Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Feminine Beauty Is Highly Controllable

Advice abounds for women looking to score a guy, and some sources actually have solid suggestions. But while these sources tell women all kinds of strategies for being approachable or meeting new people, none of them address the most important matter: appearance. A number of the articles I've read have promising titles or sub-titles, but they qualify the initial admonition to "look good" with so many caveats and clarifications that by the end they've essentially told the reader to "be herself" - which is nothing more than a waste of her time.

The topic is avoided because women do not realize how controllable their appearance is. This is understandable, because if female beauty were not controllable, telling a woman she could attract more men if she would just improve her looks would be no more useful than suggesting a paraplegic man "just" learn how to dunk a basketball to impress women. On top of providing no worthwhile advice, it would serve as a painful reminder of her inadequacies. However, the notion that a woman's attractiveness is anything less than highly controllable is patently false.

Time and time again, I see the same thing: the women who aren't getting attention from men fall almost entirely into two categories:
  1. Women that are unfit
  2. Women that do not present themselves well
Hopefully you noticed something important about this list: it does not include women who have "ugly" faces, or even deformities. Obviously, natural good looks cannot be overlooked, but they are given far more credit than they deserve. It is the height of hyperbole - you might even say a myth - that women are either born attractive or not.

To drive this point home, I spent entirely too much time identifying the various components of feminine beauty and quantifying the importance of each one. The result of this effort is shown in the table below. (By clicking on the table or pie charts you can enlarge them.)


Notes about how I generated the numbers in the table can be found here.

  • The 'Importance' percentages simply indicate how much each aspect listed matters to a woman's overall appearance. They collectively add up to 100 %, so they can be literally interpreted as a percentage of overall beauty.
  • The 'Controllability' rankings indicate the amount of control a woman has over the various aspects of her appearance. 0 % represents completely uncontrollable aspects of beauty, while 100 % represents those that are completely controllable. Some items in the table are 0 % controllable to most people, but 100 % controllable to others (for example, breast size and facial structure are both alterable in extreme cases by plastic surgery). The controllability ratings for these items are a guess at the average between those extremes, based on the frequency of occurrence. Or, for example, even though a girl can't change her bone structure, 'height' is rated at a nominal 8 % because there is a small amount of controllability with the size of heels a girl chooses to wear.
  • The 'Attention Deserved' is an index that is calculated by multiplying the Importance by the Controllability, and dividing the product by the collective sum of these products. This can be reasonably interpreted as the percentage of the total time spent on her appearance a girl should devote to each item in need of attention. So a girl that is overweight would be justified in spending 72 % of her time (that is, the time that she invests in her appearance) only on losing weight; or a girl whose clothes don't usually complement her complexion would be smart to spend 8 % of the time she invests in her appearance on shopping for clothes that work well with her look (or on earning extra money for that specific purpose). Obviously, no one is going to count the minutes or hours. The point, though, is that some things are worth spending more time on than others. Don't waste your time worrying about your eyelashes (1 %) when you are overweight (42 %) - go to the gym.

I've also put the data into a few pie charts. This is what you should care about (Importance Rating):

Components of Feminine Beauty by Importance Rating

This is what you should spend your time on (Attention Deserved):

Components of Feminine Beauty by Attention Deserved

Now, even though I have gone to rigorous ends to elicit these ratings from the recesses of my mind, obviously they are still relative to my personal taste. That being said, while men will all disagree over the minutiae of female beauty, few will disagree with the important aspects. This post should give you a solid idea of what matters to most guys, and how much.

While the numbers speak for themselves, I want to highlight one main point: notice how controllable the most important aspects of female beauty are. To wit:

  • 18 % of feminine beauty is more than 100 % controllable. This means that if a girl is not opting to do these things, she is missing out on 1.8 points out of ten due to ignorance or a personal decision. Included in this 18 % are simple things like wearing heels and jewelry or removing excess body hair.
  • 63 % of feminine beauty is more than 80 % controllable. This is the driving point behind this "analysis," expressed numerically. If you take nothing else away from this post, remember this. It means that you are in control of your appearance far more than you think. It means that the time and effort you put into your appearance will produce results. Do not worry if your gut tells you otherwise; your gut is informed by beauty pageants and "100 Hottest Women" lists, and a thousand other influences that both reinforce and reflect the notion that beauty is a matter of winning the genetic gene pool - i.e. a matter of 'haves' vs. 'have-nots.' This notion is bullshit. That 63 % of beauty is at least 80 % controllable means that no girl needs to be less than a five on the ten scale (0.80 x 63 % = 5.0). If you present yourself well and get in great shape, you will be above average. And for those of you that are naturally about average, the sky's your limit.
  • Only 32 % of feminine beauty is less than 30 % controllable. In other words, there is very little about your appearance that cannot be improved.

One final pie chart to summarize these three points:


Far too many women fail to recognize the leverage they have over their own appearance. This leverage translates directly into control over the ability to attract men.

For photos of women improving their appearance, check out this post.

140 comments:

  1. You are too cool, Andrew.

    This post overlaps with many thoughts I've been having lately, and I'll likely quote it in a future post.

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  2. Can you make a chart for males? Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://heartiste.wordpress.com/

      Delete
  3. As much as I'd like to see that happen, it isn't really something that I (as a hetersosexual male) am qualified to do. A woman needs to do this.

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  4. I'm on it.

    Just kidding. Pie and bar charts make me cross-eyed. In this, I am a feminine cliche.

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  5. Great analysis. This goes to favorites. :)
    It should be posted in every single female website available. Women need to stop following gay male fueled industries and see what real heterosexual males actually think about beauty.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Andrew,


    What advice would you give to a girl who is already considered pretty by most but is too self conscious and does not understand how to act feminine? My wardrobe has only navy, black and white clothes in it, my posture is bad, I'm too aggressive....how do I embrace being female?


    I know it sounds weird to be asking a man for help on how to be a woman but I am genuinely lost here...



    - B

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    Replies
    1. you are just like me ! i am girl who had take up responsibilities early on in life. While growing up, i was mostly around guys and hardly any girls. i really don't know how to be feminine. I talk to guys. I am comfortable and they are very comfortable with me but only as friends. In the last few years since i have started considering marriage, this is really depressing and frustrating. I read and try to make amends. But i feel like giving up like it's too late. A few months ago i started a long distance relationship with a guy i met online who initially found me attractive. Then after a few weeks and sharing more of my pictures with him. He concluded that i was not attractive. He cruelly told me so because i was angry when he broke up. I still feel shocked and unable to move on though i have cut him off completly. i want to treat myself better but it will take time and patience and lots of strength.

      -T

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  7. B,

    Im a female, and Id be glad to help you- if you really mean it. Ive helped several friends. Give me a "real" email and lets get tarted,,,I do this as a side job, and would be happy to help.

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  8. B,

    I'm not Andrew, but as a guy here's what I'd recommend:

    Wardrobe: 1) Get one of your more style-inclined girlfriends to take you shopping, focusing on items that match your body/skin type. If you don't have a girlfriend who's taste you trust you can 2) head to a personal stylist / high end boutique to fill the need or 3) Watch What Not to Wear on TLC. Several of my girl friends recommend that show.

    Posture: Yoga and/or sitting on a Yoga ball instead of an office chair. I hear the are even combining the two these days. Additionally, depending on your height, I'd focus on your walk. Taller women have a harder time pulling off graceful.

    Aggressiveness: Smile more and pause before you jump into a conversion. People in general don't like to be interrupted when they talk.

    When in doubt, ask your guy friends to point out women the find feminine. Any girl that can be described as "sex walking" will do. Study how she carries herself and interacts with the opposite sex.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jan,


    Thank you so so SO much for the offer but I can't seem to locate your e-mail on your blog?



    Anonymous,


    Thank you too for the advice. I will go to the library and pick up those style books with Audrey on the front and a few magazines from the store. That should be helpful I think. I'm not sure about the yoga btw but I'll attempt to THINK before I speak and then smile. Anything else?




