Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Female Game for Girls in Their Teens

[This is the first of a three-part series that describes how to focus your dating efforts in your teens, twenties and thirties. There are links below the post to the other two parts.]

Female game consists of three parts or stages:
  1. Making yourself as attractive as possible
  2. Making yourself approachable
  3. Filtering out the men that just want to have sex with you from the men that want to date you
While these general stages apply to all women, a woman's age, experience and eligibility should factor heavily into her approach to dating if she wants to eventually find a man to settle down with. Therefore, various aspects of these three stages - or the components of each one - are more or less important at different times in a woman's life.

Girls in their teens should be mainly focused on stages 1 and 2, and should also focus on preparing for their dating prime - which will come in their 20s. This can be done in the following ways:

  • Realize that having the upper hand won't last. Men in their teens are less confident than girls in their teens, and they think less about the opposite sex. The kind of cunning that makes men difficult to manage in their 20s and 30s is not something that many guys in their teens have developed yet (an exception may be a guy in his late teens with older brothers). A few will be naturally successful with women, but in general guys your age will not know how to attract you. This will give you the upper hand in most cases, but you should realize that this advantage will not last. Curb your ego accordingly.
  • Don't date exclusively. While teenage relationships might seem important at the time, they will seem petty in five years, and pointless in ten. Your interactions with men in your teens should be fun learning experiences, but nothing deeper than that. The guys you date will change so much in the coming years that you can almost be sure that no teenage relationship will end in marriage.
  • Develop your look. Since you aren't trying to lure in a husband yet, you can afford to fuck up more with your appearance. Use that leeway to your advantage: now is the time to grow comfortable wearing different kinds of clothes, try different hairstyles, and take fashion risks in order to learn and eventually settle on your best look.
  • Stay a virgin. Wait until you are older and more experienced with life before having sex. There is simply no need to start accumulating sexual partners and STDs now. The fact that all the cool girls are doing it just means that they won't be the cool girls ten years from now; they'll be sluts. If you are so horny that you can't control yourself physically, masturbate.
  • Avoid older men. By older men I mean men in their 20s and 30s (or older). You are not experienced or confident enough to be attractive to these men on a personal level yet. The ones that show an interest in you only want sex. And they are dangerous because they probably know how to manipulate you emotionally in order to get it. Stay as far away from them as you can, no matter how attractive they are, or how exciting it is to be with someone older. The time for that will come.
  • Observe, Observe, Observe. Take all of the energy you would spend on frivlous, Taylor-Swift-style relationships, and pour it instead into observation. Notice how men act and what they respond to in women. Pay attention to the differences between you and them, since these will only become more pronounced with age. Ignore the advice of your girlfriends (which is probably full of either projection or feminism) and instead pay attention to what men do.
  • Be aware of your influences. You will watch countless romantic comedies or read literature that idealizes relationships. Recognize that, although sometimes these have elements of truth in them, they are not based in reality. You will develop unreal expectations if you peg them to fictional characters. If you parents say you shouldn't watch something because it is trash, trust them. Put a strong emphasis on what you observe in real life, not what you consume for entertainment.
  • Develop your taste. As you observe guys, try to recognize what it is that you find attractive about the men you are drawn to. By the time you are twenty, you should have a rough idea of the things you like in a man: how important is confidence to you? how much does a guy's looks matter? do you want someone passionate or someone responsible? etc. Notice especially that many attractive qualities are often mutually exclusive (e.g. ambition and easygoing-ness, responsibility and spontaneity, or strength and sensitivity).
  • Challenge yourself daily. Whether you do this by willingly embracing social awkwardness,  or by starting an exercise routine, or by working to correct or implement personal habits, you should be always pushing yourself a little bit - improving your abilities, knowledge, and expanding your comfort zone.
  • Resist the pressure to be masculine. Your parents, teachers and peers will undoubtedly tell you that your personal success hinges on your grades, your degrees, your career and your accomplishments. No one is going to tell you (the truth) that, in the eyes of men, your value as a woman is much more a function of how much they enjoy experiencing you: seeing you, talking to you, playing with you, relaxing with you, enjoying your energy and openness, and loving you - physically and emotionally. So when you are pressured to get an advanced degree, ask yourself "is this what I genuinely want? will this make me happy?"
  • Develop your female friendships. Many women pour all of their efforts into relationships with men. This is understandable at some ages, but it often comes at the expense of female friendships. By fostering female friendships in your teens, you will strengthen them so that they will last through the times when you devote everything to your boyfriend. Then you will still have their support when he turns out to be an asshole, or when you need a social circle through which to meet new guys, or when you need someone to confide in.

