Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Your PhD Is His Eight-Pack

Everyone's talking about the whole "dadbod" thing, so it's been on my mind recently.

Before I say anything else, let me just make it clear that I resent having to reference something with such a retarded name. Modern American culture's tendency to come up with stupid names for stuff like this is almost as obnoxious as its ability to miss the point.

In any case, while on the surface the whole "dadbod" phenomenon looks like nothing more than a justification for men and women who want to be lazy about their appearance, I think there is something valuable in the idea, even if it lies a little beneath the surface. But in order to draw an important comparison to it, I first need to explain something else I've been thinking about recently, thanks to a recent podcast on Animus Empire and conversations with a couple girls I know...

These days, a lot of women out-perform men in the ostensible measures of "success." Whether this be with achievements in the workplace, academic degrees, financial earnings, or just the capability to make things happen, many women feel like they are better than men at their own game. And many women are.

But at the same time, a woman's physiology compels her to want to "marry up." In spite of the desire and ability to be successful by traditionally male standards, she also feels incapable of settling for a man who doesn't impress her with respect to those same standards.

Source: Snyder and Dillow, 2012

This is obviously problematic. When you as a woman are earning $100k + per year or have dual Bachelor's degrees and a Master's, it is going to be pretty tough feeling like you've found someone impressive, because the vast majority of men earn about $45k and drink their way through laughable degrees. I've met many girls in this situation – accomplished in all respects, but unhappy in their relationships and dissatisfied by their supposed success. (Perhaps unfulfilled is a better word, for reasons I explain in my new book.)

Most women don't intentionally choose this situation. They were raised in a culture that told them their personal worth was dictated by the position they could win in the office, or the degree they could earn in school. When they were too young to think for themselves and understand what their post-pubescent selves would want, they were pointed in the direction of traditionally masculine success, and told that they'd better work hard and marry their "equal" if they wanted to be happy in life. But anyone over the age of 30 knows that this is bullshit. Sure, no one wants to go back to 17th century and arranged marriages; but the idea that a woman can be happily married to a man who has no abilities in excess of her own is absurd. She might find a way to be content in that kind of marriage, sure, but content people take Zoloft.

This isn't something that only applies to women, by the way. Both sexes want spouses that are "better" than them; we just want the opposite sex to be better than us in very different and complimentary ways. Women typically want a man who is better than them when it comes to providing and protecting their family, while men typically want a woman who is better than them when it comes to raising children, creating a "home" (I mean this in the widest possible sense of the word) and keeping the family connected to the outside world. I discuss one small aspect of this dynamic in the post The Analogy Between Confidence and Beauty. If you haven't read yet, I suggest taking a minute to do so before finishing this one. The point is that women want men who are stable and capable ("confident"), while men want a woman who is fertile and a light in their life ("beautiful").

This is what your PhD or upper management position looks like.
Anyway that brings us to the "dadbod." As I said, at first glance, the claim that women like men with mediocre bodies looks like an excuse for men to be sloppy and for women to lower the standard of comparison for their own bodies. And for many people, this is exactly how the concept will be used, without further consideration. But for those of us who are willing to think and work, there is a lesson to take away from the "dadbod." After all, the article that started it all was only popular because it touched on an important yet controversial truth, namely, that women and men want different things in relationships. Both sexes want to be better at certain things than their partner, and both sexes want the other to be better than them in some ways. To some degree, it actually does makes sense for a woman to be "the pretty one." This doesn't excuse men from looking after themselves, but it does mean that men who think that they have to tone and sculpt themselves into a Greek God in order to get girls are missing something much more important than bodyfat.

As usual, the useful takeaway here is reached by flipping the comparison to the other side of the sexual divide. Most women struggle with the concept that men don't like them for their accomplishments. They see accomplished men and feel attracted, so they have a hard time understanding why that same standard doesn't apply to them too. At the same time, most women - even if they don't agree that "dadbods" are sexy - at least can identify with wanting to be the pretty one in the relationship and disliking feelings of competition with their own partner. By this point, you probably get what I am going to say: as a man, dating a woman who is highly accomplished in traditionally male arenas is a lot like being a woman and dating a man with a perfectly sculpted body. Or we could state it like this: guys feel the same way about dating women who are more accomplished than them as you feel about dating men who are sexier than you.

Now, by all means, the correct solution for a girl who feels inclined towards guys with "dadbods" is to hit the gym and learn how to present herself (so she can get guys without "dadbods"); just like a guy who feels tempted to date stupid girls should find his purpose in life and work his ass off (so he can feel confident dating smart and accomplished girls). The fact that the sexes want different things doesn't mean it is right for guys to stop working out any more than it means that it is right for women to intentionally dumb themselves down intellectually. As I've stated in a million different ways on this blog, the answer isn't a reduction of the other, it is an augmentation of the self.

No, the whole "dadbod" thing doesn't excuse laziness, but it does serve as a reminder (albeit an awkward one) that each sex is looking for reciprocal qualities in the other. So think twice before pouring several years into developing the very quality you are looking for in the opposite sex. You only have so much time and energy to spend in developing yourself - spend it wisely.

Related Posts
1. No, Your Intelligence Is Not Your Problem
2. Men Don't Care About Your Accomplishments
3. The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment
4. Human Energy Is Conserved


  1. There are a lot of women who look for men with fit physiques. There are a lot of men who look for women with education more than a high school degree. Physically attractive women place higher value on appearance. Well educated and accomplished men do place value on the background and education of a female partner. Especially in urban areas where the cost of living essentially forces you to have a dual income family. This post is much more general and simplistic than your other ones. Maybe I dont know which audience you are directing your post to. Perhaps it does apply to the average person living in a location that is limited by population size and opportunities.

    1. Yeah I agree with all that. Not sure how it goes against what I was saying though (if that is what you were implying).

    2. There's a saying: take what you need and leave the rest. I find your blog insightful and you have provided great over-arching general guideposts on how to navigate romantic, interpersonal relationships with men (for us heterosexual women). Thank you!

      My social-economic circle include high-tech, finance, design and legal professionals. My general observations are that men in our circle "tend" to marry women or have long-term relationships with women who are similar in attractiveness levels and education/income levels as them. No one in my immediate circle has veered off this path. My best friends are women I have met at my ivy-league college and/or ivy-league graduate school. Most of these women have married similarly-situated men (ie. education and attractiveness levels). I find it that common interests, in terms of academic achievements, current events, travel and competitive sports, bonds us together. Do the men have flings, short-term romances and sexual encounters with other women. Sure, of course - but not for marriage.

      Suffice it to say, these men place attractiveness and intelligence on par with each other in terms of marriage. Obviously,I can only share only my own personal experiences, and am not attempting to make any broad sweeping generalizations.

      Again, thank you for your blog and look forward to reading your e-book!

    3. My distilled comment would be: our education and time dedicated to achievement has not hindered us. With the caveat, that most of us, are athletic and fashion-conscious.

    4. My social circle comprises of successful high achievers from old money, none of whom date or marry out of the circle. They also date within a five year range, max. It is interesting to read your thoughts on how men view what women do for a living. I disagree. The take-care aspect is valid, but overall, this post is highly over-analyzed and tedious considering the spectrum of possibilities. The sexiest women are the complete package. They are also the high value ones. Not every person will end up with their dream person, but there is a word for what results when tedious analysis is needed.

    5. Brian, how many successful high achievers from old money (who are presumably also amazingly good looking) do you think there are compared to ppl who are not that? Andrew is speaking generally. I daresay you do not fit into the general category. Having said that, how many of your male friends would marry a fat ugly lawyer over a beautiful school teacher, all else being equal?

    6. Right now I am pretty depressed after reading this article. Partly because I know it's true. It is harder for me to find someone that I admire. I am one of those outliers who are not only smart but also good-looking.

      It's hard to find men who are both smart and good looking. I feel I am too picky for my own good. I feel like I'm trying to meet Mr Perfect.

      One thing that I have noticed is that whenever I improve my personality or my appearance a lot, and I am able to attract many more guys, my standards just increase. I wish they didn't.

    7. @ Brian
      ”My social circle comprises of successful high achievers from old money, none of whom date or marry out of the circle.”


      “They also date within a five year range, max”.

      Again, relevance?

      Actually, what was the point of your comment Brian? That high value women are the complete package? Like, duh.

      @ Anonymous June 18
      “I am one of those outliers who are not only smart but also good-looking”

      Ha, welcome to the club: *all of us*, are those outliers who are not only smart but also good-looking.

      “It's hard to find men who are both smart and good looking”.

      Well it is for some women, not for others. There are plenty of us smart good-looking men (ha ha) out there, but like you, we’re also too picky for our own good.

      “I feel I am too picky for my own good. I feel like I'm trying to meet Mr Perfect.”

      At least you’re self-aware enough to know this.

      “One thing that I have noticed is that whenever I improve my personality or my appearance a lot, and I am able to attract many more guys, my standards just increase. I wish they didn't."

      Have you ever read about the Paradox of Choice? It sounds like you’re a maximizer, like me (as opposed to being a satisficer). When making a choice, a maximizer will want to make the best possible choice, and will be worried that they will make a choice that is less than the best. It takes them longer to make decisions, they’re more likely to second-guess their decisions, and they’re less likely to be satisfied with their decisions in the long run.

      Satisficers, on the other hand, tend to have a set of criteria when making a choice, and they tend to select the first option that meets all of those criteria. They make decisions faster, they’re more likely to stick with their choice, and they tend to be happier with their choice in the long run.

      This isn’t completely binary. It’s a spectrum where people are more one than the other. But when making a decision where there are potentially countless choices it is extremely difficult for maximizers to make a decision, then be happy with it.

      It’s something I have to deal with too :(

    8. Thanks for your comment, Thomas. I guess it's true, everyone exaggerates their own qualities and think they deserve someone who is at least equally smart and good-looking.

      What should I do, then? Keep self-improving? Or settle and be unhappy with my decision?

