Monday, February 4, 2013

The Importance of Taking Fashion Risks

In response to our instinct for self-preservation, we, as humans, cling to what is safe. Even when we recognize the benefits that can be afforded by a departure from our normal course of action, we find ourselves bound to what is familiar. In restaurants we only order foods we grew up eating so that we don't have an unpleasant meal or have indigestion - even though we might be missing out on the most incredible, exotic foods. We practice the accepted politics in our state because it feels good to agree with everyone, even if our mind and experiences tell us that the truth is otherwise. We stay on the marked trails when we hike up a mountain so that we don't tread on loose rocks and sprain our ankles, even though there is a stunning view to be found just behind the rock outcropping in the distance.

To a certain extent, this inclination is a good thing. By following established paths in life we avoid making serious mistakes, and circumvent discomfort or personal harm. However, the instinct is an excessive one; it affects us more than we actually need in order to stay safe. The instinct for self-preservation essentially tells us to avoid doing anything dramatic, because it recognizes that dramatic action can lead to personal endangerment - whether it be physical, financial, social, moral, intellectual or otherwise. But dramatic action is also necessary for greatness, it is a prerequisite for unique success. Unless we stray from the normal path, we wallow in mediocrity.

So the instinct for avoiding dramatic action, although it is self-preserving, also happens to be self-limiting. Although I might have job security at my family business running the local shoe store, I won't be able to pursue the chance of becoming a world-renowned architect unless I break away from what is safe. A woman might know for a fact that her current, mediocre boyfriend will marry her and provide for her if she stays with him, but only by taking a risk and breaking up with him does she enable herself to meet someone she feels a real connection with. Even though a man might face embarrassment and rejection by approaching a beautiful woman, he won't ever meet someone so attractive if he doesn't risk being turned down.

We've all read or heard the famous quotes about the importance of risk-taking, and we all understand that it is important factor in personal success. But we normally limit our consideration of this phenomenon to ostensibly "big" things, like moving to a new country, taking on a huge and uncertain project, or speaking in front of hundreds of people. It isn't the kind of thing you usually think of in relation to something as simple as fashion or style, but it applies just as much - if not more so, in the sense that your personal style is something that you have to make decisions about on a daily basis, and constantly communicates all kinds of things about yourself to others.

Over the holidays, my little brother asked me if he could borrow a pair of pants to wear out, since his were all in the laundry. I suggested he could wear a pair of gray chinos I'd just bought, since they worked well with the shirt he wanted to wear.

He balked.

"Gray chinos?" he asked. "That's weird, I've never worn something like that before..."

I knew exactly what was going through his head. I'd been there a hundred times before, especially five or six years ago when I first decided to learn how to dress better. I knew how to convince him, but I also knew I needed to start with the facts, with the practical reasoning.

"I know you haven't," I told him, "but they'd fit you perfectly and they will go well with the other stuff you're wearing. See? The gray is warm, just like the colors in your shirt, and you can wear these shoes with them too; it'd look sharp."

It really was a perfect look for him. Granted, it was a departure from the jeans and t-shirt he normally wore at college parties. It was a little more formal and more mature looking, but I knew it would look great on him. Unsurprisingly, he was still hesitant, so I cut to the heart of the matter:

"Trust me on this one. You are going to feel weird as shit for the first couple hours, but eventually that will wear off. An hour after we get to the bar, you won't even remember that you are wearing them. Then tomorrow you'll see photos on Facebook from the night, and you'll realize that they actually looked damn good on you. Next time you won't think twice about throwing them on - in fact you'll probably look forward to it. You just need to soak in the initial awkwardness until it passes. Until then, you can't judge the way they look on you objectively. In the meantime, take my word for it. I know you respect my dress sense."

I must have been convincing because he took my advice. He looked awesome, as was evidenced by the fact that he got hit on twice that night by older women (this is a lot for a guy, by the way).

Everyone with an once of pride knows the feeling that went through my brother's head. The social risk of wearing something outside your comfort zone can be intimidating. You feel like everyone is noticing your clothes or shoes or hair, but you are uncertain of what they think. You just don't feel "at home" in your own clothes. It's awkward as hell. It's the feeling that kept an old coworker of mine from buying a new pair of jeans, even though the ones he constantly wore were several years old and threadbare. It is the same feeling that kept me wearing sneakers in all casual and even semi-formal circumstances, long past an age at which it was appropriate. It is the feeling that you might experience when trying to change your look from cute to sexy, or when you consider wearing heels in everyday circumstances, or adding lace to your outfits, or dressing up for casual activities.

