    5. You got to be kidding right ? I have never come across a single woman who bemoans newly discovered sexual attention from men. You have always know the potential superficiality of men - I'm sure it is one of the reasons you lost weight in the first place. Want your old platonic male friends back ? Simple, just put the weight back on....but you won't do it, would you ? Because you like the attention. You want the attention. Don't want to be unhealthy ? Easy. It is so so easy to make yourself unattractive to men without being fat. But you won't do it, would you. Because looking hot gives you more options and you have more to work with to get what you want, which is a quality relationship I am assuming. So please, don't concern troll yourslef.

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    6. No I'm not kidding. I'm been on your mailing list for years so I'm far from trolling. I've just found the guts to come out of lurking on your posts and comments that's all. Why are you so angry with me? I'm just being honest. Did I hit a nerve about you being a player who occasionally falls in love (I'm just basing my opinion on my your newsletters, I dont know you so please dont take it so personally)

      I can downplay my looks when I'm not working but most of my relationships are built at work and at the gym (which is where I spend most of my time).

      I think what we need is finding a balance. Not being unfit and unhealthy and not being so attractive men can't see past your external. Women shouldn't focus on their external too much as it attracts men who are overly confident with women and scares of the good ones who think they have no chance in hell getting you which is so effin wrong! I want one of the latter guys which average girls seem to attract and live happily ever after.

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    7. Sorry @Andrew, I thought you were Anonymous. My apologies for my response but he writes just like you just with different punctuation.

      Anonymous you write
      "I have never come across a single woman who bemoans newly discovered sexual attention from men"

      Well, if you scroll down you'll see another one - note Michelle J's comment.

      That's two in one article on one day.

      Women dont want sexual attention like you think we do. You are projecting.
      That's like me saying I've never met a man who hasn't wanted to commit and settle down the moment he started training weights. Well not the greatest metaphor but you get me.

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    8. You say...

      "Women dont want sexual attention like you think we do."

      And

      "You should be encouraging us to not want sexual interest, it's not the attention we want at the end of the day. We want respect and to be looked at as wifey material"

      I get that. No one wants to just be someone else's sex toy (even men, believe it or not). But you won't get the kind of attention you want until you can first attract guys sexually. That's why this post is important. I'm not saying it's everything (in fact I specifically say that it isn't), I'm saying that it's the one and only starting point.

      Yes, this brings in more bad attention with the good, but then you have to filter out the bad, not just complain about it. As Anonymous said, this is a way better state of affairs than getting no attention, even if requires stronger boundaries.

      And by the way, saying no to sex is only one tiny part of having strong boundaries (and the easiest part, at that). If you really develop strong boundaries, you won't have to complain about the attention of "bad guys" because they'll be bouncing off you like pin balls, never getting into your life for more than a brief moment - hardly something to complain about.

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    9. So you now are saying that some guys are just "bad", like some do just want sex and not a relationship

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    10. Sorry for sounding harsh, but I am speaking as a woman, thinking logically. The reasoning in your first post is confusing and the reason why many men say they can't understand women. On the one hand you want to be attractive to men, but on the other you only want to attract the "right" men How are you going to meet both objectives since you only talked about physical looks ?? II can understand i you talk about being feminine and sweet and unassuming and kind and gentle, then yes you will be attracting the "right" king of men. But you talk about physical looks - having a great body which enables you to do part time modelling, and men not being able to get past your looks. In your second post you clarified your position by saying we should not only focus on physical looks, which I get. I then wonder why if that were the case you are happy with being a "self" (I think you mean sex) object. If your work requires you to look sexy and men hit on you in a work context, then there are laws against that sort of thing - for obvious reasons. I have no time for a work colleague who dresses all sexy at work and then complain that men do not treat her seriously. And I am not being sour grapes either since I am not unattractive and can have similar effects on men if I so choose, but I can't for the life of me understand this sort of reasoning.

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    11. My 2 cents, you just haven't met the right guy yet. I am in a similar situation, I used to be very social and had male friends. I lost a significant amount of weight, and the types of attention I got SHIFTED. Yet I recognize it as a benefit, because before I got SOME attention yet not really any from someone I was interested in. Now I get much more attention and definitely not every person that likes me is wanting something long term, but the point is now I am looked at and people at least CONSIDER me. I wasn't even in the game before, my hot friends were. You will gets tons more attention and sure some guys will only want sex because I think there's a phase where that's all they want anyways, yet others are open to or looking for a relationship. Looking hot is not a downfall when getting men. You have much more options. You just need to go places where you'll find guys that are on your level, maybe join some groups you're interested in. I'd also say, what are you projecting? Most of what people show others is the unspoken. Maybe your behavior is keeping relationship seeking guys at bay.

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    12. @ Anonymous - you're self projecting and somehow assumed I wanted to be a "self/sex" toy (by the way you also used the word King in place of Kind. Go back and read my post before you comment. You do, indeed, sound like very bitter and not helpful at all. I dress in a bikini simply because that's what I'm modelling. I don't walk around conversing with people in the streets in a bikini.

      Where as @Anne Thanks You so much! It must be something I'm doing or not doing or else I'd have someone by now as I attract men even when I dress down in baggy clothes. Thanks so much for your suggestion, I have joined up a book club so hopefully I will meet silly goofy men who I click with very well. Bring on the intelligent smart men anyday over the empty meatheads.

      @Andrew you wrote that boundaries are beyond sex. I'm not exactly a pushover but I'm feminine and soft and always have been but I'm strong spiritually, financially, sexually and in most (not all) aspects of my life, however, maybe you know something I don't know and could elaborate on the boundaries I MAY be lacking PLEASE. I'd like to clean up my act and attract a nice guy.

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    13. This discussion highlights a flaw in the manosphere. I rarely see people with this mindset consider how male behavior affects female. They blame feminism, but they don't sufficiently address why feminism has taken such a strong hold in Western culture.

      Are so many women that gullible and impressionable? No. Curious how, as soon as women are encouraged to be more sexually free and exert independence, the first thing we do, as a global statistic, is to stop having men's babies.

      I went to a bar the other night dressed like a ninja. Black sweatshirt, black pants, black shoes, a ring on my finger, didn't do my hair, no makeup. I still got a ton of attention, and while I consider myself above average, I don't think I'm the hottest of the hot.

      I'll talk to men at bars in small talk type conversation, but it's really confusing when men still hit on me when all of my body language and signals say I'm not available. Sometimes I just want to hang out and be a person, separate from being sexually appealing. Guys don't understand how much attention we receive.

