Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You Are Responsible for Your Own Romantic Happiness

I tend to stick to "how to" or observational posts rather than motivational ones, but everyone needs a kick in the ass once in a while. Here is a link to an important post, which men and women alike should read:
http://www.rooshv.com/before-sex-after-sex
The author, Roosh, makes the general point that men and women both need to make an effort if they want to keep a relationship interesting or attract someone in the first place. This quote captures the main idea:
Instead of working towards real change to increase their value, most twenty-somethings instead whine about how life isn’t fair and how bad their luck is, as if there is a concerted effort by the overlords of our universe to keep them single and unhappy. You are responsible for your romantic happiness, and no one else. If there is a problem then get off your ass and do something about it, no matter how many years it takes to solve.
If you are dissatisfied with your love-life, and are reading this blog, you no longer have the excuse of ignorance to mask your laziness. Contained in the growing number of posts are dozens if not hundreds of concrete steps you can take towards attracting a man. You may disagree with some, but if you are a regular reader, you can't pretend that you disagree with them all. Make a list of the few that you think will be most effective and start today.

If you can't do that, or can't take some other concrete step towards self-improvement, then you deserve your own fate. Enjoy being single.


Related Posts
1. Feminine Beauty is Highly Controllable
2. We Have a Shared Responsibilty
3. Why You Should Beware of Romantic Movies

21 comments:

  1. I agree with this :)

    But can you give some examples of how you'd like a girl to make more effort. I do still take care of myself and act affectionate.
    I follow your advice on not initiating contact, I always wait for him. I'm positive when he replies, but I'm sensing he still feels I should be calling/texting.

    Also, if you're not physically together, and he still initiates the contact, what can I do? Other than reply asking how he is when he does contact me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do all these things for my appearance, but I was wondering if you meant effort in terms of behavior, not just looks?
      I assume Roosh' post is about women making effort in other ways too, in order to improve the relationship, not just looking good.

      Delete
    2. I meant both, yes. I have some posts on personality in the works, but in general it is more difficult to write about, as mens' taste in personality is widely varied. Guys have completely different taste in that regard. Keep reading though, those posts are coming.

      Delete
    3. I also would be shocked if you had perfected all of the things described in those posts. It would take a normal girl years to get to that point. See what else you can learn or improve about each one.

      Delete
    4. No I have by no means 'perfected' it :) As most girls, trying new products, hair-dos, workout exercises etc is a constantly ongoing process.

      I'm in a situation where I'm seeing a guy but I don't physically 'see' him at the moment. He has been much more forward than me and even escalated things emotionally more than I have (we have had sex many times). I'm thinking of ways to prove I'll be a good girlfriend, if that's where it's going. Maybe invite him to my place and cook for him etc. I thought maybe that's what the post was about - making effort with the time you spend together.

      Delete
    5. There is a good conversation happening over at HUS (www.hookingupsmart.com) about "Girl Game" or attributes to attract a man emotionally (emotional escalation). See the latest post.

      Kaikou

      Delete
  2. Thanks for sharing such a informative blog. This blog gives idea about only we responsible for our life, and no one else. So increase happiness and enjoy

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  3. This is offtopic. Hi Andrew, can you write about what impression a girl who smokes makes on guys? I'm locked up in a life and death battle (literally) with smoking, so maybe your thoughts about that will provide some inspiration. Thanks so much for all your good work!

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    Replies
    1. I actually just finished writing a post on smoking. It will be posted within a week or so.

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    2. Awesome. Can't wait.

      Delete
  4. I'd love a post on how unpredictability and mystery appeals to and attracts men. I've heard alot about it but just never understood what was meant by a woman being unpredictable is attractive, noone ever says HOW.

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  5. You've written a post before about how women shouldn't make men jealous. But could you write a general post about men and jealousy? Because men do get jealous, and more on a sexual level than women. Do guys tend to hide their jealousy more? Is it true that men don't cope with feeling jealous very well? If a lot of men can sleep around, yet feel jealous fearing a woman they like is doing the same thing?

    It's probably a personal thing, but I do think male jealousy is rarely discussed (compared to women being jealous).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem with jealousy is that it is impossible to generalize. Men are all different in this respect. It would be like trying to write a post on "men and confidence" - but you can't because every man is different in that respect, you know?

      Delete
  6. Really a nice informative blog to share. Blog talking about how to increase happiness. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. What if you are/have been doing all these things and things still aren't working in that department? I have taken a lot of steps both towards self improvement/attracting men, but still haven't really made any "tangible" progress. I have made progress in the sense that more men are approaching me, but it seems like for every 50 men who approach me/talk to me, fewer than 5 ever materialize into anything in which he initiates conversation/asks me out, and of that small pool even fewer lead to anything past a first date. I am trying to stay positive and keep putting myself out there, but it can get frustrating and discouraging!

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  8. Andrew, the ideas in this blog infuriated me at first because they semed to suggest that the "real" (genuine, natural), ineffably satisfying relationship I wanted wasn't possible. They made men and women sound as if from two eternally different, irreconcilable worlds. Despite my anger, I returned week after week to peruse through articles for mindbogglingly unknown reasons, almost compulsively. This post made me remember why I exerted all the emotional and mental effort I did to do so -- I want to do whatever it takes to create the lasting, passionate relationship I hunger for, despite the discomfort and the facing of hard truths. I can't thank you enough for creating this blog.

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  9. A year ago this post would have annoyed me, but now I think you're right. I was single for a pretty long time, though I didn't really want to be and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Then someone told me that I might try to be a bit more open and approachable, things I thought I was but apparently wasn't. So I worked up my courage and asked this guy who I sometimes met with friends if he wanted to have another drink with me while the others went home. Turns out this was the encouragement he needed to ask me out, and now we're together. So yes: stop whining, start risking.

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    Replies
    1. Aww, that's so great to hear! I've been trying to put the same advice into action as well-be more open and approachable. I felt the same way too, I thought I was being friendlier and more open but apparently not, lol. Glad to hear it's worked out for you! Gives me hope and encouragement! :)

      -Mary

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  10. First off, that comment "enjoy being single" is offensive! There is nothing wrong with being single. Next, you're just an arrogant jerk! Finally, The rules book people should sue you for copyright infringement...fricking wanna bee who probably still lives in your mothers basement and couldn't get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse! Asshole!!!

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  11. Andrew, it is better to be single than to date players or serial daters like you. There is nothing wrong with being single. I'm married, with a young child, but I miss some aspects of my single life. I like to wake up and to listen to music every morning, whilst drinking a few cups of coffee at the same time. I am get annoyed if my husband or child come into my room and spoil my pleasure.I often go to the swimming pool just to chill out, to swim and to sit in a sauna ,to have my own time without a 4-year-old chasing me all day long (although I love my child a lot). I am lazy, I do not like housework and my husband often cooks nice meals for me. I cannot wait to complete my Psychology degree (distant learning) and to go to work. Every situation has its positive and negative sides.
    I would definitely rather stay single than to become like the girl or woman who has commented above:'He has been much more forward than me and even escalated things emotionally more than I have (we have had sex many times). I'm thinking of ways to prove I'll be a good girlfriend, if that's where it's going. Maybe invite him to my place and cook for him etc.'
    The guy has slept with her, used her and now she is willing TO PROVE HIM that she will be a good girlfriend'!!! So she is going to cook for him now!
    He has all the cards in his hands. Do women have any self-respect left?

    ReplyDelete

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