    - B

    ReplyDelete
  10. How does braces affect the teeth percentage?

    ReplyDelete
  11. B,

    Posture is a big one for femininity, and I think the advice given above is as helpful as anything I would throw out there, except for one thing: posture is mostly a reflection of your self-image, and is very difficult to change because it requires being constantly aware of it. Change your self-image through things that don't require as much (or at least, as constant) self-awareness, and you will change your posture. Clothes are a great place to start.

    Also, heels go a long way towards feminizing posture. I am about to make a post about them actually.

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  12. "How does braces affect the teeth percentage?"

    Teeth quality consists of straightness and whiteness, both of which can be had in less than two years and for less than a few thousand dollars.

    While I understand that that kind of money is out of some people's price range, most people can afford it, or can save until they can afford it. I estimated the percentage of people who cannot afford braces, etc. at 20%, hence the 80% rating for controllability.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Re: Teeth

    Understandable. I want to know the downgrade for an attractive person who has teeth are white and straight, but needs braces (slight overbite) and a few spaces. So a woman who is rated 10 would be downgraded to a?

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  14. She'd still be above a 9 in my book. Teeth matter more to some guys than others, though. Some guys might say she goes down to a 9. I doubt many would say she'd fall below a 9 - unless maybe they had a teeth fetish or something.

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  15. Since weight is so important, what is the ideal BMI range? Would you say in the "healthy range" but more toward the "underweight" category?

    I loved this post by the way - so motivational and helpful!

    ReplyDelete
  16. There is no absolute ideal BMI, any more than there is an absolute best hair style. Every guy has different taste. And most guys know they cannot get a girl that has their "ideal" BMI, so they don't expect perfection. However, you can be pretty sure that if you look like a bikini model, no guy will turn you down on account of your fitness.

    Keep in mind, too, that there are other factors that matter. For example, while I rated fitness as most important at 42%, I would still be willing to have a girl that was slightly heavier or thinner than my ideal BMI, if she had amazing hair.

    In other words, 99.9% of guys are willing to make compromises, and the other 0.001% die alone.

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  17. Anon,,,do you have an email you can give, Id love to talk to you off line. I used to have a personal consulting business. Let me know

    ReplyDelete
  18. Haha yes.


    lauritaGio at hot mail co uk



    Sorry, Andrew. Don't mind me! =P

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  19. Thought about this post for a couple of days... and realized age isn't on here. It's got to be a significant factor in female beauty, right? Not necessarily from a "you get less fit as you age perspective", but from on overall controllability percentage and from a male psychological perspective that auto deducts points for each year over X age.

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  20. I thought about putting age on the list, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that age is not a deterrent; it is a reduction in the quality of the other things on the list - skin, hair, physique, etc. So as a woman ages, her "ranking" decreases due to a reduction in the points she gets across all the categories on the list.

    Show me a 35 year old with the beauty of a 25 year old (all else being equal) and I would date the 35 year old in a heartbeat. Older women are more mature, more fun, less timid, more interesting, etc. The only downside to age is the reduction in physical attractiveness.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Me Andrew!
      I'm not a 35 year old, I'm an early 30yr old, but I look younger than a 25 year old. I regularly get looks by young guys in their early to late twenties and although (I say this in the most humble of words) men don't have the courage to approach me, I see the way they look and stare at me and go all child like.

      It all depends how old you started with skin maintenance, most woman don't contemplate the idea of maintaining their skin until its too late. I fortunately have been blessed with beautiful skin
      in all honesty, but have maintained my skin as such that even at my age I have no wrinkles!!

      Delete
    3. Actually Andrew, to add to my comment above I had a 25 year old tell me I was so beautiful, if given a chance he would leave his girlfriend for me (mind you his girlfriend is also attractive and quite wealthy). The guys knows I'm in my 30's! I laughed it off and told him to stop being silly. His reply was "I am serious" - "which guy wouldnt, your gorgeous"!. See Andrew you can be older than younger guys and still look better than younger girls! - Life is Good, when your told such things! :)

      Delete
    4. Athena, the true test of whether a guy finds you better than his girlfriend is when he commits to you not TELLS YOU (ACTIONS OVER WORDS BABY).

      That's not to say, you're not a stunner Athena...with a name like that I can only guess you're a Greek Goddess.

      Put more focus on the actions men give you such as a relationship or commitment over a comment or text compliment.

      Delete
    5. To add something concrete to this: My first girlfriend, and so far only, monogamous relationship was with a woman twice my age: I was 23 and she was 46. This woman was fit, dressed well, had great hair, smiled, and had good posture (she also had a tattoo colloquially referred to as a "tramp stamp" which added to her hotness because it drew attention to one of her best body parts). She showed me a picture of herself at 18 - the only real difference in her looks was some wrinkling on her face and hands. Not a big deal.

      I met her 21 year old daughter. My girlfriend, was much more attractive (the daughter, while thin, did not have the curves that her mom did). My friends met both and agreed with my assessment (though part of that was colored by the fact that my girlfriend was really sweet and her daughter was pretty much a horrible person). Age, in my experience, is only a factor in as much as A) It reflects in the attributes on Andrew's list B) The guy perceives that in the near future, it will reflect in the attributes on Andrew's list C) The guy hasn't had much experience with women and needs to find some way to artificially boost his self-esteem in the category, so he strictly adheres to arbitrary rules (I myself have, and sometimes still am, guilty of this last one, though about things other than age).

      Delete
  21. Great blog, just found it today!

    However, it doesn't make much sense to me that skin only comes in at 1% importance. I'm not sure if there is any way a woman can dramatically increase her looks, aside from getting in superior shape, than by achieving an excellent complexion and supple, smooth exfoliated lips. There are far too many resources out there for the average woman to be walking around with sub-par, dull, unevenly textured skin which I see way too often.

    Also achieving the correct eyebrow shape can certainly enhance one's facial features in general.

    Anyway I gave some similar advice to a woman asking the blog host over at "Theabbysworld" how to be wife material prior to even stumbling upon your blog, I have a slight urge to link your blog over there so she might receive more information as to maximizing her attractiveness, however the main difference between you and I is that you find a lot more controllable than I do:

    http://www.theabbysworld.com/2011/10/open-discussion-readers-question-how-do.html#comments



    -Xi

    ReplyDelete
  22. Xi,

    Can you link any posts or videos about skin care? As a guy I only do sunblock and moisturizer, so this is somewhat out of my realm.

    1% might have been a low ranking. I actually went back and forth about it because I know a couple girls that are really pretty except they have bad acne scarring. In the end of the day though, I still consider these girls really attractive, and their skin is about as bad as it gets. I could be persuaded to increase it as high as 3, maybe even 4 %, but I doubt I would put it any higher.

    I checked out abby's site - good stuff.

    Thanks for the comment.

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  23. The Rules,

    Thank you, I tried to be reasonably informative.

    And yes,I agree those women who have acne scars are still attractive in spite of it. The thing with skin however, is that it's such an important indicator of one's health so I thoroughly believe that the better, smoother and more radiant the skin is, the more healthy and thus more attractive one will appear.

    The following are some rather excellent skincare youtube videos that I revisit every so often. Ironically, they are mainly from a guy's channel, a gay guy of course. I've found that gay men are a much more better and thorough resource when it comes to things like this. Their videos tend to be a lot more researched, insightful, and informative and ThesublimeAgent's videos are among the best I've seen.

