The Problem with Denim and Leather

Several years ago, I got into a discussion about women's clothes with my girlfriend at the time and her friend. The friend mentioned that she had "kind of started to hate polo shirts on girls." I was a bit surprised, so I asked what was motivating her hatred. She replied that they were "just too masculine."

I found that interesting. I'd never even noticed polo shirts as being particularly attractive or unattractive, let alone masculine or feminine; but I could see where she was coming from. After all, some clothes (dresses for example) are more feminine, so it made sense that other types could be more masculine. From that point on, I started paying more attention to how sex-appropriate various types of clothes seemed.

Years later I started reading a website called Masculine Style, which does a great job of teaching men how to dress well. The author explains that the history and evolution of certain clothes is what makes them have the visual effect that they do, making them work (or not) for different men in different situations.

He explains, for example, that heavier knit sweaters are far more rugged and masculine-looking than a thin cashmere cardigan because they were designed for and traditionally used by dock workers and fishermen. Similarly, boat shoes were designed with soles that were soft enough to prevent scratching the decks of yachts, and therefore still hint at wealth and luxury in spite of their casualness. Sturdier materials like denim and leather have histories rooted in farming and manual labor, and so they carry connotations of their industrial origins – which brings me to my point…

For a couple years now, I've realized that I don't like when girls wear denim or leather. If the girl is good-looking, I will still be somewhat sexually attracted to her, but both the magnitude and type of attraction is significantly different than it would be if the same girl were dressed in lighter, softer materials. And following the train of thought that was inspired by my ex-girlfriend's friend and what I read on Masculine Style, I've started to wonder if my distaste is due to denim and leather being inherently unfeminine materials.

I mean think about it: denim and leather are rough, sturdy materials made to withstand the abuse of hard labor. They were made to protect rugged men doing rugged work. In the same way that we project onto guys who wear heavy-knit sweaters the masculinity of dock workers, it makes sense that we project onto women the connotations of wearing laborer's clothes – whether we do so consciously or unconsciously. And doing so casts a shadow over a woman's femininity. Asking a woman to look attractive in a biker jacket is kind of like asking a man to look attractive in lace.

Now, I realize that anytime you say (or even suggest) that something might be "objectively" masculine or feminine, people get defensive. If there is a scale along which masculinity or femininity can be quantified, people invariably start worrying about where along it they'll be placed. They are afraid of being judged.* But I am going to assume that my readers have learned to be comfortable with themselves, and throw the idea out there anyway – not so much because I am completely convinced by it as to field your opinions. So here is the concept:

Denim and leather (and perhaps other materials besides) are objectively masculine, at least to the same extent that materials like satin or lace are feminine. The current popularity of leather and denim in female fashion is a trend, piggybacked on the popularity of feminism, and it does not reflect the objective attractiveness of the materials themselves. While women can often look attractive in denim or leather, they do so in spite of the materials, not because of them.

Nope. Really.

I've been testing the idea recently by mentally separating the factors of my attraction each time I see a hot girl wearing one of these materials. Certainly when I think about a woman wearing any piece of clothing in either denim or leather, I can always imagine her being sexier in something less rugged. I've never liked jean or leather skirts on girls; and although it is much harder to look objectively at jean pants (because they are so entrenched in current fashion), I find normal cotton way more attractive.

When I suggest to my male friends that leather and denim are unattractive on women – which I've done several times – I rarely get an enthusiastic chorus of agreement. I get, "Yeah I guess I can sort of see what you mean" or "No, man, I love a girl in a jean skirt." But I am pretty sure that these statements ultimately boil down to "I am not observant enough to figure out what turns me on about a woman's wardrobe" and "I love a girl in a skirt."

Again, this isn't a statement about what women should or shouldn't wear (they're your clothes, do whatever the you want), it is merely a statement intended to spark thought about whether your choice of clothes is an authentic expression of your personal taste or the voice of popular culture.

Oh and just for the record, I am OK with polo shirts on girls.

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*In this sense, modern Western culture (at least when it comes to gender) is like a school system without testing. Everyone is just kind of learning at their own rate without an objective measurement of anyone's performance. You can imagine how outraged people in such a system would be the first time you were to suggest that there will periodically be these things called “exams” by which students' comprehension will be evaluated. There would be huge resistance. But testing in schools isn't the end of the world. Yeah, there is pressure to perform to a certain level, and the students that do poorly have to acknowledge the fact that they aren't as “smart” as the other students. But it introduces a degree of accountability that cannot otherwise be motivated, and the school system is better off for it.


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2. Don't Wear Sneakers
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5. Be Careful About Wearing Large-Shouldered Tops
6. Where Is Feminism Taking Us?

Why Men Like Draped Necklaces

I've been noticing lately that I really like it when women wear long necklaces. I recently stopped to think about why, and I realized that long necklaces break over the crest of a woman's breasts and hang in mid-air below them, thereby subconsciously drawing a man's attention to them. If you have reasonably sized breasts (B-cup and above), this is a good thing; use it to your advantage. I would rank the effect of this right up there with the attractiveness boost you get from large earrings.

If you have smaller breasts, a necklace like this can still look good, just not for the same reasons. It might instead pull together an outfit or add ornament to a plain top. I'd err on the smaller side, but I wouldn't categorically avoid them for fear of drawing attention to the fact that your breasts aren't your best asset.

A couple other things I noticed: a necklace is definitely too long if it hangs below your belly button, and it is too fat (relative to the length) if it's thickness prevents it from draping gracefully over your breasts.

OK now I am going to stop with the fashion advice before readers start questioning my sexuality...


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Ten Ways to Improve Your Skin

The effects of UV radiation (sunlight). See item #1 for an explanation.

I am at the age where my skin is starting to showing initial signs of aging. So in the last year or so, I've done some research on skin care. The lessons I've learned apply just as much to women as they do to men, so I want to share them here. Some of these points will be obvious to some readers, but they will be news to others - as they were to me. Full, vibrant, healthy skin is the primary sign of a your youth, and your youth plays a big role in your physical attractiveness. Whether consciously or subconsciously, men notice your skin; so take care of it.

