Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Importance of Hair

Other than your physical fitness, your hair is the most important controllable aspect of your physical attractiveness. Most women know this. I am not a hair stylist, so others can give you much better advice than I about how to make your hair look its best.

However, it is worth underscoring just how critical good hair is to a woman's appearance. Rather than do this by compounding adjectives or superlatives, I want to recount the moment when I learned this for myself.

I had spent the night at my (now ex-) girlfriend's house and she was getting ready for work in the morning. She went into the bathroom to do whatever it is girls do to get ready. After a while, she came back into the room, looking gorgeous. I distinctly remember being turned on to the point that I  wanted to throw her back into bed. Actually, I maybe may well have; I don't remember now. But what I do remember was the epiphany that accompanied the following exchange:

"Did you do your make-up differently this morning?" I asked.

"My make-up?"

"Yeah, your make-up. It looks hot as shit, but something looks different for some reason. It's a more natural look or something. I really like it."

"I'm not wearing any make-up."

"Wait... what?" I asked, confused. "But you look...  wait, really? So what were you doing in the bathroom all this time?" I was scrutinizing her while saying all of this, and slowly became convinced that she really wasn't wearing any make-up.

"I was doing my hair." She answered. As soon as she said it I could see that it was her hair that was making her look so radiant. She'd washed it, straightened it, brushed it and pinned it half-up.

No one doubts how much makeup can improve your look. Hair matters more: don't underestimate the importance of grooming.


Related Posts
1. How to Improve Your Hair
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"
4. An Interesting Hair Experiment...

96 comments:

  1. good post! i have very curly afro hair ... any idea what men think of this? i straighten it sometimes and i wonder if straight/wavy is preferred

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    Replies
    1. I prefer straight to curly/afro, but that is my personal preference. Other men like frizzy hair best. Do what you think looks best on you, and you should attract men with similar tastes - which is good for a number of reasons.

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    2. Daphne,

      I think it's preference. I know men who absolutely adore and find (naturally) curly hair attractive.

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  2. Do you have any advice on hairstyles or do you think men's opinion vary so much here that it is not worth generalizing? A male friend of mine told me curly hair is cute, but only straight hair is sexy.
    The only thing I've come to conclude is that to men; hair down > up.
    I have naturally quite full hair but I don't know if the 'natural' look ('bed head') is preferable over a done hairdo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I doubt that your natural look is better than your "done" look. In fact, even without seeing it, I can almost guarantee that you look best after doing your hair. You are right that most of the time men prefer hair up than down. Advice is coming in a new post soon.

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    2. hahaha be patient. It's coming later this week.

      (Down of course)

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    3. i've always read that men prefer hair down.

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    4. I think it's important to know the effect of hair, as you point out. I have quite long hair which is naturally full and naturally blond. I swear, for the past 4 years I've been wearing it in a knot on the top of my head or in a ponytail (that is also related to trend). It wasn't until recently I started thinking about the effect it may have and that my hair is probably one of my best features.

      Thing is, with the length and thickness mine has, straightening it and styling it takes at least 2 hours. I am happy to spend time and money to take care of myself, but I simply to not have that time in the morning. Every woman needs to get a cut that works, find products and a routine which makes the hair look good with not so much effort. If you try to take 2-3 hours every day to do your hair, you WILL have to give up and end up going like a mess. There has to be a middle ground where you find a routine which takes, say 40 minutes after wash and makes you look good. I also think that everyday styling is the most important. I assume everybody spend a couple of hours before they go partying anyway, it's how men see you at school/work which often has to change.

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    5. "I also think that everyday styling is the most important. I assume everybody spend a couple of hours before they go partying anyway, it's how men see you at school/work which often has to change."

      Good point.

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    6. I've been told by most men that half up is best, pulls hair away from your face and neck (especially important if you have a good jaw line) but leaves some in the back for length

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    7. That has always been my personal favorite, but I've always assumed other men have different tastes in this regard. But for me, that hair style is a huge turn on - it is feminine, sexy and elegant all at the same time.