However it is manifested, what you are feeling in these situations is the inclination towards social self-preservation, towards the avoidance of social catastrophe. The instinct prevents you from fashion faux-pas and wardrobe-related embarrassments, but it also prevents you from learning how to dress and from looking your best. Next time you try to make an improvement to the way you look, make an effort to soak in the awkwardness of what you are attempting before ruling it out.


Related Posts
1. Sexy Versus Cute
2. One Way to Improve Your Look
3. How to Avoid Looking "Fake"
4. "Because Of" Versus "In Spite Of"

58 comments:

  1. How can a girl help her guy dress better? He's got the pieces, but not the know-how to put them together. Any suggestions without actually dressing him?

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    1. dressing well takes practice and you HAVE to take risks. He will have to look bad a couple of times before he realizes what works for him.
      Or... if you are very stylish and know a thing or two about men's fashion, dress him. If he feels good about the outfits, he'll "get it" eventually.

      Remember fit is everything. esp for menswear.
      A safe and sexy look that works on 90% of men is dressing in all neutrals.
      with a hint of color (dark green, maroon, deep purple) here and there.

      ask him which male celebrities have style. Go off that. It'll help you picture how he'd like to present himself.

      There are always rules when it comes to fashion. They can be broken but you have to know them before you can break them.

      Things as simple as tan/light brown shoes are casual and work with dark jeans.

      or ties should not go beyond the belt.

      learn these or have him internalize these rules and he'll start to see what works and what doesn't. Then he'll be able to experiment once he feels comfortable with the rules.

      can't go wrong with neutrals and certain fashion brands. I like cole haan,levis, uniqlo..

      Delete
    2. apologies about typos. i got carried away. it's late.


      how old is he?

      Delete
    3. A man will only learn how to dress significantly better if he has a will to do so himself, and you can't generate this - any more than a man who wants his wife to get in shape can inspire her desire to revolutionize her exercise and diet routines. It simply can't be forced.

      I'd find a new boyfriend. If it is your husband we are talking about, then I think you need to curb your expectations slightly, tell him you'd like him to dress better, buy him this book (link) and let him take it from there. Do NOT nag him to get your way.

      You could also consider this book

      Delete
  2. Interesting article. Reminds me of something I read once about "lucky" people making their own luck - by doing things differently - little things like taking the bus instead of walking, or going a different route than ususal, talking to people they wouldn't otherwise give the time of day to. Little things that put opportunities in your way, or which open you up to new experiences that lead to opportunities - not just romantically but in many other ways as well. Never closing your mind to anything and seeing potential positives in any situation.

    Thanks Andrew

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  3. What do you think about checkered shirts like the one in the picture you put up of the girl in the orange pants? They are everywhere. I own one (it has little frills on it, a feminine touch), and the few times I have worn it, I have gotten some kind of reaction from people. "That looks great!" from a girlfriend, "That looks ugly" from a guy acquaintance and "I hate that shirt, you look like a lumberjack" from my boyfriend.

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    1. I was hoping someone would ask this.

      I'm actually not a fan of the shirt at all. I love the tight orange jeans, and the pattern contrast she has going on is great; but I do think the shirt makes her look like a lumberjack.

      But the point is that she took the risk of trying two fairly extreme looks - the bright pants and the heavy plaid shirt, and by wearing each she will realize which works (the pants) and which doesn't (the shirt).

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    2. I think the girl in the photo is an example of someone who still looks hot no matter what they wear - so there's almost no risk at all. The shirt and the pants are both terrible, especially together. She would probably look 10x hotter wearing almost anything else.. imho.
      - Sally

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    3. PS... I will give you that the color and pattern combination is pretty cool, but the fit of both is terrible! Shirt is too baggy, the pants are too long, and too tight on top. Tight pants can be hot, but all the synching doesn't look good to me..
      - Sally

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    4. I think the pants look great. We could argue about how successful she is, but again, the point is not whether or not she pulls it off, it is that she is trying something most girls wouldn't have the guts to try.

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    5. Andrew-not sure you have great fashion sense :) The orange with the plaid looks cute. Very stylish. What did you wear to work today?? I wore a straight black dress, pink cardigan, black polka dot pantyhose, and brown mid-calf leather boots.