1. Wear a daily moisturizer with sunblock. Wearing sunblock daily should be something you do as regularly as brushing your teeth. Get into the habit of realizing that when you walk out into the daylight without protection, your skin is being abused and bombarded with UV radiation - even when it is cloudy (clouds don't block UVA light).

If it is difficult to recognize the severity of this effect, take a look at the picture here of William McElligott, a 66-year-old truck driver, who didn't wear sunblock. He spent 28 years on the job. While driving, half of his face was shaded from the sun by the cab of his truck, which reduced the effects of UV radiation. The effect is obvious. Imagine your face looking like his (but on both sides) every time you go outside, and you will probably find yourself motivated to start wearing daily moisturizer with sunblock.

SPF 15 should be enough for most people (use a higher SPF is you spend more time outside than average). Note that it is also worth getting a daily moisturizer that has anti-oxidants such as green tea and cucumber extracts, vitamins C and E.

(I shouldn't need to mention that tanning beds are the devil. By tanning, you are seeking out the skin abuse described above and merely trading a nice but temporary skin tone now for premature aging later in life - and possibly cancer.)

2. Use Retinol, which is a form of Vitamin A. It essentially tells your skin to act and look younger. It is the drugstore version of the FDA-approved anti-wrinkle compounds often prescribed for aging skin and wrinkle treatment (retinoids). Make sure retinol is an ingredient in the anti-ageing or tone-correcting serums you use. Neutrogena makes a great fragrance-free and oil-free option: Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Night Cream. (Don't worry if your skin feels dry or a tad flaky for the first few weeks of use - it will wear off.) You can find more information about Retinol here.

3. Wear facial moisturizer while you sleep. This will lock in moisture, which will be used to repair your skin while you sleep. There are special types for night use, but the general rule of thumb is that you should use a thicker cream if you have drier skin, while those with oily or acne-prone skin should use a lotion or gel. Try CeraVe PM or Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel.

4. Wash your pillowcases frequently, at least every time you do a load of laundry. Your pillow case accumulates dirt from your hair, face, hands, and even from the air (dust). This is all transferred straight to your face every time you lay your head down at night. Get two sets of pillowcases and get in the habit of putting the fresh ones on every time you take a load out of the dryer

5. Pad your face dry after you shower or, even better, let it air-dry. Don't scrub your face dry with the towel the way you dry the rest of your body, as this will irritate the newly washed skin and push bacteria into your pores.

6. Use lukewarm water to wash your face, even in the shower. When water is too hot or too cold it shocks your skin and can cause capillaries to rupture. This brings with it discoloration, which is unattractive.

7. Choose your soap/cleanser carefully. Soaps dissolve dirt, but in the process remove the oils that your skin produces to protect itself. The ingredients that hold most bar soaps together also clog your pores, and the added fragrances can be irritating. Many people are still accustomed to using bar soaps, and remain victim to the heavy marketing of their favorite soap's scent (they can't feel clean without it). Don't follow their lead. Choose a fragrance-free and sulfate-free cleanser, such as CeraVe or Cetaphil foaming face wash - particularly for use on your face. These will clean without the loss of oils and irritation.

8. Exfoliate with caution. While exfoliating scrubs are praised (and heavily marketed) as giving a deep clean, your skin doesn't need a deep clean every day. When you use exfoliating scrubs, you are using abrasion to remove impurities and dead skin; but in the meantime, the abrasive particles cause damage to the healthy skin underneath. You are effectively putting thousands of tiny scratches on your face - removing the bad stuff, but also creating potential sites for infection. Pay particular attention to #5 and #4 when you are exfoliating, and moisturize immediately afterwards  Note that scrubs with polyurethane beads, (round, plastic, smooth ones) will not tear skin and are fine for use as an exfoliant. There are also chemical exfoliants available that have anti-aging properties.

9. Wash your towels frequently. Just like your pillowcase, your towel accumulates dirt. When you touch it to your face, especially right after washing it, you are infecting your open pores with bacteria.

10. Moisturize immediately after washing your face or showering. You know that "dry" feeling you get after standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes after showering, especially in the winter when the weather is cold and dry? That is the feeling of the immediate evaporation of moisture due to the lack of oils in your skin. Shorter showers with lukewarm water will prevent this, but you should also apply moisturizer immediately to your still-damp skin after getting out of the shower. This will lock in the moisture.

Thanks to reader and medical esthetics student Laura Payne for her help in adding some depth to these points for me, as well as the product recommendations. Check out her work here: (Blog) (Twitter) (YouTube)


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The Importance of Taking Fashion Risks

In response to our instinct for self-preservation, we, as humans, cling to what is safe. Even when we recognize the benefits that can be afforded by a departure from our normal course of action, we find ourselves bound to what is familiar. In restaurants we only order foods we grew up eating so that we don't have an unpleasant meal or have indigestion - even though we might be missing out on the most incredible, exotic foods. We practice the accepted politics in our state because it feels good to agree with everyone, even if our mind and experiences tell us that the truth is otherwise. We stay on the marked trails when we hike up a mountain so that we don't tread on loose rocks and sprain our ankles, even though there is a stunning view to be found just behind the rock outcropping in the distance.

To a certain extent, this inclination is a good thing. By following established paths in life we avoid making serious mistakes, and circumvent discomfort or personal harm. However, the instinct is an excessive one; it affects us more than we actually need in order to stay safe. The instinct for self-preservation essentially tells us to avoid doing anything dramatic, because it recognizes that dramatic action can lead to personal endangerment - whether it be physical, financial, social, moral, intellectual or otherwise. But dramatic action is also necessary for greatness, it is a prerequisite for unique success. Unless we stray from the normal path, we wallow in mediocrity.

