Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What Men Think About Your Weight

Components of Feminine Beauty by Attention Deserved
When it comes to attracting men, your physical fitness matters - a lot. In another post I ranked it the single most important aspect of your external attractiveness to a man. Few men or women will deny this, and it isn't my point here to dispute the minority that does, or to belabor the point to those who already acknolwedge it (see point four below). Instead I want to point out a few things that women might not realize about their weight:

1. Shape matters more than size. We're all aware that some women seem to have great figures despite being a little larger than what most consider ideal. This is because a woman's proportions matter more than her overall weigh; her shape matters more than her size. Her waist-to-hip ratio, or breast and butt shape or size relative to the rest of her body can be attractive to a man despite the fact that she is "overweight." Being concerned about your weight or BMI is important, but it is only half the picture. You will be able to get away with being a big heavier than most if you have good curves. You won't be more attractive because you are heavier than most (i.e. you'd still look better if you slimmed down), but you don't need to do it to be attractive if you have the right shape. (Incidentally, in-shape black women blow away the competition when it comes to having great figures, which in most cases completely compensates for imperfect hair.)

2. Shape matters more than size - up to a certain point. There are limits to the above-described phenomenon. While it is difficult (if not impossible) to quantify "a certain point" in terms of weight or even BMI, I can say this instead: women like Nicki Minaj are pushing the limits already, and are able to to do because they have great proportions. You'd be unnecessarily harsh on yourself to judge your body based on weight alone, but some women recognize the above phenomenon, and then wrongly excuse their size based on comments from friends that they have a "Kim Kardashian ass" or a "Beyonce butt." Comments like this are usually made by friends who are more interested in making you feel good about yourself than accurately describing your figure. While occasionally they will be sincere, you should think twice and make a strong effort to be honest with yourself before believing them.

3. Men don't need Victoria's Secret models. In the same way that you don't need a guy who is as daring, strong, attractive and clever as James Bond, men don't need a woman with a perfect body to be aroused - even wildly aroused. Most of us know that the models we see in the media are unrealistic and only portrayed at their best (just like you know that men like James Bond don't really exist). Furthermore - and more importantly - a woman in the flesh is far more real and immediate than a woman on a screen or the page of a magazine, and this immediacy translates directly into sexual power. In this sense, the advantage that the "girl next door" has over these "fantasy girls" is huge. This happens to be one of the reasons that men don't fall more easily into pornography addiction, but it also means that what you consider severe inadequacies are really not as severe as you think.

4. Your complex about being overweight is more unattractive than being overweight. Yes, your weight matters, but freaking out about your weight is much less attractive to a man than a few extra pounds. Within reasonable limits, an unhealthy body is preferable over an unhealthy mind. Obviously if you are pushing 300 lbs, no one will take the time to appreciate your healthy mind; but if you get to 110 lbs only by taking becoming obsessive about your weight, you aren't doing yourself a favor. As physically attractive as a girl might be, being bulimic (or otherwise anorexic) is so internally unattractive that she will always struggle to keep men, even if she doesn't struggle to attract them initially.

5. Your figure is significantly defined by your posture. If you get down to the perfect shape and size, you can still fuck it up entirely by having bad posture. Likewise, if your figure isn't perfect, you can still get the most out of it by improving your posture and holding yourself as well as you can. To this end, high heels will be your best friend.

6. You won't lose weight unless you want to. I am a firm disbeliever in laziness. Instead, I believe in knowledge and preferences: lazy people aren't people who lack the ability to motivate themselves to do things that everyone accepts as "good" or "right"; they are people who have different priorities, either due to ignorance or a differing opinion. A woman who works out all the time values her long-term fitness more than the short-term pleasure she gets from muching on snacks all day, or feeling full at mealtimes. If you struggle with managing your weight, it could be because you don't care what you look like (to some degree). But more than likely, it is because (a) you don't realize how much benefit you'd get from being thinner, or (b) you are short-sightted, such that you see more value in the short-term pleasures you get from eating than in the long-term pleasure of being in shape. Once you realize how much your weight matters when it comes to getting what you want in life (i.e. a man), or look into the future far enough to see that you will never be attractive unless you sacrifice the momentary comfort of satisfying your apetite completely, your priorities will shift, and you will spend more of your energy on your fitness - willingly.

7. Cardio isn't everything. If you want to lose weight you need to burn calories, running or using the elliptical machine is not the best way of doing this. Weight training burns essentially the same amount of calories, but also increases your metabolism for about an hour after your workout, which then continues to burn an additional 25 percent of the calories you burned during the weight training itself. Not to mention weight training is a much better way to shape and tone your body. Girls almost categorically avoid weights, and they are retaining pounds because of it.

109 comments:

  1. Great post. I'm in the category of having extra weight by bmi standards, but have excellent proportions and I am aware that men are very attracted to my body. I have more confidence than my skinnier girlfriends because of this awareness. Thanks for sharing this with other women, I wish I had.

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    1. You missed the part where you would still be more attractive if you were thinner.

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    2. Not necessarily - most women's proportions change with weight change. This girl might lose all her breasts if she lost weight, but keep the lower body weight. Or lose weight from her curves but have her waist stay the same size, thus becoming a straight stick. I have a nice figure and it's only because I keep myself about 5kgs overweight, so I get a more hourglass figure.

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  2. It's worth noting that most women fall into two body shape/fruit groups: pear shape or apple. A pear shape gains weight on hips, upper thighs and butt. They have slim arms and small breasts. An apple gains weight on the upper body - arms, breasts and stomach. Their butt is small or flat, hips are narrow. A small group of women are like a banana, straight up and down.
    Both body shapes are unattractive if the woman is fat, an apple looks masculine with heavy arms and tummy fat, a pear shape looks bottom-heavy and very non-athletic. Most celebrities can work with whatever shape they have, with a good diet, the right exercise and plastic surgery. The 'hourglass' shape some celebrity women has is often a pear shape combined with breast implants.
    Kim K is (or was, originally) a pear shape. Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Simpson are both apples.

    I think most women need to accept and embrace their shape and learn to work with it.
    Victoria's Secret models are lucky to have beautiful faces and long legs, but they have apple or pear shapes just like everybody else, and they've made the very best of it.

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    Replies
    1. I am definitely a natural hour-glass shape or curvy, I have boobs, hips and my waist is small so I have to disagree.