In your teens you should be laying a solid foundation of knowledge about the opposite sex, while practicing self-restraint in the face of social pressures to do otherwise. The overarching themes are preparation and patience.


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58 comments:

  1. I wish I had known this during my teen years! Good read Andrew. Can't wait for your upcoming posts on the 20s.

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    1. I completely agree! Wish someone would have made this clear when i was in high school...

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    2. I third this comment.

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    3. No one is going to tell you (the truth) that, in the eyes of men, your value as a woman is much more a function of how much they enjoy experiencing you: seeing you, talking to you, playing with you, relaxing with you, enjoying your energy and openness, and loving you - physically and emotionally. So when you are pressured to get an advanced degree, ask yourself "is this what I genuinely want? will this make me happy?"

      Disgusting advice. All of it. Completely degrading towards women.

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  2. What about women in their 40's? What should we be watching out for? Should I be worried that I'm with a younger man?

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    1. I'll consider writing one for women in their 40s as well, but I expect most of it will mimic the advice for women in their 30s. 40s is also a little beyond my reach, seeing as I am only 28 and have only very remote experience with women that age.

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    2. Suzy, are you seriously asking a man 10+ years your junior for advice for women in their 40s????

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  3. This is the type of post I think a lot of readers including myself have been waiting for. I can't wait for advice for my demographic, ladies in their 20's. Thank you for reaffirming my beliefs and practices, for I have pretty much followed your guidelines on my own. The most difficult strategy I am struggling with is in resisting the pressure and desire to get an advanced degree. I happen to possess an above-average IQ and academic aptitude, and I would feel like I wasn't achieving my full potential unless I pursued a higher level of education. I am currently in the process of applying to law school. I want to become a disability lawyer and represent disabled children and their families. Finding this blog along with other blogs on dating and relationships (especially those written from the male perspective), I can't help but fear that I am condemning myself to disadvantaging myself in dating and relationships. I want to practice the law for those with disabilities who need assistance and I do want to achieve a higher level of education, but I don't want to emasculate, intimidate, or compete with, men. Will becoming a lawyer make me less attractive to the opposite sex, and how can I balance this successfully?

    What are things women can do to retain their femininity and attractiveness while in a male-dominated setting?

    Also, could you include advice (maybe do's and dont's for example) on how to remain feminine in a professional environment which not only expects, but rewards masculine conduct and attire?

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    1. You can't have it both ways. In proportion to how much you exercise your masculine strengths, your feminine ones will suffer - and vice versa. For example, in the workplace, if you are more feminine by "opening" yourself (emotionally, socially, professionally), the men around you will enjoy your energy and like interacting with you, but they probably won't rely on you to get the job done - at least not as well or as quickly as the men around you who are focused, cold and calculating.

      Hilary Clinton is an extreme example of this; there is nothing feminine about her. She is more masculine than most of the men around her (at least judging from what we see in the media). So are most of women in positions of high power. They get the job done - but I guarantee you they aren't getting laid, or loved.

      Now, in small doses, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to exercise her masculine strengths. There are plenty of men who exercise their feminine strengths in small ways, and you will match well with those men. But you can't expect to have 100% of both worlds.

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    2. Please don't listen to this advice! If you give up on your dreams and aspirations in order to make a man more comfortable, you will inevitably grow to resent him. Truly strong and worthy men are not intimidated by successful women - and I promise you, they are out there! Your independence, competence and success, will make you attractive to the right kind of man. Pretending to be something you are not will only lead to a life time of unhappiness and regret.

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    3. "Your independence, competence and success, will make you attractive to the right kind of man."
      Sure. It will make you attractive to a less dominant man. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you like masculine men, you will not attract them by copying them.

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    4. Then I suppose it is up to the individual which they find more important - fulfilling their potential as a person and offering their talents to the world (and in the process likely finding a partner that loves and admires that about them), or attracting these so-called 'dominant' men who seem to love a stereotype and not a real person...and that is if you are even correct to assume dominant men want passive women - which is not my experience at all.

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    5. I agree with Andrew’s first paragraph. Life involves a lot of trade-offs. In my case, working at a large, national law firm in a male-dominated practice area was a challenge. I have always been deferential and soft-spoken, and I found my temperament to be a significant disadvantage. I could have made superficial changes, but I could not have reinvented myself to be a hard-charging, aggressive person. Plus, my husband, also an attorney, is fond of me the way I am.