So the instinct for avoiding dramatic action, although it is self-preserving, also happens to be self-limiting. Although I might have job security at my family business running the local shoe store, I won't be able to pursue the chance of becoming a world-renowned architect unless I break away from what is safe. A woman might know for a fact that her current, mediocre boyfriend will marry her and provide for her if she stays with him, but only by taking a risk and breaking up with him does she enable herself to meet someone she feels a real connection with. Even though a man might face embarrassment and rejection by approaching a beautiful woman, he won't ever meet someone so attractive if he doesn't risk being turned down.

We've all read or heard the famous quotes about the importance of risk-taking, and we all understand that it is important factor in personal success. But we normally limit our consideration of this phenomenon to ostensibly "big" things, like moving to a new country, taking on a huge and uncertain project, or speaking in front of hundreds of people. It isn't the kind of thing you usually think of in relation to something as simple as fashion or style, but it applies just as much - if not more so, in the sense that your personal style is something that you have to make decisions about on a daily basis, and constantly communicates all kinds of things about yourself to others.

Over the holidays, my little brother asked me if he could borrow a pair of pants to wear out, since his were all in the laundry. I suggested he could wear a pair of gray chinos I'd just bought, since they worked well with the shirt he wanted to wear.

He balked.

"Gray chinos?" he asked. "That's weird, I've never worn something like that before..."

I knew exactly what was going through his head. I'd been there a hundred times before, especially five or six years ago when I first decided to learn how to dress better. I knew how to convince him, but I also knew I needed to start with the facts, with the practical reasoning.

"I know you haven't," I told him, "but they'd fit you perfectly and they will go well with the other stuff you're wearing. See? The gray is warm, just like the colors in your shirt, and you can wear these shoes with them too; it'd look sharp."

It really was a perfect look for him. Granted, it was a departure from the jeans and t-shirt he normally wore at college parties. It was a little more formal and more mature looking, but I knew it would look great on him. Unsurprisingly, he was still hesitant, so I cut to the heart of the matter:

"Trust me on this one. You are going to feel weird as shit for the first couple hours, but eventually that will wear off. An hour after we get to the bar, you won't even remember that you are wearing them. Then tomorrow you'll see photos on Facebook from the night, and you'll realize that they actually looked damn good on you. Next time you won't think twice about throwing them on - in fact you'll probably look forward to it. You just need to soak in the initial awkwardness until it passes. Until then, you can't judge the way they look on you objectively. In the meantime, take my word for it. I know you respect my dress sense."

I must have been convincing because he took my advice. He looked awesome, as was evidenced by the fact that he got hit on twice that night by older women (this is a lot for a guy, by the way).

Everyone with an once of pride knows the feeling that went through my brother's head. The social risk of wearing something outside your comfort zone can be intimidating. You feel like everyone is noticing your clothes or shoes or hair, but you are uncertain of what they think. You just don't feel "at home" in your own clothes. It's awkward as hell. It's the feeling that kept an old coworker of mine from buying a new pair of jeans, even though the ones he constantly wore were several years old and threadbare. It is the same feeling that kept me wearing sneakers in all casual and even semi-formal circumstances, long past an age at which it was appropriate. It is the feeling that you might experience when trying to change your look from cute to sexy, or when you consider wearing heels in everyday circumstances, or adding lace to your outfits, or dressing up for casual activities.

However it is manifested, what you are feeling in these situations is the inclination towards social self-preservation, towards the avoidance of social catastrophe. The instinct prevents you from fashion faux-pas and wardrobe-related embarrassments, but it also prevents you from learning how to dress and from looking your best. Next time you try to make an improvement to the way you look, make an effort to soak in the awkwardness of what you are attempting before ruling it out.


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Why Large Earrings Are Attractive

A reader, Caroline, recently commented on the post about large earrings, offering an explanation about why they are attractive. I thought it was worth sharing:

"I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that earrings create the illusion that the wearer's features are more concentrated in the lower part of the face, thus making them more attractive. Children have big foreheads with their eyes being about half way down their face. So this appearance equals youth, equals fertility. Supermodels e.g. Nathalia Vodianova, Lily Cole, Miranda Kerr have retained this facial structure into adulthood. 

"Big earrings also contribute to the impression of facial symmetry and draw attention to the cheekbones. Also, as you age, your jawline becomes less defined. I'd say hoops [and other large earrings] draw attention to your jaw, so this is another way they make you look young. I'm just spouting pseudo psychology here but I think to varying degrees there is truth in all these points! I also agree with the comment about them being traditionally 'ghetto' and the appeal of the slutty edge they give an otherwise nice girl."

This seems on-point. Thanks for the comment Caroline. If anyone else has seen this explanation and remembers where, please post a link in the comments.


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The Most Important Time to Dress Well

In the United States, the most flagrant misconception about dressing well is that it is something you should do only for formal occasions. The popular notion is that you should put in effort when you go out on Friday night, or when you go to a wedding, or when you have a meeting with clients - but not when you run to the store, or get on an airplane, or go to a dive bar.

The fact, however, is that the woman (or man, for that matter) who dresses well is the one that shows up looking good when everyone else is not. A well-dressed woman puts a priority on looking good, regardless of the situation. This doesn't mean that she never dresses comfortably, but it does means that she does so less frequently. More importantly, even when she does dress comfortably, she maintains a sense of style and considers her appearance above her preference to "just throw something on." The most important time to dress well is whenever you are inclined to put in the least amount of effort. It is in these occasions that you stand out from the crowd. So, I challenge you:

For the next three days, whenever you choose your clothes for any occasion, step up the quality and formality of your appearance by one degree relative to what you would normally wear.

If you were going to wear a t-shirt to the grocery store, choose a blouse instead. If you wouldn't normally wear your formal jacket for a trip to the mall, do it this time. If your heels are usually reserved for Friday and Saturday nights, wear them to work. If you don't usually do your hair when you go to a sports bar, put in at least twenty minutes to make it look its best before leaving the house. If you normally wear old and ugly workout clothes when you go to the gym because "it's just working out", get some new ones that work with your complexion.

