Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Why Women Don't Know What Men Want

As human beings, we always try to project our own perceptions on those around us. We call the person driving in front of us an asshole because they are going too slowly when we are in a hurry, even though they are 10 mph over the speed limit. On another day we call the person who speeds past us an asshole because they are not content with driving the speed limit, though we are just out for a casual drive. We get pissed off because we honestly believe in that moment that the other driver is being unreasonable, which is perfectly true if they are going slowly when everyone is in as hurry, or if they are speeding when there is no need; but in neither instance does that accurately reflect the situation.

The tendency manifests itself elsewhere as well:
  • We rush through explanations of ideas that we find easy to understand even if our audience is completely ignorant of them (a group of trainees at work, for example).
  • We are dumbfounded by the way foreigners act, even though their actions are shocking only when considered in light of our beliefs - in light of theirs they make perfect sense.
  • We find a book fascinating and recommend it to others, fully expecting them to think the same, but not realizing it was only interesting to us because of our unique experiences.
  • We are less confident when we go out looking like shit because we assume everyone else thinks so too.

The list is endless.

We do this because it is efficient, even if at times it is inaccurate. We probably could afford to consider the culture of a foreign country before gasping in disbelief at the actions of their citizens; however, it is less likely that before we walk out the door for the evening we will have time to consider the variety of opinions everyone who lays eyes on us will have about our choice of clothes. Or it would be ridiculous to thoroughly interview each of the new employee we are tasked with training so that we'll know exactly what each of them has learned previously, in order to avoid skipping any nugget of new material. Sure, these things are possible, but it is simpler and usually inconsequential to simply assume you look to everyone else the way you thought you did in the mirror, or assume the things that are obvious to you are also obvious to the new hires. This is how we operate as humans. It doesn't always work but usually it gets us by - and what else are we going to do, given limited time and resources?

This same phenomenon explains why men and women are so clueless about one another and what the other wants. Because Western society has championed the idea that the sexes are equal (which I don't deny), we have also started to assume that they are the same (which I very strongly do). At least, we have allowed ourselves to get used to this idea enough that when we consider what is attractive to the opposite sex, we are far less prone to interrupt our default course of action. In other words, we are far less likely to hesitate before we project our own ideas of attractiveness onto the opposite sex. To whatever degree we allow ourselves (or are allowed) to make this projection, we will believe that what is attractive to us must also be attractive to them. And this is where things get all fucked up.

Here is a list of things that each sex tends to think the other likes, erroneously:

Men believe that women like...
  1. Physically attractive men (pretty boys)
  2. Nice guys
  3. Men that have no hair on their bodies
  4. Sensitivity
  5. Peaceful men
Women believe that men like...
  1. Women that are elusive or "hard to get"
  2. Tall women (heels)
  3. Confident women
  4. Women who can drink liquor straight
  5. Women with status

Now, I realize that women do like nice guys and attractive guys, and I actually have male friends that have told me they are kind of into girls with status. Granted. Probably there are exceptions to all of the other items on the list. If there wasn't some element of truth to each item, none of them would be believable in the first place and I wouldn't be writing this. But I am sure that everyone has seen a girl throwing back a shot of whiskey to impress a group of guys, or a guy talking up the fact that he's cried in movies before because he thinks the girl listening will be into that. What is surprising is not that there are exceptions to the listed items; it is the level of importance that each sex is placing on them when they are infinitely more accurate as descriptions of their own sex's attractive attributes. To see this just consider the lists reversed:

Women actually like...
  1. Men that are "hard to get"
  2. Tall men
  3. Confident men
  4. Men who drink liquor straight
  5. Men with status
Men actually like...
  1. Physically attractive women
  2. Sweet girls
  3. Women that have no hair on their bodies
  4. Sensitive girls
  5. Peaceful girls

Men and women would be so much more successful if they tried to emulate the reversed lists. Some members of both sexes obviously get this, and do. However; a surprising number don't, and it is due to the self-projection of our own desires onto the opposite sex.