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  2. Hey Andrew! Another great post!
    I just wanted to tell you that last year I started to get motivated to improve myself, and among other materials, Sherry Argov's book and your blog were the main ones that helped me completely change my life (like, in about three months) regarding my relationships with men. Seriously, thank you for writing this blog, I remember reading the whole thing back then. I've had old acquaintances on facebook asking me who I was.
    This is starting to look like those crazy ad testimonials but I'm serious lol
    Then I got a whole new problem that was having to learn how to deal with jerks, but that's another story.
    I just wish I knew all this when I was 15, not 21. Anyways, better late than never.
    Keep up the good work!

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  3. Just a note from a woman who's closer to 50 than 40 and soon to be single after a 20 year relationship .... Thanks, Andrew. You've given me faith that I am capable of making myself sexy again. And might even find someone else to boot ;)

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    1. I'm in a similar situation to yourself (I'm 48) and separated, not by choice. Unless you want to attract the 20-30 crowd, I wouldn't worry too much about being sexy, but more about if the way I look and present myself makes a man proud to be seen in public with me. The men you are likely to want to attract are over a certain age and certainly not raging with testosterone. So they are looking for other traits as well, like maturity and emotional intelligence. As a 50+ you can never compete with the 20s in terms of sexiness, but if you look like you take care of yourself, eat well, exercise, keep fit, take care to groom and dress yourself well, you will be hot commodity amongst the 50+ crowd

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  4. This is such an empowering message. Thank you Andrew. All women are sexually attractive by virtue of being alive, and with a little bit of effort, most women can be very sexually attractive. Also, not every man wants or feels comfortable with a woman in the top 10% of looks, just as I don't want the most powerful man. I want a man who makes me feel cherished and adored. Thanks again.

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    1. errrr...I think you want to quality your statement that all women are sexually attractive by virtue of being alive. No. Your average 90 year old great grandma is not likely to be sexually attractive to a majority of men - maybe the kinky ones into geriatic sex. The thing is, why would a woman of any age want to be sexually attractive ? An older matronly woman does not need to be sexually attractive if she has a whole hoard of sons to take care of her and attend to her needs and safety.
      As long as women feel like they can exercise power over men, or over their circumstances through the agency of men, they achieve the same effect as sexual attractiveness. At least with familial or real authoritative power of men, you do not bear of risk of the vagaries of sexual attraction. A man may stop being attracted to you the next day, but your son who loves and respects you will stick around for much much longer

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    2. Something is slightly wrong with what you said, it's very materialistic and as usual tries to cynically model the reality and as usual there's something that doesnt' add up and gets lost in the complexity. Not just the kinky ones might be attracted to her, but people of similar age if she happens to still have some sexual energy exuding and many have, but I'm sure a trivially dismissive cynical analysis of yours would try to dismiss that as laughable :D.
      You sadly think women only use sexual attractiveness as a mean to an end.

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  5. Andrew, what do you think about gastric bypass?

    1. I got to an almost normal weight in 3 years by eating less than 1000 calories, working out 2-3 hours a day/ 6 to 7 days a week and taking diet pills.

    2. A year after I laxed my efforts (Currently I work out 3 days a week and eat about 1500-2000 a day) I gained 100 lbs of it back. It got to the point where some of my Dr's were accusing me of lying about my efforts.

    3. Thyroid and everything tested normal. But I got diagnosed with diabetes (Im 31 btw)

    I feel like everyone sees me as the "pretty face" girl who with a little effort can be hot. But I feel like I've done everything in my power to get to a normal weight.

    How do you feel about gastric bypass?

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    1. I'd recommend seeing a psychologist that specializes in weight loss.

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    2. Seeing that you gained 100 pounds, you're definitely eating way more than you think you are. There's no way you gained 100 pounds by eating even 2,000 a day.

      Skip the surgery and get your eating under control. Try a site like Myfitnesspal. Track your calories every day. EVERY day. Controlling your weight is a lifetime thing, not just losing some then going right back to eating whatever you want, when you want it.

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    3. I will go check one out, and a weight loss clinic to run some tests on me.

      But Anonymous, this is what I'm talking about. No one seems to believe me. I'll start to write down every thing I eat, but it's discouraging when your doing everything right, but people are telling you your not and you should try harder.

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    4. Anon, I have friends who are in the same situation, don't be discouraged. Myfitnesspal is great, give it a shot. I know what you've done is a lot of work and i applaud you for it. Please take a look at this: http://blog.dilbert.com/post/102964992706/goals-vs-systems

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    5. You need to track everything you eat, and I do mean EVERYTHING, for about two weeks. Weigh your portions on a food scale. You will likely be very surprised to see how much you're actually eating (this coming from someone who hast lost more than 50 pounds). It's simply not possible to maintain a body weight in excess of 100 pounds by eating 1,500 calories a day.

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    6. Please, pklease, please....lose weight for your own health - NOT to be attractive to men. Sure, being attractive to the opposite sex is a great motivator and it helps men and women get motivated to losing a few kilos and keeping them off....but you have diabetes !!!! And it sounds like there are underlying health issues here which prevents you from losing weight despite your seemingly healthy llifestyle and thyroid/hormone readings. Focusing on men will likely get you sidetracked into weight loss choices and fixes that may not best serve your health interest in the longer term.

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    7. an easy trick is to downsize your plate by 33%, you will eat only 66% then

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    8. I think the question's more...how do *you* feel about gastric bypass. There are serious risks (obstructions, clots, leaks, infections, etc) - definitely read up on those. Plus many people gain most of the weight back.

      That said this sounds like a serious health problem, not just an appearance one - so I think seeing a health psychologist as he mentioned, perhaps as well as a dietitian or MD who has a lot of expertise in blood sugar/diabetes. Health first, dating later.

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    9. Don't listen to Andrew's weight loss advice it is GARBAGE. People don't lose weight and keep it off by eating less. People will always want to eat more because it's in our nature to get the fuel we need. Switch to a plant based diet, and read The Starch Solution by Dr. John McDougall. Not only can you eat until you are satisfied, you stay lean and fit in the long run.

      Look up Freelee the banana girl on Youtube, she's slim and eating all the calories she wants. At first I thought it was BS but from personal experience, it does work. We are meant to eat a high carb low fat plant based diet that's what will keep us slim. Saying otherwise is saying it's normal to be obese or to starve yourself.