If you need to, set an extra alarm on your phone for the next three days as a reminder. I've done this myself and I guarantee that you will be surprised by how much better you feel - not to mention look - as you go about your normal activities.

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How to Make Any Outfit Better

Any outfit can be improved by adding lace. Lace makes an outfit look ornate, eye-catching and more feminine. I have yet to meet a man who doesn't find it more attractive. Next time you buy something new, consider getting it with a lace fringe or overlay - or wearing one with it. I think you will be surprised by how much more attention you get because of it. If lace isn't possible, flowered patters are a close second.

(And no she isn't hotter on the left only because she is wearing hoop earrings - though she looks good in both pictures partially due to her heels and hair.)

Here is another example:

I realize there are probably instances when lace is inappropriate or excessive, but the point here is that you are probably not wearing enough of it, especially if you live in a sexually de-polarized country like the United States.

Don't Wear Sneakers

I keep seeing girls wearing Chuck Taylors, or Vans, or even some more modern high-tops, and I always cringe. Sneakers are intended for function, not form; they aren't attractive. Unless they are paired with athletic clothes (i.e. for the gym or running) they look clunky or awkward. The fact that they are "comfortable" or "quirky" or "classics" might be perfectly true, in some cases might be a good reason for wearing them; but don't fool yourself into thinking they make you look good. While it would obviously be unrealistic and probably unhealthy for women to wear high heels every day, there are many more elegant compromises than sneakers.

If you see a woman who you think is more attractive because she is wearing sneakers, ask yourself whether it is because of them or in spite of them. You'd be better off never wearing sneakers than trying to pull them off.

Be Careful About Wearing Large-Shouldered Tops

Tops, dresses or jackets that make your shoulders look larger do two things: they diminish your waist and broaden your shoulders. You should always be cautious about wearing them because broad shoulders are unattractive on a woman. It is true that a small waist is attractive; but in the same way that wearing short hair to compliment your face shape is offset by the side-effect of making you look masculine, attempting to make your waist look thin by wearing tops with wider shoulders does more harm than good when it comes to attracting men.

Large-shouldered tops were popular in the United States in the 1980s because by that time the effects of feminism had trickled into professional environments, and women wanted clothes (specifically, suits) that made them look more commanding, more assertive - more traditionally masculine. Towards that end, I am sure they were successful; but I am equally sure that they did and still do make women much less attractive. And now, partially out of nostalgia for the fashions of a former generation, and partially due to social inertia, contemporary style calls tops with "puffy" or accentuated shoulders acceptable, "fun" or even attractive. Don't be sucked into the lie. The truth is that they are always risky, usually ugly and almost never a good idea.

If you think any of the women on the left look attractive, read the post titled "Because Of" vs. "In Spite Of". (All three are in good shape and their clothes fit well in all places but the shoulders.)

Clothes that slightly accentuate the shoulders might be mildly attractive on a girl that does not have a small waist-to-hip ratio; but in general, large shoulders make you look like a man and should be avoided.

Remember: whether consciously or subconsciously, men notice.

How to Improve Your Hair

Kate Middleton

I am not an expert on women's fashion, let alone something so specific as hair. However, even the simplest observations about style can be difficult to make in the first person. I have the advantage of being in the third person, as well as being male and therefore having a good grasp of what is attractive to men. Here's what I have noticed about women's hair:

1. Time. This is the most common mistake women make when it comes to their hair. The women with bad hair are invariably those who are unwilling to put in the time it takes to make it look good. I use the term "mistake" loosely, because it is obviously a matter of personal preference. More often than not, "I don't have time" actually means "it isn't a priority." But priorities often change once the relative importance of the viable options is made clear. In this sense, a more important post than this one might be the one I wrote about the importance of hair. I am not interested in giving unsubstantiated moral imperatives, so I won't say that a woman should spend a given amount of time on her hair. However, I will say this: if you aren't spending at least 20 minutes a day on your hair, you aren't looking your best. Considering how important hair is to your overall appearance, and how easy it is to control, it makes sense to spend at least that much time on it - assuming you are interested in maximizing your chances with men.

Shakira

2.  Length. Long, full hair exudes vitality. It is beautiful, elegant,  vibrant, sexy. It is the most prominent and recognizable indicator of femininity, and it transfixes the attention of men. I've often wondered if the story of Samson was originally written about a woman, because a woman without her hair is like a woman robbed her of life-force. Yes, there are a few men out there that claim to like short hair. (I am actually skeptical that they are being honest with themselves. I wonder if they once had a crush on a girl that wore it short, and therefore think they like it on all women). But their number is so low that it is statistically negligible and warrants no attention. Keep the length between your shoulders and the middle of your back, and always err on the long side if you are unsure. Short hair on a woman is like a mustache on a man - while in very rare instances some people can look good in spite of it, they never look good because of it. Only use extensions if they blend so well that other girls have to look twice to realize you are wearing them. Otherwise it will just looks cheap and trashy. Grow it out instead.

3. Color. Just like your clothes, your hair color needs to work with your complexion. Your natural hair color is always safe, but not usually as fun as the alternatives - and certainly not as dynamic (see #6). You also have a fair amount of flexibility in this regard, because your hair is one of the features that defines your complexion. Most hair colors can be made to work, but you need to make sure that you change the color of your clothes accordingly, and stay within the limits prescribed by the other elements of your complexion. I've seen some women who clearly don't understand this concept, and the result is unnatural-looking and unattractive. For example, bleaching you hair does not mean that you also need to lighten your eyebrows, since this is liable to wash you out. Likewise, red hair is not likely to work if you have olive skin.