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    2. Yep, I'm also a natural hourglass. From the front I have shoulders slightly wider than my hips, so there is no way I could be a pear shape, plus I gain weight in my waist last and I never lose my hourglass shape, so no way I could be an apple shape.

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    3. I like to think of the two main body shapes as an 8 or an S.
      I am an S because I am narrow with a bum that curves out at the back, and even at a low weight I don't have a completely flat stomach.
      I have friends who are bigger than me, even managing to be overweight with a flat stomach because their hips are wider. These would be the 8s, even if the lower o is larger than the upper o

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  3. I don't believe the apple and pear shape exclusivity is true. I am a natural hour glass, with no fake implants and I know I'm not alone in this body type. When I gain weight I gain it proportionally and losing the same thing.

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  4. This is refreshing. There is so much emphasis on weight in the Manosphere that I worry I should be trying to lose weight. Since discovering Paleo I'm lighter than I've ever been and have bounds of energy, but this association of femininity and frailty haunts me.

    I will never look frail. If I bust my ass, I might get the perfectly flat belly and thighs that don't touch, but I won't look frail. Instead I'll just keep working toward my 23:00 5k, and do fun things like Salsa and CrossFit.

    It also doesn't hurt that I've got a hard-working, fit dude who can't keep his hands off me, and that's one hell of an argument to the contrary.

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  5. I greatly prefer the athletic look in a woman. A little bit of muscle on a woman goes a long way. I don't like a huge flabby butt like Nicki Minaj's. However, a round and muscular butt is very attractive on a woman.

    Women should also work out their upper bodies instead of simply jogging. A lot of men are attracted to a woman's shoulders - a woman with square shoulders and a good posture is hard not to notice.

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  6. Thanks for this post. I do wonder though how much a woman can change her shape naturally. There are fewer women today who have true hourglass figures. Dr Cate Shanahan (Deep Nutrition: Why your Genes Need Traditional Food) suggests this is because most females are born with inadequate nutrition. We're all getting enough calories but not enough nutrition. Her ideas are fascinating.

    Re calories in - calories out: you might like to read Gary Taubes' Good Calories Bad Calories. It is a dense book in which he argues that all calories are not equal. My understanding (limited I might add) is that the body is not a closed system whereby the rules of thermodynamics can happen in a linear fashion. There was a nice discussion about this with Zoe Harcombe over at Underground Wellness:

    http://www.blogtalkradio.com/undergroundwellness/2011/02/28/the-obesity-epidemic-with-zoe-harcombe

    What are your thoughts on women using plastic surgery to achieve a better proportioned body? I don't like fake bosoms. To me they look odd; particularly on women who are very slim straight up and down. And what about the athletic look? Serena Williams has an amazing hour glass shape but for many her assets are rather generous. There is a growing trend for more muscle definition and strength for women. I must say I think this is a great look for women:

    http://mollygalbraith.com/gallery/

    http://karlygomezgoesnational.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/karly-usa2.jpg

    M

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    1. Agreed that plastic surgery looks bad in many cases, but I've seen it done well - normally this is when it is done by a good doctor and in such a way that it compliments the girl's look.

      As for the girls with muscles - hell no. Every guy I've ever talked to about women with muscles like the ones in the pics (particularly the second link) has said unequivocally that they are disgusting.

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    2. Ha Ha! There are lots of men fawning over these women. Admittedly they are men who are into strength training. Perhaps you need to speak with a wider variety of men.

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    3. I have a low body weight and also low body fat percentage and lift heavy weights, and at 58 years old date guys in their 30's so, yes, muscle is in and this is what women are missing out on to keep young looking. Strength training is an absolute must for a woman to maintain her youth.

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    4. When plastic surgery is done well, you never notice- only when something goes wrong. You might notice the person looking more refreshed, relaxed, sweeter, happier, prettier... but not that she had work done. Even if you had a big hump on your nose filed down, sometimes you have to point it out for others to notice.

      Most plastic surgery patients remark that initially they were afraid others would notice, but in reality very few do... even their own mothers, spouses... etc..

      I am very familiar with this topic, having done work myself.

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  7. I haven't read it but http://www.stumptuous.com/ has a free(?) ebook f*** calories which sounds interesting.

    Sorry for the double post
    M

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  8. Did you change the background to white or is my laptop just fucking up? Hmmm I prefer blue....

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  9. The Victoria Secret girls vary a bit in shape as well. Some of the girls, like Candice Swanepoel, have great hip to waist ratios, whereas others are very straight up and down.
    Some say VS models are too skinny (mostly women). Do you think the VS look is popular enough among men that it is worth pursuing for women? (working towards it, I know it takes a lot to get a body like that).

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    1. Yes, most VS models are rulers and have small breasts. Not saying they look bad at all, just pointing it out.

      Which brings me to the next point...

      Why is there an assumption that women worry about being too fat?

      Some of us are thin & hear day in & day out how men don't really like thin women. It might comfort me to know that tall, thin VS models were actually an ideal, but people (including men) will insist they are not, saying that they are really too thin & may even use degrading terms like "boyish" to describe them. This is true even when they have tiny, defined waists.

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  10. I like the new background :)

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  11. Andrew,

    What do you think of the faces and figures of the women in this survey? They're officially plus-size models, but they cover a range of weights (American size 12 to size 22). I think Kailee O'Sullivan (one of the thinner girls, and coincidentally very similar to Karen Gillan despite being shorter and heavier) is pretty, but I wanted at least one male perspective. Clicking on a model's name leads to more pictures of her.

    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/survey.htm

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  12. Andrew,

    I should provide some context about the plus-size model survey, above. The male webmaster argues (1) that heavier women are the most attractive, both aesthetically and sexually, (2) that all heterosexual men secretly agree with (1), and (3) that before the 20th century all heterosexual men openly agreed with (1), which made their societies better aesthetically and morally. Is he right?

    Here he argues that heavy figures are more natural (in a good way):
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=1745
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=2302

    Here he argues that belly fat is attractive:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=1115

    Here he argues that the Victorians found heavier women more attractive: http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=701
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=1373

    Here he argues that feminine clothes look better on heavier women: http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=672
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/archive03.htm#clothes
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/newfemininity.htm#examples

    Here he argues by analogy that since voluptuous hair is more beautiful (which one of your posts definitely agrees with), voluptuous figures are better too:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=93

    Here he argues that preference for plus-size beauty goes hand in hand with traditional aesthetics and values:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/timeless.htm
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/archive04.htm#vienna
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=1688

    Here he argues that heavier women look better on the runway:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=162

    Here he argues that Kim Kardashian's former sister-in-law Kaela Humphries was more attractive than KK because KH weighed more:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=2261

    And since Victoria's Secret models came up, here he argues that VS model Doutzen Kroes looks better with slightly more weight:
    http://www.judgmentofparis.com/board/showthread.php?t=1654

    What all these links add up to in the end, though, is a verification of your original post's points 1 and 2. I think, though, that the models in the links illustrate your points better than Nicki Minaj does.

