Sunday, October 30, 2011

You Can Control How Attractive You Are

I already have a fairly lengthy post making this point, but I am not convinced I made it strongly enough. I want to present it again in another medium, namely, photos.

Example one:


Notice the difference between Scarlett Johansson's attractiveness in the two photos above. The contrast is impressive. On the left, where she is dressed the way many American college girls dress for their morning classes, I'd say she is about 5, and I am probably padding that number just because I know she is a celebrity and can look the way she does on the right, where she is close to a 10. The only uncontrollable element of Scarlett Johansson's attractiveness between the two photos is the lighting, which counts for very little. Same girl, different level of attention paid to her appearance, dramatically different result.

It is true, of course, that Scarlett Johansson has professionals working with her to help her look this good. However, I could not disagree more that cosmetologists make a difference in excess of what any girl can do for herself, assuming she is willing to invest the time and effort to learn how. And I don't think the amount of time or effort required is as large as you might think. Cosmetologists are professionals only because they know how to make any woman attractive. They know the principles and are experts at applying them quickly for a variety of people. But you only need to become an expert on one person - yourself - and this is significantly easier.

Here is another example, less extreme but still telling:


On the left, Jenna Fischer is about a 5, maybe a 5.5. On the right, she is a 7.5. The difference is in her hair, posture, makeup and the color of her clothes. If she wore better clothes still I think she could get up to an 8.5, but she rarely does, judging from the photos I could find online.

Another example:


On the left, Carrie Underwood is a solid 7. On the right, she is a 9.5. In this case, the discrepancy has a lot to do with wearing her best colors getting the right amount of contrast, her hair, eyebrow shape and the hoop earrings. I'd argue that Carrie Underwood has maximized her attractiveness in the right photo. Nakedness, heels and lingerie might bump it up a notch, but otherwise she is playing all the right cards.

Here is a a non-celebrity example:


I don't know who the girl is, but on the left, she is about a 3. On the right, I'd say she is a 5. In this case, most of the change comes from hair length (yes, she is probably wearing extensions, but eventually she could grow it), plucked eyebrows, better clothes and a little makeup. By losing weight, spending more time on her hair and choosing her clothes even more carefully, she has potential to be a 7 maybe even an 8. You wouldn't believe this by looking at the photo on the left, but it is much more obvious once the improvements have been started.

Here is Kate Gosselin:


Left: 2; center: 4; right: 7.5. That is an overall increase of 5.5 points, largely accounted for by hair length, clothes and most importantly, weight loss (apparently a tummy tuck too, but she did have sextuplets... I call it fair). I don't know if she could look much better, but she'd done a damn good job leveraging what she has to work with.

If you want to see more examples, try using the term "makeover before and after" in an image search, or search for pictures of celebrities without makeup. You might argue that all of the women above have pretty faces, so they all have some initial potential to be attractive. There is some truth to this, namely, that they have the potential to be more attractive; but it does not mean that a girl with an asymmetric face, enormous nose or irreparably crooked teeth is doomed to be ugly. I've seen pretty girls that match all of those descriptions. True, a girl like this probably can't become as attractive as Carrie Underwood, or maybe even Kate Gosselin. However, the ability to improve her look is still there; she will just have to focus on the other aspects of feminine beauty to make that improvement, and there are many to choose from. The main reason I didn't put up photos to demonstrate this is that I couldn't find any. Most of the "before-and-after" photos on the internet are of famous people, and most famous people have attractive faces. But consider Lady Gaga or Paris Hilton: neither of them have pretty faces, but both of them (can) look attractive. Also, consider this woman:


Although she actually has a decent facial structure, a lot of people would say that she has an ugly face if they only saw the left photo. But on the right, when the same face is presented well, it is clear that the problem is not facial structure, but rather, presentation. So be careful about assuming you have a bad face. Most likely you do not, and even even if you do, there is still a lot you can do to improve your look.

Anyway, the ultimate point, again, is that no one has to be ugly. By making an effort, you can drastically improve your appearance and attractiveness, and in many instances, girls can transition from "ugly" to attractive. And while you may think you have optimized your own look, it is unlikely that you have. Think carefully about your weight, the color and cut of your clothes, your hair style, grooming, makeup, posture, etc. All of these things can make a huge difference, and can be leveraged to increase you attractiveness.