4. Texture & Style. Most women can successfully pull off a couple different hair textures and at least a few different styles. While both will be somewhat limited by your face shape (see #5), you will still have options within those limitations. Most men prefer women when they wear their hair down, but there are some cases when showing off your neck and shoulders (one of the most feminine parts of a woman's body) can outweigh the benefits of wearing your hair down. In any case, I've found that my guy friends all have different taste when it comes to texture and style. Some like frizzy hair, some like straight hair, some like wavy hair. There aren't many guidelines here, except those imposed by your face shape. For example, a hairstlye that flatters your jaw line might be impossible to pull off with straight hair. I will say that, in general, more volume is always a good thing. Full hair is healthy hair, especially if you can maintain the shine after adding volume through curling or some other means.

Minka Kelly

5. Shape. There are all kinds of internet resources for figuring out what hairstyle works best with your face shape and hairline. Use them, but remember the following when you do:

• While the various shapes are broken into categories, some women fall in between two of the categories (in the same way that your complexion might be halfway between a "clear winter" and a "clear autumn"). Realizing this might help you identify your own shape.
• Ignore anything that tells you that a short hairstyle suits you best (see #3). While it may be true that short hair compliments the shape of your face, a hairstyle's suitability to your face is far less important than looking feminine when it comes to attracting men.
• You should consider not only the shape of your face in portrait, but also in profile. Here is a blog post that describes this: http://www.southernbritt.com/facial-profiles-hairstyles/

There is an article here: http://www.thehairstyler.com/features/articles/hairstyles/the-right-hairstyle-for-your-face-shape that makes an effort to illustrate the rights and wrongs of choosing a hairstyle. The website in general is interesting: they are trying to create a program with which you can visualize how you will look with different hair styles. While I think they need a lot of improvement on the visualization tools, the website (and the article in particular) at least helps you understand the underlying concepts. You can figure the specific applications for yourself. The general idea is to use the shape of your hair to give the impression of an oval-shaped head. For example, a woman with a square-shaped head would use her hair to round out the "corners" of her face, while a woman with a triangular face should use her hair to give the impression of added width to the top of her head and de-emphasize the width at the bottom.

7. Cleanliness. Dreadlocks and dirty hair are repulsive. I can't count the number of times my friends and I have seen a girl with dreads and all agreed how much we hated the way it looked. While a negligibly small percentage of guys might mildly attracted to the "look" it creates (hipster, etc.), there is nothing attractive about the hair itself, and I can guarantee you those same guys won't hold it against you if you wash your hair regularly. Your hair is most attractive when it projects an image of health. It does this when it is shiny, and it is shiny when it is clean. Full and healthy hair is an indication that your body is being supplied with the resources it needs to produce such hair (protein, vitamins, etc.), and also that you care about yourself enough to take care of it. Unclean hair implies a poor diet, bad genes, or apathy - none of which is going to attract your future husband. (Note that this does not mean you should necessarily wash your hair every day. In fact, this might do more damage than good in some cases.)

6. Dynamics. One of my favorite things about women is their ability to change their look. By coloring your hair differently or changing its shape and texture, you have dramatic leverage over your appearance. Your boyfriend or husband might like a particular look the most, but seeing the same thing every day is not something that the male mind is programmed to appreciate. If you can figure out a few different ways of doing your hair that he likes, switching among them periodically can offer your man some of the variety that he has given up by being in a committed relationship with you. As with everything else in life, you really only know whether or not something works by trying it out. Without taking risks, you will not improve.


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2. Hair and Makeup Variety
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"

The Importance of Hair

Other than your physical fitness, your hair is the most important controllable aspect of your physical attractiveness. Most women know this. I am not a hair stylist, so others can give you much better advice than I about how to make your hair look its best.

However, it is worth underscoring just how critical good hair is to a woman's appearance. Rather than do this by compounding adjectives or superlatives, I want to recount the moment when I learned this for myself.

I had spent the night at my (now ex-) girlfriend's house and she was getting ready for work in the morning. She went into the bathroom to do whatever it is girls do to get ready. After a while, she came back into the room, looking gorgeous. I distinctly remember being turned on to the point that I  wanted to throw her back into bed. Actually, I maybe may well have; I don't remember now. But what I do remember was the epiphany that accompanied the following exchange:

"Did you do your make-up differently this morning?" I asked.

"My make-up?"

"Yeah, your make-up. It looks hot as shit, but something looks different for some reason. It's a more natural look or something. I really like it."

"I'm not wearing any make-up."

"Wait... what?" I asked, confused. "But you look...  wait, really? So what were you doing in the bathroom all this time?" I was scrutinizing her while saying all of this, and slowly became convinced that she really wasn't wearing any make-up.

"I was doing my hair." She answered. As soon as she said it I could see that it was her hair that was making her look so radiant. She'd washed it, straightened it, brushed it and pinned it half-up.

No one doubts how much makeup can improve your look. Hair matters more: don't underestimate the importance of grooming.


Related Posts
1. How to Improve Your Hair
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"
4. An Interesting Hair Experiment...

Sexy Versus Cute

Taylor Swift

Some girls have expressed their disappointment when I've told them that they look "cute" rather than "sexy" or "hot." I used to respond to their reaction by claiming that it was unwarranted. After all, cute is still attractive. But in the back of my mind I knew that my compliment was mildly backhanded, even though it was never my intention.

To one degree or another, all women want to turn heads and make men's jaws hit the floor; and they know that "cute" doesn't elicit this kind of reaction. But growing up, most girls are not given the freedom to dress or act in a provocative manner, so they don't get to "practice" looking sexy. This is compounded by the fact that most parents have somewhat outdated ideas of modesty, in the midst of a trend towards sexually explicit fashions. Because girls grow up dressing cute, they become comfortable in the types of clothes, hairstyles and makeup that create a cute look. Ultimately this means that your average girl is only just learning how to pull off "sexy" when her desire to do so is strongest (i.e. in her twenties). This lack of experience, coupled with her desire to look hot, can lead to a crippling unwillingness to take the risks that are so necessary to mastering sexiness (or any new look, for that matter).