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    8. DOWN.

      --A Guy

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    9. My boyfriend's opinion:
      #1. Half-up. Use pins to the sides, making an elegat and efortless look. You still have that flowing on the back, but some of your face and neck are visible.
      #2. Down: Hair totally loose - and groomed, if possible.
      #3. Up (Pony-tail). If it's hot or you are on the beach.
      #4. Up (Bun): He hates those. Just hates! Haha.

      But I have a male friend who loves buns, even more than hair down. He is more of a sensitive guy. My boyfriend is much more of a sexual guy. Maybe there is some rule there, and you could attract different types of guys by stylling your hair differently. I don't know, I'm just guessing. Hahaha.

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  3. Great picture of Minka and yes - hair does matter a lot. I love having longer hair and I'm in the process of growing mine out again. Can't wait until it's longer.

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  4. Having long hair really does make an unbelievable difference.
    When I was little my parents always cut my hair. I looked just like my brother. My father used to encourage me to have short hair. He used to say: "You look so much better with your hair short!" So I always wanted to have short hair. Then I finally realised that girls tend to have longer hair. At the age of 17 or 18 I finally had long hair. For the first time in my life... yes, I really took that long. That was also the first time I had a boyfriend. Coincidence?
    All that time my father would say: "Your hair is so long! Just cut it already!" When my boyfriend and I broke up I did just that. I cut my hair really short (an inch). My father was ecstatic! I went to university and I just couldn't understand why guys just wanted to be friends. I wasn't being asked out. I was and still am tall, slim and fit and with a sunny personality. What was wrong with me? The question I couldn't find an answer to.
    Femininity and what it means to be a woman isn't something they teach in schools. It is supposed to be learned from the women around you (mothers, grandmothers, aunts...). And the women around me just weren't/aren't all that feminine. (My mother remarried and is now, at age 52, growing her hair long!) Don't get me wrong, I know having long hair doesn't make you feminine on it's own, for me it's just a (very small) part of it.
    Fast forward 5 years... I again decided to have long hair. I knew it was going to take a few years to get it to the length I wanted it to be and at the same time keep it healthy and shiny. Oh boy was it worth it!
    Now it looks like the woman's on the photo posted, just 3" shorter. It's even the same colour! The point is - I get noticed by men wherever I go. I don't want to sound full of myself, but they notice me even when I'm on the sidewalk and they're in the car driving by. They would stare at me and some would honk. Sometimes random men say "hello" to me and smile while I'm out shopping or just taking a walk. I realised that all that attention must be because of the hair. I know it's not because of the way I dress. I'm quite conservative in the way I dress (I don't show skin, I almost never wear heels and my makeup is minimal). Hair is the most noticeable difference between a man and a woman if you look at a person from a distance. Next is probably body shape.
    As for me, long hair makes me feel beautiful, more feminine and soft.
    I swore to myself - I WILL NEVER HAVE SHORT HAIR AGAIN!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. haha your father knew what he was doing

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    2. So you want the guys who are now interested because your hair is longer? There have been times when men pester me all day long. It gets tiring very quickly. What they are interested in could be seen to with a hollowed-out buttered bread roll

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  5. agree with above poster- great pic of minka. and this is what weaves/extensions are for!!

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  6. argh. i'm aware of the necessity to have long hair. it's just that mine takes a long while to grow. I'm thinking of eventually succumbing to getting weaves. :/

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    1. Simple tip: when you wash your hair really massage your scalp with the tip of your fingers (not your nails, be careful). It improves tremendously the blood circulation on your scalp, opening and cleaning better the pores to make new hair grow, and the existing hair will receive more vitamins, water and proteins that are circulating in your body, making them grow faster and break a lot less.

      I have used tons of vitamins, supplements, hair tonics, special shampoos, all to make my hair grow faster, but just massaging my scalp made more difference than everything else together.

      Delete
  7. Minka Kelly is unbelievably gorgeous, great picture choice.