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    6. We could argue about how successful she is, but again, the point is not whether or not she pulls it off, it is that she is trying something most girls wouldn't have the guts to try.

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    7. Point taken but this outfit is not a winner for me. She is wearing a bulky, ultra masculine belt, the shirt does nothing for her and although the color of her pants is unique and pretty they are slightly bell-bottomed which is not AT ALL in style right now. It has the effect of making her look out of touch with what is fashionable - not a risk taker.Plus she looks like she could have a dick. But I like the point you are making I just don't like the outfit you chose to demonstrate your point with :-)

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    8. E-mail me a better one, I'll consider changing it.

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    9. I think most of the time when I see a look on a girl which works really well, she has taken a chance in one way or another, whether it'd be 4 inch heels during the day, a hat or a leather skirt.
      But I picked a couple from my Pinterest I think are cool, like pattern clashing:
      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-v5X25FuIsDw/UKZSRUuos-I/AAAAAAAAD-U/SjHxr0nSibo/s1600/_MG_8759.jpg
      Transparent maxi skirt:
      http://carlyciious.tumblr.com/post/40052215254
      Or this:
      http://lauralizabeth.tumblr.com/post/39311775608

      It may not be everybody's taste, but it took some extra planning to go out like that, and I think it looks cool.

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    10. Madeleine, I think any of the links you posted would be relatively better choices. I like the attitude of the second photo. It's like "I am wearing a grandma sweater half tucked in to a piece of mesh and I am fabulous!"
      - Sally

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    11. PS.. I can see Andrew looks far and wide to find his pics. I just googled the word "fashion risk" and came across these photos, complete with an explanation of the orange pants!
      http://advicefromatwentysomething.com/take-a-fashion-risk/

      I also came across this interesting post about fashion risks not to take :) As I said in another post, I think it's less about "taking risks" and more about making an effort to look good.
      http://fabmagazineonline.com/dont-fashion-risk-it/

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    12. Busted!

      Thought actually I Googled a lot of other stuff before I finally thought "you know what? fuck it, let's just try 'fashion risk' and see what comes up."

      Delete
    13. I would wear the outfit above - but I own quite a few pairs of colored jeans/pants already as well as a cute wool mini-skirt in that exact color. I also like plaid shirts like that and I think that particular combination (above) looks really cute together. Why would someone think it is not feminine to wear a plaid/flannel shirt that is cut for a woman's figure?

      And yes, skinny or straight leg pants are more "in" right now, but flared pants always look great with a wedge and make your legs look long. Let's be honest, skinny jeans don't look good on everyone either. I don't know if I have ever commented on here - but I get defensive about this kind of stuff because I enjoy taking fashion risks!

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    14. Andrew-guys aren't supposed to have fashion sense. I posted at 737 pm 2/5. I'll start using the tags. The photo is great, and I agree with your point. I'd be worried if you had great fashion sense! Arguably the post isn't about fashion at all. I do think that greatness can be achieved without taking risks or going against the grain.

      In the context of relationships. I've always followed my heart and never felt the need to conform to any set pattern. For example, my family is christian and i consider myself christian, and I imagine they want me to marry someone who is christian. A year or so ago, I completely fell for a jewish guy, and it made me reassess the important things I want in a guy I date. Religion is important, but if I find myself in love with someone of a different religion, I'm not going to walk away from him.

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    15. Andrew, I emailed you some pics that I think are good including this one of Chloe Sevigny. Obviously, most girls are not going to have the guts to where see-through shirts but it's a great example of a woman exuding confidence and sexiness. She is also being bold by the mix of colors etc. and I think it really works.

      http://img.glam.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/ChloeSevigny3.jpg?9d7bd4

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    16. Good discussion that shows what is really key about fashion: to really be interesting you need to stick out and when you do it will appeal yo some while others will not agree. It's a great choice to go with this pic as it triggers discussions. And we really need less mainstream and more personality!
      Ann

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  4. I thought that the highly-contrasting / hippy-ish look was too "hipster." I always thought most men didn't like that style, except the men who dress like that themselves (these men are often not the most desirable). It's girls who like that style because it's "stylish," comfortable (no high heels) and inexpensive. This style comes off as agressive, not feminine at all and trying too hard to be "stylish." Experimenting is great but I think it's important to stay in the realm of feminine and flattering clothing if you want to attract the most desirable men.