49 comments:

  1. If Carrie Underwood is a 6.5 in the photo on the left, then the majority of females are probably 3s or lower even at their best...

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  2. Yeah, fair enough. I changed it to a 7.

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  3. I think these photos are also very telling of how much better a person can look when they just smile. If you don't look at her hair or clothes, Kate Gosselin is a lot prettier in the middle picture, where she looks happy instead of pissed off, like she does on either side.

    The first and last pictures are the most dramatic, and I think they very clearly illustrate your point!

    One thing I notice in these pictures is their hair. Is hair that is done up in a wavy style generally more attractive than a obviously-straightened style?

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  4. "Is hair that is done up in a wavy style generally more attractive than a obviously-straightened style?"

    Not necessarily. It depends on the girl and sometimes the guy too (i.e. his preference). I've seen both look really good. However, one rule always holds true: the more effort you put in, the more you get out. Girls often complain about how long it takes to do their hair. I think the complaints woudl be far less frequent if they had any idea how much it makes a difference.

    I'll make a post about this sometime soon.

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  5. I'd like to add 2 additional supportive comments:

    1. It doesn't take me long at ALL. I'm ready in the morning -- shower, hair, make-up and jewelry -- in about 45 min. You learn where the most important areas to cut corners are. Plus, you never want to look "made-up" (that's where some of photos need a bit more explaining -- the posed ones of celebrities, if you saw them in "real life", you'd think they were wearing masks. The amount of make-up is extraordinary, but it looks great in photos with proper lighting). So a nice, light but well-applied make-up -- as long as you're not getting your pic taken! -- is easy.

    2. After you always look good, your man LOVES when you have the "no-make-up; hair-in-a-ponytail" look. It's an actual treat for him. Nothing makes my man more horny than seeing me dressed down. Bonus!

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  6. I SO agree on this point, I think every woman knows deep down, as we feel much better when we've taken care of ourselves.
    I must admit I spend a fortune on these things - mostly clothes, but also hairdressers, waxing, manicure, pedicure, tanning (either sunbed or holidays), teeth (dentist, bleach), eyebrows, good makeup..the list is long. I'm fortunate to afford it, I personally don't think there is a good reason not to take care of oneself, but I understand women who complain about expectations to female beauty. It is after all a lot easier when you can visit the dermatologist at any given time. The best skin treatments/prescriptions are also quite expensive.

    I too wonder about the hair though. I really don't think the picture on the top right is the very best of Scarlett. Mostly because I personally think her face (which is very 'much') don't suit that dominating hair, but also because the colour is a bit too light for her (naturally brunette). I think it is overall a bit "fake" looking, and the same for Carrie Underwood. I often think of this as 'Hollywood' hair, I know a lot of American women want hair like this, but I associate it with daytime soap operas, when an actress has had her hair done with a curling iron and tons of spray and it doesn't move. Ideal hair to me is thick, long, shiny and slightly wavy and free-flowing. I don't know how men are aware of whether a look is fake or even fake-looking - girls with acrylic nails and bad extensions get attention too, which is beyond me.

    I wanted to mention the chart you posted on feminine beauty as well. What kind of suprises me is that body appears more important than face. I have heard a guy said that as well. Is it meant in the sense that if a woman is fat or anorexic she will always be unattractive, therefore weight is more of a determinant? (which is logical). Or does it actually mean that guys care more about a flat stomach and big boobs than an attractive face.
    IMO, a woman whom is a 9 or a 10 on the scale will need a stunning face. My personal view of a 9 would be Natalie Portman, a 10 would be Charlize Theron or Candice Swanepoel. Candice has a stunning body, but Charlize has a normal one. It is good by all means, she is slim with long legs, but nothing extraordinary. Still, the face is the main determinant there. Same with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. How they take care of themselves is utterly important, but in terms of where they are on the scale, I'd say the face is what makes them attractive.