    I completely agree with your point. I don't think enough women take advantage of how much long, lustrous hair can improve their appearance. I know I didn't until recently! At this point I'm committed to growing out my hair and preserving as much length as I can. And possibly to my detriment, I stubbornly refuse to use extensions to achieve the look of long hair in the meantime.

    I too have afro/kinky hair and I've decided I'm going to chemically relax it once it grows long long enough. By all indications, straight or at least "wavy" hair is more objectively attractive than kinky/curly hair and I don't see the point of putting ideology before practicality for the sake of continuing to wear my hair "natural" textured. Over it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Shelle....

      I have afro textured/coily hair as well and have since gone "au naturel" a few years ago.

      PLEASE, by all means don't resort to chemicals again just to have visible long hair. Those chemicals are so caustic. I know it's a personal decision, and you probably have already made up your mind, but if you must have straighter hair so that your afro hair will show it's TRUE length, then just straighten it with heat or try some extensions or something. Those harsh chemicals are just so bad for the scalp. :-/

      My hair grows like a weed now that I'm natural. If you need any advice or help on growing your natural hair to longer lengths or stretching your hair so that your true hair length shows, just let me know! :) I believe our hair is truly beautiful in its own right, and our length is very deceiving (it looks shorter than it actually is due to the curliness), but there are ways you can show more of your length. Believe me!

      Wish you well. :)

      Delete
  8. I had long hair all while I was a teen and I didn't really know how to care for it. I wasn't all that attractive either. I started improving my appearance later on, but I cut my hair shorter and shorter...

    I have very thin, fine, wavy hair which gets yucky, curly, and weighed down when it is long. I feel much more beautiful now that it is short and it seems to frame my face better too....

    I wonder what girls with this hair type should do?

    Before:
    http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/822/16558182785017312454373.jpg/

    After:
    http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/59/19644910100389656018023.jpg/
    http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/217/29274968754635793124543.jpg/

    Now tell me the "after" isn't ten times better.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutely believe that the "after" is worse, but I can see why you are confused - there are a number of other, non-hair factors that make the girl's overall appearance worse in the "before" picture: her posture is worse, she is not smiling, she is wearing a hat and her hair is unkempt.

      If you held those factors constant, I am sure that you would see that she was hotter with long hair.

      Delete
  9. Hi, I have a dilemma and am hoping you can clarify my options.

    Although I would love to grow my hair out and take care of it...I can't--because my hair is fine and looks like crap and is weak when it grows out, so I have to keep it short. Not to mention I look worse in profile when it's longer (hard to explain).

    I wanna wear wigs. But which is better? short hair or wigs? Because I assume guys would find it weird if a (esp. young) girl wears wigs...='(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's hard to say whether it is better or worse to wear your hair long or short without seeing pictures to know how the thickness affected the look. If you'd like to e-mail me pictures, I can give you my opinion.

      I am not going to pretend that it doesn't matter, but it isn't a problem any more than tall girls have to deal with always being taller than the guys they date, or any more than some women have a harder time maintaining their weight than others. My advice is to make the best of it (which I realize you are trying to do), and then focus instead on all of the other aspects of your appearance. Get in amazing shape, learn how to dress really well, etc. You'll still be hot.

      It's a good rule to live by in general: minimize the effect of the weaknesses you can't change and emphasize your strenghts.

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    2. Thank you for your input (and also for creating this blog in the first place =P)

      But besides having to live with this weakness and minimizing it, you haven't yet confirmed whether wearing wigs every now and then is a bad idea ^^;;

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    3. In Africa (at least the parts I've been to), wigs are common. And from a distance, it makes the women slamming hot. But I have also been making out with a girl and reached up to grab her hair, only to find that it was fake. The best word I can use to describe the resulting feeling was "disappointed."

      I would avoid them if you can.

      I guess the point I was trying to make in my last response was that, if you maximize all of your other appearance strenghts and minimize your weaknesses, and then improve your personality, it really won't be a big deal if your hair isn't perfect.

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    4. kk. great.