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  5. It also goes without saying that the thinner one is (especially women), the more riske one can be regarding fashion. It is important one dresses according to their size, shape and weight. I am a skinny hourglass but also very short (5'1). It took me a long time to realize that I cannot rock every trend and have to almost always wear a top that accentuates my tiny waist (most v necks with cinched waist) and almost never wear the kind of bright orange pants that is pictured above, they over-accentuate my ralready big butt and wide hips...anyway yall get the point i.e. Size and Shape..play a massive role on taking fashion risks!

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    1. I agree with your last sentence but not your first. Regardless of your size, there are plenty of risks you can take - risks related to fit, color, style, texture, etc. Your body size only changes the size of clothes that fit you, not the options you have. A skinny girl can't wear big clothes and a fat one can't wear small clothes. Both are equally constrained by their body shape. True, the thinner one will be more attractive, but she doesn't have more opportunities to take fashion risks.

      Delete
    2. I think her point is that thin and attractive women can wear whatever they want without much risk - they still look hot. Those with less model-esque body shapes run a higher risk of looking ridiculous.

      I would argue that riskier is not always better - but it does pay to make a special effort to look good.

      - Sally

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    3. I disagree that a thin and attractive women can wear whatever they want without much risk and still look hot. It isn't your size that matters. It is your body shape and selecting close that both fit and flatter that shape. And, being thin and attractive doesn't mean you don't have to put in effort into your wardrobe. I know plenty of thin attractive women who make themselves look bad by their clothing select.

      If you put a thin attractive woman in sweat pants and a t-shirt next to an ugly fat woman in heels and nicely fitted dress, it is the fatter woman, not the thinner who will be judged the more attractive of the two.

      Learn to take risks based on your body shape and learning to flatter it. Not on your size.

      And for what it is worth, I find the outfit the woman in the photo is wearing awful. The pants are flatter in shape but the color is not. And that shirt? Um, just no. If I saw her walking down the street I would not dub her attractive - Skinny or not.

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    4. I hope one day a "fat" girl slaps the shit out of you, Andrew. I am a very hot size 8 girl, and it offends me that you say: "True, the thinner one will be more attractive, but she doesn't have more opportunities to take fashion risks." Not because you don't find a fat woman attractive means she is not attractive [to someone]. Telling fat women they are generally unattractive is probably your point, which is a bad thing to say. I hope women don't measure their self-worth based on what you tell them!

      J-your comment doesn't help your argument. The women would have to be similarly situated, for lack of a better term, in order for your comparison to support your point.

      Delete
    5. Andrew-what does your girlfriend look like?

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    6. Andrew I get your point. What I am saying is....to an extreme degree of risky fashion experimenting, very skinny (think Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Olivia Polermo)i.e. size 2-6, can pretty much rock all the trends like fur coats, high waist pants, onesies etc and have it look good. I agree that fashion risks are not confined to skinny people. Bigger and/or overweight people can still take risks if the risk is defined as going outside your comfort zone of standard blue jeans and t-shirt fare. But I still think that for more high fashion trends the skinnier one is, the better one is able to pull it off without looking stupid. A size 14 for example will look like big bird wearing a fur vest or coat...most of the time. There's a reasons models are the size they are...to be able to pull off the riskier trends without looking ridic. I mean picture the orange pants on a size 14-18 hips....no bueno

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    7. But the point you are missing is that "risk" is completely relative to your current level of comfort. If a skinny girl is comfortable in all types of outfits (because she can pull them off and knows it) then she can't risk much, whereas to the larger girl, everything will feel like a risk, even the things that are appropriate for her body shape.

      In any case, whether thin or fat girls can take more risks is a pretty minor side-point. I think we are splitting hairs here.

      Delete
    8. @Andrew...
      Agree with everything you said! lol I guess that I was articulating it properly

      Delete
    9. I WAS NOT** articulating it properly

      Delete
    10. Fashion is a big part of your image, it is easy to look hip (read Vogue, WWD, InStyle magazines) the editors get paid to study what we are copying from Paris, so you can dress pretty and pleasing to the eye of both men and women. Fashion is FUN, absorb magazines and look at celebrities (who have stylists). Andrew is correct that thin and fit women can pull off any thing, even in the t-shirt and jeans sect- LA is like that, you can drive an hour in any direction and not see an ill fitting t-shirt or sloppy sweats or baggy jeans. You can look stylish even casually, and economically (buy from H&M, end of season department store sales). Keep building your closet, buy both complete outfits and separates, plus at least one piece of jewelry, a coat, hair accessories, lingerie, designer bag, and shoes each season. Use a full length mirror in bright daylight. If you get stares and compliments regularly, it's working.

