Tuesday, January 14, 2014

5 Ways That Men Misunderstand Women

We tend to operate under the assumption that the opposite sex's behavior in a given situations is always informed by a rational understanding of the factors involved. But the truth is that there are many times where it is informed by a complete misunderstanding. So while the best way to understand male behavior is to become familiar with men's motivations and modes of thought, the second best way is to become familiar with men's motivations and misunderstandings - because it is (unfortunately) often that a man's behavior in dealing with women is rooted in misconception.

The following are five of the most common ways in which men misunderstand women, and some of the mistakes they make as a result.

1. Men don't know the difference between making a woman happy and attracting her. A lot of men believe that they will attract a woman by giving her what satisfies her in the moment, rather than doing what will demonstrate their character to her. Often these two things are in conflict. For example, a man will often tell a woman she looks beautiful, when the truth (which she knows) is that she is only looking decent. He will do this because he thinks that her momentary happiness is more important than her long-term ability to trust his opinion, and, by extension, him. Likewise, a man will often try to let a girl choose where to go for their date, because he wrongly believes that her enjoyment of the location is more important than her appreciation of his ability to be decisive and have a plan. These men don't realize that women are more interested in being with a man of character than frivolous things like always believing that they look pretty, or loving the restaurant where they enjoy a man's company. Men misunderstand this because they themselves are always seeking to be satisfied in the moment, and so they project that desire onto the women they date.

2. Men think women experience sex the same way they do. This might seem like a minor detail, as it only manifests itself during sex; however, it is actually central to a relationship, just as sex is central to a relationship. Men need an orgasm to really enjoy sex. It is nothing short of frustrating otherwise. A man who believes that a woman needs an orgasm in order to enjoy sex is misunderstanding something that is much bigger than his partner's desire to feel an orgasm. A man who thinks that his woman needs experience an orgasm to enjoy intercourse is far more likely to neglect the thing that she actually needs in order to enjoy sex: his integrity, openness, pleasure - and most importantly, his desire for her. I've had sex with a lot of women, and the ones who have really liked me could care less whether or not they have an orgasm. They are more than happy just to be fucked by a man that they feel lucky to be with. In fact, the reality is that the less a woman respects and is attracted to her man, the more she will "need" an orgasm to enjoy sex. But men project their own need for an orgasm onto their woman. They work too hard to get her off, and in the end, fail to satisfy her in the more important way: by enjoying her, and letting her be the object of his (as one reader called it) "hurricanes of desire." This misconception manifests itself in things like his performance of obsequious oral sex, his listening to you when you tell him to "come now" (rather than being authentic and coming when it happens naturally), or in general listening to how you tell him to fuck you. More severely, it shows up as performance anxiety.

[Before everyone starts jumping down my throat for this one: I am well-aware that women love having an orgasm during sex. But if you "need" an orgasm in order to enjoy sex, ask yourself whether you'd prefer to be ravaged deeply by your man without an orgasm, or be given an orgasm by a guy who goes down on you for so long that he goes limp and loses interest in fucking you. Of course you want both, but both aren't always possible; and the point is that, when they aren't, men often choose poorly between the two options.]

3. Men think that you know you are hot. Many men feel powerless in the presence of a beautiful woman. Actually, it is more accurate to say that many men feel powerless in the presence of any woman in proportion to how much more beautiful than him she is. This is particularly true in younger men, but some men never grow out of it. Much of this feeling of powerlessness is due to the assumption that the woman knows that she is beautiful, and that therefore, they stand no chance of having her. (The rest is due to what I will explain in point number 5, below.) The truth, of course, is that a woman's confidence is absolutely uncorrelated with looks. Many beautiful women feel wildly insecure. However, a lot of men don't realize this. They are so stunned by beauty that they cannot see past it. A man like this might be too intimidated to approach or pursue a woman that he perceives as being out of his league due to her looks alone, when the truth is that the girl may be wishing that he'd approach her.

