Other than your physical fitness, your hair is the most important controllable aspect of your physical attractiveness. Most women know this. I am not a hair stylist, so others can give you much better advice than I about how to make your hair look its best.
However, it is worth underscoring just how critical good hair is to a woman's appearance. Rather than do this by compounding adjectives or superlatives, I want to recount the moment when I learned this for myself.
I had spent the night at my (now ex-) girlfriend's house and she was getting ready for work in the morning. She went into the bathroom to do whatever it is girls do to get ready. After a while, she came back into the room, looking gorgeous. I distinctly remember being turned on to the point that I wanted to throw her back into bed. Actually, I maybe may well have; I don't remember now. But what I do remember was the epiphany that accompanied the following exchange:
"Did you do your make-up differently this morning?" I asked.
"My make-up?"
"Yeah, your make-up. It looks hot as shit, but something looks different for some reason. It's a more natural look or something. I really like it."
"I'm not wearing any make-up."
"Wait... what?" I asked, confused. "But you look... wait, really? So what were you doing in the bathroom all this time?" I was scrutinizing her while saying all of this, and slowly became convinced that she really wasn't wearing any make-up.
"I was doing my hair." She answered. As soon as she said it I could see that it was her hair that was making her look so radiant. She'd washed it, straightened it, brushed it and pinned it half-up.
No one doubts how much makeup can improve your look. Hair matters more: don't underestimate the importance of grooming.
Related Posts
1. How to Improve Your Hair
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"
I had spent the night at my (now ex-) girlfriend's house and she was getting ready for work in the morning. She went into the bathroom to do whatever it is girls do to get ready. After a while, she came back into the room, looking gorgeous. I distinctly remember being turned on to the point that I wanted to throw her back into bed. Actually, I maybe may well have; I don't remember now. But what I do remember was the epiphany that accompanied the following exchange:
"Did you do your make-up differently this morning?" I asked.
"My make-up?"
"Yeah, your make-up. It looks hot as shit, but something looks different for some reason. It's a more natural look or something. I really like it."
"I'm not wearing any make-up."
"Wait... what?" I asked, confused. "But you look... wait, really? So what were you doing in the bathroom all this time?" I was scrutinizing her while saying all of this, and slowly became convinced that she really wasn't wearing any make-up.
"I was doing my hair." She answered. As soon as she said it I could see that it was her hair that was making her look so radiant. She'd washed it, straightened it, brushed it and pinned it half-up.
No one doubts how much makeup can improve your look. Hair matters more: don't underestimate the importance of grooming.
Related Posts
1. How to Improve Your Hair
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"
good post! i have very curly afro hair ... any idea what men think of this? i straighten it sometimes and i wonder if straight/wavy is preferred
ReplyDeleteI prefer straight to curly/afro, but that is my personal preference. Other men like frizzy hair best. Do what you think looks best on you, and you should attract men with similar tastes - which is good for a number of reasons.
DeleteDaphne,
DeleteI think it's preference. I know men who absolutely adore and find (naturally) curly hair attractive.
Do you have any advice on hairstyles or do you think men's opinion vary so much here that it is not worth generalizing? A male friend of mine told me curly hair is cute, but only straight hair is sexy.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I've come to conclude is that to men; hair down > up.
I have naturally quite full hair but I don't know if the 'natural' look ('bed head') is preferable over a done hairdo.
I doubt that your natural look is better than your "done" look. In fact, even without seeing it, I can almost guarantee that you look best after doing your hair. You are right that most of the time men prefer hair up than down. Advice is coming in a new post soon.
DeleteDown or up?
Deletehahaha be patient. It's coming later this week.
Delete(Down of course)
i've always read that men prefer hair down.
DeleteI think it's important to know the effect of hair, as you point out. I have quite long hair which is naturally full and naturally blond. I swear, for the past 4 years I've been wearing it in a knot on the top of my head or in a ponytail (that is also related to trend). It wasn't until recently I started thinking about the effect it may have and that my hair is probably one of my best features.