I started by saying that we always try to project our perceptions on others because we do retreat when strong evidence indicates that our perceptions are incorrect, or at least, inapplicable. We might retract our judgement of the "asshole slow driver" if our passenger points out that he's actually 10 mph over the limit and we can afford to be a few minutes late. Likewise, an explanation of this phenomenon applied to sexual attraction might help some women understand that (for example) men are not attracted by female elusiveness, or that it makes perfect sense for them to dump the nice guy with no balls, and date an asshole with confidence. Overcoming this misconception is a huge first step in the right direction for women who want to make themselves more attractive to men.


  1. Nice work! Love your blog.

  2. How many women really care what a man drinks? I question the importance of that to any woman over 25 years of age.

    1. haha, I was thinking the same. well, im 24 and I have never cared about how a guy likes his liqour/booze. drinking it straight is more serious buisness whereas drinking a smirnoff ice or other teenagy/girly drinks are kinda funny and works equally fine as a subject of conversation

    2. It's hardly a dealbreaker, but it's obviously unattractive for an adult man to be drinking a strawberry daquiri like a teenage girl.

    3. We have subtle responses to everything. My first thought is, craft beer and straight liquor is sexy. But a confident masculine man drinking a strawberry daiquiri? He can do anything and it's sexy.

    4. I did haha
      I would ask "Whats your favourite drinks/liquor" and the answer was "Barcardi, Sambuca and Disaronno" I asked why those type of drinks "Because they have sweet taste to them" you know it's called having interest, showing interest

    5. I do believe I prefer a man who does not drink alcohol, or drinks very little alcohol and has great control over it.

  3. Mostly correct yes. However, women DO like attractive men almost as much as men like attractive men. Tad deceptive! Especially girls in my age range (19). We're suckers for a handsome face.

    - Eliza

  4. Kurt,
    The strength of liquor a man drinks is often viewed by women as a sign of his masculinity. Granted, not always. I am sure there are better examples than those I used, but at least a few of the five should ring true with most people.

    I am assuming you meant "almost as much as men like attractive women," and this is probably true at first glance. I read something recently that said women are far more likely to sacrifice looks for personality in a potential partner, whereas men are far more likely to sacrifice personality for looks. I think this is also true, and is indicative of the baseline dispositions of the sexes when it comes to attractiveness.

  5. I like this. I have never understood why women don't get it that they just need to look cute to attract a man for the short or even long-term in some cases.

    Status belongs at 4 or 3 on both lists. There are so many women who think that having a good job entitles them to a top tier man. A short guy with status who confidently uses it will beat out a tall guy. I've heard women say that heels make their legs look hot, so it's not always about adding height.

    1. Heels make the legs look "hot" because they make them look longer and more in shape.

  6. If men don't actually like women who are elusive or play hard to get, then why does it work so well? There are entire books written on this strategy (The Rules being one of them) and many swear by it. Did you just mean that it doesn't belong in the top 5?

    1. men might like women DESPITE her being hard to get, but almost never BECAUSE she's hard to get.

  7. It doesn't work well, at least not in my experience. It is a screening tactic that women should use to filter out men who only want sex, but it is not an attraction tactic. I am working on a post about this; stay tuned.

    1. My question is, do men only see women as an opportunity for sex?

  8. I don't believe that women think men like tall women. Most of the tall women I know are rather sensitive about their height, and downplay it.

    Are you sure you don't mean that short women think men like tall women?

  9. The lists weren't meant to be absolute or comprehensive. All of the things listed apply in at least some instances. I was literally talking to some girls this past weekend, pointing out that heels work through posture not height, and this was news to them. They thought it was the height that was attractive.

    I am using these examples (which are necessarily specific) to highlight a larger point (which is far more universal). I am more interested to hear from anyone that disagrees with the principle.