      The good news is that I redefined success for me and spent most of my time working for a partner as his assistant/subordinate. Although he would have liked me to be more assertive and confident with clients, he recognized that I could contribute even without the ability to "command a room." (While there are male attorneys who face struggles similar to mine, they are probably less likely to reach this same type of compromise with a male partner. It worked because we complemented each other.) I worked there 14 years, and since I was essentially the second in command and not in charge, was able to work part-time for 9 of those years while my children were young. So … trade-offs.

      I would recommend that you consider your level of assertiveness and ability to be one of the guys when necessary. My guess is that the majority of lawyers handling disability cases are female, and that may or may not change the formula for success. In my practice area and at my type of firm, the women who were most successful mirrored the personalities of the successful men. As a caveat, I have been a SAHM for the past 6 years, so my views are somewhat dated.

      To summarize, in response to your question about how to remain feminine in an environment that expects and rewards masculine behavior, my experience was that I had to let go of some of the rewards (prestige and money).

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    6. I like a lot of Andrew's advice, but I highly disagree with his opinion about female job choice (which is just that-- an opinion, not a fact). I think men respect a woman who goes for what she wants in life, be it him, a hobby, or whatever. I'm not just pulling this out of my ass. My boyfriend (a true alpha male) respects my assertiveness in career choice and I've spoken to many other males who value driven women. Of course being aggressive, arrogant and hostile about it is obnoxious and highly unfeminine, but that's a very different thing. Let me tell you this: not all men are the same. Don't give up your dreams so that you can be pursued by a boy who doesn't value your dreams. I think that will be a huge mistake. As an aside, I'd seriously consider the cost of law school. You will be in debt for a long, long time... so I hope you are sure of your competence as a lawyer.

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    7. Andrew I really do enjoy alot of the blogs and advice that you give to women regarding men. However, this makes me so sad that you truly believe that a women loses her feminity simply by pursuing higher education. I am a chemist and yes there are some weaker insecure guys that have difficulties accepting that a woman is better than them in math and science, but there are also alot of guys that think it is hot. The guy I am currently seeing calls me his sexy chemist. You can be intelligent and pursue a job in a field that in the past was dominated more by men, but still be attractive to men. Don't be arrogant and an asshole about your success and I promise most guys will not care. So if you want to become a disability lawyer become a disability lawyer your soulmate when you meet him will love that he is with an intelligent woman that wants to help people.

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    8. Remember that the world is not black/white. I have a degree in computer science and am married to a beautiful, confident, extroverted and very intelligent man. Before me he'd only ever used girls for sex. He'd found that none of them were worth anything more, due to their lack of class and/or intelligence. He does not have a degree and he makes less than me, but who cares? He is genuinly confident, and what matters is that I genuinly admire him and make sure he knows.

      It might be harder to find such a man, but if you do, you can actually have both ways. I have an interesting job that I love, and a husband that I truly love and admire.

      Note: I am from Scandinavia, that may be a difference. I've never encountered expectations of me demonstrating male qualities only because I work in a male-dominated industry.

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    9. Nioda, I'm really happy to read your reply, because I am currently finishing up a degree in Computer Science and looking into an internship and then a job in the not so distant future.

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  4. Love this! I'm a mom of a 12-year-old girl, and while she isn't quite ready for some of what you've written, I am TOTALLY sharing this with her in a few years.

    You hit the nail on the head with this one, Andrew. I don't know if you're aware of what research says about teen girls and dating/sex, but you've reinforced everything I know to be true of what research says is best practice when communicating with our teen daughters about these issues. Bravo!

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  5. When you do the post for women in their 20s, are you going to differ between early and late twenties? Because I think (for most women), 25-29 is the age when you're looking for a life partner. So a woman of 20-22 should perhaps follow a little bit of 20s advice and a little bit on teen advice?

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    1. I'm going to leave the divisions as they are (in decade increments), because I trust that most readers understand that there is some grey area and overlap, and can apply the advice to their own situations accordingly.

      You DO have to be honest with yourself in assessing your own situation. But if you aren't honest with yourself, most of the advice on this blog will go right over your head anyway.

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    2. I wasn't indicating that I'm not honest with myself, I don't see how you got that. It was just pointing out that 20s is a significant decade where people are in very different situations in the beginning and end of it.

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    3. I didn't mean you specifically, but readers in general. Being honest with yourself is tough for everyone when it comes to the dating world and gauging others' interest in you.