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    10. Also your diabetes is evidence (same Anon as 9:17) that your DIET is not working. Let me guess you did it the high protein low carb way? With lots of caffeine, meat, animal products etc. Saturated fat causes diabetes, NOT sugar. Switch to a plantbased diet, and you will never have to starve eating 1000 calories a day again.

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    11. The last two posts (Anon 9:17 and 9:20) are absurd. There is no magic weight loss diet and the books are not worth the paper they are printed on. The diets that work are the ones you stick with and the ones where you eat what you want, but just LESS OF.

      I've lost over 50 pounds by just eating less. I still eat ice cream, pizza, beer, etc. I just have it in moderation. And I've saved all that money that I could have spent buying stupid diet books by just using common sense.

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    12. Anon 7:03 PM YOU are the one who is absurd. Read a book with actual scientific research like The China Study. It's not a diet book, it's a comprehensive study on nutrition. Sure you can eat less, but you're still clogging your arteries with fatty crap, and your cholesterol is still going to be high. On a high carb low fat plantbased diet you can eat UNLIMITED amounts of food because that is how we were meant to eat. Look at animals, gorillas eat 24/7 so why are we sitting here eating tiny little portions? I'm 5'5 120 pounds, toned and slim eating 2000+ calories a day not working out much and still leaning out. Most girls my size eat 1500 calories a day max. I know from personal experience I couldn't eat more than 1500 calories a day of the same foods you listed without gaining weight. Also, when you eat like that you're just going to put on weight when you're older. Andrew claims it's exercise that prevents weight gain, that's complete garbage, it's definitely diet. Most girls who eat meat and don't have an eating disorder are 100% going to put on a ton of weight by the time they are 28.

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    13. This is Renee Somerfield:

      http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/11/06/1415274159584_Image_galleryImage_renee2_JPG.JPG

      She eats unlimited amounts of delicious vegan foods, and looks amazing. Compare her to other models? The snort cocaine, smoke cigarettes, starve themselves, over exercise, afraid of food. No this is not just runway models, same with swimsuit/lingerie models who eat animal products. Sure they LOOK healthy but they are onstantly taking laxatives and then blow up years later. The damage shows on their face too. I know because I've seen many where I live. Also know a girl who is a raw vegan and is a runway model, does not starve herself or throw up like the other runway girls.

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    14. Yeah, T. Colin Campbell advocated a vegan diet and Campbell was influenced by his own expectations about animal protein and disease, leading him to seek out specific correlations in the China Study data (and elsewhere) to confirm his predictions. No... no confirmation bias there at all. LOL

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    15. You do know he grew up on a dairy farm and HATED vegetarians in his early life right? He became a vegan AFTER the china study, and his research PROVED that a vegan diet is healthier. I mean I'm just trying to help you not get cancer, but you sound like a fat jealous chick, or a really pathetic muscle gains guy with no brains.

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    16. OK confirmed below, you're a jealous fat chick.

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    17. That's funny, my jeans say otherwise. LOL :)

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    18. Anything over a size zero is jealous fat chick status. And you definitely are otherwise you would have said so

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    19. That's nice, honey. LOL :)

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  6. Andrew,
    in most of your posts, you bring up the fact that it's important for a girl to take care of herself and become sexually attractive...
    I recently lost a significant amount of weight and now, I am getting attention from guys who wouldn't give me the time of day. I personally find it degrading to get romantically involved with any of these guys, but I would really like your take on this..!

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    1. Yeah I mean that is normal. You have to learn how to filter the good attention from the bad.

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    2. "I personally find it degrading to get romantically involved with any of these guys."

      That's the ironic thing. Sounds like you may have expanded your pool....but mostly into a realm of male attention that isn't conducive to what you're looking for.

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    3. Michelle,
      Sounds to me like you're just ready for the next step! You've got a large pool of men to choose from - now you just have to attract one good man you can love. As someone who has always been significantly above average in terms of outward attractiveness, I always dated un-marriageable men until I figured this out. It basically boiled down to: be an actively good person, don't treat love like a game or a power struggle, be genuine to the point of vulnerability, always try to contribute to the lives of those around you in a positive way. Also, I had to learn pair my firm boundaries with gentleness (this was huge).

      Good men do not want to date or marry hot women with sub-par personalities. (Note: I have found that "unkind" is MUCH worse than "uninteresting," though both weaknesses should be developed." Also, think of "kindness "as an active word, rather than a passive/doormat "niceness".)

      Andrew addresses this at http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/03/should-you-focus-on-your-looks-or.html

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  7. hey andrew, i wanted to know your opinion on datinga a guy you dont see as a future husband, in one of your posts you talk about this, but i thought that your post applied to older women. Im 19 and this is my first boyfriend, i like him and care for him very much but my friends and family say he is way below my league. I dont see myself marrying him, but we have a good time together, and i think it is a good way to get practice relationshipwise.. what do you think?

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    1. I don't recommend having a boyfriend until you are ready to get married (or at the very earliest, until you suspect that you will be ready in a year or two max). Date, meet guys, observe, etc. but don't commit to anyone unless that commitment can lead to something permanent. I wrote about this in my post Female Game for Girls in Their Teens.

      Also check out the post called Know Why You Are Dating.

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  8. Maria every second you spend on the wrong person is one second that you aren't spending finding the right person. If you want practice, then go have a lot of casual sex. If you care about this guy, but you know he's not the one, cut him loose. You aren't being kind to him by stringing him along.

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  9. Anonymous, gastric bypass is no the answer. It is a bandaid solution to a bigger problem - self control. Look at it this way, if you have the bypass, what is to stop you for overeating afterward? Yes, your tummy will be smaller, but tummies can stretch again (and again, and again, see my point?). The answer is in your 2nd bullet - you slacked off. Get back on that diet regime and in three months you'll be grateful that you did. Remember, you have to put in some hard work today to get to where you want to be in 3 months from now. Eye on the prize!!

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    1. I am sure it isn't that simple. Read her point #1 again.

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    2. Do you want the poor girl to get anorexia? The only answer is to go VEGAN. Vegan girls eat unlimited amounts of food and stay slim, while meat eating girls have eating disorders eating 1000 calories a day and still gaining weight because of their metabolic damage. Don't believe me? Look up Loni Jane and Ellen Fisher, FLAT stomach day after birth. Freelee the banana girl is 35 looking better than most 25 year olds lost 40 pounds eating 3000 calories a day. Look up Renee Somerfield, Sheridyn Fisher, Aisha Thalia, all sexy as hell so any guy saying he won't date a vegan girl is just insecure about his own unhealthy diet and has issues.