    1. Regarding heels--as a shoe maven...I could discuss heels all day as well as dating and romance and fashion---good thing I sell clothes no? I am rooted to the female and male brain on a regular...men as a rule are charmed by petite woman...the heel is a seductive tool which as said author--you are correct in providing a sleek form to the calve especially. The right heel (and to wear one with confidence--even the sound of a woman's walk in heels) draws male attention visually and sexually. Any fool standing along University Ave watching smart women in healthcare in heels gets turned on. Regarding the post below as to whether women dress for men, or themselves? HA HA people YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG! We dress on a competitive level with OTHER WOMAN...this is why women shop together...WE HUNGER FOR ACCEPTANCE FROM OUR PEERS!
      It is rare to find a woman who walks into where I work that I cannot convince them to buy because I saw the item/style out at some fancy event---we want to feel special and stand out via our clothes---the expression 'the clothes make the man' - should be reinterpreted. We go so far as trusting Yves Saint Laurent, sales associates-and esp our girlfriends to influence how we dress. If it catches male attention so be it. I regularly try to fit my clientele into outfits which make them appeal to the opposite sex and even girls in their twenties could care less-they want to wear what their friend's wear even if it impossible to fit into...Bring to mind a girl struggling with the zipper on her tight jeans

    2. PS. Please excuse the poor editing as I am exhausted from standing in kitten heels selling clothes all day....what women do for fashion:(

  10. Also, platform shoes (with or without a rise) wouldn't exist if some women didn't think height mattered (just saw some now in the LA airport, girl was almost as talk as her boyfriend with them on...)

    1. Alternatively, women dress for reasons other than to attract men and they like platform shoes. In my experience, women dress much for themselves and for other women than they do for men. It is typical of your blog to assume that all female behaviour is driven by a desire to get men.

    2. "women dress much for themselves and for other women than they do for men"
      This is completely true,but men refuse to believe it.

    3. I can add that some shoes have platform because it makes the height more bearable. Higher heels have a greater effect (on posture and everything) than lower heels - men would agree that real heels are sexier than kitten heels. And if some of that height is built in the front, as with platforms, the tilt won't be as great and they'll be more comfortable/manageable to walk in.
      There is a reason they remind men of stripper's shoes. Because strippers DO wear shoes like that. They are dancing until the early hours, and they need shoes they can move in.

    4. "women dress much for themselves and for other women than they do for men."

      Ok, so it's just a coincidence that the things women wear "for themselves and other women" happen to be the things that men find sexy?

      Why aren't women wearing combat boots, pirate shirts, and clown wigs "for themselves and other women"?

      Think about what's really at the root of what you're doing.

    5. It's really more of a subconscious contest amongst us women, that and the fact we enjoy looking good. It just do happens that when we do dress up and look good men tend to be more attentive.

  11. Hmm... other than being five feet tall, men seem to chase after me when I demonstrate that I have the other four traits:

    Women that are elusive or "hard to get"
    Confident women
    Women who can drink liquor straight
    Women with status

    Which just reinforces that behavior in me. Perhaps it's worth looking at what *kind* of man chases after these traits.

    1. Women that are elusive or "hard to get":
      They're chasing you despite you play8ing hard to get, not because.

      Confident women:
      happy and non-neurotic are attractive qualities in a woman. this is not the same as the kind of confidence that women often think attract men, the kind that women look for in men, and all too often, the kind that women emulate.

      Women who can drink liquor straight:
      they see a woman who will be drunk very soon and therefore an easier lay.

      Women with status:
      this makes no difference to men one way or the other. they're just playing along.

  12. Which just reinforces that behavior in me. Perhaps it's worth looking at what *kind* of man chases after these traits.

    What *kind* of men?


  13. I dunno how to choose names here so I just chose Anonymous... But I am Kay for future references...

    If your list is correct, then I must be the exception at every angle... I do not at all fall for men for those reasons. I also think your list is based on individuals that do not know how to properly analyze life OR themselves well for that matter. Any female or male friend that I know originally THINKS they fall under those rules, However, when the REASONS for attraction are properly dissected... It just about always ends up being different things.

    For starters, I hate hard to get ... It feels like a game, if you like me, JUST say it... on the other hand, unless they are approaching me, if a man is too easy (depending on how we are talking), as in, does not even want to find out a little about me first... then I am a little worried... Not less attractive, but on a mental level, its a slight red flag until explained (btw, I am talking about people looking for a relationship, not just hook ups, that's a different story)

    I do not care if a guy is tall... just be taller then me, but that's only because I am thinking ahead... I like digging my face into my mans neck... so I also do not want him too tall.

