Monday, September 5, 2011

The Male Sex Drive Always Recharges

The male sex drive is 100% rechargeable. No matter how man times he fucks, or fucks the same girl, or masturbates, a man cannot deplete his capacity for sexual arousal, at least in the short term. While a man can, through excessive sexual activity or boredom, increase the amount of time required for his arousal to peak again after being satisfied, it will always return to its previous levels. For example, a full day of constant sex will wear most men out, and it might be another day before they want to fuck again. Might. But this kind of delay is not permanent. Before long a guy will be hornier than ever. And while a man might grow tired or accustomed to his spouse, he can only go so long before he wants to fuck her again. In many ways, sexual appetite is like hunger for food and drink: it can be stayed but not destroyed, and it always eventually comes back, regardless of how many times it is satiated. Imagine sex like a food that you initially love but overindulge and eventually tire of. It is true that you will be less inclined to eat it, but before long hunger will make you want to eat anything, and its attractiveness will supersede your desire for novelty.

Even in the long term, I am skeptical that the male sex drive wanes much (and if does, it is age- or health-related, not a product of over-activity). I have met too many horny old men to believe that after middle age, a man's desire to impregnate females is diminished in any significant way. I am almost entirely sure that this idea was conjured up because the thought of grandpa eye-fucking his granddaughter's friends was too unsettling to be stomached by the general public.

A man can significantly reduce his sex drive by abstaining from sexual activity for about three weeks. I know this because I have done the infamous "thirty-day challenge" twice now, and have experienced it first hand. There is also a good deal of empirical evidence that suggests twenty-one days as the time it takes for the human brain to adjust to just about any routine (i.e. to make or break a habit). Much like the appetite for food in a person who fasts for a long time, a man's sexual appetite will shift into starvation mode after being continually denied. Although his initial desire for an orgasm will not fade much, he will be abnormally disinterested in sex once it is satisfied the first time after the three-week abstinence. This reduced libido will last until he slowly gets back into the swing of things by having orgasms more and more frequently. But even in an extreme case like this, the rebound does eventually occur, and before too long the man in question will be back wanting to fuck everything and anything.

So if your husband or long-term boyfriend gradually stops wanting to have sex with you, it does not mean he isn't horny any more or that his sex drive is starting to diminish; it means he is getting off in some other manner. Probably he is just masturbating to pornography, but the amount of self-discipline it would take for him to abstain from sexual pleasure altogether is just too great for it to be even a remote possibility without some hugely powerful force motivating him - like pride, intense shame or extreme religious conviction.
 
The plus side, which is the point I want to make here, is that all you need to do to keep your man sexually interested in you is to remain his one and only outlet for sexual activity; the sheer power of his sex drive and its persistent regenerative qualities will make him always want to fuck you, even if (eventually) the frequently slows slightly. How you remain his "sole source" is the topic for another post. Right now I just want to make the point that as long as you hold that role, you do not need to worry about his sex drive slowly tapering off any more than you need to worry about his hunger for food gradually disappearing. These things simply do not happen.

59 comments:

  1. Great blog :)
    Btw I have a question (story) about a guy, I'd love for you to give me an opinion on it! But you don't have a link to your email so maybe you don't want to be bothered? ;)

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  2. I think you can see my email through my profile, but anyway it is: therulesrevisited@gmail.com. Will look forward to your question.

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  3. I sent my question! Or more like a novel :)

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  4. Touche... Some of your blogs ar eless than okay but this ones okay... Good to know... So safe to say that if I keep providing it and we both stay creative he will keep on wanting... I figured men had some "I dont want this anymore" time... I dunno about all women but I think if what you said is true, women are just like men in this area... We always want it... Girls that dont were just never happy with anything they have had.

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  5. Okay. Does/could inability to maintain erection have anything to do with abstinence? Why would a young healthy guy lose erection during/before intercourse, besides the purely medical/physical reasons?

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  6. The reasons I've not been able to get it up when I've gone to have sex with a girl are threefold:

    1. Drunkenness
    2. Lack of attractiveness on her part (though this has usually been coupled with alcohol)
    3. Having just masturbated or had sex (i.e. within the last couple hours)

    That's just me, but I've talked about all three with guy friends and they've agreed. There might be other causes I haven't experienced before.