      The original poster should not starve herself, and instead should eat as much as she wants of the RIGHT foods. If you eat high protein high fat foods, you will have to restrict! Our bodies are NOT meant to eat that way. People eating a diet of fruits, vegetables, starches - no oil, no animal products, no refined foods are SKINNY with minimal effort.

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    3. The Freelee woman admits herself she comes from a disordered eating background. You don't see anything wrong with eating nothing but bananas all day??

      Okay then (eye roll)

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    4. Is there anything wrong with her blood tests? No she doesn't just eat bananas, and I don't see a problem with the way she eats. I do see a problem with the way 99% of Americans eat. Watch Forks Over Knives, it explains why Americans are actually obese. No it is not processed food or sugar. If you're a girl you're just jealous that she has an awesome body, and if you're guy obviously you're a chubby chaser or have unrealistic standards of what type of woman you deserve.

      All of you guys out there thinking a girl will stay slim if she exercises - newsflash you're delusional. Unless you're into eating disordered chicks who eat no more than 1000 calories a day. All older woman who eat animal products and are slim starve themselvevs like crazy eating 600 calories a day to lose weight, and they also have terrible aged skin from starving. Vegan women are glowing, youthful, radiant like myself from all the fresh juice and nutrients, and effortlessly fit and lean. So make your choice: overweight fat chick, skinny but haggard, or beautiful inside and out like me :)

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    5. You've really bought in to this vegan thing so anything anyone says will go in one ear and out the other. So that's fine, but I have seen this Forks Over Knives and several other so-called "documentaries" and they really are nothing more than 2 hour long infomercials, selling an author's products or books.

      For your information, I'm a woman, with a normal BMI. I lost about 50 pounds by reducing calories. I do exercise, but you can't out-exercise a poor diet, so I reduced calories to about 1,400 a day with a variety of foods. I haven't cut anything out - I've just reduced it. My blood work is normal, blood pressure is normal. Exercise wise primarily I lift weights, because preservation of muscle mass is important in women to maintain bone mass and ward off osteoporosis.

      Honey, if it makes you happy, do it. I happen to like meat, so as long as I'm healthy and get a pass from my doctor, I'm going to eat a big fat cheeseburger from time to time, because I can do so and still fit into my slim jeans. :)

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    6. The world health organization says under 1800 calories a day is a FAMINE, so you have an eating disorder. And as you get older you are just going to gain weight because of metabolic damage.

      Anyways have fun getting cancer and dying! I'm perfectly happy as a size zero eating all that I want while I watch pathetic fat chicks with stretch marks, and loose skin like you starve yourself! I'm going to look like I'm 18 when I'm 40 but you can have fun looking like you're 40 before you're 29 :) :) :)

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    7. slim jeans? OK FAT ASS ALERT. you are most definitely fat, normal BMI means fat and no honey slim jeans are not good enough. skinny jeans are what's in, and if you can't fit into skinny jeans your legs are way too fat and you need to keep losing weight, but I don't recommend you to eat even less than 1400 calories. But if anorexia suits you then fine!

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    8. Sweetie, you can believe whatever you want but it is metabolically impossible to lose weight and stay slim while you're eating 3,000 calories a day, no matter where the calories come from.

      I can eat cheeseburgers because I maintain a daily calorie intake of 1,400, to balance out those days where I go out. I maintain my weight because I keep my caloric intake balanced with my metabolic rate. It's very easy to do and anyone can do it. No need to follow some weird diet.

      And I'm over 40 and wear slim jeans, don't drink, don't smoke, exercise regularly. Really you can believe whatever you want and I'm fine with it. *shrug* If you like veganism, go for it. :)

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    9. No that is garbage to say 3000 calories of potatoes is the same as 3000 calories of oils. FAT is extremely easily stored as fat onto our bodies. It takes 3% of our calories to convert fat into fat onto ourselves, and 30% of our calories to convert carbs into fat. It is a very inefficient process. Sure if I ate 3000 calories and sat on my ass all day I would gain weight, but I workout moderately and stay slim on 2000-2500. If I ate dead and tortured animals like you I would have to starve myself like you do, and I've been there before. There is NO WAY any meat eating girl can eat 3000 calories a day and stay slim not even with 10 hours of daily exercise.

      EW you're not just thick with anorexia, you're old too. Anyways you eat garbage, it's going to show in your crappy health when you're 80.

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    10. That's nice honey. You go, girl! LOL :)

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    11. Scary how mentally ill the 'Freelee' culters always sound. Someone should do a study on them.

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    12. Wow, no wonder the vegan girl is single. She sounds nuts as well. Berating someone because she is an older woman that works out? What a cunt. No wonder people hate vegans.

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  10. Mishelle, get some therapy! If your problem is that you are now a hot woman who is getting attention from hot guys you need to get yourself to a therapist and sort out your lingering self esteem issues. Your anger and resentment issues all stem from when you were bigger. You can't control how men are going to react to you, and which ones are going to hit on you, but you can control how you react. PS. not all hot men are jerks just like not all fat women are ugly just like not all gay men like it in the butt. Pretty sure you don't like being put into a little box, so don't put all men into that box either.

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    1. I definitely don't recommend therapy... She lost a ton of weight and now dudes wanna bang here. That's totally normal, and anyway it is just something she is observing, not something that requires (or could even be changed by) therapy.

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  11. Helen you are the CEO of your love life. You deal with jerks the same way you'd deal with anyone else. Spend more time thinking about whether or not these men are right for you and less time thinking about whether or not you like these men. Turn the tables. Flip the power switch. You decide what you're willing to put up with and if he's a jerk, cut him loose. The right guy will work damn hard to be with you. End of story.

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    1. Thank you for your words. That's what I do, no point in lingering with someone I see there's no future with. But I've had lots of unavailable men hitting on me (disgusting), much older men and such, so it's kind of weird because I wasn't exposed to this kind of attention before, didn't know how many of these dynamics work.
      In the case of unavailable men for instance, it's like, okay, let me use you and then I'll go back to my wife, and leave you and your feelings unattended, if you fall in love, too bad. That's what I hear when one of those guys try to approach me, it's just such an insane, completely selfish proposition. And sometimes they come from seemingly "respectable" men I would have never expected it from. So yeah, it's kind of weird to see this other side, the "bad attention".