However, both looks can be achieved by any woman. Just because you are short or have dimples does not mean you cannot be sexy, in the same way that height or sharply shaped eyebrows don't preclude the possibility of looking cute. The main difference is that it takes more risk, confidence and experience to pull off a sexy look. Risk is a matter of your own will, and confidence follows from risk - as does experience.

Let's consider the characteristics of both looks. I've made a list of associations that I have for the two styles:

Sexy:
Confident, serious, poised, seductive, postured, tight (clothes), mature, aloof, gorgeous, sexual, selective, sharp, directed, closed, pretentious, shrewd, desirous, hungry, dark, cat, fox

Cute:
Innocent, light-hearted, wide-eyed, adorable, affectionate, eager, naive, young, youthful, joyful, pretty, animated, open, trusting, candid, colorful, kitten

The "cute" associations are predictably child-like. The "sexy" associations are almost predatory, and certainly they point towards a very confident sexuality. Notice how in both pairs of pictures I've posted, the sexy woman's gaze is piercing - calm, confident and provocative. As I've said before, your style is projected much more by your personality and demeanor than by your clothes. You can probably imagine a sexy woman dressed in cute clothes, or vice-versa (imagine the cute Megan Fox on the right holding herself like and making the same expression as the sexy Megan Fox on the left - it would still be sexy, even without the tight dress and wild hair).  In order to achieve that look, you must adopt the associated personality characteristics. Once the mindset exists, the clothes follow naturally, or at least easily.

Megan Fox

As in most cases, feigning the mindset can help you to obtain it. You need to "fake it 'til you make it." By wearing sexy clothes even when you don't think you can pull them off (taking risks), you will realize that, actually, you can and do pull them off. This is because, in most instances, your insecurities about what you are incapable of wearing are unfounded. Once you try them and see that they work, your confidence will spike, and you can then repeat the process.

I routinely see very concrete things that sexy girls are doing or wearing, but cute girls are not. The cute girls are the same ones who want to look sexy but don't, the same ones that are dismayed by my "cute" compliments. There isn't some kind of natural inability holding them back; it is their state of mind, and then also (following from their mindset) their presentation:

• They aren't showing off their body by wearing tight clothes; they wear flowing clothes that mask their feminine form
• They aren't wearing fashionable clothes (though this isn't always what will make you look best, you also shouldn't usually be trying to emulate your mother's dress sense)
• They aren't wearing high heels regularly
• They aren't standing up straight
• They don't use makeup enough (of course there is such a thing as "too much," but there is also such a thing as "not enough")
• They don't wear matching underwear or lingerie
• etc.

Of course, you will only realize that you can pull off heels, or a tight dress, or a certain hairstyle if you do pull it off. So you need to put thought into what you are attempting. If you are overweight, a tiny cocktail dress probably isn't for you - though I'd actually be liberal about making this decision (tighter = hotter even for girls that are slightly overweight). So don't start buying hooker outfits arbitrarily, assuming that they will make you sexy; make sure it works with your natural look (notice I did not say personality).

If you are honest enough with yourself to admit that you aren't comfortable wearing heels or tight dresses, or certain types of makeup, then you are already ahead of the game (most girls simply make excuses about attracting the wrong kind of attention). You just need to take a step outside yourself for a moment, and acknowledge that there is no real impediment to you pulling off "sexy" any more than there is for the thousands of girls who regularly do so. While you might have a mental block against the idea of you being "sexy," I challenge you to list concrete things that make you different from the women that dress and act that way - and I am not only talking about celebrities like Megan Fox and Taylor Swift. I am talking about normal girls that you see out in nightclubs or bars, at work or in the mall. Chances are you have seen women who are less attractive than you (or fatter or older) doing it successfully. If they can do it, so can you.

One final note: there are very few women that are purely sexy or purely cute. Most are some mix of the two. Megan Fox almost always looks sexy and Taylor Swift almost always looks cute (which is why I used them as examples here). What is powerful about these two women is that they both clearly have the ability to pull off both looks if they want to; what is unfortunate is that neither of them do so very often (at least in the public eye). While being a mix of sexy and cute is better than being only one or the other, the ideal is having the ability to be completely one or the other at will. Since cute is easier to achieve, most women need to focus on building their confidence to look sexy.

Hair And Makeup Variety

This post used to link to a blog in which a girl had posted photos of herself everyday for a few years. The photos illustrated how much her hair and makeup could change her attractiveness. However, the girl asked me to remove the photos, since she decided to remove her project from the internet.

You Can Control How Attractive You Are

I already have a fairly lengthy post making this point, but I am not convinced I made it strongly enough. I want to present it again in another medium, namely, photos.

Example one:

Notice the difference between Scarlett Johansson's attractiveness in the two photos above. The contrast is impressive. On the left, where she is dressed the way many American college girls dress for their morning classes, I'd say she is about 5, and I am probably padding that number just because I know she is a celebrity and can look the way she does on the right, where she is close to a 10. The only uncontrollable element of Scarlett Johansson's attractiveness between the two photos is the lighting, which counts for very little. Same girl, different level of attention paid to her appearance, dramatically different result.

It is true, of course, that Scarlett Johansson has professionals working with her to help her look this good. However, I could not disagree more that cosmetologists make a difference in excess of what any girl can do for herself, assuming she is willing to invest the time and effort to learn how. And I don't think the amount of time or effort required is as large as you might think. Cosmetologists are professionals only because they know how to make any woman attractive. They know the principles and are experts at applying them quickly for a variety of people. But you only need to become an expert on one person - yourself - and this is significantly easier.

Here is another example, less extreme but still telling:

On the left, Jenna Fischer is about a 5, maybe a 5.5. On the right, she is a 7.5. The difference is in her hair, posture, makeup and the color of her clothes. If she wore better clothes still I think she could get up to an 8.5, but she rarely does, judging from the photos I could find online.