      P.S. wigs are also a common fashion accessory in Asian countries like Japan.

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  10. I love your crystal clear bluntness, I think it's refreshing and most of your posts confirm my (what seemed) cynical opinions on guys. Can I e-mail you my photos and you tell me if I'm hot!? A lot of people say I am, but it's hard to judge the integrity of people who may benefit from lying.

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  11. Well, seeing as how I've always had long hair I don't know how it's changed me...;)

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  12. What's your verdict on weaves?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's better than short hair but not as good as the real thing.

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    2. I have mid to long length hair, when straightened, but otherwise its super curly and a bit longer than shoulder length. I wear it back in a ponytail most days as it is too poofy to wear down, and straighten it about once a week. In my case, would it be better to just get a weave? Straightening it everyday is not an option as it takes nearly two hours each time.

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    3. Just wear it up, most of the time and straighten it once in a while.

      Delete
  13. I know this blog post is a year old but I had to comment. Long hair and well-groomed hair IS important and women, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

    I am a single women who is attractive and slim, but I did not get the most attention from men until I started wearing hair extensions. Whether you are black or white or any ethnicity in between, if you are woman whose hair doesn't grow very long or takes long to grow, you are single and trying to attract men, do yourself the favor and just hair extensions. It makes all the difference in the world.

    Just make sure that you get them done right, it matches your hair color AND TEXTURE (very important)if part of your own hair is left out, buy the best quality hair you can afford, and keep it maintained.

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  14. Indeed. Many researches show that hair makes nearly 80% of the first impression.

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  15. Sigh! Ok as a Caribbean woman I can tell you how hard it is not having gorgeous hair. That's why I started wearing hair extensions. My hair is healthy but it doesn't grow very long which is why I decided to get extensions. Of course I have to straighten my curly frizzy hair so that it matches the extensions. I looked so different when I first got them and everyone liked the way it looked. I've been wearing them ever since. I get a lot more attention when I have longer hair.

    When I go to the beach I go without extensions but I still get notice from guys and I think it's because I'm wearing a two piece, but sometimes I wonder; what if I had worn my extensions today...?
    Women wearing wigs and extensions are looked at as frauds but women with breast implants, lip cologne and butt implants seem to get a free pass idk. What are your thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not true, they are looked at as frauds as well. men prefer au naturel.

      Delete
  16. I had long shiny (if fine) hair most of my life until last year when 80 % suddenly fell out due to alopecia areata. Wigs look nice but I feel so fake. On the other hand I get the WRONG kind of attention from EVERYONE when I go out bald.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't see a big problem with wigs. In some African countries, they are the norm, and the women there are gorgeous. It's fake, but it beats bald any day and I honestly don't see a big problem with it. I would date a girl who wore wigs.

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    2. Your opinion on wigs and weaves...It's so cute! Are you white? I love your take on them it's so black women friendly. I am a supporter of natural hair, but as a past weave/wig/everything wearer, I think your stance is far more kind and compromising in its approach than that of many vitriolic black men on the web.


      You are a brilliant gem.

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    3. Girl - shut up. lol

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  17. Oh and I am a young woman. I have a boyfriend but lately he has lost a bit of interest, although he's still caring and supportive. What should I do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Considering it's hereditary, it can have an impact, if he was aiming to have children with you. Or it could be your hairloss itself.

      Tell him that you feel he has been losing interest, and tell him to think about it and and tell you how he feels, maybe in a day or so. I know, it sounds cheesy, but in this case, its not obvious what it could be.

      Delete
  18. Long hair please. For the love of all that is holy, please stop cutting your hair short, ladies. Unless you are ungodly hot, in which case you can pull it off, but would probably still look better with long hair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please don't generalize. There are MANY women who look much better in short hair. Short doesn't automatically mean masculine.

      I've had short hair the majority of my life. I've tried long wigs to see if I'd look better with longer hair. The overwhelming response from people (men included)? SHORT!

      It suits my bone structure and it suits my personality!