      Delete
  6. Hmmm Ladies, "you can never be too skinny or too rich"! Ha. I have been eyeing a pair of slim hot red pants married to a black fitted "v" necked shirt for three weeks now. The only thing holding me back is my size 6 instead of my usual 3 - 4. I could rock any outfit !! Loose weight and follow Andrews advice. You will get noticed, guaranteed. Take a risk .

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    1. Hey! Watchu talkin' bout. Size 6 can still rock tight pants!

      Delete
    2. Haha, I'm a size 6 and always always always get told how skinny I am. But I am not, Im just blessed with a body where everything is spread out in a great way and have long neck and long arms that helps with the perception. Fact is it used to trouble me that whatever I did I looked skinny, it wasn't a desirable look. Now I realise how lucky I am! You can totally rock a size 6 pair of trousers! It's about being comfortable and increasing your comfort zone.
      /Ann

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  7. Can't say I'm a fan of the orange pants, or really pants at all. I'm more of a dresses and skirts kinda girl.

    As for being skinny, I think it depends of the shape of the woman. If she has an hourglass figure then I believe she can pull of more than someone who doesn't. It's just that a woman who is closer to the ideal hip-to-waist ratio, regardless of whether she's a size zero or eight, is more pleasant to look at. I can admit this and I'm a woman.

    And yes, an underweight woman is going to be more attractive to more men than an overweight woman. At least according to the group of guys I spend time with.

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  8. This is how you ought to dress if you want to be deemed sex, approachable and girlfriend material.

    http://beilovebei.com/2013/01/01/happy-new-year/

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    1. A lot of her approachability comes from her body language and facial expressions. I agree with aGirl (below) that some of her stuff is too much of a fashion statement and not actually attractive in the sense that it flatters her figure or is the right color for her.

      Delete
  9. I like some of her looks.
    some of her outfits are very try hard, but she does much better than most. Although not sure men are attracted to that fashion victim look. Some of the trends are wearing her you know.

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  10. If my boyfriend says he hates one of my purses, should I avoid wearing it when with him or should I not care? It seems many times when girls love an outfit, guys are not super enthusiast about it and vice versa ... What are some looks you enjoy? hate?
    I always thought bangs were an awesome look ... seems like many of my guy friends disagree .... So confusing!

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    1. It really depends on the dynamic of your relationship. If you and he love and respect each other, and both of you generally go out of your way to do what the other likes, then I think you should avoid wearing it when you are with him.

      But I am worried about his use of the word "hate" (assuming that was his choice of word and not yours). If he is telling you "I hate your purse" it makes me wonder whether there is that mutual respect and good will between you. If you feel bullied by him into wearing certain things, or not wearing others, it is probably a red flag that the relationship isn't healthy. In this case, not only would I suggest wearing whatever purse you want, but I would also recommend breaking up with him.

      Delete
    2. I'm really curious ... what does this purse look like. I can't believe he feels that strongly about a purse..

      any link you can give?

      Delete
  11. Personally, I am really bored by these kinds of posts. I'm wondering if this site will ever have anything more to offer than the very initial exchanges with a man. The women that are reading this blog should take into account that this blog is written by a man who has stated in previous comments that he's mostly interested in sex at this time in his life. This means that most of the advice he can give is to attract men who are only looking for the same thing. Girls that dress too sexy are usually attracting men that just want to fuck. Men who are at a point in their lives where they are looking for love, and a real relationship that may lead to marriage, are not looking for the same things that Andrew is focused on.

    I have no problems physically attracting men. I would like to know more about the male mindset when it comes to what makes a man want to commit further than a few casual dates, or meetings. If you can provide this kind of content, I will find more value from your blog, otherwise I am coming to terms with the realizations of its limitations.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed.. its the inner you that attracts the outer world anyhow...

      Delete
    2. "he women that are reading this blog should take into account that this blog is written by a man who has stated in previous comments that he's mostly interested in sex at this time in his life."