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  7. I'll take my women natural, thank you very much. All that makeup is disgusting. Just keep in shape, and pluck the stray hairs off your chin ;-)

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  8. If you really want to make an example here, do Adriana Lima.
    No makeup:
    http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/140596819586495279_cE0JO6S3_c.jpg
    Makeup:
    http://www.picpiggy.com/bank/adriana_lima_makeup-1310117220.jpg

    She is a prime example because her "image" is built on how she is styled - they create a 'sex appeal' look for her with a lot of contrasts, dark hair, false lashes, defined lips. If she was not discovered and had this styling, she would most likely be more of a Plain Jane.

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  9. Do you have advice on looking older/your age? I am 22 and Asian. I'm trying to experiment more with makeup and clothes, but I still look probably 16. I am pretty sure men don't want to date women who look like their younger sister.

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    1. I am not an expert in makeup, fashion, etc. so I don't have any specific pointers, but I think the main thing you should do is to look at older women and how they present themselves, then look at younger women and see how they present themselves. Compare the two, note the specific differences between them, and then apply what you've learned with your own appearance.

      Delete
    2. The book Asian faces Taylor Chang-Babaian has great make up tips.
      If you wear glass get great pair of frames it is tough to tell, your age. Go for more fitted and structured look Like a jacket with skinny slacks. Audrey Hepburn always looked chic despite her short statue.

      Delete
  10. Could you give an example of what you think is the common consensus among men - I believe you mentioned before that some women may be regarded as 10 by some but then far lower by others, whereas some are quite foolproof 8s. I suspect Scarlett is at least an 8 or better for most men (although I found her far better looking earlier, as in match Point).
    Is it safe to say that the standard which will appeal to most men will be around a size 4-6, long hair rather than short, slight tan, full lips and big eyes?
    I personally disagree on the Carrie Underwood one, I HATE that top and I am really tired of that side parting which a lot of American girls do, to hide half their face. But it's just a female opinion :-) The 'Hollywood' look here is quite frequent, hair being long, shiny and quite wavy - I think most men prefer that.
    My idea of a 10 would be Candice Swanepoel - for reference:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_FwZx23IO0
    I'm sure some men would be of a different opinion, like she's too skinny, but there are certain pointers among most men which women can aspire towards? Would you say most Victoria's Secret models represent this?

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    Replies
    1. Of course there are some things that all men like - fitness, healthy hair, full lips, etc. And yes, it is probably somewhere along the lines of Hollywood actresses or Victoria's Secret models. But this doesn't change the fact that a girl can be thought of as a 9.5 by some men and a 6 by others. It happens all the time. Check out the post I wrote about this here:

      http://therulesrevisited.blogspot.com/2011/11/mathematics-of-beauty.html

      and the one it is linked to:

      http://therulesrevisited.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-am-strongly-convinced-that-it-does.html

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    2. "all men".. personally i hate full lips. Only kissed a black girl once, her lips disgusted me. So unnatural

      Delete
  11. And then men call us "fake" when we fix up ourselves, and they want "natural" women. Andrew, how far can a girl go to fix up herself before she is considered "fake"?

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    Replies
    1. That's a really good question. I am going to write a post in response.

      Delete
    2. apparently there is only three things ALL men of all cultures find attractive

      1. Facial symmetry
      2. Hips to waist ratio of .69 - .70 (which goes against Andrew pie chart)
      3. If she applies a little bit of makeup to appear to have more estrogen

      Point 3 is the only option that's controllable (unless you genetically have a smaller waist and when you lose eight it's smaller than your waist).

      So apply a little makeup no matter what men say.

      Delete
  12. Some men like fake som like real. I have a friend who wears alot of makeup, weave,fake eyelashes, fake nails, tight clothing, etc n men love how she looks and she gets alot of attention in general men pursue her (no shes NOT slutty at all) Me, on the other hand, hardly wear makeup, dress folowing the slack top with tight bottom, long bottom with short top rule, I am way more conservative and have my own hair and get less attention than her when we are together...I'm not tooting my own horn but I am attractive, body and face- wise. Even more so than her if we're both stripped down to our natural selves. So I find it rather disheartening that men will choose the woman who obviously had alot of fake stuff on thanhe one who is looking good, just not as if shjust came from a hip hop video casting... smh
    bemused but refuse to change.

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    Replies
    1. You get less attention because you hardly wear makeup (i.e. don't make an effort) and dress conservatively (too conservatively), not because some men like "fake."

      "Refuse to change" - good luck with that attitude.