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  13. I hear men talk about "great proportions", but I'm not sure if they are being for real. Don't they just often mean big boobs on a relatively slim frame?
    Kate Upton has been celebrated as a new sex bomb, some even say "ideal shape", and she has no hip/waist ratio at all?

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    1. Big boobs and relatively slim frame definitely helps, but it isn't the whole story.

      Kate Upton is hot because of her face primarily. I've heard a LOT of guys talk about how she really isn't that hot. In fact, it is almost a controversy among men, which I believe boils down to some guys not realizing that she is hot "in spite of" having a mediocre figure, not "because of it"

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    2. I'm Swedish, and I never found Kate that hot. She's cute - but I see blonde girls with that type of face ALL the time. Most of my friends think she's completely average. They're more likely to admire girls like Adriana Lima / Brazilian models.

      One thing you haven't talked about much regarding female attractiveness is that your "value" depends on where you are on what type of other females you're surrounded by. Blondes are exotic in some countries (and I think seen as "bimbos" in the US?), latin women in others.
      Regardless of exotic appeal, I think I can say that girls in Russia, East Europe, Finland and Scandinavia are more physically attractive than in many other countries. Girls will usually also be hotter in bigger cities. Those countries also have 10x as many attractive women as men. So single women should have this in mind if they relocate.

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    3. I personally am WAY more into mediterrenean looking women (dark complexion, olive skin) than blondes, so I disagree with you. It is pretty hard to argue that there is one race or look that is "objectively" hotter than others. It's like arguing that classical music is objectively better than rap or bluegrass. It all comes down to taste.

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    4. Yes my point was more so that what is 'exotic' to one country is more common in another. A blonde will be exotic where men are used to Mediterranean girls and vice versa.

      Regarding East Europe and Russia, I think many find women in those countries attractive simply because they have more of a culture where they take care of themselves (they are not feminist). I'm not saying that fair features are better, I think the reason is that some of these countries have much less obesity / healthier lifestyles than the US.

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  14. funny you mention Niki Minaj as an example of "overweight yet shapely". everything on her is fake, from her fat unjected wider hips, thighs and big ass, to the enhanced breast. she was merely average in the figure department before she went Hollywood. then again, she is right where she needs to be in the eyes of the black community. we tend to worship at the church of the "extreme hourglass". it's never been about weight, just how a woman wears it and is it in the right places.

    that said, ALOT of girls - black and white - do try and get over by assuming that because they have big breast or a fat ass that they are sexy when in fact they are just fat.

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    1. In total agreement here. Just an excuse to be a potato chip/couch athlete and guys buy right into it.

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  15. What do men think of small flaws like stretchmarks or cellulite on an otherwise perfect body? Some of these things can be extremely difficult to improve no matter how many hours you clock in at the gym.

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    1. I just answered a girl who asked about this in the comments to the "About This Blog" page. She was asking about a scar but the same rule applies: play up your strengths and play down your weaknesses. If bare legs, or the area around your stretch marks is more attractive than the cellulite or stretch marks are attractive, cover them up until you get to know they guy better, then reveal them in a gradual way.

      There are some creams and technologies for reducing stretch marks. You should at least look into those.

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    2. Most women have stretch marks. Even some VS models. Stretch marks fade over time, in order to accelerate the fading process, then you will have to invest in good moisturizers (not the cheap watered down type) and try to moisturize the area at least twice a day.

      I got stretch marks during puberty and my grandmother got me into the habit of moisturizing and now I can wear a bikini at the beach and no one notices unless I point them out. Sometimes I have to manipulate the skin around the area to see them. They are still there, but they're almost invisible now. I am black and stretch marks are even more noticeable on darker skin. But now I don't have to worry about stretch marks because I took care of it.

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    3. If a guy is turned off by your stretch marks tell him to take a hike...thats seriously so shallow.

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  16. I actually cannot praise weights enough. For years I was extremely unhappy with a few aspects of my body (ass being the big one- no shape)but since I have started weight training I have noticed a significant difference. Others have too ;). I also do boxing, swimming and tennis (for fun) but it's the weights that have produced results.

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  17. Hi Andrew!

    Thank you for all the insights on this blog.

    Regarding point 8, you may find these two videos interesting.

    http://www.uctv.tv/skinny-on-obesity/
    http://www.uctv.tv/shows/Sugar-The-Bitter-Truth-16717

    Regards from Europe!

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    1. I watched some of these... interesting stuff.

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  18. Andrew, keep in mind your graph is entirely subjective. I would place different importance on girls' features. For example, I'm big on hair, and would also place more importance on breasts, and have a much different definition of a good body. Being very athletic myself, I place more importance on a toned athletic body. For example, the chick (probably famous or something) in the picture above might be a 7, but I'd probably think of her as a 6-6.5 . The hair is a big issue and I don't like the body type, etc.

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  19. What are your thoughts on breasts? If a woman has naturally large sagging breasts, but does not want to get surgery to lift them, and she is between mid-20s and mid-30s, how likely is this to be a mark against her in the dating arena?

    Are sagging, "imperfect" breasts a deal-breaker?

    Also, what about fake breasts/implants?

    In most cases, large implants look absolutely horrible. I rarely see them look great, because the patient chooses to go way to large for their frame and body type, among other things. Their breasts come out looking very unnatural-looking, the nipple and areola placement is often way too high, and the shape and spacing of the breasts turn out as botched jobs, looking nothing like naturally large breasts.

    I am surprised that any surgeon can proudly sign off on any of this "work" once the patience is off the table, has completely healed, and can begin walking around "donning" the failed work. It's like walking around showing off your friend's failed science experiment.

    I think most surgeons, in that case, are far too concerned about making money, than doing honorable, quality, and natural-looking work -- work they can and should be proud of, given that a patient choose to go the cosmetic route for beauty enhancement.