DeleteThing is, with the length and thickness mine has, straightening it and styling it takes at least 2 hours. I am happy to spend time and money to take care of myself, but I simply to not have that time in the morning. Every woman needs to get a cut that works, find products and a routine which makes the hair look good with not so much effort. If you try to take 2-3 hours every day to do your hair, you WILL have to give up and end up going like a mess. There has to be a middle ground where you find a routine which takes, say 40 minutes after wash and makes you look good. I also think that everyday styling is the most important. I assume everybody spend a couple of hours before they go partying anyway, it's how men see you at school/work which often has to change.
"I also think that everyday styling is the most important. I assume everybody spend a couple of hours before they go partying anyway, it's how men see you at school/work which often has to change."
DeleteGood point.
I've been told by most men that half up is best, pulls hair away from your face and neck (especially important if you have a good jaw line) but leaves some in the back for length
DeleteThat has always been my personal favorite, but I've always assumed other men have different tastes in this regard. But for me, that hair style is a huge turn on - it is feminine, sexy and elegant all at the same time.
DeleteGreat picture of Minka and yes - hair does matter a lot. I love having longer hair and I'm in the process of growing mine out again. Can't wait until it's longer.
ReplyDeleteHaving long hair really does make an unbelievable difference.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little my parents always cut my hair. I looked just like my brother. My father used to encourage me to have short hair. He used to say: "You look so much better with your hair short!" So I always wanted to have short hair. Then I finally realised that girls tend to have longer hair. At the age of 17 or 18 I finally had long hair. For the first time in my life... yes, I really took that long. That was also the first time I had a boyfriend. Coincidence?
All that time my father would say: "Your hair is so long! Just cut it already!" When my boyfriend and I broke up I did just that. I cut my hair really short (an inch). My father was ecstatic! I went to university and I just couldn't understand why guys just wanted to be friends. I wasn't being asked out. I was and still am tall, slim and fit and with a sunny personality. What was wrong with me? The question I couldn't find an answer to.
Femininity and what it means to be a woman isn't something they teach in schools. It is supposed to be learned from the women around you (mothers, grandmothers, aunts...). And the women around me just weren't/aren't all that feminine. (My mother remarried and is now, at age 52, growing her hair long!) Don't get me wrong, I know having long hair doesn't make you feminine on it's own, for me it's just a (very small) part of it.
Fast forward 5 years... I again decided to have long hair. I knew it was going to take a few years to get it to the length I wanted it to be and at the same time keep it healthy and shiny. Oh boy was it worth it!
Now it looks like the woman's on the photo posted, just 3" shorter. It's even the same colour! The point is - I get noticed by men wherever I go. I don't want to sound full of myself, but they notice me even when I'm on the sidewalk and they're in the car driving by. They would stare at me and some would honk. Sometimes random men say "hello" to me and smile while I'm out shopping or just taking a walk. I realised that all that attention must be because of the hair. I know it's not because of the way I dress. I'm quite conservative in the way I dress (I don't show skin, I almost never wear heels and my makeup is minimal). Hair is the most noticeable difference between a man and a woman if you look at a person from a distance. Next is probably body shape.
As for me, long hair makes me feel beautiful, more feminine and soft.
I swore to myself - I WILL NEVER HAVE SHORT HAIR AGAIN!
agree with above poster- great pic of minka. and this is what weaves/extensions are for!!
ReplyDeleteargh. i'm aware of the necessity to have long hair. it's just that mine takes a long while to grow. I'm thinking of eventually succumbing to getting weaves. :/
ReplyDeleteMinka Kelly is unbelievably gorgeous, great picture choice.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your point. I don't think enough women take advantage of how much long, lustrous hair can improve their appearance. I know I didn't until recently! At this point I'm committed to growing out my hair and preserving as much length as I can. And possibly to my detriment, I stubbornly refuse to use extensions to achieve the look of long hair in the meantime.
I too have afro/kinky hair and I've decided I'm going to chemically relax it once it grows long long enough. By all indications, straight or at least "wavy" hair is more objectively attractive than kinky/curly hair and I don't see the point of putting ideology before practicality for the sake of continuing to wear my hair "natural" textured. Over it.
I had long hair all while I was a teen and I didn't really know how to care for it. I wasn't all that attractive either. I started improving my appearance later on, but I cut my hair shorter and shorter...