      I exercise everyday, spend 1 hour and a half getting ready to leave my apartment, I go to an Ivy League school, I always push myself to become more interesting and extroverted... I don't know what else I can do. No matter what, I feel like nothing is good enough.

      I guess I should try to meet more people... I just don't think I'll meet "the one" at a meetup in this small town. Right now I am interning in a really small town. I don't know anyone outside of work, and although 90% of the office is men, they're all around 10 years older than me, most of them married... :(

      The few guys who actually wanted something serious with me and who met my standards are very far away right now... They are doing their own internships :(

    9. @ Anonymous
      “What should I do, then? Keep self-improving? Or settle and be unhappy with my decision?”

      Well, if you’re interning in a really small town with few eligible options then maybe now is not the time to fully focus on finding a life partner (assuming that’s your goal). You might have to finish your internship first and then go to somewhere with a greater options, whereupon you can then devote yourself more to your goal.

      Otherwise you seem to be doing all the right things. Dating isn’t easy for high-achieving women like you, so it will take time to find someone appropriate.

      However, even at this point, it will be useful to know what your specific goal is and then to identify what characteristics you absolutely *need* in a man to achieve this goal. With this in mind you can filter for guys who have your have your deal-breakers, but not necessarily some *nice to haves*, as this will allow you reach your goal quicker.

      I.e. it might be a deal-breaker that a guy share your values, ethics and desire for children etc. but, as this might limit your dating pool, you might have to be flexible on other characteristics such as education/looks/status etc.

      Or, if education is very important to you, but family not so, then you can pick educated men who might not want children. Or any other myriad of combinations.

      Statistically it will be difficult to find everything you want in one guy, so identifying your deal breakers early will help you in the long run.

      Keep up the good work – good luck!

    10. "Sexy Thomas" at his best.

  2. I never minded being with a guy who had more of an average body which is now called the dadbod apparently. To me, facial features, personal style, and a good attitude in a man are more attractive to me than bulging muscles. So my boyfriends were younger versions of the dadbod because he was better than most guys in other areas. However, I hate the fact that it's turned into some kind of glorified trend. If you want to appreciate diversity and rebel against the hyper masculine standard, great, but why make it into some big production? So there's my 2 cents on that.

    Not to disrespect your work, but I was never raised to seek men to be providers or security. I've had grandparents that told me that, but even as an 8 year old, my attitude was that I kinda just want to provide for and protect myself, and he can help if he wants, but I don't want to depend on anyone for that. I don't make $100k but as it stands, I don't mind a guy who makes less than me, as long as it's something he can support his needs on and he's content enough with his job. I've seen the worst of the worst and when you have dated guys who treat you like their sugarmama, you are just appreciative of anyone who has a stinkin job at all. Well, at least I am. In the long term sense, I do up my standards but it's still not all about how much he makes and whether or not he makes more than me.

    1. "but I was never raised to seek men to be providers or security. I've had grandparents that told me that, but even as an 8 year old, my attitude was that I kinda just want to provide for and protect myself, and he can help if he wants, but I don't want to depend on anyone for that."

      well that's the point, isn't it? you were raised to be independent and successful in your career. generally speaking though, men aren't interested in that in a woman. at least not as much as women are interested in finding that in a man. of course that's not to say a woman should not strive to be independent and have a high-paying job. it's just for informational purposes, to correct a misunderstanding that many (most?) women have, which is that men are impressed by and seek out "successful" women.

      similarly, men assume that because they want a physically hot woman, that women want the same in men. and yeah it doesn't hurt to not be ugly, but in general, women care less about looks than men do.


    2. That's exactly how I would have replied to Ashley's comment if I hadn't been too lazy to type it all out.

  3. How is a woman supposed to support herself while she's looking for Mr right, exactly? In this economy, it's increasingly difficult to support oneself, much less a family, without higher education. You need a masters or a Dr.Ed to get a stable job teaching elementary school. Not to mention, all the goody two shoes jobs that men have told me they envision their wives having (nurse, teacher, counselor) require a lot more work and education than previous. How does that square with this advice, exactly? Should women live in penury with their parents working mediocre jobs?

    1. Haha if you are getting a master's in education and teaching elementary school with the end goal of earning money, you are wayyyyy down the wrong path. Talk about a degree that doesn't pay back... My sister has a master's in education from an ivy league University and makes next to nothing. I know girls who make four times her income working table service in nightclubs, and you don't even need a high-school diploma for that.

      The real problem here is giving in to the fear of having to rely on a man for financial support. And I get that. But there is a healthy middle ground between needing a man to pay for every meal and making it your life's goal to become CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

    2. Yeah I have a friend who's a teacher, she said she makes more as a nanny (no education needed) then she does teaching. And it's crazy because she wakes up at 5AM to get all her work done then ontop of that does teaching for 8 hours. At her summer nanny gig, it's so much more relaxed and more money. She got to take the kids to the zoo/fun places on the parents money.

    3. "The real problem here is giving into the fear of having to rely on a man for financial support."
      Can you elaborate?

    4. If you are scared of relying on a man, you will put all that fear and insecurity into a career. I think Andrew suggests fearlessly accepting your priorities; if you are a woman who wants to be provided for, then by all means have a job and career, but don't give them a higher priority than your love life out of fear and insecurity.

    5. A lot of women are afraid of having to rely on a man. Their parents tell them things like "make sure you study hard in school so that you don't have to depend on a man for your happiness or survival." The problem is that by doing that, you are undermining your capacity to build a strong relationship.

      It's kind of like living together before getting married to "test it out" - yeah, in some sense this makes sense; but in another sense you are actually missing the point completely: by "testing it out" you are ignoring the fact that any relationship is going to require sacrifices, and jumping in just and dealing with the fact that your husband leaves his hair in the sink is a symptom of a healthy relationship. If you aren't willing to overcome the kind of things you'd learn about the other person by living together first, it means you don't really love each other enough to get married in the first place. Likewise, if you aren't willing to depend on a man, you aren't really opening yourself to the idea of trusting a man. And if you aren't willing to trust a man, good luck finding one to marry you.

      Yeah, it might be scary (hence my reference above to "fear") to think that without that one person your life would be significantly changed; but you know what is worse? Securing yourself so much against that fear that you are unable to find one person to take that risk with anyway. And that is what happens. If you are always guarding yourself, unwilling to take a risk and depend on (= trust) another person, you'll actually completely undermine your ability to build a real relationship.

    6. But wouldn't a guy eventually resent a girl for depending on him financially? Or become worried that she's a golddigger? It seems like most of the guys I know say that they want their wife to have a career rather than be a stay at home mom

    7. To the anon above me,

      I think most guys take pride in providing for their wife and family. I think most guys would prefer that their wife not work if it was financially feasible, as long as the woman is happy doing so. Men like to be depended on to provide security in every sense of the word. It makes us feel like we bring something valuable to the table. To be able to support our family and be appreciated (let's not forget that part) for doing so makes us feel good. It makes us feel like men, and we will rise to the occasion as best as we can. A woman who is "soft" enough to let herself depend on a man is attractive (assuming of course that the rest of her personality is also attractive -- affectionate, kind, gentle, etc). Just like most women have an innate desire to protect and take care of their children, most men have an innate desire to protect and take care of their wives.

      Let's face it. Most jobs suck. Most guys are not astronauts or race car drivers or travel photographers. The satisfaction we get from work comes in large part from knowing that we are taking care of our families.

      But I don't know. There are plenty of no-good, lazy-ass men too, and probably guys who just want to use a woman for her money. And these days there are tons of young guys who grew up never having a decent male role model. So maybe they think differently.

    8. I've always thought that if a guy financially supports his wife, then he automatically has all the power in the relationship.... so for example, he could cheat on her/be abusive, etc. but he knows that she could never (at least not easily) walk out of the relationship... I think that's one of the biggest fears most girls have in becoming financially dependent... what are your thoughts?

    9. "I've always thought that if a guy financially supports his wife, then he automatically has all the power in the relationship.... so for example, he could cheat on her/be abusive, etc. but he knows that she could never (at least not easily) walk out of the relationship... I think that's one of the biggest fears most girls have in becoming financially dependent... what are your thoughts?"

      Well, that is a risk. Life is full of risks, but you can't put up walls to protect yourself from everything. Especially in love. Love is about vulnerability and trust, and by it's very nature leaves you open to risk. Maybe if you are considering marriage and you find yourself overly worried about him cheating or being overly abusive, then you might not be ready, or that might not be the right guy.

      Also, it's not like a woman working is the worst thing in the world lol. I don't think the takeaway here is "don't work". Especially these days, not all households can get by on a single income. It's more a matter of correctly understanding how men perceive your work.

    10. ^ Whoops I didn't mean "overly abusive" haha. I meant "abusive". Cut/pasting sentences too quickly sometimes leaves stray words around.

    11. Andrew, you should understand that parents tell their daughters to pursue education and careers independent of their possible husbands because they know men can be unreliable and worse, and that life brings unwelcome surprises (like sickness and death). It would be absolutely foolish and irresponsible for a parent not to encourage their daughters' education, careers, and independence given the reality of our lives.

  4. I've always wonder what you think about homosexual relationships. Not trying to create controversy at all. I just notice the fact that all your logic around relationship, in this or other articles, revolves around the ability of both genders to compliment each other given their different nature and qualities. .

    1. It's not really on my radar all that much. I mean, I don't have a strong opinion about homosexuel relationships. People sometimes talk about how there is always a "man" and a "woman" in homosexual relationships though, so I guess the dynamic still exists to some extent.