    Tretinoin (Retin-A) -- An Anti-Aging Silver Bullet? (Highly recommend this, I swear by it)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZJlIHZPZF4

    How to cleanse your face properly
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8DEB44QrIA

    My Skin Care Routine
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K4bMfnd4Og&feature=related

    Achieve a Flawless Complexion-Cod Liver Oil
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtHNeX6fUi4

    This is from a popular female makeup guru on Youtube. She shared some helpful hints and also touched on cod liver oil as well:

    My Skin Care Routine for "flawless looking" skin (by Kandee)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky_dEFGecvY


    I think these are good starting points for anyone interested in overall better skincare. One can also search explore their archives and youtube in general for more advice and tips! :)

    -Xi

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi there. Can you actually make a post about older women, if you haven't yet? (I haven't seen all the posts). Specifically, what an older women (in her 30s) can do to... hmmm, how should I put it... find a great man? What are the challenges that a 30+ y.o. woman faces in the dating market? What are some of the opportunities (there have to be some, right)? What about dating younger guys? How should she bring up and frame her age with the younger ones? What's her value in the market and how is she perceived: pitiful and pathetic or no problem at all? I think we can make the assumptions that she's looking for a LTR and is attractive (fit, pretty, style, young-looking, etc). How should she address her dating history, which is obviously a handful: a few LTR's that didn't work out (does it matter who broke those up?), possibly an engagement or two, and a few flings? That would be very helpful to a lot of women in their 30s, I'm sure. I haven't seen a lot of material specifically addressing their challenges on the web (and I've examined a lot of it). That would definitely expand your target audience for sure. And also, maybe it's worth remembering that these women are reading your blog, so maybe including a note about them here and there would be very helpful too. Thanks for all your work!

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  25. YES. I will, definitely.

    I actually spent a couple years where I dated a lot of women older than me (usually I could identify with them more and enjoyed their company more), so I have a number of observations to share that I think you would find helpful. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this topic by now myself, so thanks for the idea. Look for it within in the next month.

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  26. Thanks for the reply. I'm actually herairness. I think, sadly, that you didn't think of this topic because these women do not exist in the minds of bloggers, unless they're fat feminists (because why else would they still be single, right?). Look forward to reading your post. Also, do you have a twitter account? It'd be so much easier to follow your blog if you announced on your twitter that you've posted a new entry.

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  27. I'll consider twitter, but for now if you are interested in getting e-mail updates about new posts, you can "follow" this blog by entering your e-mail address in the "Follow by E-mail" box under the "Labels" and "Popular Posts" sections

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  28. I need to make a comment about the 'hair' posts. My sister pointed it out - she's always had thin hair (and been jealous of mine), I've told her it matters very little, although after reading a bit of your posts I've realized more and more how important it actually is.

    You've listed Hairstyle with 7% importance and Hair Quality with 1%. I'm not going to nitpick on the numbers, just say that the hair quality has a significant importance to how the hairstyle will end up. Especially seeing as the 'hairstyle' most men prefer, is simply the hair worn down, either straight, curly or wavy with a healthy shine (shampoo commercial hair basically).
    The problem for girls (like my sister) who don't have full hair, is not only that it is thin or that her hairline is high, it's that the hair seems to be of poor quality and won't grow past a certain length. She has been trying to grow it long, but it won't grow any more. For many women the hair might grow long, but it will get so thin it's unappealing. She is forever trying to find a hairstyle that is attractive, something like this:
    http://hairstyles-fashion.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Hayden-Panettiere-Bob-Hairstyle.jpg
    But even though this hair is groomed and the girl is attractive, I don't think it can compete with this:
    http://i48.tinypic.com/23hvmgi.jpg
    At least in my opinion :) She obviously has some hair extensions in, but even with those you need a basis of quite good hair (otherwise they won't blend in nicely).

    So I think a girl's hair quality is very, very important to the overall appearance. Most of it is genetics but you can also help by: not over-bleaching or coloring, don't overuse heating tools, use heat protection spray when you blow dry, occasionally sleep with coconut oil or a hair mask in your hair, use a professional hairdresser (even though those who know what they're doing are extremely expensive). And get a natural brush to brush it over the plastic ones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If her hair is too thin for hair extensions she might want to seek medical attention to see if there's an underlying condition causing the issue. (I used to be a hair stylist in one of my lifetimes). Hair plays a very big role in a woman's appearance. I remember this show called The Swan and they'd have all this plastic surgery done, but the biggest change was always after the stylist colored, cut and styled the hair. Wigs are not a bad option if her hair is that much of a problem, they make great ones these days, as well there is great product that keep it on your head so that even lovemaking won't pull it off. Just a thought.

      Delete
  29. Mr. TheRulesRevisited, You have forgotten two very important numbers in your analysis: TIME and MONEY. Improving upon each of these categories takes a considerable about of time, and you seem to have forgotten that women have other things to do during their day (such as work, and spend time with their family and friends) than improve their appearance. You also seem to have forgotten that the cost of cloths, beauty products, and visits to various beauty salons and doctors gets very expensive very quickly, and most women do not have the money to spend on their looks to the extent that you think they should. For example, let's say that I'm a "five" right now. I completely agree with you that with enough work I could make myself an "eight," but it would literally take six or more hours a day every day and thousands of dollars a month for me to so. That is not an exaggeration! (I can do the math for you if you really want, but don't feel like it's worth it to get into that right now.) Who has the time or money to do that, other than The Real Housewives of Orange County? And the women of The Real Housewives of Orange County are not the type of women I aspire to be. Nor do would any benefit from living a society in which that is what the majority of women aspire to. In fact, it kind of sounds like a nightmare.

    I also disagree with your premise that weight and fitness are 85% controllable, and that body shape is only 13% important. In general, body shape is pretty important, and often more important than weight in appearance...and body shape is virtually impossible to change without surgery. For example, I'm sure that many men would prefer a woman who has a perfect hour-glass shape and is 20lbs overweight than a woman who is an "ideal" weight but is extremely pear-shaped and has oddly proportioned limbs. And as for weight being 85% controllable, that is a number that you simply pulled out of your ass. NO ONE (not scientists, doctors, nutritionists, or random people from the public) understands the issue of weight completely, and you are not an exception to that rule.

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    1. All you are really saying here is that most women have other priorities. They choose to spend their time, effort or money on things other than their appearance.

      All I am really saying in the post is that these women will never look good.

      So we agree.

      Delete
    2. Six hours? No way! No, it doesn't take that much. The problem is, many women do all or nothing. It's not their fault: makeup and shopping and all that stuff is addictive. By the time they get past their addiction they decide they're not gonna care at all.

      Normally I buy a few new items every month, do my makeup in less than 20 minutes, my hair is all natural and I'm fairly thin so I only do a little excercise to make my arms shapely. It doesn't make my number go up by 3 but I still feel pretty and my bf seems happy and he knows I will not let myself go.

      Delete
    3. actually since I started looking after myself I have saved a lot of money. Do you know how much money I have saved by not eating takeaway, how much time I have saved not consuming food!!! I spent most of my time eating out whether on my own or with my girlfriends.

      If you are on the smaller side, being a really freakish shaped pear body is going to show less and I would know because when I was a "huge" girl I looked in-proportionate so losing weight can actually help the shape - gaining weight another story - sorry skinny girls but for some reason I think you still get attention voluptuous women never get.

      I sense from your letter your frustration is at how men base relationships on appearance. I used to be so frustrated when I lost the weight because of the fact that I didn't get not even the smallest attention because of my excess weight and despite being apparently "very pretty" to suddenly men asking me out to be downright disgusting but then I questioned would I be in love with George Clooney if he didn't have his status and was a homeless bum. We just have to accept their values are not like ours. We see them as superficial but it's the way they were made...is it really their fault. They may see us as gold diggers because we want drive and ambition...is it really our fault we are biologically programmed to see that in a companion?

      Thank you to the guy who writes this up. You must be a logistical genuis. I may not agree with the way he has sliced up his pie (based on my own interviews with men over my life) but I'd say one thing is...dont expect a man to see past your lack of effort in your appearance to your wonderful, fun personality. Life is not a Disney movie.