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  12. The cost of sex is actually quite low for men so it really doesn't hurt them to throw their seed indiscriminately so yes, men can have sex with anything that moves. As for parental investment, a man generally can walk away from an offspring he sires with a less desirable "looking" mate so it doesn't explain the phenomena of attractiveness. Also, intelligence is not correated to lookds (despite what the manosphere may claim) so a man choosing not to breed with a less attractive looking woman may be giving up on introducing intelligence into his lineage. Also, masculine looking (and therefore unattractive to men) women with masculine traits tend to have strong, robust, masculine male offspring, so a man forgoing mating with such a woman forgos the chance to sire masculine sons and strengthening his clan.
    So why attractiveness ? It has to do with threat perception. Like I have always said, survival trumps all. No man has ever died from a lack of sex, but countless men have died from a lack of status and physicality. The act of sex puts both men and women in a very physically vulnerable situation so a man has to assess if his mating partner is likely to be a threat. A male has to assess a threat in a mere blink of an eye - whether something is human for a start. Then if it is human, it is a male. The act of penetrating another male is perceived as hostile and thereforre would lead to physical confrontation and possibly death. If a potential mate is assessed to be female, then the man has to assess if she is going to pose a physical threat to him - bigger, stronger, more muscules. If she looks like she can tear him apart and have him for breakfast, then blood will flow to his head, arms and legs in prepration for fight or flight. The absolute last place blood will flow to would be his penis.
    Hence the phenomena of female attractiveness - as a set of traits which indicate to him that she is not a thrreat - traits that are as far from masculine as possible - small rounded jaw, neotenous features, slender sloping shoulders etc.

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    1. What, in the world, are you talking about here so confidently loll... In homo sapiens - especially cave, basic, non pizza+pasta+ beer+couch setting species MALE ON THE AVERAGE IS MUCH LARGER THAN A FEMALE. Unless u talking about insects, like black widow and such...:-). And for frikkin centuries the only "attraction" was there to stimulate boy's erection was her bare ass sticking out of the bushes. Smart ass loll

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    2. The eternal fear of a bigger, tougher, dangerous and scary female might come for a male from a .... ever present female caregiver :) And since they say personality forms till the age of 3... And even a cave man was not dropped by a bird and cared for by an occasionally tough disciplining mother. Ah well, the downfalls of pedagogy :)

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    3. The pride of independence comes to boys when they begin to realize they don't need a mother any longer. The larger, stronger mother, who provides care, nurturing, food, entertainment, but also demands obedience and established by her discipline becomes separable object.... Soon this image starts shaping into another image -- a "general" lol, um, female with boobs that's not for feeding anymore, and other assets brought into picture by hormonal development and romantic feelings. .... Yet, perhaps, fear remains under that independent scalp dictating to walk, or run, away because boy now can :). He does not need mother. He now sets the rules -- I can comeback to provide and protect if I so choose. Because I'm bigger now. I'm independent now. I'm real man and I grew up.

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    4. Oh shit....that's probably possible that men began to walk straight sooner (on two legs instead of four.) To not be fucked in the butt by another male. Here comes the Evolution :).... And women had to keep to crawling on all fours for a while :) here comes the domination :)

      Delete
  13. ...and he is back! I love you, Andrew! :D

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  14. I have a question.
    What about us girls who like to be romantically promiscious? Meaning, not have sex, just be romanced by different men and kiss/cuddle/hold hands, nothing and I do mean nothing, but those three things. No sexual activity at all.
    Just enjoy being in a romantic relationship for a couple of months with no sex, just pure romance and experiencing that high. And trying to hold off sex as long as possible and getting off on the fact that the guy is in love with you and would die for you.
    Say you have three guys and one you have for maybe one or up to six months and then after you break up with him you have another one already waiting so there is an overlap...but these guys are always way more into you and you like it that way? Is there a word for girls like us? I want to enjoy the romantic high before I get serious with anyone and marry.
    I think it's important to experience romance witht he highs and lows before you settle down, and this without having sex of course.

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    1. I mean of course I will have sex with my husband! Just not the guys before him. But still experience a romantic relationship with the guys thinking that will happen. I know some consider that to be a "co*ktease" but I wouldn't trick anyone. Or lie.
      I already have two guys who are after me and really in love with me and we haven't done anything but talk (and kiss/hug). I like the intense romantic high (and low) feeling.

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    2. @ Anonymous August 19
      “What about us girls who like to be romantically promiscious?”

      I’m not sure what your question is exactly, are you asking if your behavior is okay? Or normal?

      I think it’s fine to date in any way that suits you, so if you’re happy just cuddling with different guys there is nothing wrong with that. However, you may find that the only guys who are satisfied with that aren’t really that much into sex either, and so if you marry one there is a risk of long periods of abstinence during the marriage.

      Guys with high (normal) sex drives will be unlikely to stick around for months just for cuddles, unless they have no options or are religious.

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    3. The male equivalent of a girl who gets emotional investment from men without giving them sex is a guy who fucks a lot of girls without giving them commitment (read my post The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment).

      So you're essentially the true female version of a "player" (the false version is just a sexually promiscuous girl). And like a guy who is a player, it probably means that you have an excessive need for affirmation from the opposite sex. Maybe this is because you felt unloved (or a lack of affection) from your father or because you felt like you didn't have enough romantic attention from guys in your teens. But the need to repeatedly get men interested without giving anything back is not normal.

      In any case, recognizing that should help you cut back. In the same way that a player will realize that mediocre sex with a slew of random girl isn't as good as amazing sex with one girl he really connects with (that is, one the need for excessive affirmation is removed), I think you'll find that a relationship - even without sex - with a guy you're deeply and genuinely attracted to will be much more fulfilling than what you are having now with a series of guys.

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    4. @ Andrew
      “Maybe this is because you felt unloved (or a lack of affection) from your father or because you felt like you didn't have enough romantic attention from guys in your teens. But the need to repeatedly get men interested without giving anything back is not normal.

      In any case, recognizing that should help you cut back. In the same way that a player will realize that mediocre sex with a slew of random girl isn't as good as amazing sex with one girl he really connects with”


      No offence Andrew but I’m not sure about much of that; it just sounds like pseudo-Freudian analysis that having a emotional connection in a conventional committed relationship is “normal” and everything outside of that is “not normal”.

      There are sound evolutionary reasons for short-term mating (promiscuity) that don’t necessarily correlate to an excessive need for affirmation due to child-hood neglect/trauma that you are implying and that many anti-promiscuity moralists like to spout.

      Players having mediocre sex with a slew of random girls might just be as fulfilled with having sex with one girl he connects with, as they are fulfilling their very real instinctive short-term mating drive.