    2. Yes, I guess the "opposite attract" rule applies there as well!

  5. Hey Andrew, so I do agree with everything you say...however, what if you come from a culture where girls and boys alike are encouraged to become high achievers and pursue highly respected, well-paying careers like medicine or engineering? For example, in my own South Asian culture, girls are taught from a young age that concentrating on developing their beauty is pointless, and that all of their energy should be spent focusing on academics. It's not uncommon for Indian parents of sons to reject a potential daughter in-law on the basis of her not having an advanced degree, even here in the U.S. I do put in a lot of energy into my appearance, but not without my parents' intense disapproval. However, I also strive to be a high achiever academically because I know how important it is to my parents and for my future. So my question to you is, how do you deal with such strong external pressures to achieve in the masculine sense? If I'm completely honest with myself, my true passion lies within beauty and fashion. But I know that the results of not pursuing an advanced degree/developing my masculine qualities will result in serious consequences, and I don't know how I would deal with being labeled as a "failure" by my culture... Sorry for the lengthiness of my post, but I would really appreciate your advice :))

    1. Seems to me like there's a couple issues here.

      If you're asking how you can be less "high achieving" in order to get a man, then I'd say that's not necessary. There's no reason why you can't be high achieving and still get a good man as long as you are also working on those qualities that men actually look for (which it sounds like you are doing).

      If you're asking how you can change careers without suffering repercussions from your culture and parents, well, I'm not sure this is the place to get advice on that. In my opinion you simply have to decide who you're living for. Yourself or your culture/parents?

      Just my 2 cents.

    2. I think everyone has to play into the expectations of their culture to some degree. It's unreasonable to say that you are going to just stand up and live for yourself. No one does that in practice. The point isn't to go completely against the grain, the point is to avoid letting the grain define you. I'll give you an example. I have a friend who is engaged to a girl that first his strict Indian (Brahmin) parent's ideal perfectly. Like you said, she is very well educated. On top of that she is from a high-class family (check), has the right skin tone (check), and is conservative (check), etc. etc.

      The funny thing is that I've been out with this guy dozens of times and I know the kind of girls he likes best: blonde, American, wild girls. By going with a girl who completely fits his parents' expectations, he is denying himself in a way that is going to lead to unhappiness down the road. Now, I actually don't think he'd be smart to date the kind of girl I know he likes best, because he isn't going to be only dealing with her for the rest of his life. He will have his parents and friends and family (who, I am sure, have the same expectations) at least until they all die, which won't happen for a long time.

      I think there is a middle ground. He should have chosen a girl who broke the sterotypes and met his tastes enough that he can respect himself down the road, while following the cultural norms in other respects. Maybe that means marrying an educated American brunette who gets crazy with him but knows how to reel it in around his family. Maybe it means marrying a blonde who is from a rich family even if she doesn't have a PhD, maybe it means marrying an Brahmin girl who loves to party but never went to college. Who knows. But the point is that, given the strength of his preferences for something so different for what he was being pressured to do, he should have fought the pressure more than he did.

      So that is my advice: push against the pressure to be highly educated if that is not what you feel like you want for yourself in life. Push back enough that you can respect yourself for looking after your own desires, dreams, etc. But don't fight it so much that you completely go against the grain and alienate everyone around you. Very few people have the personality that can (or wants) to live that kind of life.

    3. I am a Brahmin, upper class, Indian girl too and can guarantee that his fiancee had her fair share of tall, blonde, white men in her college days. For these two to be happy they have to put aside their need for excitement with the "exotic" and learn to appreciate the person they do have.

      With regards to your article, I find that my age group has extremely high standards in all categories (though I am a little over a decade younger than you). College men do expect highly educated and hot women and the same applies to women. On tinder, guys even specify that they want girls from college X and not college Y that is equidistant. I also think it is extremely important for women to be self sufficient, so that she can exit an abusive relationship. Instead all I do is accept the boy's offer to provide for me, even if I can do so myself. I find that is my perfect medium of keeping both of us happy.

    4. Funny, I am the "educated American brunette who gets crazy with him but knows how to reel it in around his family" married to an Indian-American guy.

      I agree that you do not need to reel in the educational achievement in order to attract a man, but you may want to try a different career path for your own happiness. I wonder if there is a way to apply your education to your interests. For example, if you have a masters in microbiology, could you parlay that into developing a skin care line? Or perhaps you could just start a blog on the side as a creative outlet, and if you do well at that maybe it could be a full time job eventually.

      In both picking a spouse and picking a career, YOU are the one who has to live your life, so make a choices that make you happy. My husband's parents are in all honesty having a hard time accepting me and are struggling with competing with my family, but it's a work in progress and is improving over time.

  6. I agree with this sort of thinking in a context where both parts are in the same sort of work space. What is your view when it comes to people in very different fields of work? I have just started to see a guy who is a laborer, while I am quite successful in a corporate work space. I wonder what his thoughts would be on my career? I feel he is actually more accomplished than I am because he has done a lot of travel, and has a much broader world view than I do.

    1. There's certainly room for it to work out. It depends on what you and he both respectively value in the opposite sex - and in yourself.

      If his idea of success in the world is having an office job and he's the kind of guy who wants to support a family someday (rather than his future wife), he probably won't be able to be happy with you. Likewise, if you look down on manual labor, you probably won't be able to be happy with him.

      But if he's strong from his work and has good character, and you look up to this about him enormously, and meanwhile he bases his identity around those qualities in himself, you could probably make a really good match.

      In general men prefer to be successful by traditional provider/protector roles, while women tend to be successful in beauty/nurturing roles, but there is room for variance.

  7. Hey Andrew so I read The Way of the Superior Man and I was surprised when the author basically said that to a man, every woman, even if he is in love with her, is replaceable. Even if he is in love, his relationship will never be as much of a priority as his own goals and purpose. Do you, as a man, think that this is true? It's so sad to think that you will never mean as much to a guy as he does to you (if both are in love with each other).

  8. Hi Andrew, this is very interesting and shows the hard reality of women in today's society. I am a 28 lawyer and working long hours in a stressful junior lawyer position. My bf who has also a good job (but not as "demanding" as lawyer) and he wants me to work and be ambitious (he likes smart and educated girls), but also to hit the gym after work (I usually work from 9am to 8pm) and help him out at home (cooking dinner, laundry, etc). I feel like I can't do everything! Is it normal for a guy to want a career woman with a toned body and who takes care of him (I don't even succeed to really care of myself...) ???

    1. I just add that we had lots of fights about me not being able to do everything...

    2. Hi Lila, I think your boyfriend is being unreasonably demanding if he expects you to do everything both at home and at work! What does he contribute? Does he do all of those things for you as well? He's honestly being a dick if he's not doing his share but wants you to be perfect.

  9. Most men have this myth that women, especially top women, are incredibly picky. As a guy with a lot of dynamic, intelligent, beautiful, successful women in his life, it’s my distinct experience that this is utter malarkey. Here’s what I’ve seen: top tier women, dating or hooking up with men who were not cool, not attractive, and not successful. It’s not that these guys were badboys and had some kind of mysterious sex appeal, either. They just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and the girl in question wasn’t feeling all that picky.

    But those girls still tell me they’re picky. They say things to me like, “It’s hard for me to find someone I like, because I’m very picky when it comes to men,” or, “I’m fine without a man in my life. I’d rather be single, actually.” But when I look at their choices in men, they’re getting together with these guys that don’t meet the standards they continually profess to have (or, realistically, the quality of guy I’d assume they could get). And bizarrely, they often end up in friends-with-benefits relationships with men they don’t really care for or respect all that much. They don’t even really like these guys. The guys press for relationships, and the girls decline, because they’re not all that into them. But these guys are still good enough for sex – even though they’re not good enough to date.

    Women DON’T have to like you to sleep with you.

    Period. End of story.


  10. Guys who are off the market and nervous women will reject them are unattractive. But guys who are off the market and confident that women will want them are even more attractive than guys who are on the market and equally confident. They actually had an interesting little study recently that showed that women in committed relationships ranked photographs of men they were told were single as more attractive, while single women ranked photographs of men they were told were in committed relationships as more attractive. Get that? Single women are more attracted to men who are tied up. How come? Well, long story short, a guy who’s got a girl already is basically communicating that he is wanted by other women. That guy who’s single is an unknown variable – why is he single? Is it because he’s just out of a relationship – or is it because there’s something wrong with him and women don’t want him?

    1. That's interesting, and makes sense. On the other hand, some people in relationships get into relationships for the "wrong" reasons (eg to avoid loneliness, thirst, social pressure, to get laid etc), and the temporary high they get only ends up getting masked by the reality that sets in when they realize they're unhappy in a relationship w someone who is incapable of making them happy. the grass is always greener...

    2. ...especially when it is greener :)

  11. can you cover the topic on how women sleep with lovers but make guys who r boyfriend material wait? If you read your comment section it will prove to you how women laugh at having sex with dumb guys but make guys who r boyfriend potential wait.

    On a women's dating advice site, you'd read something like this: "Finally found yourself a guy who seems like he'd make a great boyfriend? Score!"

    On this site, it'd be more like this: "You met a girl but she thinks you seem like you'd make a great boyfriend? Oh crap!"

    Half the time, if you've been digging into her relationship history as you've deep dived, you even know that she hooks up with men very quickly sometimes... has in the past, will again in the future.

    Just not with you.

    And you slap your forehead and go, "Geez... she thinks she can turn me into a boyfriend. I slipped up."

    Here are the warning signs that she wants a boyfriend out of you, so you can flag this and tackle it before getting back to your place and having things go south:

    She doesn't act sexual with you. Not every girl will do this, but a lot of women who see you as purely a lover will get into the act with you when you're wearing your sexy vibe and start flirting heavily with you and acting very sexual.

    She doesn't talk indiscretions, or paints them as "in the past." When girls want a boyfriend with you, they do everything they can to paint themselves in the best possible light.

    She tells you she's looking for something serious and MEANS it.

    She declines to invest much in you and dodges compliance.

    She future projects. Not every woman will do this, but if she's fairly certain she wants you as a boyfriend sometimes a woman will start future projecting

    She tries to introduce you to her friends. When a girl wants you as a lover, she tries to minimize your contact with her friends as much as possible.

    She asks you a lot about your plans and career. I rarely get asked about these by women... they're just not terribly relevant.

    But that's not it. She holds out on you because she values you more, not less.