4. Men think that you mean what you say. Men are literal creatures. Natural selection has weeded out those of us who didn't have a mind for focusing on the facts and the facts alone, and getting the job done. The result is that, while we excel at those things, we suck pretty hard at reading between the lines, interpreting emotions, or understanding what is left unsaid. And the more modern culture tries to tell us that men and women are the same, the harder it is for us to understand that women don't suck at this as much as we do. Many men, therefore, believe that women are equally literal. These men believe that women mean what they say, and say everything that they mean - but this is simply not true. I got an e-mail just the other day from a reader who broke up with her boyfriend, not because she didn't like him anymore, but because she was hoping he would fight for the relationship. She (understandably) wanted to feel desired by him, so she tested him by ending the relationship. I can guarantee you that the boyfriend believed that she ended the relationship because she wanted the relationship to end. After all, this is what a man does when he wants the relationship to end. But the truth is that she was ending the relationship specifically and exclusively because she did not want the relationship to end. I can give similar examples in which women have asked for things they didn't want in the hope that the man wouldn't give them to her, or others in which a woman has said things she didn't believe only to incite a reaction in a man (or another woman). The point is that, when a man responds to you, he is responding to what you've said or done under the assumption that it is immediately and directly motivated by what you want to happen.

5. Men think that women care just as much about physical attractiveness as men do. The fact that they believe this says a lot more about how important looks are to men than anything about how important looks are to women. It is projection through and through, and causes a lot of men to be insecure about their looks - almost as much as women are insecure about their looks, just without a valid reason. It also leads to men neglecting the important aspects of their character in order to learn how to dress perfectly, or spend all day in the gym. Women are left with a pool of jacked-up, perfectly-dressed, shaved-chested pussies from which to choose a husband, rather than confident and intelligent men of character who are a little rough around the edges. (Yes, I know this is an exaggeration, but the point is that you have fewer men to choose from.) If you've ever looked around and wondered "where are all the good men?" this is probably a big factor in answering your question.

You'll notice that all of these misconceptions are due to projection, encouraged by the notion that men and women are the same - which is not anywhere near as similar as people think it is to men and women being equal. Anyway, keep these things in mind next time a guy does something confusing - chances are one of these will explain why.


Related Posts
1. Misconceptions
2. Why Women Don't Know What Men Want
3. The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment

48 comments:

  1. These are pretty accurate. I'd say looks are important to women, but definitely not as important as looks are to men. And well, at least for me...I tend to fall for men faster when I sense they are genuine and sincere. When I can tell they are, their appearance suddenly seems even more attractive to me.

    One I would add though is that men seem to think that all women want the same type of men, or the same characteristics in men. Lots of women want interesting bad boys, but some just want an intelligent, sweet, and maybe slightly nerdy guy, someone they feel safe with. It depends on who they are and that place they are in life. I know I have dated men who most other women I know would never date, and vice versa. There is a huge variety in tastes from woman to woman, although there are some overlapping qualities.

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  2. An extension of #1 is that if a man has to do think to attract a woman, thinking he's making her happy when he is not happy doing those things, then that's probably a sign he ought not be in that relationship with her. Happiness is important. Often times people will settle for what doesn't make them happy, and I think some people who get desperate as they get older or are lonely or want to get laid tend to settle for fake happiness or pretend to be happy just to say they have a man/woman.

    #2 - I agree on this one. This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I reached the same conclusion when I thought about it. Very true.

    #4 - I kind of disagree. Your example of the breakup to test the relationship is nothing more than manipulation at its best. People who do those sorts of things are insane and attribute to the thinking that women tend to be irrational beings. Say what you mean to say sans bullshit and manipulation. Men shouldn't fall for this kind of drama unless they want to be unhappy and miserable. It's the perfect recipe for a fucked up relationship because it'll keep happening.

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  3. Hi,
    #1. I am slightly confused that men bank on "instant gratitute" or "happiness right now" than long term.

    How does it work if they want a long lasting relationship?
    Does the "joy right now" not hinder that?