      I would argue that players often stop playing – i.e. switch to long-term mating - due more to practical reasons than a desire for an emotional connection (i.e. it becomes more energy and resource efficient after a certain age to switch to long-term mating).

      By the same rationale, I don’t think you can assume that Anonymous will necessarily be more fulfilled in a relationship with one guy she’s deeply and genuinely attracted to rather than her current situation of kissing/cuddling various different men, as there are sound evolutionary reasons for both behaviors that can’t necessarily be attributed to her feeling a lack of affection from her father or from guys in her teens.

      It could be argued that her emotionally promiscuous behavior is a kind of short-term mating strategy where she is extracting maximum resources from guys with minimum resource expenditure on her part (i.e. no sex). By this rationale her behavior is actually normal.

      I don’t really agree with the concept of what is “normal” and what is “not normal”, rather I believe in “what works for you” and/or “if your situation isn’t working for you, then change it”.

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    5. I'm Anonymous #2 (not the original poster/commentator)

      Thomas you're sexy as (I believe that this is a compliment to men). You're smart and spot on. We don't have daddy issues because we engage in embraces with men (or women). I like to nurture many people with hugs and kisses (some men and some women - just without the tongue) and I was "daddy's girl" and had more than enough suitors growing up. Andrew you're playing with evo psych but you're missing a lot of data. Maybe, like sexy Thomas wrote, we want what we want because of other reasons than affirmation or validation. Maybe players are just horny and like variety. Maybe girls like Anonymous 1 enjoy embraces over sex (sorry anonymous #1 if you like both which maybe you do).

      Also my understanding after age 26 the prefrontal cortex (a part of the brain) grows and maybe the extra space for empathy has something to do with people wanting to bond and connect and not just bang. Just another possibility to your theory.

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    6. @ Anonymous #2
      “Maybe, like sexy Thomas wrote, we want what we want”

      Ha I like that; I think I’ll change my moniker to Sexy Thomas from now on ;)

      And yes most guys would consider being called sexy as a compliment. :)

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    7. I had this inclination as well when I was in high school. What stopped me from going overboard was that ultimately, I knew I would hurt the boys I dated if I stayed with them just for attention.

      You have every right to be romantically promiscuous if you can secure people who want to be romantic with you, but it's not very kind. Just like people have every right to be sexually promiscuous if they can secure people who want to have sex with them. But that's not kind either.

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    8. @Andrew you wrote

      So you're essentially the true female version of a "player" (the false version is just a sexually promiscuous girl). Come on, As IF!!!!

      A female version of a "player" isn't one who likes embraces/intimacy. A female player is one who acts or omits the truth for example a woman who gets her date to buy her things with the promise of sex later (dishonest gold diggers for example). A woman on a sugar daddy website would not be a player because she's being upfront about her intentions. A man who likes to be promiscious but is very very VERY open about ONLY wanting sex with no intention of a relationship is also NOT a player. Most men believe by NOT being honest and upfront about their intentions to pump and dump is sufficient.

      So really a female player is one who obtains resources by deceit not one who just wants a hug. Friends hug.

      @Ash, it's kind if the men are advised within a reasonable period of time that this girl does not plan on having sex in the near future. It's also kind if men tell women BEFORE they get involved with women that they only plan on fuking them and have no intentions to date. Honesty is what's required to avoid being labelled a player.

      Want to embrace people go ahead. Nothing's wrong with you. You perfectly normal. It's not a sign you need validation, it's a sign you enjoy connection and you are healthy in that respect.

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    9. I don't like the analogy of a woman witholding sex as a player, that would be like saying the men objective is sex while a woman objective is not "giving" it, as if it is a price to male attention a woman is unwillingly to give which doesn't make sense, as it implies that a man only "wins" if a woman loses.

      Delete
  15. For the record, you are saying this is true of men as well? There are not 'ugly men' objectively? Is their attractiveness as controllable as female beauty?

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    1. Very good question.

      To some extent yes, but for men I would say that the more relevant fact is that we have all evolved to have the genetics to be strong rather than beautiful. And by strong I mean psychologically or intellectually, not so much physically.

      Read my post "The Analogy Between Confidence and Beauty" and you'll see what I mean.

      But, yes, men have also evolved to be more physically attractive in the same way that women have also evolved to be more psychologically strong. Though men, with our body hair and harder features, still resemble cavemen more than women resemble cave women.

      Delete
    2. Apparently, resources and height are what makes men more attractive (for relationships not sex). Short term mating strategies for men still involve looking hot (getting a six pack and biceps like Arnie).

      I guess men can't do much about the height area so they can compensate with lots of $$$.

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  16. I agree with you that no woman is ugly, because she can improve her looks in many ways. Though, I think a woman should be content with herself, at least after some point. I've seen women who, regardless of their beauty, they are never satisfied with their looks. They always think they need to loose weight, or do plastic surgeries and try to change things on them, that they shouldn't change. I mean, we can't all look the same, or change to fit whetever is considered the beauty ideal currently. It's often our flaws that make us look different and more exciting, like Marilyn Monroe's mole for example.

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  17. For me, this is your worst post so far, and you are great or really good on nearly all the other posts. While, everyone can look better, your message here does damage not because of its aim, but rather because it's not based on the truth. If you are saying (and this is my only out for you, as far as my criticism goes) that there is "someone for everyone" --- I agree. That is true and far less damaging than lying to people. This post reminded me of saying how "plus size" has been legitimized in some way because people (women) want it to be, not because of reality. Let me explain where you go wrong:

    First off, your picture is theoretical, and not even a good one at that. The females age in question (and by the way if we are "Neanderthal," us European-ancestry people are something like 5-10% of it, anyway) is different for the neanderthal than it is for the modern woman. That's deception #1.

    Second, and most importantly, the world has DRASTICALLY changed in modernity, even in the last 50 years) than our ancestral (read: 95-99% of our time in existence on earth) societies, particularly because we are all North Americans here, or those living in European cultures/civilizations. Why do I bring this up? Most humans who ever had kids and were married did it with girls who were 14-20. Food was scarce. No processed food-fed adolescent girl fatties. What does that mean for men? Instant boner, even for those who aren't particularly good looking face-wise. But that's not the case now, and it's not even close. Beyond that, even mentioning these facts in this modern society gets the idea that it's somehow perverted or akin to statutory rape, or it is legally codified that way. Either way, ignoring this outright fact doesn't help women at all in their 20s and 30s ... because it's not telling them the truth.