    The tricky thing you must do as a man - especially as you become higher and higher status and value - is find a way to suppress your value as a long-term mate while accentuating your value as a short-term one.


  12. This post is either too vague or too narrow lol haven't decided yet lol

    Tis interesting that people put such pressure on their children. to steal from Andrew's manosphere post, i think a lot of it has to do w agency.

    It's also tres shitty that people could make their kids feel less valued in the world if they don't achieve a particular/specific professional success. agency. that's not to say that people should have no ambition. but for a particular culture to brand itself as dominant in a particular profession is pretty ridiculous considering people of all cultures/ethnicities have prominent and not so prominent careers (lawyers, cab drivers, etc), and some make a lot of $$$ and some don't. that reasoning makes me wonder what those people really think about others "beneath" them. pretty shitty disposition to have in life, no? The compassionate physician who thinks other professions are beneath him/her? It's not what people say, it's what they do... Police officers and members of the armed forces risk their lives to protect us. Andrew's sister w her ivy master's degree as a teacher (which I think is a pretty awesome job), is capable of having a tremendous impact on shaping lives (see Thomas Jefferson on the importance of education). can a person be happy being wealthy or poor, or working a ceo job versus a service-oriented profession? of course.

    If a person can't have any self-respect w/o attaining a certain professional title, then they have a whole host of other issues...beyond this post. Then again, you can't lose or give up something you never could have attained to begin with.

    I'll admit that it's slightly difficult for me to understand a parent's pressure on their kid because my view is that you love ur kids regardless of what they do in life. likewise i believe in using one's talents to make the world a better place and improve the lives of others whenever they can. yeah i know most people don't have those same values. i'd treat the president w the same high level of respect as i do the guy serving me coffee at the cafe. that's the way my parents raised me.

    1. Emily L, those are pretty shoes. My wife has a similar pair.

    2. she must be a woman w great taste :)

  13. Andrew, what are your thoughts on women wearing high heels on planes/to the airport for travelling long distances? Would you appreciate it or roll your eyes at it?

    1. Hot.

      The only people who would roll their eyes would be other girls who are just making the fact that they know the girl in heels looks better than them.

    2. What is better - heels or wedges?

    3. both are sexy

    4. @ Anonymous
      “What is better - heels or wedges?”

      Better in what way?

      More attractive to men?

      Then heels.

    5. I usually agree with andrew, but not about this. My husband always rolls his eyes at women in heels in the airport, and when I wear them in situations like that, he accuses me of wearing "stupid shoes" and is annoyed I can't travel as quickly.

  14. If I may ask, Andrew, what do you do for a living?

  15. If women are interested in accomplishments you're out of luck - the only thing you've accomplished is a pile of shitty right-wing babbling. Only idiots would come to an uncredentialed know-it-all creep like you for advice.

    1. LOL Nancy, how do you know what he's accomplished? Maybe all you've accomplished is this shitty little comment.

    2. @ Nancy
      “the only thing you've accomplished is a pile of shitty right-wing babbling.”

      Right-wing babbling? And how does Andrew’s blog make an appeal to political partisanship?

      Thanks for that; this comment thread was in dire need of some levity.

      “Only idiots would come to an uncredentialed know-it-all creep like you for advice.”

      Oh the irony.

  16. When he is depressed, high/strung out on drugs, depressed, suicidal, and depressed, who do you think he reaches out to? When he needed a psychiatric referral? He knows who genuinely cares about him and will help him. Who do you think he still follows around the internet and trolls (as do you; threatened much??)? Why do you think he seeks help on manoshpere blogs? Under what circumstances is marijuana use illegal? Keep talking. He needs help, not a mentally ill influence. I pray that god helps him.

  17. I've visited this site several times in the past and always leave disguised. Why the story spun seems to make sense on the surface when you look a little deeper there is always Feminism at the core spinning everything from that perspective. Cunning lies and deception. Just like women do. Manga. White Knight.

    So this time didn't even finish the main article got to "Both sexes want spouses that are "better" than them". Which is complete bullshit. I do not and have never met a MAN who seeks out a spouse BETTER THAN THEM. Complete bullshit. Men seek out someone the want to have sex with. Someone attractive. Someone easy to be with and easy to live with. Someone who has a good disposition and is cooperative; not argumentative. They seek out someone Feminine and who is good with kids and animals. The seek a real woman who acts like a woman. Sure some men seek a slut just for sex to.

    I have never met a man who actively seeks out a mate who is BETTER THAN HIMSELF. That's what women do. That the author misses so blatantly and is such a big way is telling. And every time I return here I run into the same. So be wary. This is just Feminism re-spun to be more socially acceptable. Leaving again ... won't be back.

    1. Every man seeks a women who is hotter than himself, more kind than himself, (as you say) better with kids and animals, etc.

      All of that is "better".

  18. Hey Andrew, I´ve been reading your blog for about a year now and I think your posts are very interesting and eye-opening. Anyway, I wanted to ask you for your opinion. I´m a 21-year old female student, currently about to finish my bachelor´s degree in the life sciences. I´m planing on starting my master program this fall and probably do a PhD afterwards because I want to become a scientist. I have always been a straight A student and very ambitious. Looking back, I think that this was in part because I was not especially pretty so I figured that this was the only way to succeed in life. Apparently, I was a late bloomer and about two years ago I became more attractive because I started exercising, lost a little bit of weight (I´ve never been overweight) and changed my hair, eyebrows, glasses etc. I´m still shy and insecure even though I´m now considered attractive. I´m still not used to all the attention I get now. And I´m still not very successful in the romantic part of my life. I rarely go out clubbing and mostly go to some pub when I go out with my friends. But when I meet someone at a club, they are usually the cocky, party-type guys that I´m not compatible with. They are also generally surprised and often weirded out when I tell them what I´m studying and that I want to become a scientist. Those guys, which are very attractive but have mostly only a high school degree (or are not very ambitious career-wise), have frequently told me that I´m too smart for them and that I´m making them insecure because of that. And frankly, as you´ve said in your post, I don´t want a boyfriend who is more attractive than me (or whom I think too attractive for me even though other people might think that we´re on the same level of attractiveness).
    In everyday life, I don´t meet many new people because I´m basically surrounded by the same people every day. I´ve never had a long-term relationship only two 3-month relationships and a bunch of almost relationships where the interest was mutual but we were both to shy to do anything about it. I have a hard time showing my feelings and I value my independence which can be a disadvantage in the beginning of a relationship.
    I´m more compatible with the shy, nerdy guys and I have met some over the course of my studies and through mutual friends. But those guys, which are usually very smart but average-looking (or insecure about their looks) have told me that I´m too pretty for them and that they don´t believe I could like them because there are so many better (looking) guys out there. Even though I told them again and again that I like them as they are they wouldn´t listen. So they ended up dumping me because they thought that I would leave them sooner or later.

    I don´t know what I´m doing wrong and why some guys say that I´m too smart for them and others say that I´m too attractive. Maybe it´s because I seem to have it together and all figured out which is making them insecure because they are not at that place yet? Acquaintances and friends are sometimes joking that I´m making them feel inadequate. Or do they use this as an excuse because they don´t want to hurt my feelings and this is the easiest way out similar to "it´s not your fault but mine". Maybe there is some deeper issue that I´m missing completely? I would really appreciate it if you could tell me your opinion about it and what I could do to avoid this in the future. - Jane

  19. altruistic


  20. Woman:(to her girlfriend or lover)
    "He isa good husband but I can't help but laugh at him for his niceness.
    He does all that I demand."

    Unconsciously,what this woman is really saying is:I cannot feel sexual attraction for a man who is being
    a Provider to me because I know he does that because he cannot get women to be sexually submissive
    to him. So I need now a Lover who makes me feel like a woman again. Many women may act like this in
    a totally innocent manner, not even aware of all of the psychological forces at work, because in their marriages with Providers they have felt they are under the effect of an oppression which has been put pon women for centuries. Now as a man what you need to know is this: under the ef- fect of the Lover- Provider dichotomy a woman can find her- self in a totally dissociative state which, means that she can act out under the influence of strong emotions in seemingly un- predictable ways. In other words, you can
    expect justabout anything.

  21. Dear Andrew,

    Are you reading? Can you post an article on how most men today are still raised with old-fashioned values based on chivalry. Many men haven't a clue just how much sexual experience women have had. Their wives and girlfriends aren't going to tell them either. Also women wont agree to this but can you please post on how woman who is well-educated, well-read, well- traveled woman reaches her mid-30s, she has most likely ex- perienced a much wider variety of sexual experience than
    " 90% of the males her age". This presents her with a problem: given that she is physically secure and financially self-sufficient, her need for a man revolves around satisfyingonly her sexual and emotional needs. Compounding this problem is that her expec- tations rise with each successive relationship,
    while her value for bearing children simultaneollsly declines.

  22. American women fall into these categorires:

    The Good Girl

    One Good Woman. What every man needs. Generally aren't promiscuous, and prefer to
    limit sexual involvement to more loving and committed rela-
    tionships. Even still, however, not all Good Girls are suitable
    for long term, loving relationships.

    Remember that the archetype label "Good Girl" is not to be
    confused with making a moral judgment abovit a woman. A
    woman in a search for a committed, monogamous relationship
    with a man can be just as ruthless as any other woman in going
    after what she wants. If you are a man of high value, she may
    very well try to mold her personality to conform to what she
    believes you are looking for in a woman, in order to secure a
    relationship with you. This can even include outright dishon-
    esty. Therefore it is inadvisable to consider a serious, long-term
    relationship with any woman until you have the wisdom that
    comes with experience and you are an expert at the screening

    The High Self Esteem Good Girl Case

    A Good Girl with healthy self-esteem (HSE) makes appropriate
    long-term relationship material for most men, especially when
    sex drives are well-matched. This latter point is crucial; An High Sex Drive
    woman paired with a low or much lower-drive man is liable to
    get very cranky and restless. A woman with a low or much-
    lower sex drive may well use sex to manipulate the man in

    ^as in the bait-and-switch game. A Good Girl who is not satisfied sexually, or
    conversely, one who feels sexually pressured, is likely to get
    feelings of depression and anxiety due to such a mismatch in
    sexual drives.