    Would love to know your thoughts on that :)

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    1. Yes, it definitely hinders a long, lasting relationship, because the woman doesn't admire the man, and there is no real foundation for attraction. It's funny though, because it doesn't prevent a long-term relationship. I've seen this dynamic occur in couples that have been married for 20+ years. The man continues to do whatever the woman wants, thinking it will make her happy, when she clearly would prefer honesty, or decisiveness. So it doesn't always prevent a relationship, but it doesn't help it either.

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    2. Hmmm. You do make a fair point. it isn't a make-it or break it issue.

      From a woman's point of view, initially, I would appreciate and enjoy the willingness & keeness a man shows to keep me happy in whatever small\big ways.

      However, in the long run, I (personally) would like someone who truly understands what makes me happy but shows it in his own way than just give in everytime and to each whim.

      The effort and effects will definitely & clearly show.

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  4. Good observations, I wish you had a platform to explain these to men :)

    Quick note on point #5 and physical attractiveness. I agree with you in theory but the following is not true in my experience: "Women are left with a pool of jacked-up, perfectly-dressed, shaved-chested pussies from which to choose a husband". Where are these jacked-up, perfectly-dressed men, I have not met them yet! There are a bunch at my gym but they're all gay. Meanwhile, most straight men I know are terribly out of shape! Maybe the "jacked-up, perfectly-dressed" thing is an ideal they aspire to but they sure don't get off their bums to go to the gym to make it happen.

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    1. It was an exaggeration to make the point more emphatically. There isn't a huge pool of men like this (though there are some, of course). Instead, a large majority of men place importance on way they look, or the way they dress, or their body, or their body hair - or whatever - way more than then should in an attempt to attract women.

      If these men re-focused that energy on their character instead, and focused on being men of inner strength, direction and integrity, they'd be getting way more women. And women would be much happier with their options on the "dating market."

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    2. @kbp LOL! I know right ... most of the men I know don't seem to be making an effort with their appearance OR their character :(

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    3. You could forward them the link... ;)

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    4. @kbp - come to NY, we are inundated with metrosexual juiceheads.

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  5. Number 1 rings so true. I dated a man for a few months who always let me choose the restaurant. It was nice the first couple of times, but then after that it just came across as lazy! I would much rather have seen him take the effort to plan a date for us rather than just let me choose what to do each and every time.

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  6. How do you deal with #4? Because here's the problem -- men want women who are very feminine, but a core part of that femininity is emotion. Yet, men complain all the time about how "emotional" women are and about how they should "calm down" and "think about what they are saying." They can't have it both ways -- I am a feminine woman, and so I let my feelings and my intuition guide me. How do I get men to respect (or at least comprehend) that reality?

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    1. I addressed this in the post "On Being a "Typical" Girl, " but the basic answer is that you stand your ground and thereby ran respect for your emotions. Besides, men often" disagree" with your emotions just because they are inconvenient for them, and because men have trouble rationalizing them (so they just say "ok well then they must be wrong").

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    2. Mary, its called emotional intelligence. We love it when you are joyful, feminine, whimsical etc provided there is no big logic disconnect. The thing that makes men tear their hair out is when there is a big logic disconnect - when your feelings bear no relationship to the REALITY existing at that moment.

      Trying reversing the genders - a man is angry for no real reason and starts shouting at his girlfriend. Men get CRUCIFIED in such situations. Oh, but hang on, he's being true to his feelings in the moment. Double standard.

      Just because you feel something, doesn't make it true. The slippery slope with emotions men dislike is that it allows one to be unaccountable for their words or actions because then you have the excuse of "I was just being true to my feelings in the moment." From there it becomes very hard for a man to trust you when what you say or do has no basis to reality. Speaking from personal experience (for once) I had one girlfriend going from telling me she hated me (completely out of the blue) to begging me to stay. Sorry, but ADULTS have the emotional intelligence to regulate their feelings, be responsible and understand cause and effect.