      Not sure where you read that, but maybe you missed the About This Blog page: "While I like to have fun and have done my share of fucking around, these days I am more interested in finding a girl to settle down with."

      There are a number of posts of the nature that interests you on here already, and more coming. Stay tuned.

      Delete
    3. "its the inner you that attracts the outer world anyhow..."

      That is a nice play on words, but I have to disagree with you. For long term relationships, yes, inner attractiveness is key; but you won't get a man in the door without the outer attractiveness. Do you really want a man who isn't attracted to you physically?

      Delete
    4. I would love to hear more about femininity and what men view as feminine.

      Also LTR maintenance and bring up the marriage conversation.

      How long should you wait etc. how to know he won't be a good husband. what makes a good husband. so many possibilities.

      Delete
    5. Amanda;
      "I would like to know more about the male mindset when it comes to what makes a man want to commit further than a few casual dates, or meetings." True. A man can never know what a woman faces in todays dating market, which has got to be the most challenging in the history of human events. People are single so long, getting married later, this impacts women more negatively than men. I'm a woman who has friends who are married, and some who are single, so some direct observations of courtship follow. If you are really attractive and men easily notice you, but you eschewed the ones that want marriage (betas) and waited for only alphas, it will take longer. Since Andrew is good looking and full of himself, he might be closer to Alpha, but this might be just recent or he could be a mix- since he claims he used to be shy. The alphas I know were straight up arrogant as toddlers and school age kids. He will want to tell women how to be beautiful and sexy and then have his choice of many of them. Alphas get way more sex outside of marriage, while betas get more sex in marriage. Accept basic facts. Like Leo DiCaprio and Adam Levine going through all those Vicky's Secret models. They CANNOT stop. Ego, sex drive, human nature, biology- for men that can?? So, even if you behave wifey like a living doll- faithful, domestic, kind, loving, supportive, religious, home maker, beautiful, he could still leave because these men like to explore all their possibilities, sometimes don't get married until the last second, you might or might not want to wait. Don't become obsessed with being the exception. His tons of dating and sex options is not our problem. Finding ONE good man and getting married IS. So, the good news and basic starts; (assuming you are already cute, responsible, chaste, nice, smart and all other desirable marriageability characteristics) A) find a good man, a nice person, who loves you as much or more than you love him. Life is competitive, hurried and lonely enough without your boyfriend making you doubt yourself and walk on eggshells. B) Find some one a little older, maybe slightly less attractive, (I know! you don't want to hear that- but look around at all the 'nine and ten' ladies,...and then look at who are they married to?) The upshot is BIG- he will treat you awesome, cherish you, and you wont ever accept less after experiencing that. His warmth and earnestness will be obvious and quick. No more of those men who disappear or put on the brakes once you start 'expecting something' enough already. Which brings me to c) Learn to instantly spot the attraction and communication patterns of serial daters, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic and all other love the hard way guys, ignore them and let them waste other girls time, lots of women are easy to fool. Sounds like you are not one of them. Google marriage advice- but keep in mind- older generations are completely unfamiliar with today's combat dating, so maybe religious sites? I don't have ALL the answers, just pointing out how things are after observations in different crowds in different cities.

      Delete
    6. I love Savvy's comment! Although, I don't think Andrew is full of himself, LOL. I just don't get that impression from him.

      Delete
    7. To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I liked a guy. I've had a really hard time getting over an ex boyfriend. I am aware of what Alpha's and Beta's are. I may have liked alpha characteristics in my past, but I've been told by guy friends that I seem to date way below my league. I've had a penchant for dating guys I've needed to fix. Anyway, I'm not even talking about how to get a boyfriend. I really don't agree with looking at the world through the lens of alpha's and beta's. I think dating is way more complicated than that, and I think compatibility is way more important than anything else. If I don't feel compatible with a man I don't care if he's an alpha, beta, or omega, I don't want to be with him. I'm not asking how to secure a man, just any man. I'm asking what makes men want to commit to a woman, want to keep calling her back, want to put a ring on it. I'm not asking for ways to get a man by lowering my standards. I know so many women who are with men who seem to be in a "higher league" than them. There are things these women are doing to get these men, and I'm wondering what they are. Looks are trivial. I'm very attractive, and know many other attractive women, and I know a lot of unattractive women who are in better relationships than us. I also personally know the celebrities you mentioned, and yes, they are a waste of time...but not all alpha's are that bad.