    Look for the following points when screening for a Good Girl
    with high self-esteem:

    • She tends to place value on all her relationships, whether
    with her family, friends, and mates.

    • She is in touch with her feminine sexuality and her sexual
    desire. She may love sex as much as any other woman,
    but she prefers it with a man whom she is in a committed
    relationship with.

    • She is able to accept you as a man who is also a sexual
    human being.

    • She respects the masculine world without trying to be a
    man herself or act like a man.

    • She is comfortable in a wide range of social situations.

    • She will not tolerate much abuse of any kind from any-
    one, whether friends, family or mates.

    The Low Self Esteem Good Girl Case

    A Good Girl with low self-esteem (LSE) may be as ruthless as
    any other kind of woman, and even more dangerous, as she
    cloaks her ambition under what is otherwise socially-acceptable
    behavior. With a woman having a high libido (HD), there will
    be lots drama. Low-libido women (LD) will often use sex within
    a relationship to manipulate her man, and quite often to his
    material disadvantage.

    Low-self esteem Good Girls are not that hard to recognize. This
    woman will be the one hissing at an edgy scene in a movie.
    She will be uncomfortable in a wide range of social situations,
    preferring to spend her time in social situations with very lit-
    tle risk. She will correct her man, in public, when her opinion
    of his actions violate what she perceives as socially acceptable.
    She will also tolerate fairly emotionally abusive situations as
    long as such are perceived by her to be more socially accept-
    able than the alternative. For example, consider how the di-
    vorce rate has risen to staggering levels once the stigma of di-
    vorce was removed through the legal expedient of "no-fault

  23. The Adventuress

    These women are primarily motivated by both sexual gratification and male atten-
    tion. They are excellent candidates for women to have casual
    and /or short-term relationships with.

    However, men with sensitive hearts need to be particularly
    careful with this type of woman. It is a commonly-held myth
    in our society that men are universally able to have random
    sex with women without suffering any emotional attachment,
    and that all women require a deep emotional connection before
    being able to enjoy sex with a man. In the face of real-life expe-
    rience with Adventuresses, this myth unravels in a swift and
    shocking way for many men.

    Adventuresses typically get bored with monogamy very easily.
    Remember, they are motivated primarily by sexual excitement
    and male validation. Therefore, supplicating to such a woman,
    or trying to get her settled down into a monogamous relation-
    ship, or wishing for her to change her promiscuous ways, is
    a sure recipe for heartbreak. When a woman talks a lot about
    how much she values her freedom and not being tied down,
    pay very close attention!

    If you are ready for a casual, no-strings-attached relationship,
    however, these women can often be ideal. The proper way to
    interact with such a woman is always in a non-judgmental, non- jealous fashion.

    You can recognize an Adventuress by observing her dating pat-
    terns. An Adventuress who is young or inexperienced may
    have a trail of broken-hearted men behind her. She will gen-
    erally be more open to discussing sexual topics. Dating and
    courtship will cause her to get bored quickly, while proper phys-
    ical escalation will excite her. You will more readily discern the
    difference as you gain experience.

    It should be noted that Adventuresses can often have many
    Good Girl qualities, especially when it comes to their platonic
    relationships. Just be very careful that you do not confuse a
    woman's kindness and friendliness with sexual loyalty and de-

    The High Self Esteem Adventuress Case

    A woman who is an HSE Adventuress is a woman who loves
    pleasure for it's own sake. She is not bound by typical social
    conventions when it come to her sexuality. Therefore, an HSE
    Adventuress is a woman who thrives on male attention and/or
    sexual variety, but she is not doing so in a self-destructive way.
    A list of well-known HSE Adventuresses would include the
    likes of Naomi Campbell and Rihanna, although both of these
    women have slowed down considerably in the last few years
    or so.

    The Low Self Esteem Adventuress (LSE) Case

    The Adventuress is often typified by self-destructive behavior,
    therefore many Adventuress you will meet will be of the LSE
    variety. An LSE Adventuress may very well sabotage a per-
    fectly good relationship with you, by cheating for example, be-
    cause an LSE woman simply cannot accept that she deserves a
    stable, monogamous relationship with a good man. If you at-
    tempt to impose one on her she is likely to rebel. As already
    mentioned, an Adventuress also craves sexual variety and an
    LSE woman will jeopardize her health, her other relationships,
    and sometimes her physical and mental safety in order to sat-
    isfy her emotional or physical cravings.

    Book: The practial psychology of female for the practical man

  24. The Materialista

    Materialistas are primarily motivated by material wealth, by
    money, prestige and the power that such things bring. An in-
    experienced, tactless Materialista may easily get upset at the
    suggestion that you split the bill on dates, whereas a more so-
    phisticated Materialista may actually bait you by offering to
    pay on occasion, knowing that you will be compelled to pay
    later when it really counts.^

    You will easily recognize such women by their conversation. Is
    she primarily interested in talking about money and the things
    money can buy? A favorite verbal technique of women is to
    present things to you in the third person, such as "My girl-
    friend is so lucky; her boyfriend just flew her to Vegas first class,
    and they are staying in the presidential suite and..."

    If you find that a woman's level of affection towards you rises
    and falls consistently with the amount of money you are spend-
    ing on her, then you can bet you have a Materialista on your

    It is important to bear in mind that women with traits of a Ma-
    terialista are first and foremost human animals in as much need
    of love and affection as any Good Girl who is determined to
    preserve her chastity. But loving a Materialista as if she were
    a Good Girl is a recipe for disaster. If she's a Materialista, and
    you love her, love her on her terms as a Materialista, not on your
    terms as if she was a Good Girl. If you must have a Good Girl,
    go find one.

    We are confident in saying that virtually all women have a bit
    of Materialista in them. Throughout the ages, female survival
    depended on the skills of getting men into a position where
    they would provide in a material way for the women, and do
    so willingly. There is therefore no point in expressing anger
    or frustration when a woman demands that you pay for her
    drinks or food. Just realize that some women are more bent
    on extracting wealth from men than others. It is up to you as

    The key to handling a Materialista, or handling any women
    showing a bit of materialism in her behavior is to "pimp" her.
    That is, you must put the woman to work for you, by having
    her do little things for your benefit, at your convenience, at her
    expense. This might be cooking or cleaning for you, or run-
    ning errands to the market, or ordering items from the inter-
    net. Real-life prostitutes require a full-time, professional pimp,
    who handles the business side of her operations, and provides
    emotional support when necessary. The rest of us need only to
    recognize the symptoms of the Materialista when they emerge,
    and take immediate steps to deal with them.

    The bottom line is, she needs to be working for you; not the other
    way around. You need to set and maintain a strong frame of
    you and her against the world rather than you and her against
    each other. This means you must be a man who knows how to
    lead a woman and cannot be intimidated — either by her or by
    other men.

  25. The High Self Esteem Materialistic Woman Case

    HSE Materialistas can be dangerous — to your wallet, your
    pride, and your emotions — and conversely they can be a lot
    of fun if you know what you are doing. In this case, you will
    need great inner strength. If you have any tendency to buy
    a woman's favor through gifts, a Materialista is not for you.
    However, if you are steadfast in your principles and refuse to
    pay for the affections of women, and if you are completely non-
    jealous and happy for her to get her material needs met else-
    where, such a woman can learn to appreciate a modem man
    very much. Materialistas need love too, and if she has a High
    Sex Drive (HD), she will find you very appealing indeed, if you
    embody the above-mentioned qualities.

    It needs to be mentioned that a Low Sex Drive (LD) Materialis-
    tas can be particularly dangerous for a man. These women under-
    stand the male sexual drive, yet they do not share the same pas-
    sion for sex. Since they are very calculating and always angling
    for money, they are able to fake sexual arousal fairly adeptly.
    They can also withdraw sexual affection quite easily, and they
    do! It is a trap designed to make the man spend more money
    in order to revive what he mistakenly experienced as passion
    coming from the woman.

    The Low Self Esteem Materialistic Woman Case

    Even though Materialistas are primarily motivated by money, a
    woman who is also LSE will be ineffective. An LSE woman has
    trouble accepting anything of true value from anyone. An LSE
    Materialista will also be virtually impossible to satisfy, because
    not only does she require more and more material treatment, as
    all Materialistas do, but she also will get less and less satisfac-
    tion from such treatment because of her LSE. In addition, she
    will "price herself" very low. Streetwalkers are very much in
    this category, having nothing other than sex to offer any man
    besides her her pimp, to whom she offers money in exchange
    for emotional support.

    1. @ Ali Sheikh

      Are you just copying and pasting text from some blog here?

      If so, why?

      What do any of your comments have to do with this thread, or any comments on this thread?

      What is your motivation?

    2. It seems like women dont realize that their unconcious behaviour plays a huge factor in selecting a mate/lover. Women here have a general theme that girls are easy, just approach them, talk with them, and u will get laid. Women dont know anything about sh$t tests they do all the time.