    Confident... yeah I can see that to a certain extent, I like a man that is confident in whatever it is he is passionate about, not necessarily towards other people... that often comes across as arrogant, which some women like because it makes them feel special that the asshole chose "them" over anyone else... I personally could care less.

    I Also hate the smell of liquor on someones breath... I think it is different for people born inn different places though, but I do not care, and I don't want him drunk... maybe when we are used to each other and just having fun but I don't care for it... just me.

    The status thing... Ill take an L on that, though I DO NOT care for or prefer or even want the status guy at all, I know many women do... me, I have so many things going on in life and I still want a man to be passionate about his job, but not so much that it overlaps a serious relationship... I am a relationship comes first kinda gal and frankly, status usually equals Big Busy job, which is a turn off for me... Life means more than money. Just to me maybe though.

  14. With men... I have ALOT of men who are genuinely JUST friends... even if they have ever thought about taking it further, they still take me as a close friend, not just because I am one of the guys, but because I do not necessarily act like a guy, I just happen to get along perfectly with both sexes... I also have alot of brothers... that being said... I want to just in a bit on the what men think about women:

    Its true that men prefer physically attractive women... but I think it matters just as much to women as it does men... HOWEVER it may not seem that way because women often believe they are thinking long term to cater to their emotional side which would be worth more later as time passes and looks fade... Men often go after looks, but they regret it alot if things go sour and end up finding more activities to do with friends, work, and anyone else in the long run so that they can enjoy life, but still have a girl they kinda still love... basically, men are more often go for a companion, but in the long run, those that look for "Partner traits" in women end up happier in the long run.

    Yeah... I agree, most men I know want sweet, peaceful, sensitive girls... but also a girl that will speak up when necessary FOR herself and her man... I have had friends that say when a girl does not say anything if another girl tries to hit on him... he would lose respect for her even if he does turn the other girl down.

    As for hair??? Did you seriously add that to your list? I think this depends on the individual man or woman... Some girls AND guys I know like hair but in very particular ways and places... and some do not like any at all, it all depends on the person, some guys want no hair but I know some that say it would make them feel like a pedophile. It just depends on what the individuals skin and visual sensors are more aroused by in my opinion.

    Truthfully, I think your advice is useful... but none the less I still feel like there should not be this GIRL/ GUY thing for one simple reason... PEOPLE in general are different, people fall too much for what they SHOULD be into, but people should really date based on their OWN personality, what makes them happy, what they are attracted to, what fits their OWN life and mind set... If you know what YOU want in life, just go after someone that wants the same and build your own love story... getting a guy or a girl to like you should not be a guessing game, but most of us come in with our assumptions on what a relationship should be or what men/ women are looking for, and end up unhappy to the end... Just be more honest with each other, make sure you are in someway attracted to each other, and in my opinion, Companionship is KEY!

    p.s.. You posted on the other website.. I seen it, and responded. Please excuse the typos, I type SO fast.

    1. I fully agree with you Kay. especially on your hair-note ! I couldn't believe that that actually made it to the top five list !! hopefully the 'qualities' are not listed as per how valuable they are. I would be stupefied knowing that ANYONE in this world prioritizes a woman's body hair higher than any personality trait ! that just is not profitable in the long run, needless to say of course

    2. it's not a top five list. it's a random list of items that he happened to be thinking about.

  15. Right on Kay ... Couldn't have said it better myself.

  16. "Kay" above has said more useful truths and observations than the author of the original blog.

    My guess is that the blog author has never been married, or has not been (happily) married long.

    Let me put it this way - at a certain (hormonally-charged) age of life, there are certain physical traits and qualities of the opposite sex that are going to be attractive to you. But, IMHO, there is a complete world of difference between the criteria used for finding an personally attractive and interesting date, and finding a life-long marriage partner.