Another example:

On the left, Carrie Underwood is a solid 7. On the right, she is a 9.5. In this case, the discrepancy has a lot to do with wearing her best colors getting the right amount of contrast, her hair, eyebrow shape and the hoop earrings. I'd argue that Carrie Underwood has maximized her attractiveness in the right photo. Nakedness, heels and lingerie might bump it up a notch, but otherwise she is playing all the right cards.

Here is a a non-celebrity example:

I don't know who the girl is, but on the left, she is about a 3. On the right, I'd say she is a 5. In this case, most of the change comes from hair length (yes, she is probably wearing extensions, but eventually she could grow it), plucked eyebrows, better clothes and a little makeup. By losing weight, spending more time on her hair and choosing her clothes even more carefully, she has potential to be a 7 maybe even an 8. You wouldn't believe this by looking at the photo on the left, but it is much more obvious once the improvements have been started.

Here is Kate Gosselin:

Left: 2; center: 4; right: 7.5. That is an overall increase of 5.5 points, largely accounted for by hair length, clothes and most importantly, weight loss (apparently a tummy tuck too, but she did have sextuplets... I call it fair). I don't know if she could look much better, but she'd done a damn good job leveraging what she has to work with.

If you want to see more examples, try using the term "makeover before and after" in an image search, or search for pictures of celebrities without makeup. You might argue that all of the women above have pretty faces, so they all have some initial potential to be attractive. There is some truth to this, namely, that they have the potential to be more attractive; but it does not mean that a girl with an asymmetric face, enormous nose or irreparably crooked teeth is doomed to be ugly. I've seen pretty girls that match all of those descriptions. True, a girl like this probably can't become as attractive as Carrie Underwood, or maybe even Kate Gosselin. However, the ability to improve her look is still there; she will just have to focus on the other aspects of feminine beauty to make that improvement, and there are many to choose from. The main reason I didn't put up photos to demonstrate this is that I couldn't find any. Most of the "before-and-after" photos on the internet are of famous people, and most famous people have attractive faces. But consider Lady Gaga or Paris Hilton: neither of them have pretty faces, but both of them (can) look attractive. Also, consider this woman:

Although she actually has a decent facial structure, a lot of people would say that she has an ugly face if they only saw the left photo. But on the right, when the same face is presented well, it is clear that the problem is not facial structure, but rather, presentation. So be careful about assuming you have a bad face. Most likely you do not, and even even if you do, there is still a lot you can do to improve your look.

Anyway, the ultimate point, again, is that no one has to be ugly. By making an effort, you can drastically improve your appearance and attractiveness, and in many instances, girls can transition from "ugly" to attractive. And while you may think you have optimized your own look, it is unlikely that you have. Think carefully about your weight, the color and cut of your clothes, your hair style, grooming, makeup, posture, etc. All of these things can make a huge difference, and can be leveraged to increase you attractiveness.

The Importance of Heels

Heels are the single most powerful item in a woman's wardrobe for improving her attractiveness to men. I routinely recognize this when I go to nightclubs, where almost all of the girls are wearing them. I also notice it at work, where some of the women occasionally wear them, and I find myself suddenly taking a second look (normally I wouldn't look once, as they have about 20 years on me and need to work out). While having a general knowledge of clothing fit and color (for example) matters more, it is not a single item than can be put on or removed with the same simplicity of heels. Heels require no instructions. Most women understand the effectiveness of heels to a degree, but too few realize why and how well they work, and therefore have trouble using them to their full potential.

Some women believe that heels are effective because they make a woman's calves look good, and although this isn't entirely wrong, it falls short of the truth. The majority of women think heels are attractive because they make a women taller. But men are not attracted to women because they are tall. This may make a girl look imposing or powerful, but any student of the most basic aspects of sociology knows that men are not attracted to power (women are attracted to power). Men are attracted to sexual pleasure and fertility, so it should not be surprising that the potency of heels lies in their ability to make a woman look sexual, even if only mildy so.

When a woman wears heels, it points her toes down in a more graceful manner, makes her butt stick out, and pushes out her chest. Most importantly, it arches her back, which emphasizes her feminine curves, and is an unequivocal sign of intense sexual pleasure. Look through the ads in magazines like Cosmopolitan or Maxim if you are skeptical. In many of them (and all of them intending to display sexuality), the women are posed in such a way that they resemble at least one of the postures I've described. All of these are strongly attractive to a man, but they are also very subtle, which makes them all the more effective. Most men have no idea why a women looks better to them in heels; they just feel it in their gut. Ask them. You'll probably get a shrug and something like "because they make you taller?"

For the taller women out there, yes, you are at a slight disadvantage. Despite how much heels improve your posture, I recommend you not wear them very often if they make you more than one inch taller than most of the men you want to attract. Find your other strengths and do what you can to highlight them (for example, height probably means you have long legs, so work them out a lot and make sure you are showing them off).

For all of the other women out there, and especially those of you who are short or the perfect female height, wear them frequently, and be liberal about deciding when they are appropriate. Just like a man that comes dressed well to a casual event, a woman stands out when she wears heels at a dive bar or in the grocery store.

One Way To Improve Your Look

I am working on a couple posts about female appearance, and while doing some online research for them I came across this website:

http://lookbook.nu/

In the creators' own words, Lookbook is "a utility that allows members to document their evolving style & a collective gallery from which 'lookbookers' and non-members can draw daily fashion inspiration." Basically, it is a website where anyone interested in fashion and dressing well can create a profile and post photos of themselves in various outfits. The viewers can rank the images, or "looks," and there are lists of the highest ranked pictures, and in some cases, information about the clothes that are worn in the photos.

The feature of the site that I found most interesting, however, is one that I think could be infinitely useful to any girl trying to define or improve her personal look: the site suggests other users with a look similar to the one you are currently viewing, so that if you find a girl with a style you like, you can follow the suggestions to see more examples of the one that peaked your interest. By viewing many variants of your favorite look, you can more easily identify the elements that create it, and then duplicate them yourself. Whereas without this site you would only get to see instances of a given look rarely and by chance, now you can seek out many of them in a single location.