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    4. I agree with one of the anonymous commentators when she said: “Thank you for reaffirming my beliefs and practices”. This is how I was during my teenage years. I am really looking forward to your post about female game in your 20’s. Though, I can’t help but feel bad that I never dated in my early twenties. Now that I am 25, I finally decided to begin dating and I am so lost.

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  6. Great post, Andrew, and you leave us with a cliffhanger as compelling as a Homeland finale! Let's see the next installment soon!

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  7. Never compromise your financial future to attract a man.

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    1. Never, only if, you value independence more than companionship.

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    2. If it is unclear;

      (Universally) Never, only if, you (universally) value independence more than you (universally) value companionship.

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  8. Amazing post! This so true. This needs to go viral! (from a teen)

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  9. Great post, Andrew! I patiently await the following installment.

    Off topic, but would you consider writing a post on why men get number closes, but never call?

    Roissy suggested that it primarily boils down to the woman not being good-looking enough for further expenditure of time/effort. Which may likely be the case, but would like to get a slightly less cynical perspective on the matter.

    Also, what tips would you suggest for a young woman to mitigate the chances of a man not calling after she's given her number?

    Would showing some resistance in giving the number help? Or even flat out telling the man to not take the number if he doesn't plan on calling?

    The general practice among men these days consist of the man asking for a woman's number and then calling/texting while she's still in front of him to either verify it's the correct number or for the sake of her knowing who it is should he decide to call.

    As of late, there have been a few times that I've given my number, hoping to receive a call and never getting one, but resisted the temptation to call as I don't feel it's wise for a woman to initiate

    I'm not exactly sure where I'm going wrong and it may be helpful to write a post on this topic which may help other women with the same issue. Xx

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  10. Great advice Andrew, but I have one caveat - the part about not dating exclusively. When I was in high school I dated and fell in love with a boy who I eventually lost my virginity to. I am so grateful for this experience because I got to lose my v-card to someone who was really sweet and genuinely cared about me. I know it was difficult for some of my girlfriends who came to college as virgins because it is difficult to cultivate a relationship when you are thrown into the college hook up culture. Many of them wound up losing their virginity to one night stands. I feel really sad for them because I would hate for my first sexual experience to have been with someone who didn't care about me. You are totally right that I look back at that relationship as more of 'puppy love' but I like to think of it as falling in love with training wheels. It was sad when we broke up - but I was home with my family and my mom when it happened. And I learned SO MUCH from that experience...

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  11. I noticed that you haven't got any game advice for women in their 40s ? Are we so over the hill already ? or maybe we have so much experience in the relationship front that we don't need advice ? haha

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    1. It is beyond what I have experience with, so I don't have any firm, fixed ideas about the best way to approach a woman's 40s. My guess is that the advice for 30 year olds will be somewhat applicable.

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    2. It's pretty obvious that you are insecure in your dating life. Maybe you should stay off of the internet and definitely out of the realm of sex education until you grow up a little bit. This is why younger women are dating older men more and more. It's a sad world when so many women believe someone as chauvinistic as you. Maybe once they get raped and subdued by marriage and children, they will realize how ignorant they were. Have fun being unsatisfied for the rest of your life because you went for the big tits and ass, instead of the happy, caring, intelligent, and secure woman who you can call an equal partner.

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  12. I agree that a girl shouldn't feel pressured to lose her virginity early, but I don't think she should postpone it until her twenties. Late teens is okay.
    Of course as a European, the age of consent is 16 here it's considered the "normal" age to start having sex. Most of my friends were around 16-18. The only girls I know who have waited until their 20s (non-religious) have waited so long they feel like they've fallen out of the game and have become terrified of doing it because they've exaggerated the importance of "the first time". Their lack of sexual experience is very obvious and they simply don't know men as well.

    I only had sex with one man when I was still a teenager, but it was a valuable experience.
    You've said yourself it is useful for a woman to had SOME experience, and that includes sex. You should know what you're doing and what men are capable of when you're in your twenties.

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  13. "I am so grateful for this experience because I got to lose my v-card to someone who was really sweet and genuinely cared about me"

    I agree, this is the best way to loose virginity, to someone that you care and love. One night stand isn't good idea.

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    1. I think the main issues here is appreciation. It doesn't matter how many times a woman has had sex and/or if she was only looking for a one night stand - she will always feel terribly used and hurt if a guy treats her like shit after the act and can't get away fast enough. The very very least a woman expects is a simple Thank you for a good time.