ReplyDeleteI have very thin, fine, wavy hair which gets yucky, curly, and weighed down when it is long. I feel much more beautiful now that it is short and it seems to frame my face better too....
I wonder what girls with this hair type should do?
Before:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/822/16558182785017312454373.jpg/
After:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/59/19644910100389656018023.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/217/29274968754635793124543.jpg/
Now tell me the "after" isn't ten times better.....
I absolutely believe that the "after" is worse, but I can see why you are confused - there are a number of other, non-hair factors that make the girl's overall appearance worse in the "before" picture: her posture is worse, she is not smiling, she is wearing a hat and her hair is unkempt.
DeleteIf you held those factors constant, I am sure that you would see that she was hotter with long hair.
Hi, I have a dilemma and am hoping you can clarify my options.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I would love to grow my hair out and take care of it...I can't--because my hair is fine and looks like crap and is weak when it grows out, so I have to keep it short. Not to mention I look worse in profile when it's longer (hard to explain).
I wanna wear wigs. But which is better? short hair or wigs? Because I assume guys would find it weird if a (esp. young) girl wears wigs...='(
It's hard to say whether it is better or worse to wear your hair long or short without seeing pictures to know how the thickness affected the look. If you'd like to e-mail me pictures, I can give you my opinion.
DeleteI am not going to pretend that it doesn't matter, but it isn't a problem any more than tall girls have to deal with always being taller than the guys they date, or any more than some women have a harder time maintaining their weight than others. My advice is to make the best of it (which I realize you are trying to do), and then focus instead on all of the other aspects of your appearance. Get in amazing shape, learn how to dress really well, etc. You'll still be hot.
It's a good rule to live by in general: minimize the effect of the weaknesses you can't change and emphasize your strenghts.
Thank you for your input (and also for creating this blog in the first place =P)
DeleteBut besides having to live with this weakness and minimizing it, you haven't yet confirmed whether wearing wigs every now and then is a bad idea ^^;;
In Africa (at least the parts I've been to), wigs are common. And from a distance, it makes the women slamming hot. But I have also been making out with a girl and reached up to grab her hair, only to find that it was fake. The best word I can use to describe the resulting feeling was "disappointed."
DeleteI would avoid them if you can.
I guess the point I was trying to make in my last response was that, if you maximize all of your other appearance strenghts and minimize your weaknesses, and then improve your personality, it really won't be a big deal if your hair isn't perfect.
kk. great.
DeleteP.S. wigs are also a common fashion accessory in Asian countries like Japan.
I love your crystal clear bluntness, I think it's refreshing and most of your posts confirm my (what seemed) cynical opinions on guys. Can I e-mail you my photos and you tell me if I'm hot!? A lot of people say I am, but it's hard to judge the integrity of people who may benefit from lying.
ReplyDeleteYeah sure, but don't put too much weight on my opinion.
DeleteWell, seeing as how I've always had long hair I don't know how it's changed me...;)
ReplyDeleteWhat's your verdict on weaves?
ReplyDeleteIt's better than short hair but not as good as the real thing.
DeleteI have mid to long length hair, when straightened, but otherwise its super curly and a bit longer than shoulder length. I wear it back in a ponytail most days as it is too poofy to wear down, and straighten it about once a week. In my case, would it be better to just get a weave? Straightening it everyday is not an option as it takes nearly two hours each time.
DeleteI know this blog post is a year old but I had to comment. Long hair and well-groomed hair IS important and women, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI am a single women who is attractive and slim, but I did not get the most attention from men until I started wearing hair extensions. Whether you are black or white or any ethnicity in between, if you are woman whose hair doesn't grow very long or takes long to grow, you are single and trying to attract men, do yourself the favor and just hair extensions. It makes all the difference in the world.
Just make sure that you get them done right, it matches your hair color AND TEXTURE (very important)if part of your own hair is left out, buy the best quality hair you can afford, and keep it maintained.
Indeed. Many researches show that hair makes nearly 80% of the first impression.