The other good thing about this site is that it gives you the opportunity to compare the same person in different outfits, and see what works and what doesn't. The observant user can learn some important lessons about fit, color and style just from browsing the galleries.

A word of warning though: a healthy portion of the people that go to the trouble of posting on sites like this are more interested in dressing fashionably than they are concerned with looking good. (No, the two do not always overlap, because female fashion trends are controlled by women and gay men.) Because there is no filter on what gets uploaded, trusting this site blindly is like trusting Wikipedia blindly - it isn't recommended, and you should always get a second opinion. But also like Wikipedia, the open format brings in far more useful information than any closed format ever could, and that enables the site to exist. Anyway, you will see a lot of weird bullshit along with the good stuff. As you browse, just remember that classics become classics for a reason.

Feminine Beauty Is Highly Controllable

Advice abounds for women looking to score a guy, and some sources actually have solid suggestions. But while these sources tell women all kinds of strategies for being approachable or meeting new people, none of them address the most important matter: appearance. A number of the articles I've read have promising titles or sub-titles, but they qualify the initial admonition to "look good" with so many caveats and clarifications that by the end they've essentially told the reader to "be herself" - which is nothing more than a waste of her time.

The topic is avoided because women do not realize how controllable their appearance is. This is understandable, because if female beauty were not controllable, telling a woman she could attract more men if she would just improve her looks would be no more useful than suggesting a paraplegic man "just" learn how to dunk a basketball to impress women. On top of providing no worthwhile advice, it would serve as a painful reminder of her inadequacies. However, the notion that a woman's attractiveness is anything less than highly controllable is patently false.

Time and time again, I see the same thing: the women who aren't getting attention from men fall almost entirely into two categories:

1. Women that are unfit
2. Women that do not present themselves well

Hopefully you noticed something important about this list: it does not include women who have "ugly" faces, or even deformities. Obviously, natural good looks cannot be overlooked, but they are given far more credit than they deserve. It is the height of hyperbole - you might even say a myth - that women are either born attractive or not.

To drive this point home, I spent entirely too much time identifying the various components of feminine beauty and quantifying the importance of each one. The result of this effort is shown in the table below. (By clicking on the table or pie charts you can enlarge them.)

Notes about how I generated the numbers in the table can be found here.

• The 'Importance' percentages simply indicate how much each aspect listed matters to a woman's overall appearance. They collectively add up to 100 %, so they can be literally interpreted as a percentage of overall beauty.
• The 'Controllability' rankings indicate the amount of control a woman has over the various aspects of her appearance. 0 % represents completely uncontrollable aspects of beauty, while 100 % represents those that are completely controllable. Some items in the table are 0 % controllable to most people, but 100 % controllable to others (for example, breast size and facial structure are both alterable in extreme cases by plastic surgery). The controllability ratings for these items are a guess at the average between those extremes, based on the frequency of occurrence. Or, for example, even though a girl can't change her bone structure, 'height' is rated at a nominal 8 % because there is a small amount of controllability with the size of heels a girl chooses to wear.
• The 'Attention Deserved' is an index that is calculated by multiplying the Importance by the Controllability, and dividing the product by the collective sum of these products. This can be reasonably interpreted as the percentage of the total time spent on her appearance a girl should devote to each item in need of attention. So a girl that is overweight would be justified in spending 72 % of her time (that is, the time that she invests in her appearance) only on losing weight; or a girl whose clothes don't usually complement her complexion would be smart to spend 8 % of the time she invests in her appearance on shopping for clothes that work well with her look (or on earning extra money for that specific purpose). Obviously, no one is going to count the minutes or hours. The point, though, is that some things are worth spending more time on than others. Don't waste your time worrying about your eyelashes (1 %) when you are overweight (42 %) - go to the gym.

I've also put the data into a few pie charts. This is what you should care about (Importance Rating):

Components of Feminine Beauty by Importance Rating

This is what you should spend your time on (Attention Deserved):

Components of Feminine Beauty by Attention Deserved

Now, even though I have gone to rigorous ends to elicit these ratings from the recesses of my mind, obviously they are still relative to my personal taste. That being said, while men will all disagree over the minutiae of female beauty, few will disagree with the important aspects. This post should give you a solid idea of what matters to most guys, and how much.

While the numbers speak for themselves, I want to highlight one main point: notice how controllable the most important aspects of female beauty are. To wit:

• 18 % of feminine beauty is more than 100 % controllable. This means that if a girl is not opting to do these things, she is missing out on 1.8 points out of ten due to ignorance or a personal decision. Included in this 18 % are simple things like wearing heels and jewelry or removing excess body hair.
• 63 % of feminine beauty is more than 80 % controllable. This is the driving point behind this "analysis," expressed numerically. If you take nothing else away from this post, remember this. It means that you are in control of your appearance far more than you think. It means that the time and effort you put into your appearance will produce results. Do not worry if your gut tells you otherwise; your gut is informed by beauty pageants and "100 Hottest Women" lists, and a thousand other influences that both reinforce and reflect the notion that beauty is a matter of winning the genetic gene pool - i.e. a matter of 'haves' vs. 'have-nots.' This notion is bullshit. That 63 % of beauty is at least 80 % controllable means that no girl needs to be less than a five on the ten scale (0.80 x 63 % = 5.0). If you present yourself well and get in great shape, you will be above average. And for those of you that are naturally about average, the sky's your limit.
• Only 32 % of feminine beauty is less than 30 % controllable. In other words, there is very little about your appearance that cannot be improved.

One final pie chart to summarize these three points:

Far too many women fail to recognize the leverage they have over their own appearance. This leverage translates directly into control over the ability to attract men.

For photos of women improving their appearance, check out this post.