    Also with breast lifts, women can lose a lot of sensation in their nipples, which is a wonderful erogenous zone to have, and one that a naturally sensitive-nippled woman would hate to lose. Scarring often occurs underneath and around the woman's breasts after these surgeries, which is usually semi to fully permanent, and of course, the woman puts herself at risk by simply going under the knife.

    What are your thoughts on this aspect of feminine aesthetics?

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    1. Of course 'imperfect' breasts are not a dealbreaker.. That's like asking if your legs/butt/stomach has to be "perfect" for you to get a boyfriend. Nobody has a perfect everything.

      Surgery is a personal choice. Nobody "needs" it to find a partner, but then again, I think very few think that way (majority of women who get them done are already above average in terms of attractiveness). It's just a matter of improving oneself.
      Sounds like you want to justify that boob jobs are horrible and unnecessary. It might not be something you want for yourself, but each to their own. If your surgeon is excellent, they look pretty great. I had mine done by a no 1 surgeon. There is no visible scarring, they feel and look natural and I have the same nipple sensitivity as before (they usually don't go through the nipples to place the implants). In other words, you get what you pay for.
      I would never advice a girl to get surgery due to lack of attention from men though. If you're lacking in that department, you probably need to improve your overall appearance and/or personality.
      Either way, your breasts shouldn't really matter. They are the way they are, and you are clearly anti surgery, so what is there to discuss?

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    2. I pretty much agree with that reply.

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    3. If you reread my post, it is not -definitively- anti-surgery. It is specifically anti BAD surgery. I have nothing against others getting cosmetic surgery as an option, only that they understand the risks involved and make their decisions wisely, especially not under the context of social duress. Going under the knife is always a risk, of course.

      Breasts are something that a lot of women complain about or are obsessed about -- whether they are big enough (in some cases, small enough), perky enough, the right color, the right symmetry, the right look, and so forth. And although not all men are breast men, some men have quite an interest in the appearance and subject of breasts, too.

      I have a friend who had a partial mastectomy, and has received several rounds of reconstructive surgery from a reputable cosmetic surgeon on the Westside. She is in remission, but dating can be quite difficult for her, now. She must mention her cancer history to weed out men who are not suitable, and eventually tell them about scarring and the like. If I'm to be completely objective, she's rather attractive, otherwise, and has a great figure she keeps up with. But breasts are a big deal in the dating arena. That's what I tell her and this is what she also realizes, whether she likes it or not.

      Since this blog entry is about the subject of appearance, I was curious as to how the blogger would address this subset of the appearance issue.

      One of my statements was about how unnatural most -larger- breast implants look, which is a valid perspective. If larger implants are to be done well, they need to take on some naturalized elements, so that it suits the woman and looks plausible, especially for her build. I always support cosmetic surgeons doing quality work to keep the standards and integrity high over making quick money, especially as someone working in the medical field, as well. We need more doctors who stand by quality and integrity in their careers.

      There is nothing in my post that literally indicates this absolute statement: "Sounds like you want to justify that boob jobs are horrible and unnecessary." Especially the "horrible" part.

      I can only gather that you took offense to my post personally, because you've chosen to get implants and feel you've been lumped in with my descriptions of bad surgeries and therefore must defend, which is unnecessary. If your implants look great, then that's certainly a good thing. Nothing more to be said on that end.

      As for the possible loss of nipple sensitivity, you'll notice that is in reference to breast lifts, not breast implants. Some women might be concerned about those trade-offs, should they decide to go for this particular type of surgery, and thus should be aware of them.

      There are 4 popular procedures used for breast lift surgeries, and scarring often occurs in and around the nipple/areola areas, since incisions are made, and transferring is done to adjust the nipples and areolae to the new location of the breast tissue. Nerves can be severed and/or reconnected, so that can lead to varying degrees of loss of nipple sensitivity.

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    4. I am not offended by the fact that there are done many bad surgeries. Women's opinions on implants are not important to me either.

      What struck me was that you asked of his (aesthetic) opinion on implants and then went on about the risk and how many bad surgeries are done. Everybody knows the risk, and it does not change men's opinion on a (good) result. There is no need to mention how many bad boob jobs are being done, it won't influence a man's opinion on the ones he's actually seen. It's only a important as to whether you should actually go through with it - a decision a man cannot be part of. If you are seriously considering it, you should visit forums like sofeminine.co.uk, where women exchange experiences and give advice.
      What breasts look like after surgery depends entirely on what they looked like before surgery. Men's opinions on how "vain" or "unnecessary" it is, vary so much that one man's opinion won't matter. And - like I said - the risk is for you to deal with only, so there is no point trying to influence his advice with examples of bad results.

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  20. What would you say is the correct BMI for a woman..for instance..I am 5ft 4..but if I am a BMI say 24 (which is still within the healthy range) I'd be definitely looking like I'm beginning to gain serious weight. So even though it is a healthy BMI, it looks shit.

    Also, I'd imagine the ideal BMI for a woman over 30-35 to be slightly higher than the BMI she held in her thirties because the face suffers with a low BMI..the face loses weight with age so you have to manage a slightly higher weight in order to maintain a level of "freshness".

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    1. "Also, I'd imagine the ideal BMI for a woman over 30-35 to be slightly higher than the BMI she held in her thirties because the face suffers with a low BMI"..

      twenties, I meant.

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    2. I honestly have no idea. I have no gauge of BMI.

      Ideal is obviously somewhere in the ballpark of actresses and supermodels, but it varied from guy to guy. You shouldn't need to split hairs over numbers like this: work out regularly and diet well until you are PROUD of the way you look, not just "OK with it."

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    3. Not necessarily true. I have a BMI of 18 and in my late 50's look much younger because I have worn sunscreen everyday since 29; that's the difference.

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  21. I think Christina Hendricks from Mad Men and Nigglla Lawson are great examples of shapley women with sex appeal. If you Have ever been to a burlesque show you will see girls with a little extra really working it. Some of the girls in burlesque are overweight but they have an attitude and allure that make them attractive. One mans five is a another muse i guess.

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    1. Christina Hendricks is attractive because she has a cute face, feminine and gentle body language, great posture and sweet voice. In Mad Men she is always dressed in heels and dresses that suck in her waist and works well on her curves. If you see pictures of her in a bathing suit or just regular jeans and a top (or anything other than a dress, tbh), she looks a lot less appealing. In pictures without makeup and flat shoes, I'd say she is a 2-3. So there is no doubt she is attractive in spite of her weight. Some women can make it work with a lot of effort, but IMO, CH should definitely lose weight (and I am sure she will if she's going to keep getting work after Mad Men).