      My information is coming from:
      Practical Psychology of women for the practical man
      The Selfish Gene by richard dawkins
      Red Queen by Matt Ridley

      The articles bascially say and confirm that even in the animal kingdom women test men from day one. 80% males are beta. Only a few handful elephants get all the females. In humans it is said that when a woman reaches her 30s she has 90% more sexual experience than guys her age. Every woman here and everywhere is sleeping with the same type of guy. A woman can have no confidence and still get laid. Guys need confidence and deal with sh#t test to get through the door. I had women give me blowjobs in relationship and after the relationship completley deny they ever gave me a blowjob when i was in bed with her. David Deida mentions how women are a concentrated version of the world. Women will test men and when men pass the test, she will test men even more. A guy who reacts to her test will get friendzoned or rejected. Women spent entire youth having sex with lovers. At the end she will go for a provider. Most providers have no sex life cause women constantly reject them. Only 5% men are successful when it comes to learning dating. What gets to me is talking with a woman who is meant to be unconcious as her natural behaviour and asking why guys dont approach. Sh#t Test is the number one reason why men dont approach. A woman on top of that in her 30s after sleeping with so many guys does not want a guy who doesnt have that much experience. So basically every woman has 90% more sexual experience than men, all women want a guy who is more experienced and knows how to lead, but the math doesnt add up. It just doesnt. Women just dont want to give guys with less experience a chance. If you look at the choices women make, she will settle a guy with an OK job cause he has experience with woman VS a guy with no dating experience. If u want equality than help the men in 30s. Women want it all and give nothing. Worse is the way women do the lover and provider. She will give head and have sex witha lover that night, but for the provider she will make him wait cause she wants it to be special. 99% women will not have sex with a provider that first night. She will make the provider take her out for 5 dates and no sex. But with the lover, she will sleep with him the first night in a crappy apt. All the books mention how women settle for providers in the end but have sex with lovers all the time. Women lie to themselves on a daily basis. On top of that women are the one who initiate the divorce from providers. Women biggest complain is the lover not being the provider. 45% kids born in 2016 will be raised by providers who believer its their kid. But the kid belongs to the lover. 45% kids born. Think about that. Think about what women are doing. How can u deal with a person who is unconcious and doesnt want to think about the past cause the mistakes she made. 45% kids are no joke. What does that tell u about the nature of women. We all know on this website women can have sex with men way above their league and still are. Those are the lovers. The providers are the guys that end up paying for it. Its all women doing this. A woman doesnt have to speak english, work at mcdonalds and end up smashing a celebrity without having a personality. But will a broke guy working at mcdonalds. My issue is these women say sex is easy, but never think about the sh$t test the give men. Women never think about the lover / provider. Women are not meant to take responsibility on top of that. That is there nature.

    3. Ok, so biology is unfair and affords women easier access to higher-quality genes through casual sex.

      But what has any of that got to do with this particular post?

  26. "creating a "home" (I mean this in the widest possible sense of the word)"

    Hi Andrew, would you define/provide examples of this? I am getting married in a year and I would like to improve in this area!

  27. Being healthy is good. Being overweight is unhealthy. That's the main reason why I don't like the "dadbod" thing, because it seems to imply to men that being overweight is OK. Being overweight causes a lot of problems for your body, so lose that belly, gentlemen!

    I must agree, though, that most women aren't interested in the sort of man whose life goal is washboard abs. A healthy diet and a modest workout regimen are good. Spending two hours a day in front of a mirror, not so good.

  28. I like the guy in the picture a lot

  29. Where do I begin?

    You really are pandering to your audience aren't you? You've completely flipped the script on the underlying agenda of the "Dadbod" article, which was to convince men that women find slovenly, mid 30s and above men attractive in a manner that suits women once they've hit the wall, are looking to settle down and want some beta provider (the Dadbod solution sells the Dadbod as 'sexy' and the man who looks after himself as a 'man child' without notions of responsibility.

    I also don't know where you get this idea that women are just routinely killing men in the academic arms and career race either, save a few sweeping statements and incomplete data points (interestingly this also curiously contradicts the feminists narrative of the wage gap. But then again, internal consistency has never been a strong point of feminism). Degrees in HR, sociology, women's studies etc. don't count. PLus its men at the end of the day that make civilisation run - just look out the window and all that exists and continues to exist because of men. Men "drink their way through laughable degrees"? Really, care to substantiate that?

    1. His point isn't that women find flabby men attractive. It's that in real life, muscles rank pretty low on most women's list of priorities in finding a mate. Also, there's been study after study showing that women with advanced degrees tend to have lower marriage rates, later marriages and fewer children. It doesn't matter that you don't think certain degrees count. It doesn't change the fact that women outpacing men in higher education makes it extremely difficult for women to obey their natural impulses to find a man more successful than she is.

  30. Andrew, what's your opinion of the major efforts to leave North America/Western Europe (consumeristic individualistic, read:male characteristics) societies because the women are too demanding, less feminine then too old by the time they actually give it a thought (when it's too late)? Sadly, a lot of the awareness of this has come from just as many mail order type nerdy/nice guys as the common sex tourist type seduction crowd. The reason I ask is because I am very established well off dude who comes from a classic or traditional mindset and culture, but the percentage of girls who are actually attractive who haven't been polluted (I'm not saying it's their fault, it's this culture's issue) who are similar in upbringing to me is exceedingly low. Any thoughts or comments? I'll gladly weigh in with more details and questions if you have additional questions or insights.

    1. @ Meet Me
      “what's your opinion of the major efforts to leave North America/Western Europe?...societies because the women are too demanding, less feminine then too old by the time they actually give it a thought (when it's too late)?”

      What major efforts? Could you elaborate on this? Where do you propose to go that has a superior, less individualistic culture?

      “I am very established well off dude who comes from a classic or traditional mindset and culture, but the percentage of girls who are actually attractive who haven't been polluted (I'm not saying it's their fault, it's this culture's issue) who are similar in upbringing to me is exceedingly low”

      If you’re a very established well off dude you should be able to meet plenty of women with a “classic” or “traditional mindset”. It shouldn’t matter that the percentage of girls who are attractive and similar in upbringing to you is exceedingly low as the combined population of North America and Western Europe is enormous. 1% of approx 930 million people is still nearly 10 million people to pick from.

      If you can’t find a suitable woman in that population then I would suggest you examine your looks or personality (as you are already very established and well off) to see what is causing you problems.

    2. I think there is no major movement. There are just a few guys who've done it who are also very outspoken online.

      And by the way, those guys are mistaken about the cause of their success with women overseas. They get more attention from women there (and women behave more feminine towards them) because they're American (= more "alpha" in an international arena), not because the women themselves are better there than in the US.

      Long story short: the guys leaving are taking an easy way out in the wake of poor success with women, and they're just slinging mud at the girls that rejected them enough that they felt the need to leave.

    3. @ Andrew
      I agree that guys who look abroad for women are taking the easy option and effectively giving up on dating the hard way like the rest of us.

      Although in some cases I think it’s understandable. I know several guys who just can’t get comfortable around women and will always be considered “dorks”. With so much rejection and little chance of success I don’t begrudge them looking at other options.

      “They get more attention from women there (and women behave more feminine towards them) because they're American (= more "alpha" in an international arena)”

      Out of curiosity what do you mean by “American (= more "alpha" in an international arena)?” My opinion has always been that non-Western women are attracted to American/Western men primarily for status rather than anything else, (or do you see “more alpha” as synonymous with higher-status?). And due to historical and geo-political reasons America/Western Europe is considered high status by many.

    4. "I think there is no major movement. There are just a few guys who've done it who are also very outspoken online. "

      I think that is the case.

      "And by the way, those guys are mistaken about the cause of their success with women overseas. They get more attention from women there (and women behave more feminine towards them) because they're American (= more "alpha" in an international arena), not because the women themselves are better there than in the US."

      You're wrong about this part, Andrew. The women in many parts of the world are actually more feminine, in the traditional sense of the word. Maybe not in Western Europe. I haven't traveled much there. But definitely in much of Asia, South America, and Eastern Europe, where I've traveled pretty extensively.

    5. Anon confirms what I've said as well. Regardless of who is "right" or "wrong" there has been grand social movements to feminize men, that is, socialize men to do things that women say they like but don't. You point these out and that's why your blog is so well done, Andrew. Also, who can deny that movements have created absolute sex biases legally. For example, why would you get married when you can get the same stuff or more and without legal threat of someone taking half your stuff (women initiate 70% of divorces). I believe in marriage (religiously) but if I believed in nothing, I would have no real reason to ever do it. That's why it's getting bigger in Canada and probably also here in the US to just do partnerships, out of wedlock, etc.

      Discounting these facts does a big disservice to your readers. It's not some paranoia in the "manosphere" they are verifiable facts that you can just look out the window, see in the paper, or live every single day.

    6. Thomas, yes, I see “more alpha” as synonymous with higher-status.

      With the strongest military by far, the US is undoubtedly the most powerful country, and with it's grip on the entertainment industry, it is also the most popular.

      When foreign girls meet a guy who says he's American, they (rightly or wrongly) project a lot of that onto him, and he does better as a result.

    7. I'm not American and can attest to that statement - guys from Europe or America have higher status in Latam (developing countries vs. developed world).

      Other than that, though, I can say that American guys are not exactly the most desirable either. Having lived in the US for three years, I can tell that guys here (at least those that I've met) are less confident, care less about their appearance (particularly about the way they dress), are less funny, less willing to commit (partly due to the leaving-my-family-to-go-to-college-and-party culture and their unwillingness to work on their people skills), have to practice their "pick-up" skills more. But they are smarter and make more money, which is a huge plus.

      Even though I have more aggressive competition back home because girls dress up a lot more and their no. 1 objective in life is to get married, I get hit on more back home than here in the US. And not just for hookups. Guys back home, given the Latam culture, actively look for relationships. "Hookups" and "dating" happen too, but they aren't the main way men and women interact. Terms like "hook-up material" and "relationship material" simply do not exist back home. In some ways women are more objectified, but at the same time they get more of what they want (relationships). In short, we embrace the power of the sexual gatekeeper, as Susan from HUS once put it.

      At least that's my anecdotal observation.

  31. I don't want to be misunderstood here, and I am also a skeptic who thinks it's possible that he's wrong on a few things, but hear me out here, because there are compelling reasons that you yourself support on your site that are of a similar point of view.

    First, @Thomas, I do meet people and go out all the time, but my experience is that the women are too demanding and if they aren't, they are too old. My feeling is that the looks thing RAPIDLY declines for women around 30 and the way they carry themselves is let's just say, decreasingly feminine. I'm not here to have a sht throwing contest about who is fit and looks good --- you wouldn't believe me even if I told you the truth --- I get it.