      The first time for a woman is epecially sensitive and vulnerable for her - she won't have any idea about her sexual worth and is looking for some validation from her first. Thus it is not a good idea to do it with a totally callous and insensitive and uncaring bloke the first time.

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    2. Yes I completely agree, the first time for a woman should be with someone who cares about her and she trusts him.Men never really seem to express feeling used for sex the way women sometimes do.Being used is one of the worst feelings in the world for a woman, it hurts you in a way that takes a long time to heal.
      This happened to me during my first time and I stayed away from men for a long time but it was actually through my current bf that I started to feel better because he helped to make me feel desired and cared for and never pressured me.

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    3. I don't think the first time has to be with someone "special". In fact, I think it's better if it's not.
      If you are a young, beautiful woman, you will experience being used for sex at some point. You don't need the added effect of "this was your first time". First time will (sexually) not be amazing. Once it's over with, you're ready for great sex. Which may lead to great love. I was 17, it was great (as for first times goes), and I have never regretted it, nor have I ever spoken to him again.

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    4. First time has to be with whatever feels best for you at the time. But I agree that it's better not to have the added pressure of it being 'someone special'. My parents always told me to only have sex with someone I love in a LTR and for me this made me stay with an unsuitable boyfriend because I had already emotionally invested. In fact I did feel used and very hurt by him and the fact we were in a relationship did not make a shade of difference to how I felt. I am now 23 and in the past year had quite an awakening. I had my first experience of great sex. I really think this is more profound than losing your virginity. A lot of my sexual hang-ups are gone now and I've finally shaken off any guilt about my sexuality. I think it's easy when we're young to somehow feel like sex is dirty and wrong.

      I think the best tip in the list is the one about challenging yourself. If I had done that as a teenage girl, I would not have made this much progress up to now. It's worth remembering that when you're young, people will expect you to be making mistakes so that thought shouldn't stop you from finding yourself.

      Another big lesson of my teens was dealing with men who are jerks and who want to hurt me. It took me a while to recognise what those guys are like and to stay away from them. I also learnt that however special sex is to me, having sex with a guy won't change his mind about where I want it to lead.

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    5. I lost my virginity to my first love at 17, and although that didn't end up being the most healthy relationship, I definitely wouldn't have wanted to lose it any other way. I have friends who lost theirs to someone who didn't care about them, and their attitude toward sex is so much more casual because they were robbed of the meaningful first time experience. They just don't know any better. For a woman there is a profound difference between sex with love, and sex without love, especially when you are experiencing it for the first time. Yes, the sex is not going to be great, if it's your first time. But you will go the rest of your life not knowing how much of a difference in quality there is between the two.

      I also think it's really important for girls in their teens to learn early on the development of relationship skills. If you don't learn these skills early on, you really may never learn them. Especially with the casual hook up culture in college nowadays that you will encounter, and then it will only get worse on from there. High school is when guys are just learning about themselves, and more innocent. Once you hit college, and your twenties, casual sex becomes rampant, and without having fine-tuned relationship skills, and knowing how to draw a man into a relationship, you will be shit out of luck. Or have a very hard time at the least.

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    6. I lost my virginity at 17 too (although in Europe the age of consent is 16, so it wasn't "early"). It wasn't with a guy I was in a relationship with, but it was a nice experience. Sexually, the first time will never be great though.
      I completely disagree that the first time is "meaningful". Yes I still remember it as a fond memory but I wouldn't have wanted it to be more "special" or with a boyfriend. Guys your own age at that time will not have the skills or maturity for a serious relationship anyway - you cannot learn "fine-tuned" relationship skills at that age with young boys. That comes later, whether you had a "meaningful" first time or not.
      These things seem petty ten years on in the same way teenage relationships seem meaningless 10 years later. It's just irrelevant. Your twenties is what matters. I think a lot of Americans exaggerate the 'first time' a LOT. I see tons of girls who made all sorts of effort making their first time "special" and are still really fucked up in their twenties, not making anything work.
      Ignore what's not important (virginity) and work on what IS important (the advice given on this blog for girls in their twenties).

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    7. There is only one first time, and because you didn't have that first time with someone you loved, and were in a relationship with, you don't know what I'm talking about when I say how meaningful it was. Girls that didn't have that seem much more casual about sex to me. Yes, it may be hard to find a good boyfriend when you're in high school, but I found one that I had a very deep and profound relationship with. But then again, we were both very old souls. So yes I do think you can develop those skills at that young of an age. And I think it's better to search for that than be robbed of it. Because the dating scene is way too casual when you're in your twenties, and beyond. And if you've never had a relationship, how are you going to learn how to have one when you're older?