      Delete
  30. No. I would say most women, including myself, already spend an ass-load of time, money, and effort on our appearance, and the last thing we need to be told is to sacrifice even more of our lives to our appearance. You act like you are the first person to tell the female population that looks are important and can be altered...umm, no shit Sherlock. A woman would have to be a blind deaf-mute not to have seen/heard advice 50 billion times a day on how to change her appearance. A couple of things are going over your head. The first is that your advice is unnecessary because every. single. woman. on. earth. has already heard it countless times. The second is that your title "Feminine Beauty is Highly Controllable" is misleading because it ignores the important point that in order to change feminine beauty "highly" one must sacrifice "highly" and the sacrifice isn't worth it. If I were to do the things necessary to highly alter my appearance, I would doubtless get more attention from men, but it would actually be harder for me to maintain a relationship because I'd be such an awful person that they'd leave me quickly once they saw how much I sucked. A better title might be: "Feminine Beauty is Highly Controllable...If You Are Willing to Be a Self-Absorbed, Broke, Fake, Sick, Anorectic, Shopaholic, Self-Hating, Miserable, Soulless Bitch with no Time for a Job or Other People Besides Yourself." (In other words, the kind of women who inhabit Southern California:)) That's not good advice.

    Women who aren't fake will never look good? Wrong again. Have you ever been to another country, or simply another part of our own country? There are still a few men left that appreciate natural beauty, and I know plenty of women who look gorgeous with their natural hair, no makeup, and flat shoes. How do you think the human population survived this long? A lot of the beauty enhancements you encourage didn't exist two hundred hears ago, yet I'm pretty sure men hundreds of years ago still found women attractive, at least attractive enough to procreate until the world was full with 7 billion people. I said earlier that I might be a five, and I looking fucking fine, according to myself, and according to many men. But, I guess, according to you, I'll never look good...

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    1. IF I were a guy, I wouldn't be attracted to you even if you wear a ton of makeup and get your boobs and nose done because you're just so full of angst! and that's a fcking turn off!

      Delete
    2. I know this is an old post, but I had to respond. I'm female.

      If this is the way you react to something you don't like or perhaps hits too close to home, you are absolutely right it would be a waste of your time to do any of this.

      You need to work on straightening up your outlook on life and men. Your post screams of unattractiveness from the inside. Andrew's trying to help and you're reaming him out? Wow.

      My suggestion is that you don't even waste your time looking for a partner. Just wear sweats. Because if you do find a man you like, odds are you are going drive him away real quick. As the saying goes, "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone."

      If you want to be loved, you need to be lovable. Work on that.

      Sorry. But your post was absolutely offensive to me as a woman.

      Delete
    3. Lol, oh yeah you must be a real catch with that horrible attitude. I'm sure you think you have a "great personality" too. Get out of here or sit the fuck down and take the advice. It's pretty obvious you're some fat chick who no one wants anyway so you have to be loud, obnoxious, and butt hurt about everything all the time for anyone to even notice you.

      Delete
  31. By the way, I think many of your other posts are interesting and actually have some great advice. However, this one was just fucking rediculous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We get it, you don't like the post geez.

      Delete
  32. Ok, so Andrew..

    say two women somewhere in their twenties..

    One has the "raw materials" but dresses scuffily, wears little makeup, is clumsy, doesn't know what to do with her hair..

    The other not as gifted physically but knows how to dress impeccably, flattering hairstyle, perfectly applied makeup etc..

    Who do you go for? Is it possible for a would be pretty woman to make herself "ugly" and undateable purely by the way she presents herself?

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think the best looking women are often not luckier in love than others. Of course part of it is because there is more than looks to relationships - if being a "10" would guarantee love, then we wouldn't see the most beautiful actresses or top models divorcing all the time, but they do.
    But I'm talking about women who are striking AND have pleasant personalities / are intelligent. I know men who are very attractive/high quality who has been dating stunning women for some time, but now seem to have settled down with girls who are pretty, but not stunning. Of course there has to be compatibility, but I find that many men seem to settle down with women who are less attractive, yet not not necessarily sweeter or more intelligent than women they dated before (personalities - the same, looks - less).
    I read somewhere from a research: "If women are too attractive, men stay in their cerebral cortexes. They'll date beautiful women to feel envy from their male friends. They have no reason to shift into their limbic brains and emotionally connect". I've also heard quotes saying that men date the MOST stunning women to impress others, but are more likely to settle with someone who's just "cute". It probably varies with personal preference, but I have in fact also heard from guys, particularly very young guys, that they prefer a girl with a "girl next door" type of appearance.

    I remember in the post "human energy is conserved" you said that you choose to spend your energy one way or another. But assuming a woman isn't "all looks", i.e. she is sweet and would make a good girlfriend/wife, perhaps a natural 7, and only needs a certain amount of energy to improve up to a 9/10.
    What makes a "10" is objective, but I'm talking about women that are in the higher end of the scale to most men, as close as possible to Victoria's Secret appearance.

    Do you think it is intimidation? What if you have in fact started dating her and therefore have some proof of her interest? Are some guys uncomfortable with other men coveting their gf/wife, or do some even assume more attractive women are higher maintenance? (I have observed that if an unattractive girl says she is busy, it seems men think it's true, but if an attractive woman says so, it is as if she is high maintenance, demanding or uninterested).
    You've said you're always trying to date the most attractive women, but perhaps you've seen some of it in other men?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it's because I am hungover right now but I don't quite understand what you are asking... Is what intimidation? Some men get intimidated by hot women, yes. Seen some of what in other men?

      Delete
  34. Great Questions...

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  35. Can you give an example of a woman who has changed you through a relationship as well as how and why?

    ReplyDelete
  36. A guy friend told me he is always curious to see/meet a girl's mother. It'll give an indication of her genetics. Do you ever think like that? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, almost always and I know other men do this too. I should make a post about this.

      Delete
    2. Some daughters have their grandmothers or fathers genetics and haven't ever looked like their mothers in face or body.

      that may be a little unfair as some mothers gain a lot of weight while their daughters refuse to allow that to happen

      Delete
  37. Did you ever consider you guys aren't worth it any more?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Respectful, non-trolling question (you put lots of time and effort into this and I respect that):
    Facial structure is shown to be pretty important but not very controllable. I agree; no matter how much makeup you slather on a horse-face it'll still be a horse-face, and a pear-face will still be a flat heavy pear-face. And it's all got to come off at some point. So what else are girls with that issue supposed to do (you can't have people not look at your face)?
    Sorry if somebody has asked this before, I randomly found this article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Play up your other strengths. Do your best with your face but get your body in perfect shape, get your hair to look awesome, etc. No single aspect of beauty is all-important (though weight comes close).

      Delete
  39. Hi,
    I am not sure about "Facial Structure". Are you recommending plastic surgery for those less fortunate? Also, how does racial/ethnic features play into this facial structure game???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think plastic surgery should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, but in some instances it can be appropriate. The thing you need to ask is "why do I feel like this is necessary?"

      As I've explained, being unattractive is more a matter of effort than bone structure. If you think you need it, you are probably mistaken. Fix all of the other things first before taking such drastic measures.

      Delete
  40. I love this. And I'm a woman!!! I love the amount of attention you put in this. And it makes it easy to understand and easy to clear up!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hi I appreciate the effort you have made in creating this pie chart. However, I disagree with looks being that important. By many, I'm considered as very attractive...but that has not helped me in my love life. I also am very intelligent, and have a great personality. But apparently, these things don't matter either. I get a lot of attention. But I have difficulty in finding the right man, or in keeping a man. I have seen many women who are not that attractive, even overweight, get into wonderful relationships with great men. So with all of my attractiveness, it counts for naught. There are many, many women who are extremely beautiful, and who are also pervasively single. So although it helps to become more attractive, I really do not think this is the most crucial element in finding a good relationship. I'm wondering if it's so important to you because you are not in a stage where you're ready to settle down, and if what a man looks for when they're ready, and not ready are different things entirely. But ultimately, something else is way more important than looks. And I'd like to figure out what that is...