    By the way, there is no doubt that there are homely "nice" guys that are looking for an easier time. There is also no doubt that Americans are more alpha (not those) and that leaves them at even more of a disadvatnage. But there also is no doubt that women have been riding the carousel for longer (through their betting looking years), sleeping with guys higher on the 1-10 scale than they are (you admit this) and by the time they are less attractive and fecund, they think they deserve it all and more.

    I'll gladly interact with you guys more because I'm not salty about this topic at all, I'm just a realist. I've been with very attractive women and maybe that's the problem, I prize their youth and femininity all the more but they've been led astray to "achieve" like males at all costs.

    And by the way, in certain places the women are much much better. Thinner, more attractive and more feminine. I've been to these places. It's weird when you go to them and you're like, man if the girls at home weren't slobs so many more would be attractive.

    1. I've traveled a lot and lived overseas three times (Europe and Asia), so I know what you mean. Yes, women are in better shape and act more feminine in some countries.

      But the point is that there are plenty of great women here in the US. I am not going to move just because it is mildly more difficult to find a girl here, especially if it means going to a place where I know they just like me because I'm American.

      It'd be like moving from division A down to division B in sports. Yeah, sure, it's easier to dominate, and maybe there are some real benefits to making the move. But you're always going to know that you intentionally made it easy for yourself. No thanks.

    2. Andrew, again, I appreciate your response(s). Think of what you're saying though. I've accomplished a lot in my life. Why would you enter into challenges (American women) needlessly, though? And it's not some challenge of taming because you need the qualities of a person that are more feminine and stable (as a percentage you admit this is not the case in USA, for example). That is by definition also not "The minors" or Division B. That's actually Division A or the majors! Add on the fact that legally we've made it stupid to get married here and the culture has told everyone, "If you don't feel good about it, just get out" --- it is hard to deny there are many things out of your control that are stacked against you.

      A detail that I haven't told you is that I also put a great importance on my religious tradition, which is a minority here in the west, but the main tradition in Eastern Europe. Maybe that's why I feel the way I do, and why it's hard to find someone "suitable" (long term) here. Just saying.

    3. This guy says it better than I can:


      As far as marriage goes, blaming "the legal system" or women is a weak excuse. Women are basic built for commitment. If a woman wants to get divorced, sorry to break it to you man, but it's because of you, not her. Sure there are exceptions, but let's not miss the point. If you are a masculine guy with a strong sense of himself, women will be lining up around the block to stay with you - for life - and their temptations to cheat will be negligible.

      I don't think religion really makes a difference. Again, plenty of religious conservatives in the US.

  32. I just want to set the record straight that I'm not "blaming" anyone and never did. I'm talking about a culture that has major problems, though of course there are still good people in it. I guess you set me off because you talk about how the culture is messed up here and why women don't understand things, but then when I use pretty much the same points, you contradict yourself. For example, women here sleep with more guys, and they are able to sleep "higher" as you point out. Both lead to distortions in reality and future relationships. This does not happen to a grand degree at all in the places I mentioned --- and others have confirmed it. Yet, you then defend the very point you were attacking and support the pathology. It has seemed incongruent to me, that's why I commented in the first place. I love your blog for its insight but have found your comments below to be somewhat antithetical to your described positions in the blogposts.

    1. It's true that women are able to sleep with men more physically attractive than them, and that they can have their view of their relationship potential skewed by doing so. I am not denying that at all.

      But this doesn't contradict what I said in the comments above. It doesn't mean that the United States is a place that you need to leave in order to get a "better" girl. There are plenty of girls who don't have a skewed idea of their dating potential right here in the US. You probably walk by several every day. If that phenomenon occurs less in other countries (which might be true to a small extent, but not much), that's fine. But the fact is that you can improve your chances with the quality girls in the US way more easily via self-improvement than you can by moving to a eastern European country (and stunting or even throwing away your family ties and friendships in the US in the process).

      If I am misunderstanding you or if there are other apparent contradictions, let me know and I will do my best to explain them.

    2. andrew when is yoir next post coming our?

  33. I highly recommend women add a wrap dress to their wardrobe...easy to put on w/o messing up the hair, and incredibly sexy to have taken off. Elegant & feminine. Perfect for summer.

  34. As non American but Western European woman (non English), I must say that American guys are not considered marriage material by any of my peers because they tend too be materialistic, selfish, superficial, unreliable, sexist, cold, have loose morals, lack of class and so on. On average, US guys blame Hollywood movies for that, but I must say it's due to your country fellows who come here that women have such opinion.
    I'm aware that what I've just said is going to piss off a lot of people around, but that's an open secret among Western European (non English) women.
    There are exceptions to the rule, but mind that a woman won't immediately take you in consideration for a long term relationship if you are American, unless:
    1. you're different from the American guys she's met before
    2. you're the first American guy she's met
    3. she's interested in the Green Card
    4. she's rotten material

    Remember something: even an extremely feminine woman will become extremely "masculine" in the presence of a guy she doesn't find suitable. She may flirt and go home with one of your best friends, get drunk AND destroy your ego in 2 hrs if she wants to get rid of you.

    p.s. I'm aware that the writer plays in the league of "Traditional boys seeking young, and carefree hotties (21-25 yrs) with traditional values", and the girls he seeks are in the league of "Young and carefree hotties (21-25 yrs) seeking successful, attractive and rich boys".

    1. In what country do you live where American men have such a bad reputation? It's the first time when I hear something like that.
      I'm a woman from Eastern Europe who traveled in more than 20 countries on 2 continents, and the general opinion about men and women in the Anglosphere is: men are hard working, reliable, kind, while women are exactly the opposite (obnoxious, ball-busting, insufferable, uber-feminist, a nightmare to live with).

      In some of these countries I heard an international joke which goes like this:

      A (non-American) father announces his friends: my daughter is marrying an American man.
      Friends: Congratulations!
      Father: And my son wants to marry an American woman.
      Friends: Condolences!

    2. As I said, that's a common opinion among Western European women (Germany, France, Belgium, Netherlands, Italy, Spain etc.) both traditional and feminists, with feminist women giving US guys more credit than the more traditional ones. To make it clear, let's say "Western block in the Cold War", not Eastern European ones (Poland, Slovenia, Hungary etc.).
      I know that Eastern European women would love to marry an American guy because they perceive them as reliable, hardworking and kind. US are perceived hard working on the west side of Europe, but also as I said materialistic, selfish, superficial etc.

      I haven't referred to the whole Anglosphere world, but specifically to US. I'll do some example.
      British guys are considered slightly more reliable and honest than American guys, even if they are less good in the dating sphere, because they don't like too much "playing" around. Indeed, UK guys ask your age when he meets you and would take you in consideration for a date [Any "gentleman" around knows the rule: never ever ask for a woman's age, or let her pay the bill, or let her open the door etc.]
      US guys don't like "sharp" women, as it's pointed out in this blog, but British men LOVE sharp women, because they value a more brainy woman, as well as a woman with an established career. High end guys get bored in 5 min. if you don't talk about your travels - US guys seems to have the opposite reaction. If you go to Sweden, a stay-at-home mum is ranked between a drug dealer and a school leaver among the most "respectable" men. It literally makes them run away if you say something like "I would like to take care of the house and the children". On the contrary, in Germany, a woman is expected to leave her full time job after the children are born, and just work part time.

      I have lived in 4 different countries in 2 continents - not traveled, but studied, worked, paid taxes,etc. - and traveled around a little. Currently I live in a country which is not my own - again, it's Western European one.

      In my own country (Western Mediterranean hemisphere) an American spouse is considered a serious, serious disgrace for a daughter or a son. On average, respectable women wouldn't date an American guy for a long term relationship, or wouldn't date him at all. It is funny how what's a suitable husband or wife varies according to different cultures, expectations and taste, isn't it?

    3. Reaction of feminine, pretty women (25-29, but also 21-25) with some depth looking for HUSBANDS on left side of Europe to:

      "dated countless women" = womanizer, therefore no marriage material - he won't take care of me and children. Run, fake a bad reputation, sleep with one of his best friends. Everything but FILTER him.
      "asks for woman's age" = WTF?! NEXT (I suspect that British guys are turned down a lot solely for this reason).
      "I like women who dress like expensive prostitute but don't act slutty" = how old are you? 15? NEXT.
      "I'm cool, intelligent, smooth blablablablabla" = and your morals? Where do you hide them? Oh, wait a minute. Zero score, but I can just flirt with him if I'm bored.
      "I'm Christian/Jew/Muslim, go to the church blablabla" = well, it doesn't mean you have morals, sweetie. Try again.
      "I went there/I have an established career/accomplished this and that" = Well done.
      "Women must dress in this way, behave in other way" = horrible role model for children. NEXT.
      "A woman after 30 loses her looks" = Right, but are you actually Brad Pitt in Troy? No. Are you a billionaire? No. Will you win the Nobel Prize for Physics someday? No. So, shut up. Next.
      "Italy/France/Germany/you name it is socialist country/Universal state healthcare is socialist/you name it" = ROFTL! Uneducated. Next.
      Etc. etc.

      That's on average, there are the exceptions, of course.

    4. This is a very entertaining thread. I grew up in Asia in an Eastern European family, but have lived in the US for the past few year (first school, then work). Among my Eastern European family, (and/or Asian) friends and acquaintances, American guys are generally perceived exactly as the described above.

      Their ability to work/make money is undeniable, and even the image of the U.S. as a powerful country rubs off a bit (although some ridicule it given the latest political events). However, for any self-respecting girl this means nothing when combined with the general lack of cultural awareness, questionable morals and tendency to go for hookups. These are stereotypes, of course, but too many American guys made sure to prove them right before. Makes finding a genuine connection while dating here very difficult.

  35. The general idea is that, yes, the American culture has infected a lot of people with its overindividualistic and materialistc ways but our country is so big it's hard to stab with any particular pole and get it dead on. I particularly am a traditional person who is not enthralled with the state of the Modern American culture. The working and career thing is a turn off (IN GENERAL, not always) for me. Why? I have a career and am accomplished. I don't need that for complementarity. Generally, western european countries are more similar to this unless you go to smaller villages/coasts.