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    Replies
    1. I have never heard of anyone experiencing no 2! If you don't find her attractive, why are you in bed with her in the first place? Of course some girls can look different with clothes on/off, but I highly doubt the difference can be that great. You mean lack of attractiveness in terms of behavior?

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    2. Why? Alcohol. You think "she's hot enough, I'll get hard once I see her naked." But then you learn that she isn't hot enough once she is naked. Or, what happens more often is you get naked, get hard, then lose it and your drunken body doesn't have enough energy to get it back up again for someone who was barely hot enough to get you hard the first time.

      Those days are behind me now, but this definitely happened to me a few times.

      Delete
  7. A couple of suggestions.

    Erection problems can be mainly physical, mainly psychological, or a mambo combo. You say that you are unable to maintain an erection during intercourse. Can you keep an erection when she touches your penis with her hands or mouth, or when you masturbate?
    Some men have problems keeping erections at the beginning of a relationship. Then, after they become more comfortable with their new partners, their erections become more reliable. Pay attention to your erection patterns to help you decide if you need to see a urologist or a sex therapist. If you have erections when you wake up or through masturbation, but not with a partner, that's important information that says your body is working correctly, physically. For the time being, why not receive pleasure and not worry about erections? These kinds of difficulties are common and transient. You can view them as part of life rather than as problems. Or, if it is a problem for you, sex therapy may make a difference

    You could be experiencing "desensitization" from your masturbation, or "performance anxiety" due to your lack of actual experience with a partner.

    To overcome either of these the most effective "technique" is for you and your partner to:

    1. Go into your bedroom and get as comfortable as possible. You both need to be very relaxed (not via alcohol, or drugs). Try soft lights, soft music. Remove your clothing and continue to relax together.

    2. Slowly begin to lovingly touch each other with NO goal to engage in sex. As your level of excitement rises relax and enjoy the feelings. Again you are NOT going to have sex (tonight), only pleasure.

    3. If you feel yourself nearing "the point of no return" back off, and/or have your wife apply the Semans procedure, aka "squeeze", "pinch" procedure. A firm (not painful) "pinch" to the head of your penis. Then when you are able continue "pleasuring" each other. This will allow you to experience having erections for longer and longer periods.

    For LOTS MORE information you can go here

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  8. Just came across your blog. Very informative! Thank you for your insights. Will you please comment on how to remain a guy's sole source. If a guy gets involved with another woman because he is not intimate with his partner, might this cause him to leave the relationship?

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  9. Some men do get diagnosed with "sex addiction". But from the sounds of it, it just seems like they want sexual variety a bit more than everyone else and happens to get it?

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    Replies
    1. I don't know much about sex addiction... Addiction is no joke though, so I doubt authentic cases of it are just a matter of wanting a little more variety.

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    2. Why some men enjoys sex with variety of women? Been having relationship with my BF for 10months and I occasionally sees evidences that he's bringing home other women in his apartment(e.g. hairs, earrings etc.)He is in mid 40's and i think he is not young enough to do it or is he just being sex addict?

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    3. He's just a selfish asshole? If you know he's regularly cheating and you never leave him, then I suppose he'll just continue.

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    4. lol pwnd. hes dicking down other women

      Delete
  10. Anonymous November 29, 2012 6:45 AM

    Been really planning to leave him but unfortunately he was hit by Economic recession last month. He might need my moral support. :(. too bad..

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    Replies
    1. Everybody's hit by the recession. And he's getting "support" all over town. If you haven't left him at this point, I'm guessing you never will.

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    2. Yeah seriously. You are staying with a guy who is cheating on you, because he needs some extra cash? Sounds like he deserves to get what the recession brings him.

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    3. Any suggestions on how to leave him without getting hurt? on what to say and do? I am just too soft and weak and he is not..and thus, I am getting bored.He is British and I am Asian, we are based in Hongkong. It's too good to be in this blog :)

      Delete
    4. Yeah, stop worrying about him getting hurt. He is cheating on you.

      Read this: How To Reject a Guy

      Delete
  11. Hey...