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    2. Hendricks is a 2-3 IRL situations? Wow, internet anonymity really does give people a warped sense of reality. If CH was in front of the average man I'm sure 9.9 out of 10 he would take her...

      Delete

    3. http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l965wkHpM31qa6u8bo1_500.png

      This may be the norm in the US, but to the rest of the world it is fat.

      Delete
    4. Of course her breasts are big, but fancying this size is a fetish.
      http://wtfplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/christina-hendricks-fat-0.jpg

      Delete
    5. woah in what country are you talking about? In most countries outside the us a little weight is considered normal, while super skinny is out of the norm. In the US everybody is about extremes it seems. It seems a women can not be a normal size and feel okay. And I mean normal, i mean normal, no belly, bit of ass and thighs, without feeling bad about it.
      CH does not look "fat" in that picture. Most women put in a lot of effort in making themselves attractive to men. You can take the hottest women in the world, but she will look different dressed down and without makeup. I am sorry I love being girl but I am not going to be on call 24-7.

      Delete
    6. Not a 2-3, but above average because she has a pretty face, nice demeanor & boob job. Certainly not a 9-10.
      I agree about her figure being unappealing in reality. With girdles/spanx & retouching they make her look curvy instead of apple that she is. Check candid side shots of her, even with the girdle - big, projecting belly that makes her look pregnant. Without the girdle, she has no definable waist.

      Delete
  22. is true that shape matters more than size, I always catch guys looking at me, even when I'm with friends that are skinny and some heavy but they don't really have that hour glass shape..sometimes they do get attention but often I find after me the one that more attention is the heavier friend and I think is because of her personality plus she has a pretty face and one of the other ones is all skinny no boobs no butt and can only get guys to approach her when shes wearing super slutty clothes..the other one we go out with is tall,long legs,big boobs,no butt,and not pretty but guys seem to like her although I think is because she goes flirting w them and guys just prefer something that is ready for them..

    ReplyDelete
  23. It is important to remember that the use of prescription drugs and some herbal drugs cause weight gain. (I had it happen when I used herbal St. John's Wort, an antidepressant.) Huge numbers of people are using antidepressants nowadays, and other drugs such as blood pressure medications, almost all of which frequently cause severe and extreme weight gain. However, if you are using any antidepressants, do not quit them suddenly or go 'cold turkey,' because antidepressant withdrawal is extremely dangerous and causes people to do terrible things like committing suicide. People who are using drugs should not blame themselves for their weight gain.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Someone said about russian cows, er, girls attractiveness? Calm down - there are VERY FEW beautiful girls in russia. They are stinking, lots are fat, others are skinny without breasts, waist and butts. Bad hair quality, bad skin quality. Many are bow-legged. Stop telling lies and stop overrate them.
    Moreover: Scandinavian men don`t consider them as beautiful.
    So, brush up your brain if you have it.

    ReplyDelete
  25. guys are all the same....

    if you truly want to have the most sexiest body ever ladies there are a few things that are essential....

    first ladies we all are various shapes...
    we can't change this... it's just how we are... simple.....

    I am an hourglass and have friends that are pears and apple shapes....

    it's all about proportions....

    1- the main main main rule is to stay in shape! whatever size or shape stay healthy and in shape. look at how much u should weigh for ur height and weight and stay within that limit....

    2- if u r in shape women work on ur skin and beauty.... the more u look after yourself the more beautiful u will be!

    3- so u have the body, skin, style and make Up....
    u always look good so now it's all confidence...
    confidence is the key to success....

    4... I am an hourglass shape.... in my experience when am healthy and in shape guys drool over me... I have a slim tiny waist... a peachy bum and big breasts and curvy thighs....
    this shape men love!
    with this I no when I look after my body, skin, hair and style... u simply can't go wrong!

    trust me women u could have anyone... x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "trust me women u could have anyone... x"

      No, you can't have "anyone".

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UX1MUsOX44c

      Delete
  26. I'm so glad I read all these posts...at last I have the secret to finding a man. I don't need to waste anymore time improving my mind or spend any money on my education. Finally I can stop being so warm, loving, accepting, accommodating and supportive and kind. I've been so misguided spending all these years developing myself as a good human being when all I had to do was just go to the gym instead. W

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a good person and it has not helped me attract a man. In fact, I have CONSISTENTLY skipped over for girls/women who are vain, self centered, inconsiderate, uneducated, slutty, but they, they work out, or do drugs which helps them stay a size 0 - 4.

      Everything you just mentioned means nothing to attracting a man initially.

      AnonymousLilly

      Delete
    2. I'd rather love myself than try and be loved by someone who do doesn't want what I am though.

      Delete
    3. This mentally (i.e., I am a good person and that's all I need) is a total turn-off. It is just as vain as someone who thinks that he/she does not have to be nice or improve him/herself due to good looks. We are supposed to take good care of ourselves, both inside and out. The reluctance to make any effort to improve oneself is a red flag in my opinion. Most importantly, the post did not encourage readers to stop being good human beings. Sorry that some of you sound so jaded. As a girl, I wouldn't want to hang out with you because of your negative attitude.

      Delete
    4. "This mentally (i.e., I am a good person and that's all I need) is a total turn-off. It is just as vain as someone who thinks that he/she does not have to be nice or improve him/herself due to good looks."

      I agree with you. It is actually a bit entitled...and guess what? There are people who take care of themselves who are also good people and intelligent.

      Delete
  27. Re no 4 - although complaining is unattractive, would it be smart for a woman to at least recognize that she is aware if she has gained weight?
    I gained 3 or 4 lbs over the holidays. I am still a US size 4, so I am by no means fat, but a little curvier. I thought about it last time I had sex with my boyfriend - I hadn't seen him for a while so I was hoping he wouldn't think about it.
    I am most comfortable being thin. I want to lose it again, but do you think it is smart to signalize it, so in case he cares, he knows I will?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Recognize it to yourself, yes. The point was that it could be harmful to become overly focused on your weight such that you care about nothing else (though if you are doing this and aren't thin enough, you are probably doing something wrong, rather than too little).

      Delete
    2. Do you think women often aim to be a bit skinnier than what men like?
      I feel like I get the most attention from men when I am slightly curvier, but I always aim a bit below that to look good in skinny pants etc.