ReplyDeleteSigh! Ok as a Caribbean woman I can tell you how hard it is not having gorgeous hair. That's why I started wearing hair extensions. My hair is healthy but it doesn't grow very long which is why I decided to get extensions. Of course I have to straighten my curly frizzy hair so that it matches the extensions. I looked so different when I first got them and everyone liked the way it looked. I've been wearing them ever since. I get a lot more attention when I have longer hair.
ReplyDeleteWhen I go to the beach I go without extensions but I still get notice from guys and I think it's because I'm wearing a two piece, but sometimes I wonder; what if I had worn my extensions today...?
Women wearing wigs and extensions are looked at as frauds but women with breast implants, lip cologne and butt implants seem to get a free pass idk. What are your thoughts?
I had long shiny (if fine) hair most of my life until last year when 80 % suddenly fell out due to alopecia areata. Wigs look nice but I feel so fake. On the other hand I get the WRONG kind of attention from EVERYONE when I go out bald.
ReplyDeleteI don't see a big problem with wigs. In some African countries, they are the norm, and the women there are gorgeous. It's fake, but it beats bald any day and I honestly don't see a big problem with it. I would date a girl who wore wigs.
DeleteYour opinion on wigs and weaves...It's so cute! Are you white? I love your take on them it's so black women friendly. I am a supporter of natural hair, but as a past weave/wig/everything wearer, I think your stance is far more kind and compromising in its approach than that of many vitriolic black men on the web.
DeleteYou are a brilliant gem.
Girl - shut up. lol
DeleteOh and I am a young woman. I have a boyfriend but lately he has lost a bit of interest, although he's still caring and supportive. What should I do?
ReplyDeleteConsidering it's hereditary, it can have an impact, if he was aiming to have children with you. Or it could be your hairloss itself.
DeleteTell him that you feel he has been losing interest, and tell him to think about it and and tell you how he feels, maybe in a day or so. I know, it sounds cheesy, but in this case, its not obvious what it could be.
Long hair please. For the love of all that is holy, please stop cutting your hair short, ladies. Unless you are ungodly hot, in which case you can pull it off, but would probably still look better with long hair.
ReplyDeleteAndrew- My hair is curly and when it's in its natural state, it's only a few inches below my ears, but when I flat iron it straight, it becomes shoulder length, and thus longer. Should I straighten my hair more often for the increased length?
ReplyDeleteJust be careful because irons are very damaging to already dry curly hair (I have it too).
DeleteIt really depends on your face shape. But anyway that is a "band aid" solution. Just grow it longer.
DeleteAndrew- My face shape is slightly oblong/heart shaped. So I have a slightly wider forehead, slightly prominent chin and full, yet high cheekbones. The thing is, my hair is thinning and the balding spot in my hairline is becoming noticeable. I use shampoo and conditioner for thinning hair and I try to part it in a way so it's not as noticeable. My hair grows very slowly and doesn't seem to go past my shoulders even when it's at its longest and curly.
DeleteOn average, how much would you say a man would be bothered by noticeably thinning hair on a woman? Would it bother him as much if he finds the woman's face and figure attractive, or would it be enough to cease his attraction?
There are many online resources for growing your hair long - have a search on google. I have thick afro hair I thought would never be long, but since making a big effort to look after my hair it has doubled in length and is still getting longer :)
DeleteI would also recommend getting professional extensions done, especially if you like straightening your hair.
My hair is half way down my back and really big and full (no extensions). I can attest to it being a feature which makes me seem more attractive. I get complimented on it and the guys I've dated loved touching it. It makes me feel feminine.
ReplyDeletehaha and it looks untamed most of the time (I don't mean knotty but natural) which seems to work in my favour. I deep condition it with coconut oil and it's super shiny.
"I can attest to it being a feature which makes me seem more attractive."
DeleteIt makes you SEEM more attractive? No, it makes you BE more attractive. Don't sell yourself short ;)
Feedback for Andrew:
ReplyDeleteYou are SO RIGHT. This week, I've been waking up half an hour earlier to take the time to style my hair and it has made a MARKED difference. I used to think celebrities and Victoria's Secret models just had magic hair that no one could attain, but those looks are ACTUALLY attainable if you are just willing to invest a little more time to learn how to do it. This is awesome.