    I have been reading your articles and I find them to be so interesting and eye opening.

    I just would like to ask, I am so confused about my boyfriend and his patterns and I dont know how to work around it.

    We have been together for over a year now, he is very busy with work so I only see him on weekends. Sometimes I only see him twice in a month (two weekends as opposed to 4 weekends in a month)

    Lately, we have not seen each other or had sex in three weeks, I feel like maybe he wants me to ask him for it but I dont understand why he expects this of me. We have been fighting lately so things are up n down. We speak regularly via text and over the fone but since the fights began we just text mostly till late in the evenings.

    Should I ask to see him? Should I tell him that I really miss his sex and would really like for us to meet up... or should I just remain silent? I dont want to lose face or come accross as desperate.

    When I text him telling him that I love him, he texts saying he loves me too...but I dont feel loved these days. Is he maybe seeing some1 else?
    He is very quiet and doesnt drink or smoke and he prefers indoors more. He is very focused and helpful around the house. He helps me when I am cleaning, loves cooking with me and is a real star.

    my concern is his sex-drive, could he be having sex with some1 else? am I just looking too much into things? I dont want us to break up because I really love him alot. He is 30yrs old and I am 25 this year...

    Please Help me
    South Africa

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  12. My ex bystanders drive was diminished. He rarely was interested. I even wrote to this blog for advice last summer. Andrew thought it was an affair or porn. It turns out it was drugs. I eventually divorced him. Best move I ever made. After years of little intimacy, I realized I was not in love anymore. I am now extremely satisfied in a new relationship. Ladies, if you experience what I have in the past, there is a hope for your future. I tried Goethe last 8 years of a 21 year relationship, to hold it together. Sometimes, you have to let go.

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  13. My bf says he cannot have sex back to back meaning if he comes once that is it. It is over. If we have sex on Saturday, he will not have sex on Sunday. I touch him and he gets aroused, but he does not want to do the work to climax. He says that he just does not have the stamina to do it and that I drain him. However, he will see me during the week and we can then. It frustrates me because I want to do it more. I love it and want it. When I read your posts that women are not sexually charged like men, I feel the complete opposite. I feel men can not handle us women. I always want to get laid. I never say no to my man. With my experience with men, they are the ones that say no to me and not the other way around.

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    Replies
    1. This is unlikely to change. Find someone sexually compatible.

      Delete
  14. It is interesting because when we have sex it is amazing. I just want more, and I do not get it as often as I like. I figure I can get a machine and get myself off. I am satisfied when we have sex. It is just i do not get it as often. Is that enough of a reason to break-up with someone?

    He treats me very well. He texts me everyday. He buys me gifts when he is shopping. He makes the effort to meet me when I ask. He never gets upset unless I am really unfair and moody, which is not often.

    I am wondering am I being unreasonable with my expectations on sex? How important is it? I don't think it is, but sometimes it really frustrates me.

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    Replies
    1. That was my answer to the statement above, which was to find a compatible partner

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    2. I feel your exact frustration, I've not known a woman like that before, if only.

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  15. hmm, I disagree darling. When I wrote this, I was curious to see ppl's response. I understand that I can get great sex and a terrible partner, so I am not willing to give up someone who really works in our relationship - so maybe sex is not his priority, but he does well otherwise.

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  16. I sent an email to your gmail account. I really hope that's stil your email address.
    - desperate

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  17. I am sorry, I would have to disagree, some men just don't feel the need to have sex as much as some women do. And it is more common than one would think. I know many females who complain that they are not getting it on enough...me included.

    It has put a strain on my marriage, that's for sure. And no my husband is not getting it elsewhere, and yes I am sure. I am 31, gorgeous, fit, love to give blow jobs and am an excellent, attentive lover. He is just not in the mood 50% of the time.

    I'm not here to complain, I just want to point out that it is an assumption that men want to have at it all the time. In my youth, I naturally assumed that this would be the case, but am sadly mistaken.

    Great articles. I have about read them all by now. Thanks!

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    1. My jaw dropped, some men just don't know what they have, can you talk to my wife?