      Delete
    2. You need to look like you have made an effort to be honest... There's no point complaining about getting less attention when you are doing less...

      If you "refuse to change" you will continue to get the same results... Duh!

      Delete
  13. Ok, a lot of the time I look like Scarlett Johansson in the first picture...I am the same age as her as well. So what exactly is she doing right that maximizes her look, is it just naturally good features or just the extra effort?

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    1. I think what Andrews saying is despite what you look like if you put effort in you can become far higher points on the 10 point scale. If you already look like Scarlett Johansson in the 1st picture, put the effort in and you'll look like her in the 2nd picture.

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    2. That is exactly what I mean. It is the extra effort.

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    3. OMG I'm about a 8.5 to a 9 Monday to Saturday 7am to 10pm according to Andrew's taste. yay for me. I thought I was maybe a 5 or 6. However, without makeup, well that's a different story....:(

      In Australia men dont approach women much...they stare ALOT but dont approach so it's hard to know how good looking we are. And I make myself appraochable by smiling but I dont go to clubs or anything where men chase you for sex only.

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    4. I was in Australia recently (I'm a brit) and got street approached by a random guy in Melbourne. Maybe you need to head into the cities?

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  14. I'd like to make a few comments here.

    First of all, women have clued on to the whole "/10" system men use, and we don't like it a whole lot. It's shallow, and not appreciated by those who rank high just as much as by our "lower ranking" friends.

    Second, guys need to wake up to the difference between mass media fantasy and reality. Scarlett Johannson - one of the women repeatedly voted among the world's most beautiful, as in, most beautiful among BILLIONS - and you rate her "almost a 10"? Sheesh! That's insane. *Someone* has been seeing way too much airbrushed photoshop and watching way too much porn, I reckon. Lost touch with reality just a BIT.

    Yes, looks are important. And yes, we can do a whole lot to improve how we look on a daily basis. This may come as a shock(!!), but most women actually *do* this already! Every fricking day. It's called fashion, makeup, waxing, dieting (the last time I ate bread was at Christmas), gym workouts (I do about 15 hours a week), tanning salons, manicures, pedicures, hair colours and cuts...you want me to go on? And yes, it's fricking expensive. But hey, what would you know? You're a guy, just giving us a fricking number. And when we don't match up to Scarlett, clearly we're not working hard enough. Shame on us.

    Sure there are a few women who just don't give a toss, but most women take a LOT of time and a LOT of money to present a good image to the world. I do, and all my female friends do, even those that struggle and fail with weight gain and other issues.

    And when the "natural 5s" (like Scarlett!) become 7s, and the "natural 7s" become 9s, the whole playing field is boosted upwards. It's just that most clueless guys don't realise how much time and effort goes into being a woman on a daily basis.

    It's weird. I never used to be a feminist. But the more of this stuff I read, the more feminist I become. I'm really starting to get it now. And if I ever get word of a guy chasing me who has ranked me as ANY number, he can go find himself some porn to cuddle up with, because he won't be doing squat with me.

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  15. Why is hair so important? I'm one of those unfortunate girls who have really fine hair that I'm unable to grow past my shoulders. I actually look more stupid with long hair than with shorter hair. Long hair hides my face & makes my face look fat. Shorter hair brings out my facial features more & it's way more manageable. Same with makeup, I don't wear it. And really, why should I have to wear heels 3x/week? I can't wear them. I like your rules revisited, but it's making men look shallow. I can't believe appearance is absolutely everything to you guys. I guess I might as well give up, or really lower my standards.

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  16. Carrie Underwood is as fake as they come. So 9.5 for fakeness. A true beauty is someone like Jennifer Aniston. And she is a nice person in real life instead of being a cunt to her fans. I used to be a Carrie fan, until I met the ho.

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  18. Andrew I'd love for you to post a photo of yourself so that all of the women reading your asinine comments can judge you. I have a feeling you're either a self conscious adolescent looking to break people down because everyone hates you, or some balding lardass who jerks it to porn all day and has no clue what a real vagina looks like. Any man that dares to tell a struggling woman to try harder obviously has issues of his own.

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    1. Why do you need Andrew's picture to judge him? You can judge him by the great advice he gives women and the countless women that have him to thank for improving their dating lives!