      Delete
  19. Andrew- My hair is curly and when it's in its natural state, it's only a few inches below my ears, but when I flat iron it straight, it becomes shoulder length, and thus longer. Should I straighten my hair more often for the increased length?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just be careful because irons are very damaging to already dry curly hair (I have it too).

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    2. It really depends on your face shape. But anyway that is a "band aid" solution. Just grow it longer.

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    3. Andrew- My face shape is slightly oblong/heart shaped. So I have a slightly wider forehead, slightly prominent chin and full, yet high cheekbones. The thing is, my hair is thinning and the balding spot in my hairline is becoming noticeable. I use shampoo and conditioner for thinning hair and I try to part it in a way so it's not as noticeable. My hair grows very slowly and doesn't seem to go past my shoulders even when it's at its longest and curly.

      On average, how much would you say a man would be bothered by noticeably thinning hair on a woman? Would it bother him as much if he finds the woman's face and figure attractive, or would it be enough to cease his attraction?

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    4. There are many online resources for growing your hair long - have a search on google. I have thick afro hair I thought would never be long, but since making a big effort to look after my hair it has doubled in length and is still getting longer :)

      I would also recommend getting professional extensions done, especially if you like straightening your hair.

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    5. My dear, I would kill for your cheekbones:(

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  20. My hair is half way down my back and really big and full (no extensions). I can attest to it being a feature which makes me seem more attractive. I get complimented on it and the guys I've dated loved touching it. It makes me feel feminine.

    haha and it looks untamed most of the time (I don't mean knotty but natural) which seems to work in my favour. I deep condition it with coconut oil and it's super shiny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I can attest to it being a feature which makes me seem more attractive."

      It makes you SEEM more attractive? No, it makes you BE more attractive. Don't sell yourself short ;)

      Delete
  21. Feedback for Andrew:

    You are SO RIGHT. This week, I've been waking up half an hour earlier to take the time to style my hair and it has made a MARKED difference. I used to think celebrities and Victoria's Secret models just had magic hair that no one could attain, but those looks are ACTUALLY attainable if you are just willing to invest a little more time to learn how to do it. This is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Andrew,
    Do you think if you met a girl while she was wearing a bun, but she was very attractive that you would not be into her because she was wearing a bun when you first met her? Is that a bad hairdo for going out to a bar or club?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like what about this kind of hair style? Marilyn Monroe also had very short hair but is considered one of the biggest sex symbols the world has every known.

      http://julianahuxtable.tumblr.com/post/33872646781

      http://brianorndorf.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54ee7b64288330167684e28de970b-popup

      Delete
    2. I wouldn't simply "not be into" a girl because her hair wasn't perfect, but I am almost sure that a bun would make me less attracted to her. How much less attracted is hard to say... Hair is pretty important, but it isn't everything. In the post about female beauty being controllable I rated it 0.7 out of ten - which is a lot. However, you wouldn't lose all of that 0.7 for having a bun. Maybe just 0.5.

      Why do you want to wear a bun? The linked hairstyle is decent, though it really depends on your face shape; and of course long is always better.

      Delete
    3. I would imagine mostly for the sake of switching it up every day. Which is more important - that the girl's hair is long/worn down or that her hairstyle changes regularly?

      Delete
  23. Andrew - I casually mentioned that I might cut my hair and the guy I am into reacted very strongly. He doesn't want me to touch it! Does that mean he's into me too, surely he wouldn't care otherwise? We haven't known each other long.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It means he likes your hair long and thinks it is a horrible idea to cut it. It COULD also mean that he expects to be seeing you more in he future, but I have made similar comments to women about cutting their hair when I had no intention of seeing them again, so it isn't necessarily more than a principled reaction.

      Delete
  24. I have very long hair and I love cuasally telling guys that I'm on a date with that I plan on cutting it SUPER SUPER short just to see their reaction, and then I tell them that I'm just joking. The reactions are priceless.