    And that is the problem with failed marriages and relationships today - people think they can build long-term (and I'm talking 30-40-50 years) relationships and marriages on things that are truly so superficial and insignificant as "playing hard to get" and the ability to "drink liquor straight up."

    If you're really honest with yourself to think about character and personality traits that are important in the LONG-TERM, you will have to agree that those sorts of things are so insignificant as to not even bring up.

    Bottom-line: If you're looking for long-term happiness (and I believe everybody is, at some level, whether they know or admit it at all), then you have GOT to be able to distinguish between attractive traits for DATING, and attractive traits for a satisfying LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP. People that mix up the two - or even think they are the same - are going to find themselves unhappy in the long term.

    Like I used to say: There are girls that you might want to date, but they aren't the ones who you can see being married to for 50 years. "Hot," "high heels," "hard to get," "elusive," etc. all have a high-attractiveness quotient for a certain time, but they have a short shelf-life. "Sweet," "caring," "loving," "compassionate," "supportive," "encouraging" - all appeal more to me in a wife.

    This is not to say that a spouse, even in later years, cannot be "hot" and "confident," etc. but it is to say that those who place such overwhelming emphasis on such self-centered traits are not going to be ready for the decades of self-sacrifice and other-focused care that are necessary for a successful marriage and a loving family.

    Look around you at the most happy older couples (and families) you know - how many are the embodiments of these traits the original blog author posted, in their middle age and beyond? I would bet, none. I rest my case, your honor.

  17. Anonymous,

    You make a good point, and I don't disagree.

    It is true that

    "'Hot,' 'high heels,' 'hard to get,' 'elusive,' etc. ... have a short shelf-life."

    However, that shelf life happens to be right about the time that men are getting married and looking for a spouse, and (for better or worse) these are the things that are a high-value man's first means of filtering out potential spouses. There are enough hot girls in high heels with good/strong personalities that the ones who don't present themselves well get left out. I assume that most women looking for advice on this website need more encouragement to look good than they do to BE good, hence the focus.

    That being said, I am planning to address exactly what you've layed out on your post in the near future, because it is extremely important that women who don't realize this, are told.

    Thanks for the comment.

  18. Oh I'm a walking cliche :-(
    Here are the things that really attract me to a man (in order of importance)
    He is hard to get, confident, has ambition (or status), is tall, and is good in bed. (can I trade the drinking liquor straight, although that is manly). Luckily I have a man that is all these things.
    I do worry that I'm too short for him and my life is so messy that he's going to run away soon. How do I make this last forever. Every time I let him know how I feel I have a little panic attack and pull back again. And then he gets all lovey again and the cycle starts again. Its some little strange emotional tug of war. I want to show him I care, but not be too intense he runs away.

    My personal experience suggests that HUMANs like things that are hard to get, and its not specific of either sex. I used to date this guy that seemed to only want me when I was unattainable. The whole time I dated him I was dreaming he'd want to marry me, he wasn't interested, we had a child, he didn't want either of us. Two months after I walked out and I was dating another guy he bought a huge diamond ring, got down on one knee and begged me to come back. I didn't, because I knew he only wanted me because he couldn't have me,

  19. I skimmed this, but overall those lists seem pretty accurate, at least judging from a female perspective. However, women like physically attractive men just as much as men like physically attractive women. Why do men refuse to believe this? Get thee to a gym. You don't have to look like a male model (puke) but some arm definition is necessary--and not the kind you get from typing, either.

  20. You might be right. The actions of women (collectively) suggest otherwise, but it is possible that this is just because other factors contribute to a woman's decision to accept or reject a man, whereas men more frequently base their decision to approach a woman entirely on appearance.

    1. For those of you who believe that men's attraction works the same way as women's, check out this episode of "This American Life" (best radio show ever, btw). The episode is called "testosterone". Specifically, check out Act Two.

      "An interview with Griffin Hansbury, who started life as a woman, but began taking massive testosterone injections seven years ago, and now lives as a man."