      Delete
    2. I think the answer to any life struggle is always to try harder, whether that means looking at yourself closely or to try your best to rise above the worst of it, to ride the waves as it were. The salient point is to recognise that sometimes it is about you, and that dating isn't always on the onus of the man. I don't mind making improvements because I am dating for my own benefit.

      When I read this, I do what I do with all advice I receive. I look at it objectively, I let it challenge me and then I take what I consider to be most useful, tossing out the advice which is unrealistic or otherwise unsuitable for me (which isn't to say that my own methods are the gospel of dating). You may not agree with what is said here but you are not obliged to read it. So what's the problem?

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  19. My question is how do women learn what makes them look best? I feel like I have NO idea where to start! And a lot of women think someone looks good on them when it doesn't!

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    1. I'm no expert, but someone who is trying live to be a better person by the day.

      Don't worry, because you creative mindset can serve you far more than what you've dreamed of up until this point.

      Heres an idea that IS working for me!

      I'm creating a Mind-Body-Soul life makeover to become the best version of myself.

      Why not try getting a folder of your favourite colour where you could store creative thoughts and ideas that you could use to build unberleiverbe value.

      For my life makeover, I created a blue print on what the makeover will be about and why I wanted to create it - just so I could clarify in my own mind why I felt the need to take this course lf action - the human mind is very creative, so if you ask yourself why you want to do something then for sure your mind will start looking for ways to make that happen.

      So after creating a blue print and induction, I wrote down what a mind makeover meant to me, how I would resolve any issues and whats causes of action I would take to make over that part of my life - followed by ideas on the body and soul section.

      So for instance - what does a mind makeover mean to me: getting over any past pains and being able to glow in confience...

      How will I go about making changes in the mind section: do a spider digram on areas to...

      Its something along those lines.

      It's not just about the clothes and makeup, its about the whole package that you put out into the world. I'm sure that a woman could be dressed beautifully and own a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes, but if she's low in self worth then she will only go so far in her interactions with men before she with draws of takes some other sort of action to sabotage happiness.

      So thats why I feel a Mind-Body-Soul makeover will enable anyone to be the person they most want to become in a given amount of time.

      Clothes!! buying nice clothes doesn't have to be expensive eaither... you can pick up something expensive off a sail rail and still look feminine and class if you know what to wear.

      The body section of the makeover will always be about studying clothes, body shape, colours, etc. Anything goes, the sky is the limit!!

      Aspire high! And find a way to make your happiness come to life and you dreams to come true :)

      Delete
  20. there is a category of females who really do not need to go around without make up and still be attractive to men. They are called teenage girls

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    Replies
    1. In the midst of all these "teen girls are the most attractive" comments made by adult males, I guess a question I would have to them (adult males) is if they feel like they're settling if the woman they date/marry is not a teen?

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  21. Some of us try as hard as we can with the little resource we have, just to reach a level below 5. Its heartbreaking and inherently frustrating.

    And yes, I still need to try harder. So I've enrolled for study, hoping to earn a degree and improve my job prospects and therefore my income, so that I may have money to improve my looks. Seriously. I'm tired of looking unattractive, I need serious money to improve it (acne, oily thinning hair, no bust, big hips so can't fit most off-the-shelf clothing, all sorts) so to get that money I need improved job prospects. When I had money for a short time and was able to afford treatments, clothes shoes, as well as daily cost of living, I was able to look 'normal'. It was a wonderful feeling and it showed, with my dating/love life, everything. so I am trying hard, I'm putting in the effort so that I may one day be above average looks-wise. Pity this effort couldn't be for something more noble.

    Oh and after spending what little money I had left over on clothes, hair, makeup (I need a lot of it to cover my blemishes) professional skincare products, I was told that not having a car (like I had any $$ for one!) was completely unattractive. Awesome!! Money doesn't grow on trees guys. that's why rich men have good looking girlfriends. They pay for it.

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  22. This is just ridiculous. Excuse me, but I find the idea of rating women's looks on a scale out of ten insane. You sir are contributing to the paternalistic, material, shallow thinking that is so prevalent in today's society. I can't look like Scarlett Johannson? Might as well give up now, right?