      I see a huge difference between girls who have relationship skills, and girls who don't. The latter don't know how to relate to men, don't know how to achieve intimacy with them, and all sorts of other problems that complicate their abilities to find real love, and a meaningful relationship.

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  14. I disagree about your advice on education. First of all, as it has been mentioned, we don't live in a society where women don't work anymore. Some women are homemakers but most women will be required to contribute to the family income. Our economy is making it harder and harder to make good money without having advanced degrees and skills. If a woman (or man) wants to make more money for less hours of labor, having special skills and education will be helpful to her.

    I know that you were writing this with the idea on how to be attractive to men but I also think that many men are attracted to a women who will be able to earn a good income. Am I wrong?

    Another practical reason to pursue an education is that many times women meet their husbands in college or in graduate school, and those are the kind of guys that many women will want to marry.

    Lastly, the devil will find work for idle hands to do. If girls are not focused on school or some other kind of skill or talent, they may try to get their self-worth from the attention from men that they get, and that could lead to some "slutty" behavior. I also think that its not cool to identify women as "sluts". That is just sexist and judgmental.

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  15. I wish I read this in my teens! I didn't have any boyfriend in highschool because I was so sheltered and my parents never taught me about sex or boys. I was incredibly naive and stupid when it comes to opposite sex. I've only had two boyfriends in my twenties and I'm still a little clueless when it comes to guys so I look forward to reading more of your posts!

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  16. Your teens is an interesting time. I would like to add some beauty advice. I am aging very well, I am not going to say more than that but I have some advice for young girls.

    1. Wear moisturizer with an spf of at least 15 NOW. I started doing this since I was 16 years old. Yes, 16! Make sure you choose a good one, and stick with it. Using different things on your face all of the time is bad, using the same product maintains the same levels of ph balance on your face, also helping you to age better. I have worn this every day of my life, religiously. Not just moisturizer, not just spf, both. If it weren't for wearing moisturizer my skin would've cracked a long time ago, and I have no lines on my face whatsover at 31. I have baby skin.

    2. When I was in my teens I read somewhere that to improve your look you can do something or spend an hour everyday to learn something new. When you get into your twenties, this becomes more on auto pilot, but there's a lot to learn when you are first doing this. About makeup, clothes, colors that look good on you, etc.

    3. Exercise. I feel that variety works best for me. But have gotten the most results with intense interval exercises with no stopping for several minutes. Pilates, yoga, barre classes, these things are great too. But exercising regularly really helps you maintain youthfulness, and health.

    4. If you start noticing lines on your face I would use a hyaluronic acid cream for the eyes. One that has a high concentration of it because a lot of creams will stiff you on it. I have no lines under my eyes, not even dark spots. It works. And use it on any lines too if you need.

    5. I also started using a home microdermabrasion kit when I was 24. It makes your skin amazing.

    6. The sauna is great for your skin.

    7. Stay out of the f***ing sun!!! You have no idea what a difference this makes. This is serious.

    8. Antioxidants. Strawberries, acai, berries, pills, green tea - take em all! Daily/regularly!

    If I think of more, I will post. But everyday someone asks me how I stay looking so young...especially people who have to ask me for my ID, so thought I'd share.

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    1. Mia, refreshing to see some things here that I never heard of before.
      Think your skin must be amazing and whilst my skin isn't bad, it's not perfect.

      I'd like to add that for at least Caucasian women, the skin starts to sag around the age of 34/35, and as a 35 yo now (been told I look 5-10 years younger all the time), I only started seeing signs of wrinkles just over a year ago on my face. They are catching up.

      I have been using Boots no 7 Protect & Perfect (UK product) for a few years now and I must say, it is a very good product. It's not the most expensive product on the shelf, but they have hiked up prices after it has been proven (really!) that it helps against wrinkles/anti-aging. I have tried to stay away from the sun quite a bit.

      What I would like to add is that you should try and avoid the following as well:

      - Don't smoke. My mother smokes and her skin looks very saggy.
      - Don't squeeze pimples or blackheads. This was my downfall. I had a very good skin when young but I still got addicted to trying to find blackheads/anything to squeeze even when they weren't there. Instead, please use products to remove the blackheads, for example a face-mask. My pores are more visible now and the skin doesn't look as fresh as it could have.
      - Be careful with the alcohol. Yes it's fun, but when you get older, I think the skin gets damaged quicker. Plus you get bags under your eyes.
      - Wash off your make-up before you go to bed.
      - Recongise when you have too much of a stressful life. This can be a major reason for aging.