    2. *Appearance and approachability

  21. Charming Disarray is 100% right. Women care about looks just as much as men do. Men base may their decision to approach a woman almost entirely on her appearance but women will then decide whether he has a chance or not based almost entirely on his appearance. As harsh as it sounds, most women would be flattered if a good looking man approached them but feel creeped out/annoyed if a less attractive man approached them, even if their personalities were identical. Men and women aren't that different really. It's impossible to have a relationship with someone you don't find attractive so 'physically attractive men' should certainly be in your 'women actually like' list!

  22. I disagree on the looks part. How handsome a man is plays very little part in how interested I will be.
    There are however certain things related to appearance. He must be healthy, meaning if he is anorexic or obese, that will make him immediately unattractive. His style is of a certain importance - a wrong 'look' or genuinely bad style will turn me off (certain specific things such as goth look, MC style, hip hop etc.). But these are things any man can adjust. In other words, there are barely any physical features men are born with which they cannot make work.
    I do have a preference for a certain 'look', and this is shaped by upbringing etc. I would usually prefer a young guy who's in law/business school over one that isn't, and (in Europe) these usually have a certain look. Particular areas of different cities also. I recognize them whatever city it may be, and they recognize me as well. That's just how it works. But his height or facial structure is not of importance. Confidence, charisma and charm wins me over in a first approach situation. Always. And I'm NOT turned on by a guy who looks like he spends all his time in a gym.

  23. It is a great list and explanation, and Kay gave some great additions.

  24. Very insightful advice about women and men! It is interesting how you could just flip perspectives and get it right! It reminds me of a funny picture I saw today, comparing what women want and what men want. For example, both may have an affinity to babies, but men like the "making" of babies while women like the "product" (babies). http://romancemath.blogspot.com/2012/06/22-common-interest.html

    Of course, both might have known about the other's preference already, but choose not to believe in it, instead persisting on his/her own ideal and act accordingly.

  25. I guess I'm an atypical girl, since the 'wrong' list of what girls like in boys accurately describes what I want. I like youthful, 'pretty', sensitive, nice and peaceful boys with no hair on their bodies. I can't stand arrogant men (and to me the 'confident' ones just seem arrogant) and if they are 'hard to get' I just think 'my time on Earth is (presumably, unless I'm Highlander) finite: please don't waste it with mind games, and go and bother someone else (e.g. Highlander)'. I'm not attracted to status or income, and I also don't like muscles: I like skinny men. I don't care if they're tall as long as they're at least my height. Despite common mutterings about marrying old, balding and/or ugly men because they're less ghastly in other ways, I absolutely can't compromise on looks: a man can be the love child of Einstein and Gandhi (mentally!), but if I don't find him stunningly beautiful I can't marry him. (I almost did a few times but then wandered off when beautiful boys hove into view). Oh, and I don't like it when boys go overboard with preening (hair gel, fashionably pointy shoes etc). No fancy job, spiked hair or even charming personality is suddenly going to make me want into a boy's pants if I didn't already want into his pants, I'm afraid.

    I realise that the above description doesn't aid boys who want to attract girls, but only those who want to attract me (or other anomalies like me).

    Anyway, my husband (who is, hurrah, slightly taller than me) fits my ideal both physically and mentally. Refreshingly, he doesn't play mind games, preferring to get down to the more important business of enjoying life instead. Atypical girl, atypical boy. A headache-free match.

    Incidentally, re: the above comment, I'm not a fan of babies (another atypical trait, apparently), though I do like 'making' imaginary babies with the help of my friend The Pill.

  26. The things you've listed under "Women believe that men like..." - would you say men are 'neutral' about them or that they are directly turn offs?
    (Except for the one on height, as you've already explained "the perfect female height").

    1. Mostly neutral, though some men might find some of them to be turn-offs.

  27. There's alot of self-snowflaking going on in these comments

  28. I disagree about women liking men who are "hard to get". (Aside: And men not liking women who are like this. Men clearly get high on "the hunt"- as not just The Rules but great advice books like "Why men love bitches" describe). Consider the line, "The man desires the woman, but the woman desires the desire of the man". I think there's a lot of truth in that. It speaks to buttons in the sexes, how they're pressed. ... Shows of effort are attractive to me. And a permeating trust is necessary to be happy and sexual being physically close to someone (for me), which is not built by someone who is relatively indifferent to you. Obviously, confidence and an independent spirit are sexy and essential, but those aren't the same thing as being "hard to get". Many women like being courted! I am usually somewhat wary, including unintentionally reserved. Effort by men is necessary... And attractive. (With other signs of masculinity).