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  25. Hi Andrew,

    I love your blog and I'd like to ask your opinion on something. I have very dark, long hair (almost to my waist) that is naturally very straight. I don't normally do anything to it because it doesn't respond well to hair product. I've been thinking about cutting my hair but I don't know if it's a good idea: I get compliments about it from other girls, but my male friends have been begging me to cut it for months. The only time my hair receives positive attention from them is when I wear it in a bun for work. I'm not sure if they think I should cut my hair just because they see me as "one of the boys" (a fact that annoys me no small extent) and are looking at things from their viewpoint.

    What do you think?

    Thanks very much :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. do you regularly trim it so you don't have split ends? or does it look stringy? Also, is it all one length, or do you have some shape around your face?

      I think really long hair looks great. But you need a little bit of style to it.

      For example this is a bit plain:
      http://www.consumerinstinct.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Long_Hair_by_deathComes.jpg

      But some long layers and a side part... looks nicer:
      http://woohair.com/large/Dark_Brown_Hair_Chart_8.jpg

      Delete
    2. another example of long layered hair with a side part:
      http://500px.com/photo/1963483

      not dark hair, but straighter than the other one... so maybe more like yours.

      Delete
    3. Hi Sally,

      Thanks for your feedback! Yes, color-wise it's like picture 2, but in terms of cut and texture more like picture 3. I have noticed some split ends lately, hence thinking of getting a haircut, but I'm wondering if I should just trim it a little or cut most of it off.

      I did actually ask one of the guys in question what he thought I should do with my hair and why - he suggested cutting it to shoulder length because "your hair makes you look high-maintenance even though we know you're not".

      I'm confused :(

      Delete
  26. Andrew, thanks for this post.
    Being an ethnic woman, I also know I would struggle to achieve this look. Men prefer long hair but few Black women can achieve these Mermaid locks.
    My 2 cents on long hair for Black women?
    - check www.curlynikki.com
    - check http://blackgirllonghair.com/
    There is versatility in black hair (straighten it, weave it, braid it, put some curls in it, etc.). To make black hair feminine, play on its specificity instead of complaining that it is different.
    Oh yeah, play on your uniqueness as explained here : http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/black-women-must-advertise-their-unique.html

    ReplyDelete
  27. I lost all of my hair during chemo and I stopped getting attention from guys. Do you think it's because i don't have long hair or because i look like i'm on a four-drug chemotherapy regimen?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Without pics, no one can tell you.

      Delete
    2. I think you should forget about what men think for now. You're battling cancer and if a guy is more concerned with your hair than your wellbeing he is not worth your time.

      Delete
  28. Yes, a bald man or receding hairline are terrifying...they better come out of the bathroom with some thick dark (nobody finds blond or redhead..shudder..men sexy) wavy hair...no grey ponytails..no hairy backs..no long nose hairs...well, under 35 should cut it really...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Do you think there is a limit for "too long" hair?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Be nice to have the money for these styles, cuts, colours, foils, extensions and weaves. OH and hairstraighteners, curlers, hair-dryers, brushes, product, shampoo, conditioner, treatments.

    Making my hair look wonderful ultimately cost me my hair. its dry, falling out and thinning (its also naturally over oily) also once you hit the gym/exercise its just goes to crap with all the sweat etc. Its impossible for some of us to look awesome 24/7. sorry guys that's reality for ya

    ReplyDelete
  31. I guess I have always been a person who followed my own path? I've had my hair cut so short (Black American female here) that I went to the barber shop to have it groomed every two weeks. I did every two years are so-cut-grow-cut. I have the face to pull off a boy cut. I remember my uncle with the harshest feedback saying, "girl it looks good and I cannot take that from you." Toni Braxton and Halle Berry look more striking with sort hair.

    I've opted out of chemicals for the past six years. My hair is quite long probably below my bra strap at this point. I haven't straightened it in two years. I will only have long hair if it grows out and not down.

    Yes I am sure that I attract more men when my hair is straight. It could be that I attract a particular type of man. Having my hair groomed in a fluffy afro, twists, Bantu knot outs, etc. also attracts certain men. My short hair attracted certain types of men. People make all kinds of assumptions based on a mere hair style. I get more attention from non-Black men with afros and twists than I did with a relaxer. Not that it matters.