    ReplyDelete
  42. I found your blog in aid of getting some advice for a friend who's attempt at starting a 'relationship' and I started from your post about not fucking on the first date. I've been speaking to my boyfirend and his advice is similar to yours but luckily your advice is an outside unbiased (i.e. you don't know her personally) source which hopefully I can try bring her to her senses with. I am SO glad I've found this. Of course it is written from your perspective, but I think on the most part you are spot on for the majority of guys and offers a great insight for women who don't always understand where men are coming from. I've lost count of the hour long phonecalls for analysis over a text message... I'd almost given up, both the will to live, and I've given up giving my friend advice. As I'm sure you can tell from a lot of negative responses and comments women can still be outraged and disgusted from the behaviour, opinions and beliefs of men. I've long since accepted that above all simple biology has SO much to do with it and men are simple, not stupid, just women read far too much into things without accepting them at face value. Now I'm hoping that I can show her this, read some of it to her and bring home some simple home truths about how trying to turn fuck-buddy into a loving caring boyfriend is just about the stupidest thing I've heard. But thankfully I can blame the male perspective rather than her thinking I'm being negative and critical.

    You may have just saved my life.... but we'll see, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink eh. I'll wait to see how the aftermath of her turning up self-invited to a guys house that is 'busy', in just her underwear under a coat (her amazing idea) for some afternoon fun. But then why won't her call her?! Its okay she assures me she'll make him love her.... I'm assuming because Ears didn't get a % it won't lower me on the scale if I just remove them both now.

    Thank you for your wisdom! And ladies, don't get mad - this one man's view not your own but being that you came here probably looking for advice take it from the perspective of a guy and that means its not sugar coated bullshit that you want to hear.

    AND FINALLY.... facial structure IS important, there have been many studies showing that we base attractiveness on a proportional and symmetrical basis. You don't need surgery, that's stupid but there are makeup tricks, think using blusher to create an appearance of well defined cheekbones, some highlight tricks on the nose can make it appear smaller/thinner. Its more about making the most out of what you have. You might have a larger nose for instance, probably not a great idea to pierce it and draw attention to that fact. Maybe a big forehead, you can hide it with a clever hairstyle. You don't need to spend money doing unchangeable operations to your face and I don't think this is at all what the author is suggesting.

    Actually I think eyes play more importance in this than credit for (0%) my boyfriend is like most, he tells me I look nice (usually if I ask, or want his opinion 'its nice' 'you look nice' 'nice') but the one time I notice he'll not stop gushing is if I wear green and it makes my green eyes stand out, I get compliments all day from him! Seriously I could cut my hair off and he probably wouldn't notice but he'll notice the colour of my top if it matches my eyes... men! Guys love looking at boobs, butts, hips etc but when he's talking to you the only respectful place to look is in your eyes and it is possible to enhance them with colour splashes in your wardrobe or makeup. I think eye contact is an important part in seducing, so make the most of them. Okay, enough endless typing.

    ReplyDelete
  43. most women start to look old and wrinkly past 25- 26.
    thank god 4 makeup

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the other team is waiting. Go play on their side and find out real fast how important male appearance is and how physical perfection is the only way to avoid being invisible, much less get sex. Period.

      You won't find men much easier, and you won't measure up to gay standards. Trust me. Go play there.

      We won't miss ya!

      Delete
  44. Not entirely true. The only women who look old and wrinkly at 25-26 are the ones who don't look after their skin. A good diet, water, sunscreen and retinoid all contribute to great skin.

    These days it is not uncommon to see women in their early twenties walking around with wrinkles. It's all to do with genetics and how you look after yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Regarding 'facial structure', I am curious to know what (today's) men actually find desirable, as beauty ideals seem to have changed in that department.
    Many of today's popular actresses have much more manly built faces than what was ideal 50 years ago. Keira Knightley, Eva Mendes are the most obvious examples, with very prominent, strong jaw lines. Olivia Wilde, Brooklyn Decker and Angelina Jolie are other examples. I remember this was also a discussion on HUS, where someone posed the question whether an actress with very soft, feminine features like Elizabeth Taylor's is less desirable today.
    Doesn't this indicate that men's view on beauty can be affected by the media? Or are these women attractive in spite of their masculine features?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you can find just as many modern models or actresses with softer features, so I am unconvinced by the premise of the argument.

      Anyway, many of these "harder" features are not necessarily masculine in eastern European culture for example; it is simply the way women there look, and men are attracted to them.

      Delete
    2. Yes, but eastern European women are more prominent in fashion today than they were before. And that is following a more masculine ideal in fashion, which is created by gay designers - sharp, hard features combined with boyish frames. It is still not most men's preferences - fashion models are rarely conventionally attractive (only makeup and underwear models are). But the fashion industry has an influence on Hollywood.
      Perhaps it is just down to varying tastes and how some men like masculine features, the same way some women want feminine men with soft features. I simply noted how this ideal seems to be promoted in the media (something I hadn't thought of until a commenter mentioned on HUS how most leading ladies "seemed to have a more masculine jawline than their male counterparts").

      Delete
  46. Your "blog" promotes sexism. I've read through most of the links. Not sure why you woke up one morning and thought that your opinion on everything women "should" do, should matter. I recommend you might need to get a few hobbies (:

    ReplyDelete
  47. This is a fantastic post and in my personal experience very very true. About four years ago I stumbled into the manosphere and at first was wildly offended at comments that suggested men care about looks first and then I stuck around to find out why. It's biological in nature. Men want what looks good for breeding (I know crass but true). Clear skin, bright eyes, healthy, thick hair, waist to hip ratio are all indicators of fertility. I decided to focus on maximizing my own attractiveness and without a doubt the attention I receive from men quadrupled. I dress for men now, not women, meaning I emphasize my waist to hip ratio, I wear heels because it makes my legs and butt look better, I aim for stylish with a tiny bit of sexy, I always do my hair and wear it long, I always have make-up on to capitalize my best features (eyes and lips) and minimize my flaw (my nose). I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but fact is if I don't turn at least 1 head in every room I enter, I've failed. I would be a 6 without effort and am easily close to an 8 (just short of it) with my intervention. We can be offended at the message, but it doesn't change the facts - men care deeply about how you'd look on his arm.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Facial structure is partly controllable - but only by your parents. Poor facial structure has two causes: malnutrition of the mother during pregnancy and of the child during its early life, and exposure to drugs or chemicals at some time in the early life or pregnancy. A dentist named Weston A. Price went around the world studying people living in primitive tribes and discovered that the face and mouth deformities (crooked teeth, etc) that are common in the modern world are nonexistent in primitive tribes, and he found out why. If a mother with crooked teeth eats properly and avoids exposure to large amounts of chemicals such as pesticides, she is able to produce a child who is much more beautiful and healthier overall than she herself ever was. These deformities are controllable, not genetic.

    Look at the pictures in Weston Price's book. You will never see faces the same way again.

    http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks02/0200251h.html

    Also see 'Is it mental or is it dental?' on the Weston Price website for more photos of people with deformed faces.

    http://www.westonaprice.org/dentistry/mental-or-dental

    Caution: I have tried a few of the foods recommended by the Weston Price diet, and some of them are dangerous. I am opposed to using cod liver oil - it causes severe reactions in a lot of people, such as bruising and bleeding. You can follow the general principles of the diet without using those particular foods. Many of the foods that they talk about in this diet are potentially dangerous, and you have to try only a tiny little bit of them first to see if you have a reaction. I could give you a lot more information about the dangers of these foods because of my own experiences, but I'll keep my comment short for now.

    In spite of the dangers and difficulties of using this diet, the general idea remains, if I save the baby and throw out the bathwater: the deformities are preventable, and they are caused by either malnutrition during pregnancy and the baby's early life, and/or by exposure to toxic chemicals such as pesticides. But they are not normal, they are not genetic, they are not random. They do have a cause.

    Facial beauty is objective, not subjective. It is not merely someone's opinion that a person is more beautiful or less beautiful than another (beyond a certain point - it's true that some people prefer particular kinds of faces over others). There are some forms of ugliness that are objectively bad. The deformities affect your entire head and brain and body, so that you have trouble breathing and have many different health consequences overall. The deformities affect people's health, their happiness, and their brains, so that these people become more likely to use drugs, commit crimes, and do many other things to compensate for being generally unhealthy, unhappy, and unable to function in their lives.