    1. I like being doted on :). It's not unattractive, it's essential.

  29. Then why do so many guys like bitchy women? Even if it is a beautiful woman, when she's too sweet, it seems like men bore of her.

    1. I know! I guess I'm a sweet girl but I give as good as I get when pushed into corner. Still I think I get overlooked because of how people perceive. I'll never make the guys' heads turn when I walk into a room. I know I'm not unattractive, I'm just not exactly attractive either. I wonder how I can stimulate interest in a guy and make him think "Wow. I really want to get to know that girl"

    2. So easy sweetie. It's the art of walking in feminine. Think of what men don't have and advertise it (in a very lady like way). Sway your hips (not so much you look like a model walking down a catwalk), stick your boobies out (not so much that you over-arch your back because that just looks silly), show off a little curve (particularly if the man you like is slim), whatever he doesn't have you want to show off (put on a little mascara, blush and lipgloss wont harm). Yes play up to them. They want it as much as we want them to chase us. Just remember DONT SLEEP WITH THEM TOO SOON ...wait atleast 3-6 months ladies even if you're like me and you want orgies every night - fricken wait!!!

  30. Aww hun, being a very attractive woman can be such a catch 22. Everybody is very curious, you can end up with a lot of men who just want to experience you, but have no intentions of taking it further. Or you can meet a lot of guys who pursue you even though you are not compatible, until the lack of compatibility will end things. I think try to look your best, play up your personality...be confident...and you have a better chance of finding a man who really likes you for you, and not just because they're so hot for you they have to have you for that moment.

  31. I am a fifty year old female and would suggest , through experience , that women must take care of their hair, legs, body throughout their lives, even being married for thirty. I had a male friend, never met his wife however he was stylish , well dressed, loved jazz etc. etc. a few years later I met his wife. Wow! She was overweight , terrible hair and said her husband didnt want sex and they were happy. I told her you better watch out for that . The last child was out of the house and he divorced her. She was flabbergasted . I was not.

    1. Thanks for that Hills! Always like to listen to wise words.

      I agree..both men and women should look after themselves.

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  34. It's true, men don't understand the female mind and vice versa. The secret to a long lasting relationship with a man is to communicate with him while understanding how HE thinks and not assume that he thinks the way YOU do.

    Here's more about that: http://www.howtogetaguytowantyou.com/how-to-understand-men/

  35. So if you are a short guy you are screwed...

  36. It's funny, as a woman I actually like sensitive, nice guys. But, I don't like sensitive, nice guys who have absolutely no backbone. If a guy won't stand up for himself when pushed too far, how can I ever expect him to stand up for me?

    I would agree some of the rest of the list (status doesn't mean much to me). Oddly enough I don't like hard to get guys. I can't fall for a guy unless he's fallen for me first. Just the way I am.

    Thankfully, I've found my Mr. Right :).

  37. So my question to you is...

    What kind of woman would you/have you fallen in love with? What traits make/made that woman completely desireable (aside from the obvious looks)?

  38. I actually love when men are peaceful and composed. A man that gets into fights/ugly arguments/brawls is so unattractive because it shows a lack of self-control.

    And I must say, looks are kind of important to me. I want my man to pass down good genes to our children.

    Also, another thing I want in a man is intelligence. A knowledgeable man who can write using correct grammar and spelling is the sex.

    1. you have a long difficult path to follow..."moodylovechops"...wonder how old you are?

  39. This writer listed all these traits but these articles always miss something that people don't really think of. What about being a humble man or woman? Someone constantly boasting about how they are right all the time drives me nuts.