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteDo you think if you met a girl while she was wearing a bun, but she was very attractive that you would not be into her because she was wearing a bun when you first met her? Is that a bad hairdo for going out to a bar or club?
Like what about this kind of hair style? Marilyn Monroe also had very short hair but is considered one of the biggest sex symbols the world has every known.
Deletehttp://julianahuxtable.tumblr.com/post/33872646781
http://brianorndorf.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54ee7b64288330167684e28de970b-popup
I wouldn't simply "not be into" a girl because her hair wasn't perfect, but I am almost sure that a bun would make me less attracted to her. How much less attracted is hard to say... Hair is pretty important, but it isn't everything. In the post about female beauty being controllable I rated it 0.7 out of ten - which is a lot. However, you wouldn't lose all of that 0.7 for having a bun. Maybe just 0.5.
DeleteWhy do you want to wear a bun? The linked hairstyle is decent, though it really depends on your face shape; and of course long is always better.
I would imagine mostly for the sake of switching it up every day. Which is more important - that the girl's hair is long/worn down or that her hairstyle changes regularly?
DeleteAndrew - I casually mentioned that I might cut my hair and the guy I am into reacted very strongly. He doesn't want me to touch it! Does that mean he's into me too, surely he wouldn't care otherwise? We haven't known each other long.
ReplyDeleteIt means he likes your hair long and thinks it is a horrible idea to cut it. It COULD also mean that he expects to be seeing you more in he future, but I have made similar comments to women about cutting their hair when I had no intention of seeing them again, so it isn't necessarily more than a principled reaction.
DeleteOk thanks.
DeleteI have very long hair and I love cuasally telling guys that I'm on a date with that I plan on cutting it SUPER SUPER short just to see their reaction, and then I tell them that I'm just joking. The reactions are priceless.
ReplyDeleteHa. Nice.
DeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI love your blog and I'd like to ask your opinion on something. I have very dark, long hair (almost to my waist) that is naturally very straight. I don't normally do anything to it because it doesn't respond well to hair product. I've been thinking about cutting my hair but I don't know if it's a good idea: I get compliments about it from other girls, but my male friends have been begging me to cut it for months. The only time my hair receives positive attention from them is when I wear it in a bun for work. I'm not sure if they think I should cut my hair just because they see me as "one of the boys" (a fact that annoys me no small extent) and are looking at things from their viewpoint.
What do you think?
Thanks very much :)
do you regularly trim it so you don't have split ends? or does it look stringy? Also, is it all one length, or do you have some shape around your face?
DeleteI think really long hair looks great. But you need a little bit of style to it.
For example this is a bit plain:
http://www.consumerinstinct.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Long_Hair_by_deathComes.jpg
But some long layers and a side part... looks nicer:
http://woohair.com/large/Dark_Brown_Hair_Chart_8.jpg
another example of long layered hair with a side part:
Deletehttp://500px.com/photo/1963483
not dark hair, but straighter than the other one... so maybe more like yours.
Hi Sally,
DeleteThanks for your feedback! Yes, color-wise it's like picture 2, but in terms of cut and texture more like picture 3. I have noticed some split ends lately, hence thinking of getting a haircut, but I'm wondering if I should just trim it a little or cut most of it off.
I did actually ask one of the guys in question what he thought I should do with my hair and why - he suggested cutting it to shoulder length because "your hair makes you look high-maintenance even though we know you're not".
I'm confused :(
boring
ReplyDeleteAndrew, thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteBeing an ethnic woman, I also know I would struggle to achieve this look. Men prefer long hair but few Black women can achieve these Mermaid locks.
My 2 cents on long hair for Black women?
- check www.curlynikki.com
- check http://blackgirllonghair.com/
There is versatility in black hair (straighten it, weave it, braid it, put some curls in it, etc.). To make black hair feminine, play on its specificity instead of complaining that it is different.
Oh yeah, play on your uniqueness as explained here : http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/black-women-must-advertise-their-unique.html
I lost all of my hair during chemo and I stopped getting attention from guys. Do you think it's because i don't have long hair or because i look like i'm on a four-drug chemotherapy regimen?
ReplyDelete