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  7. Your advice is practical, but it presents men in such a negative light. These women are clearly having problems in their dating life and the last thing they need are more negative ideas and beliefs about men. While I think women should be informed, they also need to see men for all of their great qualities as well. The more positive beliefs women have about men, the better luck they will have in dating. Positive beliefs will raise their energy around men, making them more likable. Women: look hot and have a great personality (be sweet, kind, considerate, funny, outgoing, have a backbone, be a lady, etc) and you will improve your chances with men. These qualities are timeless regardless of how much modern dating has changed. Reading and believing excuse after excuse about how horrible men are in today's dating scene will draw your attention to all of these negative qualities more and more if this is what you focus your attention on. The women reading this blog are probably already a little bit frustrated; they don't need to add fuel to the fire. Be appreciative of nice things men do for you, be happy (with or without a man), look good and you'll have much better luck than over analyzing how literal men are or whatever the topic is.

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    1. I suggest reading some of the other posts on this blog; I think you'll find that in general they are very neutral in their portrayal of men.

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  8. do you think women ever have sort of their own version of #1? like what women believe attract men/forms a relationship vs. a true foundation? and i mean beyond simple stuff like how we dress

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  9. I like the post, even though your general posting is disappointingly very sporadic.
    You should write a post about the perils of being a beautiful woman. Jealousy from other women, men thinking that I'm stuck up, and constantly having to play down my appearance just to get by.
    I agree with your last post about women not liking sports. I have never watched a full sports game (football, rugby, tennis etc) in my life, and I'm 23.

    Write more often, I keep coming back to check whether you have written a new post, but you usually haven't.

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    1. I know nothing about being a beautiful woman, except that there are far more difficult problems to have ;)

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    2. Seriously, do you understand how self-absorbed you come across? Essentially you're asking him to write a post about you. Female solipsism is extremely unattractive to men by the way. Learn to see outside yourself and men will find you doubly attractive.

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  10. Also, @ Andrew. Do you think beautiful women have a tendency to be boring? One of my guy friends has said that I am pretty, but boring because I don't have any hobbies. It's like men no longer want a trophy girlfriend or wife, but they want personality and all this other stuff. It's just that when you focus so much on appearance, looking good, being stylish and healthy as well as trying to have a career or job, it's just too much effort to have hobbies as well. My problem is that I appear to most men, to be a bimbo, but I'm not. And I don't know how to show that to the guys I meet.

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    1. In my experience, the last 5% of trying to be attractive can eat up a huge chunk, 20-30%, of the total time. If you are very attractive that 5% may not really matter much in the grand scheme. You will probably be happier and more attractive to people using that 20-30% to explore something new. This also tends to expand your social circle. No hobbies or non-work activities = reduced relationship opportunities.

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  11. Would you say because Men have an instinctive drive to try to "fix" problems? An example is venting about personal issues. I don't think men realize women just need someone to listen and sympathize, they don't need a solution or an answer, which is why they vent to their girlfriends. I've noticed when venting to men, they feel stuck, frustrated, like they need to solve it "I don't know what to say! I can't help you!" I'm not too sure if men are just not built for discussing feelings/emotional issues like women, or they feel frustrated they can't fix the problem.

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    1. Absolutely. Men are very goal-oriented. the thought of just listening and sympathizing is completely foreign to most men. But that's also why you like us.

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    2. Another male perspective. Yes by instinct we want to fix things and move things forward. Men see those who just complain about things endlessly as weak and not worthy of respect. Yes we understand life gets tough and the need to vent, but repeatedly venting over everything gets old and we simply feel like an emotional masturbation tool for you. You unburden yourself and we get stuck with it.

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  12. I'm curious about your statement that "Men misunderstand this because they themselves are always seeking to be satisfied in the moment". Is this true, even for LTRs? I can see it applying to casual or short-term relationships (both for men *and* women), but I'm struggling to wrap my head around what this would look like in more serious relationships.