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  12. That is one terrible outfit. Those pants are ugly.

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    Replies
    1. hate the shirt, love the pants on that girl. to me, these would have been better options:

      http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2stiTh2zknY/ThW24xhIl7I/AAAAAAAAAOg/lwDl3DgvcqU/s640/orange+pants.jpg

      still taking a risk with the bright orange, but contrasted with something neutral and feminine on top. i hate the purposely mismatched look...seems sloppy to me

      Delete
  13. I actually took this blog to heart. In January I bought a black wide-brimmed hat and wore it out in heels and a simple black dress. Got some attention due to my unusual headgear which is a good conversation starter. I know exactly what this post is getting it.

    I need some more wardrobe pieces. Will have to observe what catches their eye. So inspired now!

    My other tip - every girl should own a red dress. :)

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  14. Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
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  15. It's not what you wear, it's how you wear it. A young, professional woman in Paris will put on a pair of nice jeans, high-heeled boots, a denim jacket and a scarf, and look amazing. An art school chick will throw on a punk t-shirt, leather pants, and Doc Martins, and rock that s__t all night. It all depends on WHO YOU ARE. Fashion should be a reflection of who you are and what you're about.

    Having said that . . .

    I'm a musician (heavy stuff), but I'm also in my 40's. It wouldn't do for me to walk around in black band t-shirts and hoodies all the time, because I'm too old for that. Most women would rightly see me as a guy who lived in his mom's basement. So years ago, I updated my wardrobe, while keeping to WHO I AM. I wear nice jeans that fit and aren't embellished (stay away from that!!), nice shoes or boots, and I'm always well-groomed, even if I look a little scruffy at times. (I find that women like me a lot more when I'm a bit scruffy.) Instead of a typical biker-style leather jacket, I usually wear something close-fitting from All Saints or what have you.

    In warmer weather, a NO-FAIL is the Harrington jacket, made famous by Steve McQueen. (That is, if you're thin enough to pull it off.) In fact, if you just look at pictures of Steve McQueen and dress like him, you'll be ok. That's the Steve McQueen rule. The man just had a natural, no-effort fashion sense.

    Avoid fancy sunglasses and just get a pair of Ray Ban Aviators. Avoid wearing lots of flash and clunky jewelry. As an example: I often wear a ring, but I don't wear a ring when I'm wearing a big, clunky steel watch. That's TOO MUCH. It's either one or the other. And I definitely won't wear a ring if I'm wearing a necklace. Only bona-fide rockstars can get away with that, because it's part of the job. They're SUPPOSED to look that way. (I think it's in their record contracts.)

    There are times when I leave my house looking like a roadie for Slayer, because at 9 am on a Saturday, that's just who I am. It's inescapable. And you know what? I still get smiles from women of all ages. I just throw on my glasses, and I look like a rocker-type dude who reads books. Which is actually what I am, which gets back to the whole BE WHO YOU ARE thing. If I walked around in fancy sneakers and a track suit, I'd look like an idiot.

    Regardless: every man should follow one simple rule: when all else fails, AVOID TRENDS AND STICK TO THE CLASSICS. Classics are classics for a REASON. Desert boots and jeans; a white oxford shirt, un-tucked, with cargo shorts and a pair of aviators on vacation. A well-worn, café-style leather jacket; the inimitable, Navy-style pea-coat; a pair of black Converse to kick around in. Stick to the classics, avoid trends, and accessorize according to personal taste, and you'll do well.


    Men aren't supposed to look like they TRY when it comes to fashion. Men are supposed to look like it just 'happened.' That awesome shirt and blazer combo are supposed to look like they flew out of your closet and just landed on you. Men who look like they're trying really hard to be fashionable look stupid. That's why ultra-hipsters always get snickers behind their backs. It's because they try like WOMEN. Likewise with rich suburban dudes who read too much GQ. Awful, Just awful.

    Having said all this . . . one of the most physically attractive women I knew dressed like Joni Mitchell straight out of the 70's. Floppy hats, billowy, embroidered shirts, suede hand-bags with tassles, Frye Boots . . . she just looked awesome because THAT'S WHO SHE WAS. She had a very billowy, sweet kind of personality, and her look matched 'her.' And I don't think she tried very hard, because she looked the same way all the time. (And BTW - she was tough as nails on the inside. God help anyone who really pissed her off.)

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