    It is always helpful to know that yet another aspect of our body is controllable, and that problems are preventable.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Why is weight just 42%? I think it should be more like 88%. Most guys I know will not even consider a girl dating material unless she under a certain size. They don't know that but I notice by the girls they always point to and talk to. Also, I myself have been over 75 lbs what I am now so I see the reaction change for better and worse.

    AnonymousLilly

    ReplyDelete
  50. Thank you for all of your hard work on this blog. I've been lurking here a couple weeks and I really enjoy your posts. Question for you, what defines a pretty face/ facial structure? For example, you said Paris Hilton doesn't have a pretty face (never would've guessed that) but Carrie Underwood does. What is it that makes the difference?

    ReplyDelete
  51. I understand that overall weight/fitness is more important the breast size, but what about when you get down to where you're a healthy weight but you could be thinner if you wanted, but at the expense of breast size. For example, I can eat normally and jog a few times a week and I'll be 120-125 lbs ( I'm 5'3" ...that's about a size 4 or 6 if you're familiar with female sizes) and have C cup breasts. But if I jog every day and watch what I eat I go down to 110-115lbs (about size 2). My collar bone and facial structure are more defined, no more love handles, and I think I look better overall, with one exception: my breasts shrink to a large A/small B. Andrew and/or male readers, do you have any opinion on this? Which would you prefer: an average weight with fuller breasts or thinner with small breasts? Do you think your preference is universal or one of those things that varies man to man?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thinner with small breasts, but I think it would vary from man to man. It would also depend a lot on what you mean by "average weight." I know you quantified it and even gave a height, but women wear weight differently. If you want to e-mail me photos I can give you a better opinion, but I think the main point is that different men will have different opinions here anyway.

      Delete
    2. How about getting a personal trainer to focus on certain areas of your body and leave the breasts alone?

      Delete
    3. Sounds like your body has a lot of water or your muscles are not usually active.

      Delete
    4. Thanks for your opinion Andrew.....Oh gosh I wish it was as simple as a personal trainer to be thin and have big boobs lol. Unfortunately I'm taking about weight loss, and obviously I can't choose where I lose the weight no matter what kind of training I do.

      What gives you that impression? You're right I do retain water.. I jog often though and do pilates so no, my muscles are active.

      Delete
    5. I was the naive anon who thought that one could keep boobs while slimming down the rest of the body. For myself, I have decided to sign up for gym and work out consistently for overall fitness and health. If I lose some of my already limited boobs, then that's too bad. I will grow my hair long to make up for the lost points. ;p

      Delete
    6. If you lose boob size, just get one of those magic bras.

      Delete
    7. I was the original anonymous....and yeah haha I'm wearing one of those victoria secret add-two-cup-sizes extreme pushup bras as we speak :p But it's sort of hard to fake with bikinis (althoug VS does have some extreme pushup ones but they look clearly fake) or being naked. Even with some shirts it's hard to pull the extreme push up off, ya know?
      Actually I'd be interested to know what guys think about that. If a girl is wearing a pushup bra that adds size is that better than just going natural? Is it a huge disappointment if she wears a bikini/ you see her naked and they're not as big as you thought?

      Delete
    8. yes Andrew I am curious about your thoughts on this as well?

      Delete
    9. When he gets you naked, he will notice your smaller than expected boobs, but he will be too excited about getting his dick wet to care in the moment. In the long term, he might care, but you can't hide it forever without getting a boob job - which you might consider (just PLEASE don't overdo it like EVERY girl does).

      In any case, I'd rather see you clothed with larger-looking boobs than clothed with tiny ones. Your boobs are what they are when you're naked, but when you are clothed, might as well make them look good. However, this is just my opinion; I don't pretend I speak for all men on this. I suspect some would disagree, as men tend to disagree a lot about breast size. Some actually prefer small boobs.

      Delete
    10. I have a question about boob jobs.
      I got mine done about 9 months ago. Some people found it nuts because I'm so young (22). I was a small B cup and am now around a D cup, depending on the brand. I'm a size 2-4 so they are in proportion - full enough, but you wouldn't call them fake (my mother didn't notice). They've softened up and I'm very happy at the moment.
      As almost every other girl who's done the same thing, I spent time thinking whether I should have gone a little larger while I was at it (I had one of the smaller implants). I suppose the mindset here is that SO many girls have it done these days that it is harder and harder to compete with other flawless figures. While breasts can get to the point of ridiculous, it is easy to think that you could blow out some competition with "slightly bigger breasts".
      I will admit the surgery has opened my mind to new things - such as whether I could benefit from a chin implant.

      I was wondering if you're considering a post on cosmetic surgery and other procedures. I know some doctors quite well and have over time realized that most of the celebrities and models men admire, have had a whole range of things done (lip fillers are almost mandatory, even for girls with naturally full lips, like ScarJo). Would men feel different about said women knowing all of these things? Is everything okay as long as it's done well and not obvious? If not, where does the line go? (For example, everybody bleaches their teeth but laser lipo is 'too much' if you're slim).

      Delete
    11. I guess it depends what look you are going for, as well as the type of guy you wish to attract. I have a friend that is 'all-natural' even with make up and it looks good on her. I personally think that she would look hot if she used more make up than the occasional lip gloss. But to each, his own. I have a C cup naturally, personally think that size is ideal. So, it works out for me. The guys I like tend to find that size attractive as well.

      Generally, I would say to avoid plastic surgery as much as possible. It is expensive and imperfections are what make us beautiful. Though if I had certain features, I would get something done. All the nip-tuck is bad for your health and beauty down the line. I do think that getting implants is fine if you don't feel womanly without them. Many guys that didn't notice you before, might take not now. But implants are not the real thing, just like bras that amp your boobs 2 cup sizes aren't the real thing. It doesn't feel real during sex.

      It's preference for males and females. Like I love makeup but the fake eyelashes and nails on a daily basis is too much. You are probably competing with more 'superficial' woman when you look into men that want the perfect barbie doll. So, your competition is essentially the same.

      Your competition reflects what you value and put effort into. And well, there is equally enough women doing that for everything. Some pay for boobs, others focus more on abs, others on clean eating, others on mental acuity.

      Delete
  52. Andrew/male commenters: what do you think about girls being tan? I live in the Northeast where it's not conducive to being tan in the winter and I'm considering not even tanning in the summer because I don't want premature wrinkles, skin cancer, etc. I'm naturally pale so I try to give my face a little color wearing blush, but still I think I look better tan. How important is being tan? I've heard of this new spray on tan and was considering trying it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It depends. It usually looks good on a girl when it is done in moderation, but there are other ways to leverage your complexion if you don't tan easily. Read this post: Your Skin Color Matters

      Delete
  53. Andrew, I wonder if you've ever thought about how much time goes into improving one's looks. The Western culture's idea of an attractive woman means that a woman has to routinely spend hours making her hair immaculate with straightening irons, curling irons, and an array of products that, though they make her look good, are damaging her hair and are bad for her health, she has to layer her face with the standard makeup routine, which consists of a primer, then a concealer, then a foundation, and then a powder, then a blush, then and eyebrow pencil or powder, then eyeshadow which she meticulously applies according to the illusion she wants to create , then an eyeliner, then mascara, and lastly, something for her lips, she has to get her nails done every two weeks and her hair cut every month or more, she has to go shopping for the clothing that will flatter her specifically, which is not easy to do and takes a great investment of time (and clothing does make a much bigger difference than your chart suggests, I assure you), she as to apply lotions and masks routinely and shave everything religiously, not to mention the amount of damage control that is always needed for continuously using damaging products all over her body. And most women add going to the gym and tanning everyday to this list, among other not as common but not unheard of beauty practices.
    I didn't even mention how much all of this costs, but I'm sure you can imagine that it's a lot. Now, with all of this in mind, remember that these women usually also have to work for a living between beauty regimens. Some women get accustomed to this lifestyle and adapt to it, never again having nor desiring the extra time to develop a passion outside of pleasing men.
    So, what would your advice be to a woman who wants more out of life than this? Who doesn't want to become a slave to beauty for the sake of pleasing a man, but who also desires to love and be loved? Who wants to use her extra time outside of work and cleaning to learn and to paint and to create and to continue expanding her mind until it ceases to amaze her? I've hung up my curling iron and makeup brush, and I've finally gotten a taste of life as it should be lived. I can't go back to those ways, nor do I have any desire to, but I do want to spend my life with someone who's presence pleases me and who is pleased by my presence, and not just by my body's presence. What would your advice be for that? Because I don't think the lifestyle of the Western cultured woman is any lifestyle at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd say she should start by learning how to avoid looking fake, which will reduce some of the time needed to look good. If she still thinks it takes too much time to look attractive, then she should settle for an asexual man and come to terms with not having/enjoying sex.