    I do recall from one of your much earlier articles, the concept that men are interested in the experience of the relationship they have with a woman (in contrast with women caring about how a man relates to his environment), so I see the connection there. But I always thought that, at least for LTRs, men cared as much about character as women do. Kindness, honesty, etc. Not for the immediate experience of those traits, but because they are attracted to character.

    That curiosity aside, this post was really enlightening (as all your posts are) and brought up several points that had never occurred to me before. Thank you!

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  13. Andrew, regarding the 'men are literal' point, do you think men will flip over to being non-literal in the face of a woman who is quite literal. I am a pretty black and white thinker, and one of my mottos is 'say what you mean and mean what you say'. But I get men who say one thing then do the opposite. I find it very confusing. I had a casual fling with a man overseas, it was brilliant. He said 'I love you' and I took it in the spirit of the moment, but didn't invest in it. The day I left he texted he was IN love with me, and this wasnt over. So I followed that train of thought and he immediately backtracked and stonewalled. I was confused and hurt. Why say something like that if it isn't real, especially as I was very content with keeping things as a fling? It really took the shine off the whole thing and I couldn't see any ;logical reason for that.

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    1. No, I don't know any men who would do this kind of "flip" just because their girl is being too logical. His change of heart is more likely (a) caused by some other reason, or (b) the reality of his feelings, while his initial statement wasn't sincere. You are in a better position than I am to know which of those two is more likely, but I am sure his change of heart was not a reaction to your "black and white" thinking.

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  14. All the heartbreak songs I can think of that are on the theme of "I didn't know what I had til they left" are written by men, not women. Why is this? Does it take the pain of loss (even if he initiated the break up) for a man to start thinking about the relationship and appreciating the woman? I don't think I've ever heard a woman say "I didn't know what I had til he was gone", and I certainly never felt this way myself.

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    1. Interesting observation. I think men, being by nature commitment-averse, are typically the ones to end relationships (or cause them to end by their lack of appreciation for the girl). There aren't too many women out there who COULD have this feeling because there aren't that many women dumping guys left and right. I wouldn't put too much weight on those kinds lyrics though; I suspect those songs are written in moments of high emotion after a break-up, but those same emotions rarely motivate the guys to reverse their decision. Actions speak louder than words.

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  15. possible explanations for this imo:

    women have greater capacity to deal with their emotions, and a better support network

    men who do the slow fade or actually dump their partner may come back for lack of better options, thus sparing everyone else listening to the jilted female's dramatic singing for a while

    male singers know that cheesy tunes sell.

    care to add, anyone?

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    1. "women have greater capacity to deal with their emotions, and a better support network"

      Sorry but this is one of the greatest myths ever perpetuated. Women emotionally venting, or 'processing' their feelings does not constitute emotional intelligence. Of the two sexes, men are known for being more emotionally stable and intelligent and for not using other people as emotional masturbation tools. "The Rawness" website has an interesting perspective on this.

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    2. @blogster

      if so, by the same token, "bottling it" (as men are usually wont to do) is not a measure of emotional intelligence either.

      Using the term loosely, emotional intelligence is generally defined as awareness of one's own feelings, and the ability to control and express such feelings to others in a way conducive to empathy.

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  16. Hi there. There's this guy I really like, and I do know he likes another girl (actually he told me that she's getting over her), yet and he texts me every single day. He tells me almost everything about his life, even really private things. I know i'm in the friendzone right know (or the bottom of the ladder), but is there any way of "climbing his ladder" if I change my personal appereance? I used to be really really really obese, and now that I have only 30 pounds left I can help but wonder if he would un-friendzone me that way :( are men cappable of changing their minds about girls like that?

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    1. Yes men can definitely change their minds about girls, I was not attractive at all in high school but now guys from my high school hit on me all the time when I go home to visit and see them around.

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    2. that is relative to the men in question and their present options.

      bluefeeling, wishful thinking from your point of view alone, won't change things much. you may have raised your value somewhat by improving your appearance -well done for that.

      more importantly, you show him that you have got a busy life and options too (which is a good rule for anyone) -
      if he isn't interested, someone else will be. furthermore, if you act desperate towards him, you're likely to be "used" and dumped.