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    2. I'd be careful to avoid the sun entirely. They say 10 minutes of unprotected sun a day is needed for vitamin D..I read a statistic somewhere recently that 3/4 people in the British Isles are vitamin D deficient. I say allow yourself a small amount of sun exposure but then be sure to then protect yourself with a broad spectrum UVA/B sunblock. Be sure to get lots of protein to aid in the repair process of skin and muscles..especially if you exercise (eggs, chicken, turkey, tuna, salmon, etc). Oh and exfoliate and moisturize your skin..EVEN your body skin! Men have always commented on my soft skin so I guess that is a turn on for many! I use exfoliating mitts with a citrus scrub followed by a rich moisturizer.

      My final tips would be:

      1. Attention to details even if small because they are noticed (nails, eyebrows, eyelashes)..I have lost count of the number of men who have commented on something that seems so small but seemingly does have an impact.

      2. Identify your best assets and enhance..make them your trademark. These can go as far as to detract from any negative features that you will be working on to improve.

      W

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  17. For all those women who disagree with what Andrew's written, remember this saying;

    "Do what you've always done, get what you've always got."

    If what you've been doing so far has been right, why are you here reading this?

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  18. I agree with Anonymous December 7, 2012 1:20pm -

    1) BA/BS is the equivalent of a high school degree nowadays. So not pursuing an advanced degree will circumscribe your socioeconomic mobility, essentially locking you out of many white collar careers.

    2) In today's economy, two wage earners are often needed in order to provide a decent household income and protect against the vicissitudes of life - expensive health crises, aging parents, skyrocketing cost of education, etc.

    3) A woman's income helps offset the prematurely aging stress on men to provide, especially in a down economy. It also shifts the balance of power to more egalitarian terms, making it less likely for men to see women as ornamental playthings but rather dependable partners in an economically uncertain world.

    In poorer regions like Latin America, where feminine beauty is extolled and celebrated, beautiful women studying engineering, medicine, etc are even more greatly admired. Miss Universe contestants from Colombia & Venezuela are often well-educated and extremely articulate as a result of their education. To just be beautiful but not be pursuing a rigorous academic track in those countries either means that you're too poor or too lazy. Academic and professional ambition enhances a woman's beauty, not detracts from it, at least in Latin America.

    4) In the event of divorce/death/abandonment, women are tasked to become the sole breadwinners, working full-time and paying for childcare. Having a white collar position that requires an advanced degree maximizes the chances of a single mother being able to stay afloat despite the loss of her husband. (Even if a man pays alimony & child support, there is always a chance that he can lose his job and not make payments.)

    5) Women who pursue advanced degrees are more likely to impart that love of education and the concomitant skills acquired in achieving this goal to their children.

    6) Graduate degrees are often necessary for public service work. Therefore, for women to have a greater voice in the political process and a higher level of representation in the legislative, judicial and executive branches of government, graduate study is the proverbial foot in the door to get there.

    7) Lastly, in terms of attracting high-quality men, it has been my observation that highly educated professional men prefer to marry attractive women of their same caliber. I personally know of two male surgeons who married pretty physicians after years of dating more beautiful but less educated women.

    In fact, most of the women I know who earned graduate degrees (speech therapists, lawyers, doctors and MBAs) are all married to very attractive & accomplished professional men. They either met as undergrads or in law/medical school. Class and status conferred by one's profession does play a factor in the marriage selection process (though not the casual bar/nightclub pickup). But I believe the critical factor is the intellectual curiosity and discipline evidenced by a woman's pursuit of a graduate degree. Those qualities are very appealing to some men, usually successful professionals who often attend work functions and benefit from being accompanied by wives with comparable achievements.

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    Replies
    1. Margarita NikolayevnaMay 18, 2013 at 7:44 PM

      Yeah, I mostly agree with this, and I'll add one thing: Why is education masculine? I don't understand what about having a job she likes makes a woman less open, loving, and nurturing. I know MANY married professional women who really are beautiful, open, sweet, thoughtful, and kind. They already do make great wives, and I have no doubts that, when the time comes, they will certainly make great mothers!

      To analogize, this is sort of like saying that any man who demonstrates openness to commitment, sensitivity to his woman's needs, and the ability to play with his child must NECESSARILY be less confident, less ambitious, and a poor provider and protector.

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  19. "If you are so horny that you can't control yourself physically, masturbate."