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    2. I am 35, a fit & rugged rugby player, get plenty of looks from the ladies, I have a super high sex drive. What I don't fathom is that giving oral is one of my most favourite things, yet it's almost always rejected when I attempt it with my wife. When she allows it, she'll scream the house down at orgasm, yet it's still a battle for me to get down there. Sex is no where near frequent enough for me, maybe 3 times a month if I'm lucky, yet my wife will always orgasm, and I can tell due to the blood filling the clitoris and the tightening of the vaginal wall, I just don't understand. It makes me feel undesired and when I read about women who mirror my circumstance, it almost makes me want to find them.

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  18. okay so my problem is that i havent been to a dr yet cause it wasnt this bad till now but im going tomorrow but i clearly have a conditions that makes it incredibly painful for me to have sex and my bf or 2 years doesnt care he still just wants sex all day everyday and i have to be the one to please him and theres no way around it if i dont he makes me feel like shit about myself and if i do e cry in fetal position for the rest of the day or longer... and even if i do it anyway go thru the pain cry for a while then feel okay enough to go out and do something still all he talks about is having sex when we get home... he doesnt get that im not going to no matter how much i tell him im in pain and then when i say "all you care about is sex you dont care about me or the pain im in" he gets mean and tells me im ungreatful and harrases me for the whole day... im trying to work on things and just be nice and stop the jealousy(on both ends) but he can only let it go and not think im cheating on him if i have sex with him... he tells me when i dont want to have sex to go fuck someone else.... why would i do that if im in pain what can i do or say to fix things? i dont want anyone ele and hes been my best friend for almost 4 years now.... please help )':

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweetie, A BOY who has zero concern that sex causes you pain and berates you if you don't give it to him is either a narcissist or a psychopath. Google those and read the traits along with the countless heartbreaking stories of other women/ men who have been with these inhuman creatures. Would you ever consider treating him this way if something you wanted caused him intense pain? Never. Nor would ANY person that had an actual heart. You CAN find someone that will care about you. He will only get worse and you will only grow weaker and sicker (it will manifest in physical illnesses if you stay long enough) the longer you stay. And, if you actually die he seriously will not care except in the ways it might inconvenience HIM. Seriously, they are this bad. Please research these disorders (narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder) and then RUN.

      Here is website of a WONDERFUL woman who has been through these types of abusive relationships and now helps other heal from them: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/welcome.htm

      Best of luck to you. YOU are worth being treated with kindness and love.

      Delete
  19. Pediatricians have the opportunity to improve the health of their adolescent male patients, according to a review published online August 12 in Pediatrics. Joshua

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. Don't tell men to watch porn....men who watch porn are likely to show aggression towards women in daily life and are more likely to have demeaning attitudes towards women...:( According to the study “Pornography’s Effects on Interpersonal Relationships” by Ana Bridges at the University of Arkansas, noted that men who viewed ANY amount of porn were more likely to:

    Report decreased empathy for rape victims
    Believe that a woman who dresses “provovatively” deserves to be raped
    Report anger at women who flirt but refuse to have sex
    Experience substantially decreased interest in their partners
    Report increased interest in coercing partners into unwanted sex acts
    (“Pornography’s Effects on Interpersonal Relationships,” 2006, by Ana J. Bridges, University of Arkansas)
    as you can see porn effects men negatively in relation to the way they view women... they also get desensitized and keep having to watch worse and worse porn to get off.....porn is so degrading to women and causes insecurities amongst other issues in relationships especially! Not to mention the porn industry is made out of girls that are mostly sexually trafficked, so there is chance you are actually watching a rape occur. These are all proven.... Anyways just thought you guys should know. :)
    Other sources-
    http://gaildines.com/
    "Pornland", Gail Dines

    http://stoppornculture.org/facts-and-figures/

    https://www.shelleylubben.com

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  22. I believe that if your really wanted something you can do something about it no matter how hard it takes. Just like abstaining from sex. this desirable slaptheface post

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  23. Andrew: You mentioned to post follow-up article on this one-''How you remain his "sole source". Is it available or yet to be?

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  24. Where's the link for being the sole source?