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    3. Yes it is possible. But don't get your hopes up. Lose those 30 lb to attract other men, not him. Then if it catches his eye too, great.

      Think about your personality too. I suspect that if you are totally hung up on a guy who has let you know that he still is hung up on another girl, you probably need to work on defining your personal boundaries more clearly. No guy is going to balue a woman that just sits around waiting for him to be available.

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  17. I disaagree that orgasm is not important to women. It's just that reaching orgasm is as psychological as it is phsyical for women. Intense physical stimulus might not get us there, and when a guy focuses so much on the woman reaching orgasm it really puts us under pressure, it's not enjoyable. I think it's best when each person focuses on their own pleasure, and let that be a turn-on for the other person. I also totally agree about listening to your partner.

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    1. I was advocating that men NOT listen to their partner. (But note that I didn't say they shouldn't pay attention to their partner.)

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  18. Random thoughts related to these 5 points from a male perspective: From what ive noticed, its usually the most insecure girls that place the most emphasis on a mans looks. The girls that are mad that their not as pretty as what they consider to be a knockout, and because of that, they are looking for really attractive men to give them more value and somewhat validate themselves by implying "I must be a pretty girl because really handsome guys like me." These are the girls that perpetuate the harsh rejections that many men are afraid of, if they approach and he's not exactly what she wants.

    If a woman truly likes a man and is borderline in love with him, if not totally, having an orgasm every time really is not important. Just the act of making love and knowing that their man is genuinely into them is enough.

    It is true, all hot women dont know that their hot and dont wear their hotness on their sleeve. However, most of these women are usually from very good families and were raised to be very well adjusted and to have humility. In a nutshell. they have class. If a chick is overly concerned with her looks to the point that she is always preoccupied with them and kinda takes pride in intimidating guys and all things that come with the stereotype of the pretty girl, their usually not classy girls and are more than likely insecure.

    Just random observations from a guys perspective.

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    1. I agree. Always good to hear from male readers. If you have a second can you email me? therulesrevisited@gmail.com

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  19. Andrew, a male perspective:

    "Men misunderstand this because they themselves are always seeking to be satisfied in the moment, and so they project that desire onto the women they date."

    If there is a sex seeking to be satisfied in the moment, I'll give you a hint - its not men! Women are known for wanting to enjoy the moment, driven by their emotional needs at the point in time. Men are seeking to get a resolution and move forward with things. Hence the ability to 'compromise' in order to move the occasion forward.

    "This misconception manifests itself in things like his performance of obsequious oral sex, his listening to you when you tell him to "come now" (rather than being authentic and coming when it happens naturally), or in general listening to how you tell him to fuck you."

    We're damned if we do and we damned if we don't. We've had 3rd wave feminists and SATC telling us we're selfish pigs if we don't.

    " The truth, of course, is that a woman's confidence is absolutely uncorrelated with looks. Many beautiful women feel wildly insecure."

    Attractive women know they are attractive - they've been getting visual confirmation of this since the day they turned 15. Do you think the regular selfie photo uploads to social media are a coincidence or a seeking of validation and ego boosting?

    "Many men, therefore, believe that women are equally literal. These men believe that women mean what they say, and say everything that they mean - but this is simply not true. I got an e-mail just the other day from a reader who broke up with her boyfriend, not because she didn't like him anymore, but because she was hoping he would fight for the relationship"

    Yep. This one drives men nuts (not just me). It gets to the point where you wonder what the point of communicating is if you aren't going to communicate anything real? How can you trust anyone if there words don't match their actions? What's the point of listening if the words are not true?

    "You'll notice that all of these misconceptions are due to projection, encouraged by the notion that men and women are the same -"

    Yep and again you have 3rd wave feminism to thank for that. Day in day out, polluting the air waves and the minds of men and women alike. The Atlantic, HuffPo, NY, prime architects of this. The insistence of the leftist media that we are all equivalent only different due to 'social conditioning'.