      Delete
  28. Andrew, I have been losing weight over the past 2 years with diet and exercise, but I am still far away from being a socially attractive goal, should I continue to try dating now (limited success, decent amount of e-mails but not much follow through or no second dates) or wait until I am a passable size? (Was 290, 180 now, of average height)

    I am in late twenties and it will take about another 1 half to 2 years to get to my goal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ANDREW, PLEaSE READ PREVIOUS COMMENT, should i just have kids with anyone by now or should i hold off until i fell iike i am with mr right?

      Delete
    2. Wait 1-2 more years, get fit, get hot, and then aim for a beta provider who is on his way to become wealthy and successful, and whom you can easily make fall in love with you. Stay clear of alpha males; the most valuable of them for for girls aged 25 or so.

      So aim for people who have a lot of intelligence and potential, and are about to get results withing 5-10 years.

      If you have been fat and undatable for most of your life, then you can use it to your advantage now. The positive side is that you haven't been jaded and become cold hearted and cynical. So you will be a fit and beautifully women who haven't developed a bitchy attitude. Use that. Get "how-to-become-feminine" books.

      If you aim for a beta provider, chances are very good that you will be able to win his heart, since he has not received a lot of female attention. And since you haven't been dating around with a lot of alphas, and haven't been pumped and dumped, your haven't been desensitized to male attention, and a beta provider who is less than maximally attractive could still work for you.

      So get hot, aim for somebody how has not dated around too much, but will be a great father, wealthy and happy have you.

      And a warning: do not let your newfound beauty get to your head. Stay with the plan, aim for something realistically and long term. And work hard, read hard on how to become hot and feminine. Learn how to help a man to lead, while feeling powerful leading you and the family.

      Delete
  29. What about pretty face vs. hot body? Especially if the girl is conservative and does not wear tight clothes & seeking like minded guy. I have small face so when I am over weight, my face looks normal size & looks pretty. But when i workout hard and lose weight & get good body, my face shrinks too much & ages me.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hi Im underweight, I weigh 97lbs and Im 5'4" tall.My proportions are 31-23-34.My last bf had no complaints about my weight, he liked to lift me around sometimes :-) but a lot of girls are always commenting on my weight,its along the lines of wow you're so skinny, whats your secret?

    I recently met a female friend's friend who immediately starting talking this way to me.It actually makes me very uncomfortable and I am starting to wonder whether men look at me only because I am skinny.
    Ive tried to gain weight but it ends up mainly on my lower stomach,if anyone has any suggestions please could they reply.I realise I probably sound ungrateful for my size but its wearing me down,thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't let women wear you down. Think of desirable women like Adriana Lima, who certainly have a similar bmi to you. 23-34 is a sexy figure. Meghan fox said in an interview that she has a 22 inch waist and she is your height. I would love such a figure. Get supportive friends or move to Europe or somewhere where fatness isn't taken for granted, if it is an option.

      Delete
    2. I'm glad you said this. I'm about a 100lbs and i'm like 5'5"-5'6" It's hard for me to gain weight. I read through all these posts and it was interesting the one who said the skinny friend that was with her would have to dress slutty to get attention. I don't have to dress slutty to get attention, I think I'm very pretty and I have a great personality. However it is interesting because if I am trying to get dressed up or dolled up I think I do make an effort to show something off a little more than I should. Just one thing tho, for instance something very low cut, maybe an inch or so deeper than what people consider low cut, but I'm thinking, there's not a lot to show off really. I mean I have nice boobs, especially for as thin as I am, but nonetheless small. Or maybe just a short dress or skirt, that might be a little too short, but I have great legs and I don't mind showing them off while I'm young. My back is really the only other sexy thing to show off, but I wonder if some people would think it was boney. I'd like the writer of this blog to say something sometime about what men think about skinny girls. I know everyone thinks women are trying to be too thin because it's what men want I suppose, but the reason I talked about how I dressed slutty was one because it kinda just dawned on me that I do when I read that other comment and two because I'm not the girl that walks into a bar and all the guys look at her boobs. But if I want to get noticed I do, I'm pretty, I have a pretty smile, a nice body, just not a curvy one so I wear something slutty to show it off I guess. But then I read another persons comment that talked about weight on women being attractive to men because of it being a sign of fertility. I found that interesting as well. I just hit my mid twenties and am going through my 4th serious relationship breakup. Wasting 1-5 years on each boyfriend. While I know some of them would marry me now or would say things about marrying me after we'd break up. The point is I've never been proposed to. I read some of the other stuff on this site and it talks about not wasting your most eligible years in relationships. Which is exactly what I've done. And while 3 out of the 4 I was the one who ended the relationship (so all but this last one :/ ) it is still worth me noting that not in the 5 year relationship nor the 8 month one, nor the 3 year one, nor the year and a half one did any of these boys ask me to marry them. I'm not desperate to get married, but it is something I want. Nor do I think I should have married any of those men. I wonder if I'm not wife material or something though. Maybe I should gain some weight so I'll have wider hips.

      Delete
    3. Sorry I kind of got off my point there. My point was that if you were to ask me what kind of women guy finds most attractive I would say curvacious ones. And any times in my life where I have gotten to be 5 or 10lbs heavier than I am now and my boobs and my face plump up a little more, I think I get more attention maybe even different attention. I'm curious about weight training. This is the first time I've heard it be recommended for women who aren't trying to get built. The average girl doesn't want to look muscular. I would think that if I started lifting my arms are going to get biceps instead of just looking toned. Would you think that's true? I really have no weight to get off first so it makes me think I'll look weird. But the same thing, my mother is overweight and that's very interesting to say you can burn 25% more calories by weight lifting than by cardio. I would think I should tell her that, but is it really not just going to turn her fat into muscle just making her harder but not much thinner? Am I wrong? I suppose it could be good for me since doing cardio would make me lose weight, getting rid of the butt and boobs I do have.

      Delete
  31. Educated! That is what just happened here. Questions that I have tried, tried and TRIED to get answers to was satisfied here tonight. I wish every woman could absorb the understanding that was giving in this blogg. Thank you Andrew!

    ReplyDelete
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  34. hi,
    The facts were really interesting...it just opened my eyes....i am conscious about my health..but i love to eat my favorite food..no compromise in that........
    i realize that it is not a good habit,so i try to control myself............
    c u ltr

    ReplyDelete
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  36. Is this no longer attractive?

    http://blogs.ubc.ca/chrisannekouzas/files/2010/11/urbino.jpg
    http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/collections/reclining-nude/big/Johann_Heinrich_Fussli_(Henry_Fuseli)_1799_1800_XX_Naked_Woman_and_Woman_Playing_the_Piano.jpg

    They were once considered ideals of female beauty, but they don't look like Victoria's Secret models.