    Thanks, high school gym teacher. This is profound information. I wonder why most people don't do this?

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  20. Andrew, you're a terrible human being. Actually, you don't deserve to be called a human being. Let me tell you why:

    1. You're telling teenage girls to only pay attention to their appearance and resist the urge to be successful in school so they can be perfect fucking machines in the future and that they wouldn't make loser guys like yourself feel threatened because of their success. First of all, nobody guarantees that if they do such things, they can find someone who will love them and never cheat on them. Women have to have a secure future and the teen you described here will most likely end up in a trailer park. Don't you really feel bad about yourself? You're the devil! If you ever decide to grow up and be mature, this terrible advice you gave girls will come back to haunt you. Would you really give this advice to your daughter? If you do, PLEASE DON'T BREED!

    2. Not all guys are douchebags like you. You've surrounded yourself with close minded people like yourself and you think you jerks represent the whole population. Trust me, intelligent, successful men do want to have an intelligent partner. As a man, I understand that appearance is important but intelligence and personality is a must. Not everyone is a shallow jerk like you. Appearance is important but it's not the only thing. Just like how a women prefers a good looking guy to a fat, bald guy even though women don't care that much about appearance. I want my children to be raised by an educated and smart woman. You should too, otherwise your children will end up just like you.

    3. How is being smart, masculine? Do you understand how sexist you sound? Go back to the medieval times where you belong. Hilary Clinton is an intelligent, independent woman respected by many people. But too bad that she isn't loved by losers like you because this is what life is all about. If you feel insecure because a woman is more successful than you, it's your problem. You can work to make yourself a better person. It's funny how you say that masculine guys prefer an extremely feminine woman who, in your opinion, has to be dumb. You're the least masculine man I've ever come across. I've never seen any straight guys giving advice to women on how to find a husband and do their nails. Just because you call a woman "an eight" or "a seven" it doesn't mean you're such a testostrone ridden stud. It doesn't, and you're pathetic.

    4. You claim you're looking for someone to marry but you troll bars and nightclubs to find her and you say it's because you think you can't get any more girls that's why you have to settle down. I have a news flash for you: with this mindset, you're going to die sad and alone. I married my wife because I fell in love with her. I didn't plan to settle down, it just happened. And I didn't meet her at a bar! She's a smart, beatufiul, and successful woman I am proud of. You're never going to experience this feeling and I pity you. You're too stupid to understand this stuff.

    Final words:
    Ladies, if you want to marry a douchebag like Andrew who calls a woman "an eight" and tells them to stay dumb so he can be superior, follow this idiot's advice. If, on the other hand, you want to be loved and cherished by a husband who appreciates every aspect of your personality, get the hell out of here. Andrew, you are like a blind person trying to help other blind people cross the street. I feel bad to see all these desperate women coming here saying "oh Andrew, you're right! My eyes are open now."
    First, find someone for yourself and then give advice to other people.

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    Replies
    1. It seems like you've misunderstood the post. Maybe try to read it again... or read this one instead: What Men Think About Your Intelligence.

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    2. While i think Anon was unnecessarily harsh and inaccurate in his assessment of you, Andrew, (a troll with too much free time, perhaps?) i do think your second-to-last point needs revisiting to be made to sound less chauvinistic. First off, you never qualified what the connection between professional success and 'masculinity' is, (replies in the comments section don't count) and honestly do you really think any girl makes herself take an advanced degree or become a hotshot banker particularly TO ATTRACT MEN???

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  21. My friend just shared this to me and I laughed and grinned so many times (I started laughing just by reading those 3 points you pointed out) because I'm not yet 20 and there are so many things I could relate with! And there are so many things that answer quite lots of my hypotheses hahaha :"D

    So yes, I wish lots of the current generation wud understand this.

    About being a masculine, I was at that point waaay back when I was 4. I was the first female among my grandparent's grandkids and I wanted to blend in with the rest of my cousins so badly. I tried being strong because I really want them to trust me and start treating me as really close friends (just like how they treat each other).
    But along my journey of growing up, I still am a weak kid. My physicals aren't that strong and I wear a hijab so I couldn't expose my effort of being masculine lol :p

    But until now, I still can't help not feel tempted looking at lots of tomboy girls' fashion... but no longer at boys' :)

    Thanks for making it all explicit, man!

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  22. Gotta disagree about one point man: where i'm from, teenage sweethearts that end up happily married (at least to this day) are reasonably common. They constitute maybe 20% of my personal friends' relationships.

    ReplyDelete