      Delete
    2. look for men that are more evolved than Andrew

      Delete
    3. I tell my wife to minimize damaging makeup and put more time in gaining more knowledge and developing her personality. Those two things is what will carry a womans sexual market value after her looks start diminishing. Do spend time on those items.


      But remember the 80-20 rule - for a little investment you can get a 60% to 80% boost to your appearance. The other 40% to 20% will take a an effort double or triple in size to the first part. Save that effort to when i really counts.

      Delete
    4. I am 50 years old. I have never enjoyed so much attention in my life as right now. Attention where I can choose the men,and even going through some hear breaks, I make a new space for new men...and alas. I am getting better quality guys... Anyway, the looks: I have a short hair and all I need is to take a shower and pump them up by hands, may be with some silkenning gel... but it still will be touchable and soft hair. My hair are not manageable normally unless the hairdresser will spend time on it. So I went to party in a nice sweater, a leggings, and a shoes that were well coordinated and very inexpensive. Since my youth I am wearing a very minimum make up and some eyeliners. My whole routine before leaving might be only 1 hour: shower, hair, make up , dress up... it is not bad... and I met a guy... in and odd company, where rich men do not usually visit... and now I date him. so my point is... looks is not everything. I am far far far from being a beauty queen. My looks comes from being spirited and interested in life, focused on business and I am playing guitar. Somehow guys see it very attractive and single me out lately... for the outher reasons that I can not understand... But it comes definitely from inside... outside is only a inexpensive but carefully selected close, and yes I lost weight and keep it off with vegan diet... even 15 pounds made such a difference. They see me youthful ;-)

      Delete
  54. Oops! People look at these things because they are external and because there is advertising money in them.
    If you ask guys who they go out with the fourth time, it should include:
    she faces me when talking
    she gives me her attention, (as opposed to "pays attention to me")
    she matches my conversational rhythm and responds
    she is smiling and
    she is relaxed in my company
    I am relaxed in her company.

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    Replies
    1. thanks.. well said. I got also reasons like: I am not being "pushy", I also have noticed that the guy I've been dating earlier this year have been matching my positive thought process. It was pleasant to know that his own life at this point was better, he was more inspired, better handling his "problems" in life, in self-evaluation. He was better off overall.

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  55. Andrew, if a woman is usually dressed and groomed well and comes into contact with men who are attracted to her, but she has days when gets a little more lax with her appearance, like not wearing make-up, not styling her hair, or dressing as nice as she usually does, then do the men who are usually attracted to her lose that attraction? And does it come back when she dolls herself up again? What do men usually think when women are inconsistent with their appearance?

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  56. Andrew-How should a woman deal with some people (including some men) who react to her new and improved look with suspicion and other negativity? I usually wear jeans and a sweater, but the few occasions when I've tried to dress a bit sexier (but still classy) by doing my hair and make-up, and wearing heels and a dress, some people seemed to think I was up to something or had some kind of ulterior motive for changing my image. It can be really frustrating and even demoralizing when you're just trying to improve yourself and make the most of your looks and have others react so strangely. I know that some people think that women who react negatively might just be a bit jealous, but what about when straight men do it? I've had some male friends and acquaintances respond quite positively to my new look, but others have become quite cool towards me and I even had one loser call me a slut! And I DO NOT LOOK OR ACT SLUTTY. It's not that these morons opinions matter, I would just like to better understand why they have them.

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    Replies
    1. They are morons, that's why. No need to understand why they have such mentality. Straight men who react so poorly to your new look aren't worth your time.

      Delete
    2. Changing your look abruptly is bound to raise eyebrows. I suggest changing it slowly, maybe over the course of 6 months or a year - not only because others will grow used to it more gradually, but because it will allow YOU to grow used to is gradually.

      But I agree with the commenter above. Fuck 'em. Own your new look. KNOW you look better. If you get a question like "what are you wearing THAT for?" just tell them plainly and honestly: "I am making an effort to dress better" and proceed with your day. You might even engage them slightly by adding "why, do you not like it? what do you think I should change?" By treating their comment like it was based in a real objection to your outfit (rather than jealousy or surprise, which is probably the case), you will show them that you are serious about improving. And hey, they might even give you some good feedback. But the important thing is that you own the fact that you are trying something new, and it might not be perfect, but you are OK with that and are doing it anyway, because you know it is the way to improve.

      Delete
    3. Andrew-Thanks for your response. The thing is I know that changing my look abruptly will raise some eyebrows, but what I'm still unclear about is WHY?

      My look sometimes is dramatically different on some days not because I meant to abruptly change it, but more due to the amount of time I have to get ready on certain days as opposed to others. On some mornings, I'm rushed and I don't really have much time to do anything else except shower. comb my hair, brush my teeth and get dressed. On those days, I usually wear my glasses, leave my hair naturally curly, wear no make-up, and a sweater and pants because I didn't have time to shave my legs so I could wear a skirt. But on the days that I do have more time, I'll sometimes blow dry my hair out, wear contact lenses, make-up, and a skirt or dress. What's wrong with having some days when you feel like dressing up and other times when you feel like being more casual? Can a woman not have more than one look? I really don't mean to sound defensive or sassy, I'm genuinely just curious.

      I know some people (usually other women) might just be jealous and to be honest, I think that is to be kind of expected to an extent, but what I really don't get is why some straight guys would seem threatened and angry by a well-dressed, attractive woman? I swear some of them are even worse than jealous chicks! lol, I just don't get it.

      When you suggest a woman change her look gradually, is there a certain order that you would recommend? Like if she usually wears jeans and a t-shirt, no make up and doesn't do much with her hair, should she start with maybe wearing make-up and contacts, then change her hair, then start wearing dresses and heels? Or should it be in a different order?

      Delete
    4. Please don't let those few men make influence what you think and do. You sound like a normal woman making normal changes/improvements, but your last paragraph seems to suggest that you have little confidence in yourself. I know you weren't asking me for my opinion, but if you were my girl friend, I'd tell you to chill and not to over analyze. :)

      Delete
    5. Thanks Anon @Feb 18, 4:21 PM

      I know I was asking Andrew, but I appreciated your response nonetheless. Yes, you're probably right about me needing to chill and not over analyze and I guess I can see how my last paragraph seemed as though I don't have a lot of self-confidence, but really, that's not the case. I do have confidence, it's just that I was curious to know the time frame Andrew recommends for a woman to incorporate her new look. I don't plan on necessarily following it, because I feel 6 months is a bit too long, but I was still just curious to hear what he had to say about it.

      Delete
  57. Bwhahhaha, I can't believe this, financial pies for the "components of female beauty" bwhahahhah Oh dear, what specie are you? Is this blog computer, sorry mini-tel generated?