    You disgust me. I cannot believe the shallowness and degree of narcissism coming at me from this blog post. Yes, this is the internet and yes, you can write whatever the eff you want, but seriously? Telling women they need to invest in expensive beauty products and clothing so they can maybe move up to a three point five out of ten and be happy?

    I looked at each of the photos of these women - that you are blatantly calling ugly until they are made over - and saw beautiful, UNIQUE individuals. Sending a message that women have to look a certain way in order to be happy, have a boyfriend, have a girlfriend (and don't you DARE make any sort of lesbian slur here, mister), to be successful, to be liked, whatever, is just sad.

    I'm probably not pretty enough by your standards to have any (insert giant air quotes here) decent man pay me attention based on my looks. Fine. Men that focus only on your body don't love you, girlfriends. Personally, I'd rather wait for a guy who appreciates my mind and my heart over an asshole who looks at me like I'm a piece of meat, but I guess I'm weird like that.

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  23. I think your numbers are deflated a bit (you clearly prefer blondes). And I think there should be some recognition that what Scarlett Johansson and Carrie Underwood look like on the right would be very much over the top for everyday life. Quality full-face makeup might be 20-30 minutes. But the hair takes a lot more time (not just effort). The Kate Gosselin example is more realistic in terms of how much *time* it would take to achieve such a look.

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  24. Waw, Andrew

    Thank you so much for this helpful article and I abcerlutly love the website you've created, its filled with so much knowledge and insight.

    I really feel that I'm being guided in the right direction when I read the content put on here.

    Well, my name is Holly and I was the recipient of torment from the man whom I use to call dad. No longer is he apart of my life any more, but the marks that he left on my mindset had an unfavourable impact on my life experience and have felt myself to be in many dark places in this life time.

    Recently I experienced a bad situation with a man who also lives in the same street as me. He put me through some s**t, so I thought f*k him!! I'm moving forward with my life now - I'm past board and long lost interest and bluntly told him that today in front of the friend of mine that he planned on flirting with as a put down to me.

    Well, he can jump of a bridge and I wouldn't notice, as this year I'm continuing on a voyage of a Mind-Body-Soul life makeover.

    This article really helps - plus others - as it really inspires a'lot of confidence and motivates me to feel that there is a brighter future ahead.

    The self created life makeover consists of healing of emotional pains, followed by creating the new within. So for the makeover I plan to study each area - Mind-Body-Soul. So for the Mind, its all about cognitive thinking, building a confident mindset, working on social skills, NlP - just a little of what the mind makeover is about.

    The body section will be looking into skills such as body language, food and nutrient, fitness, skin, hair, cosmetics, beauty products, clothes styles and dressing for an uber feminine appearance and to glow in confidence and self worth.

    Well, you know what they say! Knowledge is a power, and in another 3 years from now I plan to be living to my highest ideals and to be a high value woman to add value to other peoples world also.

    This article is brilliant and would to any of the doubters out there or anyone who never believed in me - watch this space as I plan to make a big impact in life :)

    The makeover is just one of many creative ideas thought up, and now have my whole future to look forward to.

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  25. American standards for beauty are pretty high; guys in Europe are not so picky when it comes to find a girlfriend...

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    1. Interesting. Since men like to drive flashy cars to compensate for their insecurity about themselves, I'll bet the higher the male need to be able to attract a highly beautiful woman, the higher the insecurity in the man.

      And actually most books written about men for an American audience discuss how important respect is to them and therefore how insecure they are - men would rather be respected than loved.

      It's a very sad thing that most men think respect is earn from a flashy car and a hot girlfriend, when it all comes down to character.

      Delete
    2. Best comment award. Well said

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  26. You are a sexist fucking pig and your definition of beauty is fleeting

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  27. Wow, you really don't know that a third of these are "after" a nose job? Like it's Carrie Underwood's shirt LOL. Men. So dumm.

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  28. Yeah, also, the unknown lady with the dark hair that you say got extensions? I think you have the order backwards. On the right she is definitely younger, with long hair and more youthful face. On the left she is aging, has gained weight, and has suffered a bad haircut. You cant tell me that for the picture on the right she got extensions, lost some weight, and grew younger.... Everyone loses their looks sometime. It will happen to you too my friend.

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