    ReplyDelete
  37. At this time it appears like Wordpress is the best blogging platform out there right now.
    (from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?


    my weblog ... nick cruise

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'd love an opinion on this picture:
    http://media-cache-ec3.pinterest.com/originals/8e/29/47/8e294710f65e7806d755a3d285054272.jpg

    I love her abs and waist in the second photo, but I showed it to a guy and he said her upper body (particularly collarbones) was too skinny. I still think it's an improvement though.
    I'd be interested in hearing you rate her 1-10 on both photos :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Women's waists come in to styles short and long.
    Long is what gives the hourglass shape.

    Short is just short and no matter how thin women become the waist is not as defined. Short waist women tend to have their height be in their legs not the torso and these women tend to be better at sports

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A SMALL waist is what gives an hourglass shape. Plenty of women have long waists/torsos and have athletic/straight bodies with small hips.
      Length of the waist doesn't matter.

      Delete
    2. It's not difficult to cheat an hourglass. I'm a pear shape with a bigger bum than chest and with a small waist in comparison to my hips - measurements: 36, 27, 41. I wear the right outfit, and I can pull it off, especially wearing a wonderbra.

      Delete
  40. Hi.. I just found your blog today and will be exploring it more. I'm what could be considered a large woman but I've taken back my life. With the help of my doctor I've started losing weight and feel great. For the first time in my life I feel sexy and I have to say even though I'm still large I'm catching attention because of my confidence level. I have to agree about the gym. I highly recommend working with a personal trainer to get an all body experience. Cardio only goes so far and really it is just for weight loss but you won't lose the arms, stomach, thighs, etc simply by doing cardio. Traditional exercises as well as weight training are really important not only for weightloss but also for overall well being. Also helps to eat right and eat often. Too many woman cut back on meals thinking they are doing themselves a favor but in actuality they are sabotaging their diets. Diets shouldn't be a chore it should be a way of life that is easily maintained. I used to count calories but I know what I can eat now without effort because my body no longer craves the junk. So between September 2012 and now (March 2013) I've lost 50 lbs simply by eating right and exercise. I'm happy and healthy. I feel more confident in myself in years. I feel sexy for the first time in 15 years and starting to date (which is what brought me here cause men are confusing me).

    ReplyDelete
  41. If you could just date a black guy and not worry about having to lose any weight.

    ReplyDelete
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  44. Calories in does not equal calories out.... Very common misconception. The body has different methods of metabolizing different substances; sucrose is broken down in a different pathway than glucose is, and different substances have differing effects on your insulin/insulin resistance level. Eating 1000 calories of sugar will make you muuuuuch fatter than eating 1000 calories of rice. The law of thermodynamics doesn't apply to food consumption in the way it is often assumed; if you don't believe me, then look up one of the innumerable places refuting this.

    Here's one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-lustig-md/sugar-toxic_b_2759564.html

    ReplyDelete
  45. Hello

    Breast shape and size would occupy 50% of the scale for me !

    ReplyDelete
  46. I appreciate the point of the post, but did the author really use the phrase "imperfect hair" in the same sentence complimenting black women.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Andrew did describe black women's hair as "imperfect", which I find highly offensive.

      Delete
  47. Women with extra weight is actually a good thing. It is the sign of fertility, femininity, balance and overall womanhood. Subconsciously, the male mind (whether you know it or not)is balancing out factors about the woman's body and visa-versa. Long hair, for example, says to the male mind: "She is healthy!" by the aspect that if your body is sick the nutrients go straight to whatever your body is fighting off and blocks some of the nutrients for the less important parts of the body...Keratin for fingernails and hair is the first to be blocked, therefore longer hair is a subconscious "turn on". Large and thick hips/thighs tell the male mind "She is healthy and fertile." It is common knowledge that a woman bulks up in the waist, butt and thighs during pregnancy but before pregnancy, a woman with wide hips is a sign of good health and womanhood. The likelihood of a misconception or infertility rises when the woman is small in said areas. Women who have extremely small waists also have a risk of organ damage during pregnancy because of the baby's placement inside the womb. The lack of body fat to protect the growing fetus is also problematic issue. The skewed perception of women must be below a size 14 to be considered "beautiful" or the "Ideal woman" is far-fetched. I have discussed this with a few of my collogues and friends and have found that the type of women men lust after has nothing to do with size, shape, etc. What I have found, is that there is one key factor in attraction...confidence. If the woman is happy with herself, why in the hell should that mar us from liking said woman because she is heavier? The mixed factors in this website is laughable in the least! First of all, why was Nikki Manaj even an option here? She has had multiple surgeries/injections to widen her butt, thighs and part of her waistline. Now, answer me this. Why would Nikki want to do this if it is so "Unattractive" toward people? What would a Star, a person built on popularity, do that if it wasn't seemingly the "in-style" or "sexy". Second of all, Victoria's Secret models are Photo-shopped and made to look the way they do. If you haven't noticed, real women have little to nothing in common with the Victoria's Secret models. Maybe at a distance, not even. ALL women have something attractive about them, it's when they know it and feel confidence in those aspects do they truly become attractive. You may look like a drop-dead bombshell, but if you don't believe it you're just another girl. Weight on a woman is a very good thing...more than most realize.

    R.B.

    ReplyDelete
  48. i understand and agree with mosy of the things you say, but wearing hells every day is very, very tiresome.

    still, nice blog :) it gives good tips, and it's not sexist:)

    btw, do men only care about a women's looks?

    ReplyDelete
  49. You may want to reconsider the % for clothing. Clothes can dramatically change how much it looks like you weigh and what shape you have. Just for one the tiniest part of your waist, put a belt around it, or draw attention to it somehow, you now look as thin as you're going to, you've created and hour glass shape for yourself. And fortunately for us any waistline is more than in these days. Right under your breasts, closer to your belly button, even your hips. Some bodies can pull all of these off but if you're trying to create the illusion that you're thinner than you are, try to accentuate the smallest part of your body and then draw attention to at least one other great feature. The shape of your pants and jackets can make an apple or a pear shaped woman look much more balanced. All you have to do is watch one episode of what not to wear, or any makeover to see that the right clothes (fit, cut, color) can make a persons body appear dramatically different. And I think because of that clothes should get bumped up because even if guys don't think they matter that much, I would say they matter more than they know and it's something girls should give more attention to than the 1 or 2 % in the chart.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I understand and agree with most of what you have written. However the "imperfect hair" comment being associated with black women is a very antiquated, dating back to slavery,and inaccurate description. Black hair comes in all different textures because there are all different types of black people contrary to what Western ideals want individuals to believe. It is incredible and yes I'm being sarcastic how people like to group black women into these categories and subsequently degrade them or commodity them. Last time I checked, imperfect hair is unhealthy hair which all individuals regardless of race are capable of having.