    Although I am attached today, I never paid much attention to men who approached me when my hair was straightened. I knew that it was very temporary and I was not about to maintain the style beyond a week or two. I just need to be in a space where I can be me. We sharing this space guess what...you need to be okay with my coily hair, full hips and thighs, and full breast, dark skin, full tips, high cheek bones, almond shaped eyes etc. Be groomed appropriately and put your best foot forward, but always be authentic to yourself.

    I believe that your women should cast their net far to attract as many men as possible. I think that we sometimes focus too much on who we do not attract instead of looking for the 4 or 5 that we do attract.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I will only have long hair if it grows out and not down."

      Very true for Black women with natural hair. Even if I straighten it with heat, the moment I go outside and a bead of sweat trickles down my brow, my hair will return to a puffy 'fro.

      I've gotten way more compliments now with my hair in it's natural state (Bantu knots, afros, etc) than I did when It was relaxed/straightened (esp. by non-Black men). I won't change the texture of my hair or fork over hundreds of dollars on monthly weaves just because some men prefer long, straight tresses.

      This is the way my hair grows out of my head, so the person who's going to be attracted to that will be worth my time (I shouldn't feel ashamed of the way it looks without wigs or weaves in front of a guy if my hair is styled to fit). Besides, if he can't run his fingers through your long, straight hair without the risk of it falling off, what's the point? lol

      Like Andrew said, "do what you think looks best on you, and you should attract men with similar tastes". It's all about personal preference.

      Delete
    2. I have thick, curly hair too, but I'm white. I totally get the humidity thing! THAT is another reason I keep mine short. And you're right ladies, if a man doesn't like me with short hair then he's not my man.

      Delete
  32. I am a very petite skinny Asian woman. I have just started dating a very awesome, rather tall, American guy and am really into him. Anyhow, my hair is very long and black -- a few inches longer than the girl in the photo -- and he prefers the look of it completely unstyled and crazy. The rest of me is very neat, but as to my hair: aside from conditioning/washing it, I literally don't do a thing to it. That seems to work best for him by far.

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  33. Long hair only is great when it suits a particular woman. Many women do look great with long hair, yet those women who have super-fine and weak hair just shouldn't stress over that. Just get a nice short haircut and learn to maintain it. The hair is just a part of a woman, so if theres no personality, her hair won't keep her a man. I always had long hair, and I feared of cutting it (was afraid of looking like a guy, as I'm not very curvy), it was shiny and healthy, but I never got that male attention until I cut it short - as I'm very petite, long hair was sort of "dragging me down" visually, and now I look taller and my features are more visile. I constantly get compliments from men and women and never lack male attention, though I'm not particularly "girly" in my dressing (lace only on lingerie, heels and more revealing clothing only for special occasions or going out, neutral colours mostly, minimal make up, yet nails and hair always done and everything I wear is in perfect shape, no cheap jewelery also). So no need to fear that short hairdo - the whole picture matters much more.

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  34. Nice post, thanks for the insight. Just wanted to inquire about the Importance of Variety (makeup and hair) post? Would love to read it, hope you can get it back up in the near future. Im aware this post is quite old, but Im going to try my luck at a question.
    You`ve stated that the half-up/half-down hairstyle is quite attractive, as is wearing hair down and displaying the health and bounce of it, but are there specific hairstyles (due to variety being a vital factor) you can suggest? Or like top 3 or 4 hairstyles you can confidently share are key to having in our personal lookbook as women?

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  35. Hi, I just passed through your blog and I finally confirmed all my thoughs about what is really atractive!!, all those mags talk about what is beauty and what shit i have to wear this fall, but I know that my skin tone doesnt look good in those colors that they sugest so I will brake their rule xD.