    The reality is that the evolution of societies for women to fill men's roles, wanted or not, has worked against women. Telling them that cavemen f*cked their ancestor moms when that mom was 16 doesn't really help them. It's actually doing them a disservice. While my message might be disappointing and sad for some, at least it's honest and the truth. Let my consolation be, as before, with another honest statement --- there is someone out there for everyone. I don't think that makes people happy though, because women these days think they deserve way more than what they are worth --- another problem with the western world. Oh, but I forgot, you can have it all! Silly me, I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you anything else but that (wink wink)



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    1. Regarding your second point, I think maybe you misunderstood what I am saying. The title of the post is supposed to be provocative; it isn't literally true. Ugly girls do exist, but (and this IS the point) they're only the girls who don't try.

      I think we agree here. If a girl gets in shape and learns how to dress, guys will want to bang her. You're just saying that the problem with modern girls is that they don't stay in shape and don't know how to dress. But that doesn't contradict the post.

      As far as the first point, yeah OK, maybe I'm not using representative pics. Fair enough. I honestly didn't research it much because if you go back far enough we all looked like monkeys. No need to split hairs over the niceties of anthropology. So I don't think this is a real disagreement either - unless, of course, you're saying that you'd rather bang monkeys than modern women ;)

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    2. "If a girl gets in shape and learns how to dress, guys will want to bang her"

      THERE YOU GO AGAIN. I think you may be projecting your own desires. We DON'T want men to want to bang us, we want to be dated, treated like partners, companions, loved. Think Disney and get your mind off Ashley Maddison and then you'll get what 90% of us unrestricted (not promiscuous) ladies want. If you tell women that if they look after themselves, they will be bangable, we end up doing the opposite to protect ourselves from pain. I know about 10% of women (from Stats) who engage in Casual sex but the majority of us want LOVE Andrew. Some women eat to protect themselves. Weight is a way to protect themselves from trauma. Men using women can create trauma. Teach women how to get love. Teach us Andrew.

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    3. "We DON'T want men to want to bang us, we want to be dated, treated like partners, companions, loved."

      Right, totally get that. But you aren't going to get the attention of a man until you can first get his attention physically.

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    4. Andrew, how hot do you have to be to get the attention of a man romantically?

      I think I can be physically attractive (dating apps tell me I'm in the top 10% of likes, if that means anything), but I'm by no means the most beautiful woman out there. In other words, I am attractive enough to get most guy's physical attention, but the guys I'm attracted to could probably be dating girls more physically attractive than me, all at the same time. Am I justified in feeling that nothing's gonna come out of dating these really attractive guys? They seem to have so many options. Would guys jump at the opportunity of being with a hotter girl no matter what? Does personality even really matter? How strong does the physical attraction need to be? Is there a threshold?

      Delete
    5. Or maybe approach these guys yourself :).

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  18. LOL, it appears that the cavewoman has fillers in her lips, a look most women are paying for these days.

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  19. '...to improve the quality and quantity of attention you get from men'.
    Andrew, I can understand how to improve the quantity of attention (by trying to look your best all the time), but how to improve the quality? How can we control the quality? All men are attracted to pretty women and naturally they all want to make love with the women they find attractive. I have no control over men in a sense whether 'a serious' man will like me or ' a player'.

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    1. By improving your personality and filtering out the ones who only want sex.

      Delete
  20. This is just not true...I have seen a LOT of ugly girls who are still ugly no matter what they do to improve.

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    1. If they're in shape and well dressed, I bet you a million dollars they'll still get laid.

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    2. Gotta love men....hahaha

      Delete
  21. I'm a fan of your blog and just wanted to let you know that you made a grammatical error several times in your last paragraph. You wrote "reminder her" when I'm sure you meant to write "remind her."

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    1. I don't see any others in this post :)

      Delete
  22. How about this for an idea. 1) Identify the kind of men you want to attract, 2) Look at their wives and girlfriends and make a mental note of how they look 3) Strive to look like these women.
    So if you want to attract an English football star, get fake tan, fake boobs, wear micro minis and boob tubes and get a trout pout.
    If you want to attract a Republican presidential candidate, get french manicures, learn to apply barely there make up, get coifferred hair, wear pearls and twinsets that go up to the knees.
    If you want to attract to tough guy bikie dude, get blood red talon nails, lots and lots of tatts, leather and studded gear slashed to the thighs, jet black or bleached blonde hair to the waist.
    You get the picture.......

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  23. This is not empowering if you suggest that women need to find ways "to be" for men.

    His agenda is to push the socially constructed ideas, often displayed in the media, that tell us what men want, to validate himself.

    She need to be hot> my friends think she's hot> I'm now hot stuff!

    Ladies, why would you take dating advice from a late 20 something year old man who hasn't the slightest clue of
    a) who he is
    b) what qualities are important in a woman aside from her ability to make his dick hard ?

    On top of all of this, HE'S NOT MARRIED!


    All you need is one, right one. You are fine the way you are. All kinds of people fall in love every day in the real world.

    The shallow ones who look for love online mistaken lust with love.

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    1. is this a troll?

      Delete
    2. Why? Because I ask significant questions rooted in fact?

      I could be whatever you want me to be...

      Delete
    3. b/c that response is textbook kneejerk. How do you know the author of this blog doesn't know who he is (your presumptuous point "a")? You must be incredibly self-aware...a guru, I take it? Are you a Master of Life?

      This man gives advice that I could never find anywhere else--especially not as clear and thoughtful as he's written. I'm very grateful to him. My experiences with men have made me suspect certain, sometimes ugly, truths. He explains them. And then, he encourages us to improve ourselves in very real ways!

      The comments on this particular post are unusually aggressive and nitpicky. Well, I'll defend Andrew. He guided me when I had no idea what to do.

      *calling you a troll is no meaner than you saying he has no idea who he is.

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    4. Women rely on Andrew's responses because he is the kind of men they want to attract ? I will go to Jessica Valenti or Lena Dunham for romantic advice if I want to attract Jessica Valenti or Lena Dunham, which many women don't. Of course you don't have to listen to Andrew if you are worried about his single and seemingly "player" status. There are many other married, family oriented masculine men in the manosphere to take advice from.

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    5. Anon #2, yes my response is classic, "textbook knee jerk" because his advice is emotionally abusive.

      Go ahead and follow it if it works for you and if Andrew is the type of man you're looking for.

      Delete
    6. Hi Mizz T83,

      I actually come here to learn what not to do. Andrew is exactly what 90% of women dont want but he has an awesome newsletter that I do the exact opposite of. It's helping me avoid men who are emotional void like Andrew. Everything about what he writes is that of a damaged man and what better way to finding a good husband than to avoid everything that players want. Him and Chase give me an insight into what bad men want and how to avoid it.