    I'm interested in what country the above poster is from (the one from Eastern europe) because if I were to go there, I'd probably feel much more at home, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of traditional religious practice and sensibilities of male and female roles, about which Western Euro and America (and ESPECIALLY Canada) are totally confused currently.

  36. Ehm, what I've said to the Eastern European woman implies that Western Europe is massively different from North America.

  37. Andrew is a bright guy. And his advice about how to get a guy is spot on. What he can't tell you is that there is no such thing as a happily married woman after the first 5 years. I wish this weren't true. I wish we women didn't have the overwhelming urge to have kids (and that part us worth it it). But marriage, long term, even to a good guy, is just not what it is cracked up to be. The weird twist is that after spending all that energy getting the guy, in a few years he will be happy and you won't. Why? Because you will have given up so much of yourself in order to appeal to the man that you will find that what once attracted you now is repellent and you will crave a life where you can be in charge, revel in your accompaniments and not mold yourself to fit someone else's desires. This advice will go unheeded, as it always has and always will...and so the cycle will keep going.

  38. Andrew what do you look like? It's only fair for you to say?

  39. I would urge a few of you to please post under a name so we can tell you apart and respond. Figuring out which "Anonymous" is which is exhausting as much as it is confusing.

    Western Europe isn't massively different from N. America, but it is different. Both of those have way more in common than with Eastern Europe.

    For the last Anon about the reason women aren't happy after 5 years. Who says you won't be happy (I'm not doubting that this is true for some) ... and then also says the "He will" (be happy). Why is long term to a good guy "not what it's cracked up to be"?

    The only thing can only gather from your response is that women are impossible to please. Add more masculine upbringing from the Western World and it turns out to be a support of how bad this culture is for women. I think women have this weird paradox of hating and loving the fact that they feel hopeless to emotions. It's the same reasons why Alphas (guys who don't give a F) win, and nice guys lose. You don't get the tingle from the beta providers, and ultimately you resent them. But you also resent the fact that you find the Alpha emotionally or sexually irresistible.

  40. No, the issue is that I am no longer interested in marriage. I like my husband as a person but I do not like the social contract. I entered into it because of sexual desire and the strong desire to have kid. Now that those things are done I dislike the job of wife and being a career less woman. I wish I could have denied my desires as a young woman but I understand that's not how it works. It's not that I'm impossible to please it's that I now, post menopause feel more in control of my emotions and see that sex and marriage are just not that great in the long term.
    I give my husband freedom...I'd be happy if he left me for a younger woman and we could remain friends. I have no desire for sex dating or any of the other relationship nonsense. He however is more attached than I am. I do however have a deep affection for him and no desire to hurt him. What I am saying is that young women obsess about men and their lives revolve around trying to "get" a man but in the end...well. It's hard to explain. It's just that many of us end up really truly not wanting that anymore at some point.

  41. Hahahaha, it's the same for men. A lot of them get married just because they feel they need a wife and kids who they don't give a damn, so after 4-5 years they get bored and leave or stay together for the convenience.

    Now, let's play a game.
    Try to figure out how one of the guys who hopes for a "traditional" hottie and they just think to sleep with as many women as possible without controlling their own impulse or without showing any respect or morals, will act once married. Their wife is pregnant, so not exactly attractive, or she's tired for the breastfeeding, or she's ill...again no hottie. What do you think they do? They have no control on their own impulses and they consume women so, they're going to cheat on the wife and/or leaving her with small kids to chase the next hottie.

    That's why family-oriented women tend to filter such guys, if they're smart. And that's why these guys cannot find "feminine" AND self respected women: these women run away from such guys, or use some disguise to confuse them and make them leave the hook. Such men are a product of a consumerist society, so they have this consumerist approach to relationships. Maybe someday they will grow up, maybe not but a woman cannot spend her best years waiting for such guys...

    I have never ever met a middle age/old woman who didn't regret to have left the job to stay at home and be just a wife and a mother. They've learned at their own expenses that they gave up their own identity, their own soul, their own self to become a "appendix" of somebody else: wife of, mother of. They've lost their soul. So, don't worry, you aren't the only one.
    The only ones who don't regret to be "appendix" are the ones who have never been an "individual", a well-balanced and full-rounded person with a life on their own, but they've ever been someone's "appendix": daughter of, and then pass from that state to be someone's else appendix. There is no way out for them: no job, no income, no prospective, no future. They have nothing. It's very sad and meaningless life. They lack so much of self respect and strong personal boundaries...and they are not aware of it.

    And by the way, I strongly suspect that a lot of men here have never really loved anyone. Crush, passion, lust...but not love. Love is neither what Hollywood movies or romantic novels make us believe or attraction and satisfaction.The consumerist approach these traditional men have to women will prevent them to ever love anyone and be loved by anyone. However, they're not interested in it. What they want is sex for their lust and kids for the society's sake. They don't want love. Well, a lot of women don't want love either: they want a man who can economic provide for herself and kids. Love is overrated to them, a comfortable home and life is what they want.

    Now, let's be superficial again and let's talk about beauty, fragility and cheerfulness which are the only things that matter! I need to go to the hairdresser. Any suggest on what style men like most? Mind that I'm a brunette with superthick hair to the waistline. :D

  42. The last Anon,

    Your comments are sad. I don't think you are wrong that most are consumerized but it's not just men, it's men and women. We live in economies that want everyone to be producers and thus we've diminished femininity. Think about it --- guys don't want it all. Women have been told (a lie) that they can. So I don't disagree that there is a "grass is greener" mentality but that affects all people if you let it.

    Like Andrew has said, the key is to be a good husband or be a good wife --- NOT a girlfriend or boyfriend. That's why this generation is lost (in general). The sexes have become self serving and lost their real identity as males and females who are truly humans. They are, in fact, just consumers. But you're off in analysis, though you realize this point.

    "I have never ever met a middle age/old woman who didn't regret to have left the job to stay at home and be just a wife and a mother. They've learned at their own expenses that they gave up their own identity, their own soul, their own self to become a "appendix" of somebody else: wife of, mother of. They've lost their soul. So, don't worry, you aren't the only one."

    This is just so off-base, out of touch with reality and the history of humans it's crazy. Again, grass is greener. A mature person realizes she can't have it all. She decides that some things are more important than others. We all (male and female) are put to these choices to some degree. You don't think the woman who chose motherhood is far happier on average than the old and rapidly declining (looks wise) woman who sought and fostered a career?

    I'll just be blunt. Men don't care about your career. It's not that they are going to actively put you down about it, but realize what our history is as humans. Men will always be the leaders, will always be the creators and providers, and women will be nurturers and caretakers and there's nothing wrong with that. Deep down everyone knows it. Straying from it only brings lack of fulfillment.

    Stop fighting against it. People act like a society (in decline) changing things up for 40 years has changed 100,000 years of human evolution. Have a little perspective; nature always wins. The rest is delusion.

  43. Hey Andrew just wondering have you ever met a girl who physically lived up to all the standards on appearance you talk about on this blog? Like always dressed to the nines, matching lingerie everyday, heels most of the time?

    1. Andrew will never meet a woman who will live up to all his standards. He is not created for family life. To date hundreds or thousands of girls and not to find THE ONE is a little bit strange. At least, he wrote a useful book. Even my husband is reading it and he is saying that although the book is very general and the author is waffling a lot, trying to create a book out of nothing, in general this is how men think, indeed.

  44. I think that when you have your own career or good job (as a woman), then you can travel more and mix with the right people (educated, middle class). In general, you will be able to pick and choose who you want to be with. In contrast, when you have little money and the job you hate, you will be tempted to date/marry someone for the wrong reasons. And of course, after a few years of such relationship or marriage you will be tempted to divorce in order to meet your true love one day.

  45. Women are more accomplished now for one main reason: a shitty economy. Yes a lot of women (myself included) are naturally inclined towards business/sciences etc and would naturally want a good education. Many women, however, would prefer to be home makers by age 25. This is fine! HOWEVER in this day and age, VERY FEW MEN CAN AFFORD TO SUPPORT A WIFE AND CHILDREN ON ONE SALARY. The result? Us girls want nice things and a good life for our children and go out to make the 100k+ that so many men are too lazy to do.

  46. The author says:

    "When you as a woman are earning $100k + per year or have dual Bachelor's degrees and a Master's, it is going to be pretty tough feeling like you've found someone impressive, because the vast majority of men earn about $45k and drink their way through laughable degrees"

    My only problem with this is the choice of graph before the quote. Most Master's of Arts degrees are in the fine arts, sub-collegiate teaching, humanities, comms, etc. None of these things confers "$100k+ per year". This explains perfectly why males are overshadowed by females for number of MAs awarded. With this degree, I would not find it tough to feel like I found someone impressive. Especially since most dudes who drink their way through degrees earn Business degrees or MBAs and make bank. Similarly, men on average always earn more than women given the same credentials. So if the vast majority of men earn 45k then even more women earn that.

    Better research needed.

  47. Here's a few thoughts from an older woman.

    To understand what attracts, understand yourself.

    I am a self-made woman. I live my life on my terms. Up to a point, the men in my life - and believe me, I could give Andrew a run for his money - all met the alpha criteria. It's what I wanted. The issue is that this was not what I needed.

    I love to be loved, which, quite frankly, is a declining commodity.
    I love good sex, on a sensual and a spiritual level.
    I love a man who is more intelligent than I am. That reduces my scope to the top .5 % of the population.
    I prefer a healthy man to an eight pack.
    Most importantly, I prefer a man who is a partner, not a chess piece.

    I don't worry about his position. I am secure enough in my own not to worry about his. Whatever it is, he's good at it.

    Most importantly, we are in this together, thick and thin.

  48. I know many men who look for women with accomplishments and find that incredibly sexy. Actually, I would say most men I know are like that. But then again, I am a well-educated upper-middle-class European, so I don't know what kind of male demographic the author is talking about...


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