    ReplyDelete
  51. The media says I'm technically fat. Well I'm not a fucking size zero, but who fucking cares? I don't think I'm fat. I feel fat sometimes but then I snap out of tit. SCARY SKINNY IS GROSS. What guy honestly wants to have sex with a skeleton?????

    ReplyDelete
  52. Out of it**** ^ my apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  53. This article should be called "what a-holes think of your weight " good men, real men are not like this. Ummmm forget you guys. This whole thread and article is shameful. I am not the skinniest woman by any means, I recently decided to pick up working out as a hobby. And have lost around 40lbs but before I lost any weight, I still had plenty of men interested on me. For reference, I was a size 24 at my heaviest and I am 5'4.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you actually read the entire post?

      Before you criticise and make assumption about this article note some clear statements made on this post.

      "
      3. Men don't need Victoria's Secret models.

      4. Your complex about being overweight is more unattractive than being overweight."

      So, no you don't have to be skinny to attract men. Still he encourages you to be fit & healthy as it improves your chances. The keyword here is "improves". If you were able to attract men at your heaviest, imagine how many more men you'll be able to attract when you are even fitter.

      Delete
    2. Be honest with yourself..you started working out as a hobby? Not to lose weight? A man is not real or good if he is not attracted to an obese woman?

      Delete
  54. "Imperfect hair???!"

    I find this comment very racist. Please explain your views.
    Women have different hair types, what makes African oriented women have "imperfect" hair?
    This is shameful. Your whole blog is trying to tell women to conform into an uncomfortable image just to fit in your ideas of a woman.
    I hope nobody uses this guide, it will wreck your life and make you feel fake.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I dont know about other men, but i got a rule of thumb regarding a woman's weight / shape.

    NO-Go if she looks too heavy for me to be able to lift and carry her full weight for a few minutes (this is a matter of personal pride, as in not a gym guy but reasonably fit)

    NO-Go if her body shape isn't undoubtedly female from some distance- proportions taken into account plus some leeway.

    NO-Go if there are extensive and inconspicuous signs of health risk -likely to scar me mentally- skin chafing, "folds", excessive panting, extreme stretch marks/cellulite etc.

    call me Mr vain all you like. i dont want a mini van. or any van for that matter.

    ReplyDelete
  56. My body shape is very similar to Nicki Minaj and I attract plenty of men. To be honest, if a man has a problem with my body there are a 100 men who love it. Confidence and being comfortable with your own skin goes a long way. I know women who are thin, tone and very insecure and panic when they gain a couple of pounds and only talk about that.I also dated a personal trainer who told me he found muscles on a woman disgusting and LOVED my big ass.

    ReplyDelete
  57. love the blog but the calories in calories out thing is wrong and the exercising to lose weight idea is wrong too.....watch this vid if you are interested in finding out why.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z5X0i92OZQ

    ReplyDelete
  58. Sincere, straight forward question for the men. I am a bigger girl. Pretty face. Smart, funny, confidant. I dated a thinner man for about a year and a half. I suspect that one of the main reasons he broke up with me because he wanted someone in shape. He is way too sweet to mention my weight as a reason. In the past when I was thin, I too dated men and left them for someone I found more attractive physically. So I get it. I have changed my lifestyle because it was time to do it, and am losing tons of weight. Now I wonder if he will want me back. I don't care how shallow it sounds. Guys? Don't hold back...should I get in touch with him and talk to him about it? I still like him, what are my chances.

    ReplyDelete
  59. This is one of the saddest blogs/comments I've ever read on the internet. Why chase male opinions all over the internet to be told what some find good/bad/ugly? Surely no one is capable of pleasing everyone's taste. There is very little anyone can do to change the way they look, beyond temporary measures with makeup. The most valuable relationship you'll ever have in this life is with yourself. So please yourself. Find out what *you* like. Develop and nurture your mind, body and spirit accordingly. And then attraction will develop spontaneously with a mate who has similar tastes and goals.

    Who in their right mind would want to waste the precious moments of their life with the kind of men who rate women like cattle? Would you want such a man to be the father of your daughters? Yes, there is a cruel industry of entertainment and lifestyle products that makes billions telling you that you're not attractive or young enough, and there are plenty of men who are happy to use those same techniques to mentally dominate insecure women - but you don't have to play that game.

    There are also plenty of men and women with healthy minds and spirits who have turned there back on these unreal cultural expectations and in turn they are capable of making real connections with other human beings based on mutual respect. You don't have to see other people as, or be seen by others as meat.

    Healthy relationships with the opposite sex are a wonderful addition to a full life - but making another person's wishes and standards the center of your life is not healthy. You should matter more to yourself, (i.e. your health, your happiness, your safety) than anyone else's passing opinion of your physical appearance.

    Obsequiously simpering for approval is like waving a red flag around that screams insecurity. Healthy men and women may feel sorry for you, but they won't want to be lovers and friends with such people. Opportunistic male abusers and female frenemies will pick you out from above and tear what's left of you to shreds.

    Commodifying yourself is a way of tricking yourself into never having to face the larger questions that your existence begs and it saves you from the excruciating work it takes to build and maintain morality and character. But it is a trick. Relationships formed on shallow foundations will crumble and fall apart when physical beauty fades. Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a terrifying thing for those who have no inner strength, morality or character.

    There is so little you can do to change your physical appearance - but your mind, and soul are yours alone to grow and develop in any way that pleases you and the changes you make will never fade or erode.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Keep in mind that girls who are bulimic and anorexic aren't proud of this behavior. Sure, they may have an unhealthy mind, but there can be reasons for that. For example, I have a great personality. I really do. But I've struggled with bulimia and anorexia because I was abused as a child. If a guy is not understanding of my issues with my body, I wouldn't want him. Of course, I want to be mentally strong, but I think it would be really sad if guys ran away from me as soon as they found this out.

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