    ReplyDelete
  58. Nice to see you're amused by this dnstrauma, but what have you done lately for others anyway? At least Andrew is doing something to help others & I sure as hell am grateful for him giving his time to write his posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And do this Andrew's advice helped you? Is is graphically pathetic enough for you? hahah Example from your helping-guru:
      "When he gets you naked, he will notice your smaller than expected boobs, but he will be too excited about getting his dick wet to care in the moment. In the long term, he might care, but you can't hide it forever without getting a boob job - which you might consider (just PLEASE don't overdo it like EVERY girl does). "
      What's wrong with you girls anyway? You need clown mockery instead trying to reinforce your womanhood through innate practice? Are you afraid of real life and hide into deriding blogs reading? Don't you even distinguish anymore between common sense advice and derailed speeches? I wish that every one of you discover the feminine marvel inside her and be more confident. Gals, listen to your instincts, you have already all the knowledge regarding how to relate to the opposite sex. Thousands of generations worked at this imprint of yours. It is in your genes. You have just to be yourselves.

      Delete
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  61. Thanks for this Blog. I am trying to attract a specific guy and I appreciate the advice here. I suppose I am an "older woman" but am a serious weightlifter (5-6 days per week.) Girls, getting fit is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for yourself. Since I've been on a regular weightlifting schedule, the men won't stay away. They will love seeing YOU, too in your best shape ever. Weightlifing and the health supplements also make your hair and skin look younger. Funny thing though, two of the reasons my last boyfriend left me were 1) I spent too much time at the gym and he was NOT interested in joining me, and 2) he actually thought I was HOT and that I would leave him first.

    ReplyDelete
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  63. It seems that if you're saying all girls, with some effort, can get to ~5-6, then "average" becomes 7.5 or so. So no, not all girls can get "above average" if they put in effort. Rather, they can be more attractive than if they didn't put in effort. The only -possible- way by your metric that you can get "above average" by mere effort is through reliance on "slackers" who start with <5 on natural beauty, and don't put in effort.

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  69. OK..say you are reasonably attractive to begin with..if you have just ONE week what are some inexpensive things a woman can do immediately to improve her looks to appeal to a man. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  70. This is so fucking awesome. As a woman who was recently dumped...boo woo! Your blog def doesn't suck...I thank you for your honesty...and humor.

    ReplyDelete
  71. I find this website incredibly demeaning. By spending countless hours erecting this website and attempting to quantify feminine beauty, Andrew, you have proven just how incapable you are of seeing what women are worth beyond their physical appearance. Ladies, as easy as it is to get sucked into this shit, there is no reason to spend any more time than you already do obsessing over your appearance. That will only make you feel shittier and uglier, because you can't live up to the IMPOSSIBLE expectations that the media has planted into guys like this. There really are GREAT GUYS out there, who really will value your personality and inner beauty. Every man knows what a hot body looks like, but even men can tell the difference between someone who has spent their time perfecting their appearance and someone who has spent their time growing as a human being, and even men want to live their life with a great human being by their side.

    If you want to see more stuff that will make you feel BETTER about yourself and what you can offer the world and how you can attract guys you actually want to be with, here is some recommended viewing material:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTlmho_RovY
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Fbwsh9Iw_w

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally agree. I would also add that using graphs and figures is very misleading. He is applying generalized numbers to his personal subjective assessments.

      For instance, I personally find waist to hip ratio to be a major influence in my instinctual attraction to women. Science points to this being a strong indicator of attractiveness.
      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1306012/Beauty-summed-To-tell-womans-really-attractive-figures.html
      It hardly deserves a 3% in my book. Other examples: I don't like heels in general, I am more attracted to butts than boobs, and I like smaller boobs than larger(while a good friend loves large breasts). But I am not going to quantify my specific tatse in numbers then publish them for the world as fact. There are so many factors associated with good relationships beyond what is presented here and obsessing over these things will leave you pretty empty inside. Ultimately the above mentioned friend and I both married and adore smart, kind women who do not meet our monkey brain ideals perfectly so don't dwell on these false weights and numbers of physical beauty.

      In the end, control what you can (and psychological balance is more important than physical for total life happiness) and focus on feeling good about and confident in yourself for YOU not to get men. If you want a man you will attract him in the process and you'll be a better person for having focused on the right things.

      Delete
  72. I don't think I have ever gotten angry at a post before, but I guess there is a first time for everything.

    Andrew, your opinions hardly count as scientific evidence. You cannot make pie graphs and percentage ratios citing your own personal preference as the only source. The way you make your information is highly unscientific and highly specific to your own delusional thoughts.

    I am not here to condemn your opinions (though I do disagree with them on several different points), but I would like to advise you to stop treating yourself like an expert. There are no experts who can give any semblance of number values to the things you deal with (in this case, attraction). For you to think you can speak for the dating preferences of the entire male and female community, you are incorrectly assuming that you are some sort of deity you are not.

    Please stop spreading your self-centered, misogynistic products of psychosis and leave the world be.

    Thanks,
    Anon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Regardless of your beliefs, his blog is somehow successful. Riddle me that, huh? Attraction and preferences are variable. But in general, most men agree with a lot of what he says. And most women are here to hear what men think. You can make pie graphs or charts of your beliefs, to explain yourself.

      Delete
    2. Can you back up his "most men" claim?

      I do agree about his advice to be healthy and confident. Those traits will get you far in all walks of life but do it for you, not a man.

      Delete
  73. "You cannot make pie graphs and percentage ratios citing your own personal preference as the only source."

    Uh yes he absolutely can do that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He can, but it means nothing.

      Delete
  74. Andrew, I realize that you believe that pointing out all the little things that a woman can do to change herself and make her more physically attractive will increase her dating quota and you are merely trying to help her chances of success with the male species. I see the advantage of this strategy. However, the woman in me understands that if females only concentrate on physical appearance, then they are missing out on valuable time cultivating the most important part of themselves- their lives. Centering ourselves on what men want may be the problem and not the cure. Obviously, no woman has been able to keep you, so perhaps this strategy is actually not as valuable as you perceive it to be. Concentrating on ourselves by pursuing interests, maintaining valuable friendships, furthering our careers, and figuring out what we want out of life without a man may actually cause us to be happier, healthier, and less stressed because we don't have to worry about a hound dog of a man who happens to look at every female going and coming, regardless of whether we try to look as physically attractive as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  75. hey can I message you offline?? I could really use your help.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Relating to attractiveness there is this series I'd recommend. It's pretty cool, telling us how breasts can be important in attracting someone, etc. See below.

    "This three-part series boldly explores the science of sexual attraction, providing a fascinating insight into what draws us to someone and how we can achieve more success attracting the people we fancy."

    http://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/11765315923/How-To-Get-More-Sex

    ReplyDelete
  77. I think you forgot a very important category:AGE. I'm not saying that you can't be attractive as you age but to many men your perceived age can be a big turn off no matter how well-groomed/.dressed you are

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it is not mentioned because it is obviously at 0% controlability, but also because a woman's attractiveness at any given age is impossible to give into percentage/numbers. 20s are overall hotter than 30s, but 22 vs 27 is impossible to decipher as it's down to effort. It also depends on the man's age, and what age group he's looking into. The controllability and attention deserved for the different factors are the same regardless of a woman's age, so I think the point is for a woman to focus on that.
      There are many other posts on age though.

      Delete
  78. is very good blog for beauty feminine http://beauteedesfemmes.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  79. Confirmed by the bible (Songs of Solomon) as well secular sources ! Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  80. I'm curious as to what your opinion is on leggings. It seems that every guy I know loves them and I get more attention from guys when I wear them, but is that a misconception that girls think? And what outfits with leggings look best from a guys point of view? And [one more thing] what about the new printed leggings that are in style right now? Just curious!

    ReplyDelete
  81. I love this blog.
    You don't tell women what they want to hear, you tell it like it is.
    That being said, this is a great article. All women need to see this.

    ReplyDelete
  82. I love this blog, too. I don't find it offensive for Andrew to suggest that a woman who is interested in improving her appearance might think about shampooing her hair more frequently or getting a consultation with a professional hairdresser. Few people will state an actual preference for someone with dandruff who chews food with an open mouth, although those who fit that description can find love, also.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Does anyone know where i can find something similar for men? This is amazing stuff which probably took a painful amount of number crunching, but too bad i'm a guy

    ReplyDelete
  84. What if you're old, like over 40. What about how you look then?

    ReplyDelete