      Please dont think we are stupid women here. I believe the majority on here actually are doing the same because most of us are looking for good guys and Andrew is probably on the opposite end of the spectrum (I dont mean he would hurt his family kind of bad person but he is bad in relationships purely on the fact that he believes sex is owed to men). Men respect women who dont give up the cookie, Andrew teaches us otherwise. We are smarter than we let on.

      Thanks for the input and caring Mizz T83 about the Sisterhood (xoxo) but just know we're not a bunch of naive women on here. We are demanding the real deal or wont put out.

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  24. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH18_dZIYOE I think this Smiths song describes your point :p

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  25. Personally, I like reading Andrew's blog because he explains male psychology, how men think etc. As a woman I do find it difficult to stomach the truth about men,but the truth is always cruel. His posts 'Cut him off' and ' The importance of silence after break-up' as well as his book helped me to stop seeing one idiot who was playing stupid games with me, but never asked me out and was interested only in having sex with me.
    I like most of Andrew's posts. I find them useful. I do not have much experience with men and I need to know how men think in general. Sometimes it is so tempting to have sex with the man you like, but what is the point if he does not want relationship...Reading this blog stops me from doing things that I know I will regret. We can all think what we like about Andrew, but we cannot deny that his blog is very useful.

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    1. Not saying he's wrong, but certainly that's not as men as a whole think ;).

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  26. Humans are not descended from Neanderthals ...they were our evolutionary cousins. They were alive at the same time as modern humans, but died out several thousand years ago.

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  27. Andrew,

    Do you think that women with "bad" faces, but are in good shape/well styled still have the potential to be at least a 5 on the 1-10 scale? I'm not asking this because I think I'm facially unattractive - but it is something I do worry about since it is so important but not very controllable

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    1. Emily Ratajkowski is facially unattractive and so many guys call her a 10. You're fine.

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  28. Andrew you are a good guy! This is very sweet and refreshing from the anxious collective thought that makes women think they need to be a 10 on looks alone to get a guy they truly want.

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  29. Hi Andrew,
    I was wondering if you could elaborate on one of the comments related to this post - how, and exactly when should we start lowering our standards?
    I've been trying to improve my looks and am about a 7 (based objectively on the fact that i have no obvious facial deformity, 5'8, have a bmi of 19.5, 35-25-28 measurements and long, thick hair, aged 29) but can only seem to meet or attract guys who are 5-6's. How and when should I do this?

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    1. i meant 35-25-38!

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    2. Read my post "How to Adjust Your Game According to Your Results"

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    3. This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.

      'lower your standards' thats the bit I was hoping you could elaborate on.

      i've done the above and waited for about 6 months.

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    4. whoa 28 inch hip? I hope that's a typo, because otherwise maybe that's why ...

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    5. Haha thanks Anon. Yeah I have real trouble standing upright... maybe that's what puts guys off!

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  30. On feminine beauty being highly controllable, this video from Amy Young is a perfect example.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esRRz02m1JM

    It shows her in three different states which I think actually captures what Andrew is talking about here. She goes from nice and pretty to below average then to super hot all in the same video! And it's all the same woman - she's both the ugly girl and the beautiful one depending on how she's presented. Guess it's in all of us to be both ugly and attractive and the one we present determines who wants to get to know us.

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  31. Yeah, Thea, this is truth!!! When I was watching the first video, I thought she was a bit ugly and in the last, third video she was stunning at times. There was a moment when she put her hair up with her hands and she looked so beautiful for a few seconds with her hair up! All she needs to do is to fix her hair in that position and she is stunning!

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  32. This really is quite a beautiful post Andrew. Good for you.

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  33. Modern women became more available than prostitutes. In general, men lost respect for women. That is why it is difficult for a woman to find a nice man who will also want to marry her. Why marry, if you can have her anyway? Women should stop having sex before marriage. End of story.
    So, women can't find a good man not because they are ugly, but because they are so weak that they can't say no to sex. They are afraid that a man will run away. Well, if he loves you, he will not run away, but he will respect you. If he doesn't love you, then he will run away. By giving him sex out of fear you are actually saying that you are afraid to stay alone, as if you can't go and find someone else.

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    1. And no. Femininity is not to be lead, be a follower, weak and submissive. That describes a child. Femininity is Majestic, spacious, shaped and not weak. True femininity makes men weak and silent, yet they crave it. To be in it's presence. Why so many women refuse to be feminine?

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    2. Sex has more than one reasoning in it. Forsaking the financial aspect of it -- sex like communication would be my first guess. :)

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  34. This post reveals an impressive aspect of your character. Keep on the good work!!

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  35. What about women that were born with some facial deformity? that's a game changer...

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  36. Ugly Girls Don’t Exist...

    Because you don't see them anyway!

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  37. I think Chanel once said that there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one. Most of the so-called "ugly" women I know are the ones who have essentially given up on themselves (by not wearing make-up, not dressing in flattering clothes, getting out of shape, etc.) Thanks Andrew, will pass on what you said here the next time they bemoan how "ugly" they are.

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  38. Hi, I liked it. It definitely touched me because it does apply to me, but...
    I was getting a different impression of the whole thing at first when, all of a sudden, everything turned upside-down. I thought you were going to say if ugly girls are not loved, it’s because it has always been like this so that according to evolution the best ones should remain, and the weak improper ones should leave the seen and the scenario is going on and will go on the same to the point of perfection. (I should add though, I’m a Shia Muslim girl and I don’t believe in evolution- at least the way you guys do- , according to my religious texts Adam, who dates back to maximum about 8500 years ago, was the Last man, from whom we descended, there were OTHER generationS of human beings millions of years ago who had perished long before Adam.) So if that’s the way you put it, some ARE destined not to be taken.
    But, it changed direction i.e. no one’s ugly because the ugly ones had already perished.
    Thank you, for this post and the rest of others that taught me a lot.

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  39. Late to this party but this probably doesn't apply to black women (actual dark-skinned not mixed or light skinned) seeing as we are described as ugly on the basis of our dark skin color, 'masculine' facial features and 'imperfect' hair by a majority of men. None of which are things we can 'work on'.
    Yeah, I guess I'm a little bitter...

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  40. I'm pretty sure you literally said in this post that the only reason women exist is because men want to fuck them... Man, that is sexist on multiple levels.

    Other than that, though, it was a pretty interesting article ;)

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