  40. You are a genious :D
    True, intelligent, entertaining!

  41. I find a lot of women boring. Don't talk politics or religion or career, so what is left is food music or movies.
    It would be nice to find a women who asks questions and is inquisitive about all things. Genuine interest of ones opinions and philosophy history ect are what intrigues me. This of course works both ways.

  42. I laughed at point number 4 of "Women actually like", moslty because I think you're right.

    I don't use to drink but when I do I drink like crazy and end up wasted.

    The other night I was taking some shots with a friends and there was this girl with a couple of guys. She wasn't very attractive, I'll say maybe a 6. I wasn't interested in her at first. I exchange some words with her friends and her, no big deal then I left.

    The next morning she added on facebook and told me she was very impressed with my drinking skills, LOL. She told me most men would be lied in the ground if they drink like I did.

    To make things sort....easy sex. Apparently for this girl being a heavy drinker is a turn on.

  43. My husband doesn't care what I want !He just does what he wants, gave me no sex, won't talk or touch me thinks I'm just a no body, and really doesn't care what I do. He even told me I can have a boy friend or girl friend it doesn't bother him. Just leave him alone!
    Now I know everyone will think I'm brain dead for not leaving him and its true. This has been going on for 47 years and he has lived in our basement and worked every day since married. I've tried everything to try and get him to open up and talk to me but its been way to many years now. I'm also not a young gal to try and go out on my own now(my fault) I just accepted the situation. I do have a roof over my head and a fairly new car so I just go when I get to depressed, I do take pills and see a shrink.
    He's not gay or getting it some place else, I spent alot of money having him followed, every one has said he's boring and a waste of my money.

  44. Thank you for convincing me not to hovel, to remain silent when I've been dumped and to keep working on my hotness. I'm pretty hot right now. Thanks again.

  45. Always remember that kindness works for both sexes.

  46. By "sweet girls" and "sensitive girls" you mean girls that are sweet/sensitive with everyone or girls that are sweet/sensitive with only people they care about?
    By "peaceful" you mean a calm personality?

    I asked some male friends about what they would look for in a wife and some said they wouldn't want to marry a girl if she's not intelligent. What do you think about that?

    Very interesting post, thanks.


  47. LOL @ "men who drink liquor straight"

    Sorry buddy, you might be able to tell women what men want but if "drinking liquor straight" makes your top 5 of what women want you need to stick to talking about men.

  48. 7 years ago i've married a girl from a good family. I was not good) boy and didn't want to merry in so young age, but she became pregnant (common history). And now i want to say her "thanks", she helped me to climb from habitat. Or i'll be a loser and alcoholic. But when i saw her first time, she seemed so sweety and i didn't like.

  49. Oh my god.I feel like I'm reading a bunch of ramble about nothing at all pertaining to what was being said in this.the author simply is asking for a general opinion on the broad concept behind the very simple non specific examples given here and all you broads go off on whether or not high heels are about height ,hard to get is attractive or hard alcohol and attractive men make the difference in the end.Did any one understand what Is being said here ? Because I saw a very interesting concept spelled out and put into simple terms here and that is simply as human beings we assume whatever works for us or feels right to us or what is a reality for ourselves is naturally what everyone around us must believe to be true and reality for them as well so if what we want or like is tall we assume that must be what they want as well if we think hard alcohol is more attractive they must also and the same goes vice versa. Sort of goes along with love languages and how we all have a different way to say I love you and if we don't receive I love you in a way that makes sense to us we often don't interpret that as I love you instead we miss it so if she says I love you by being physically close and intimate hugs cuddles and movie nights but he says I love you by doing things for that person like washing their car building them a special movie room or rearranging the house both people can be Trying to say I love you.. him by building a movie room for her and her by asking him to come snuggle up an watch something with her yet both people are feeling like that person doesn't love them because they assume what is true for them must be the sAme for the other so instead they end up fighting about how they are never appreciated or enough and how hard they are trying yet never receive any effort so if we just took the time to see whAt someone puts out we also then know whAt they may need to have given back as well.she needs Closeness he needs her to do something nice for him. Not wrong just different and similar to this article saying we ourselves produce what we would like because we assume it must be the same for them as well

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