    Talking about hair, I think the texture of the hair is pretty cultural in my opinion, and the long a girl look with, (my own experience in a super macho country where doesnt matter if you are pretty if you dont follow the straight hair rule, you will be single for ever): All my friends have super long hair (here is like the norm) but i have super curly and frizzy hair and i usualy dont wear it in a fro because i dont want to stop the traffic (Dont want people laught at me) but ones I decided to go out with my fro in its worst state ( with out gel) and all man were like crazy i was like wtf, in my class room everybody said that swited my face (my hair when is curly is jaw long) and that it looked best that when I wear it straigt and that i have to keep it like that (i couldnt cause it was in its unhealthy state and I want to take away the frizz so it will be more soft with cute curls and softer) I dont think I have a super potencial because I dont have the body and facial features that are decired(I am thin and here woman have to be a little fuller and fair skin), my sister has darker skin but (I am the ugly sister) she is super hot and she has a pixy haircut and all guys and girls think she is super hot even with the punk pixy haircut she has. So I think the hair texture and long of the hair, is related with the body and face shape of the girl, the thing is that usualy us girls dont pay atention to the shape factor and we dont search for reference and we cut style our hair even if this doesnt fit with our face/body/eye shape, in the result: unharmonic look that like notice but cant tell specificly what originates it.

    I have to say it again thanks for this blog!

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    Replies
    1. That seemed very complicated.

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  36. Just wanted to say since I found this blog, I have grown my hair out several inches (it's past my shoulders now) and now I always straighten it and wear it down. I have naturally wavy hair and I used to more or less throw it up on top of my head more often than not. I don't know why, but somehow I didn't realize until you pointed it out how immeasurably better good hair can make women look.

    My husband loves the change.

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  37. I have fine, light weight hair that doesn't hang well at all, so must keep it short. I thing that as long as the hair is clean & shiny, length doesn't matter that much.

    I once dated a man who only washed his hair once a month and used Vaseline to keep it in place; needless to say, that and the no teeth and refusal to get a hearing aid, plus his suggestion that I move in with him on the first date, killed it.

    Yes I'm an older woman and he was about 70.

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  38. How to style short hair to look feminine? Is it even possible?

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  39. Me being male I worry about my hair and how it looks before I even think of a womans hair . The media and women on all these articles are allwys saying it meens more if your a woman but that is not true .Men need their hair full and healthy too.The sooner women quit messing up mens hair the better off they will be .And Yes men dont ever trust a women with your shampoo or in your shower as I did one time and then put 2 and 2 together why is my hair and face so oily after a woman was over to my place and when I moved and have not let a women in my bathroom in my other house and now my hair is doing great thick and healthy and love it . I hope a lot of men see this

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  40. I couldn't help but click onto this post.

    Yes, hair makes a big difference. It can make a girl look totally gorgeous or totally plain. The trick is whether she cares enough to bother with it. I say a ponytail is my favorite look any day.

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  41. This is one of the reasons why I have postponed dating; my beauty skills are hit and miss (so I don't know how to style for cheaper...even with youtube and relatives with advice) and my financial security has been up and down in my 20s. As a black woman, I went natural because doing hairstyles to my relaxed hair was so challenging; doing the basics to my natural hair is an ease but it is still difficult to do the "wow" date night hair and getting ready for dates in general; and I definitely do not know how to style, do, or create wigs, extensions, and weaves. But I will continue looking at youtube channels to see if I can improve my hairstyling skills somewhat :(

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    Replies
    1. Its not just your hair but experiement with half-wigs you comb over your natural hair they're cheap 20-30 bucks at blackhairspray dot com. You're in your 20s winning right there.

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  42. Hi
    Should the girls always do their hair or - with the permission of you guys - do they get their holidays too?!

    It's darn difficult and takes a lot of time!

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  43. I understand hair is important and really makes an average beauty a goddess. But can I say I think we give men way too much power, and consideration. You are so unique and worthy no matter how you wear your hair. Men will take what they get and love it. They don't get to choose, give, or take away your value nor choose what I like to do with my body. Men will adjust to whatever we women do. They need us! Live your best life ladies and stop worrying about what men like..............

    ReplyDelete

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