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    1. "We're damned if we do and we damned if we don't."

      True. But I'd rather be damned by society and trusted by my girlfriend/wife than the other way around, which is why I will continue making efforts to be authentic with the women I date.

      "Do you think the regular selfie photo uploads to social media are a coincidence or a seeking of validation and ego boosting?"

      Do you think a woman who was genuinely confident would need the affirmation she gets from social media?

      As for the whole thing about it driving you nuts that women aren't literal, I suggest you take a little more of a relaxed perspective on this one. Women are the way they are for good evolutionary reasons. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that women are the way they are (i.e. more emotional) because men want them to be that way. Men (collectively) have naturally selected them to be like that. We didn't fuck the ones who were hyper logical, so those genes didn't get passed on. Yes, true, perhaps the emotional stuff is merely a tolerated side-effect of some other characteristic that we selected for, but if so, it was a trade-off we decided was worthwhile.

      It just seems a little ridiculous to get upset about something that has so much evolutionary inertia. I mean, do you really expect them to change? Although I share some if your frustrations about (some of) the results of Feminism, I essentially love women just the way they are - and I suspect you do too, otherwise you wouldn't be reading about sexual dynamics on the internet. Besides, a girl who is completely logical and rational is kind of a turnoff. I am that way myself; why would I want my woman to be like that?

      I am curious how old you are.

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  20. I think the statement should be "all women have insecurities", not that "women don't know they're hot". Of course a woman knows she's attractive - as this blog has pointed out before, female attractiveness is a lot down to effort. So she needs to put a lot of effort in, the right effort too, and she sees the result and the response. Obviously women aren't blind to their own appeal, otherwise nobody would get it right.
    But the smaller, less perfect things can be just as consuming for an attractive woman as many extra kilos will be to an overweight girl.
    What I take from it is, "men think women know how powerless they feel around them"?

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    1. I agree, that is a more accurate way of putting it.

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  21. Regarding #4, you should do a post on "What Men Really Mean" (I don't know if you have already...?) Too often I find myself pulling out my hair listening to girls discussing something that some guy said and trying to figure out "what did he mean by that?" When in reality the guy usually meant exactly what he said. And not only that, but it seems like they'll ask everybody else in the world for a "man-speak translation" - they'll ask their friends, their mothers, their co-workers, their blog followers, put it in a Facebook status, (I've fielded requests myself), etc. - but it never seems to occur to them to just ask the guy himself for clarification! And if they do ask the guy for clarification, they seem to have a hard time accepting it face value, convinced that there's still something else behind the curtain. It seems to me that because men are literal creatures, they take what girls say literally... and because girls are NOT literal creatures, they have trouble taking anything a guy says literally.

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  22. This is the great part of being a guy. Yes means yes and no means no.

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  23. This is decidedly destructive coming from the view of someone who just happens to be female. You seem to be using gender roles and stereotypes to so much of a clutch, that you're building the entire framemwork of human interaction with anyone who's genitalia differs from you that you're robbing yourself of what it truly means to be passionate and romantic.
    Are these the theories that make you feel safe?
    This is how you weed out women who have failed to meet your societal norms?
    How old are you?
    Have you been married before? Has it failed? Is this where your beliefs stem?
    Are you even willing to question or challenge yourself? What empirical evidence have you garnered that completely and irrefutably supports your findings?

    It would honestly sadden me (oh no - feelings! compassion!) to know you would adhere to these societal norms like a true sheep. I would hope that one day you decide to transcend everything that has been shoved down your throat in order to uphold your privilege and power.

    Live a little. Question yourself.
    You may not be around here for as long as you think.
    Let yourself be scared.
    Jesus.

    P.S. Maybe watch Moonstruck. By yourself. Copious amounts of weed. I feel sorry for ya.
    This is exactly what white people did with black people : give them bad characteristics and claim that its evolutionary rational. You're essentially appropriating hate speech and promoting the negative treatment of women.

    This will probably fall on deaf ears but I at least felt like I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn't attempt to stand up to you.

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