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  25. Hi please my boyfriend and I haven't seen in a month and when we finally got together we had sex for almost two hours. And this is unusual because usually, when we haven't seen in even two weeks, he cums in like 10-15 minutes before he regains his stamina later on. I feel like he has been sexualy active in my absence. Pls Isthis normal? Pls. I need your advice.

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    Replies
    1. I've not had sex or Masterbated for a long time and had sex with One of my ex gfs for the first time. I thought I'd barely last but I wanted to impress her and make her feel good. The sex ended up lasting a long time and was amazing. He probably wanted to make you feel good the mind is very powerful. But I can see ur concern and I suppose it's possible. The best thing to do is be honest and ask without pressure or anger just tell him you were feeling insecure about it honest is key. It takes courage to be honest and that's actually where the word courage comes from to be honest.

      Delete
  26. Hi…!
    Nice one woman’s problems is very sensitive so choose a natural way to this type of problem increase female libido , Women sex enhancement, Etc there is no side effect ..

    ReplyDelete
  27. I chose to not masterbate or have sex for pretty much no reason at all. I only feel horny While sleeping it easily fades after I awake. I think it's because of the testosterone going up while sleeping and repairing the body That creates that feeling. By the third week I typically on avg.day don't feel overly horny. This is my third time doing this first time was 8 months second time was 2. It's been a month this time. I plan on doing it till I renter a relationship or meet a girl I like. I do know every 8 days your test goes up but just for that day. It doesn't effect my focus and I still am tempted to check women out. Honestly the us culture may have driven me to this. I find it hard to respect others at least in my head. Other than that I'm very polite and very much a gentlemen. I exercise everyday. Not looking for any info just sharing just incase the info is helpful to anyone.

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  28. A very nice post and discussion.

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  29. Thanks for the amusing post...
    Now many married and unmarried people facing this problem Increase your sexual And herbal and natural way is best for this as they are free from all kind of side effect. Always started out good but ended up in limp Louie. Or would just `arrive`` too quickly when I was too turned on.

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  30. I've been married for 5 1/2 years to a great guy. We're compatible but not perfect. We have 3 children and are expecting our fourth. My issue is that my husband has always been a once a day type of guy but the sessions and actual initiations have become few and far between. He used to perform oral, foreplay, just laying with me, etc but now if and when he wants sex it consists of him receiving oral and then maybe 2 minutes of sex before he's done. It's hard for me bc I'm so very attracted to my husband and want to have the physical attraction we one had but I don't want him to be emasculated by my comments and cause even less often sex than we already have. It only being once every 3 weeks as it is.

    I understand children do put a damper but there are times we're alone and he's still seemingly uninterested. I've never denied him but I've been blown off by him so it causes me to hesitate now.

    I don't know what I can do to help us...

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  31. I've (on a daily basis) tried lovin on my man.. Literally begging to suck him off.. Nothing!! Wtf?! All he does is work and come home.. And when he's off, we're at home watching tv! This is driving me crazy!! I need his sex!!

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  32. Hello…..
    I like most this post. Nowadays low male libido is becoming a big concern.
    Everyone wants to solve it, who is involved with this problem.
    If you want to solve it most effectively by natural remedies

    ReplyDelete
  33. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and he refuses to have intercourse with me. The first 3 years I was very thin, but this has really gotten me down and very depressed. Some may say he is gay but I find him on sex sites looking for women in our area to have sex with, I loved sex, I never denied him,. I offered him everything, but he treats me like his mother. In every other area of our relationship he is fine, so why do I stay, I have no answer but to say who would want me know after I let myself go, but why would he stay, why doesn't he just go to these other women.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Truth, I seen this as you're my mother in the story. Hes treating you like a maid. Hes a coward. Most likely fearful of leaving you because hes clueless of how to be alone and deal with rejection. Same for you on that last point. Come to terms that you can not change someone unless they change themselves. Do the work, and dont copy my mother as it was 16 and a half years she dealt with my father.

      Delete
  34. I get recharged after every two days when I do sex

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  35. So what does it mean when he gets an erections everytime he is near me.....we can have sex and we finish happily and he is up for it again...non stop....we both finished if you know what I mean but he can keep on going...so can I. ..but thought that women could only do that...guess I was wrong...is that normal

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    Replies
    1. Wow, This is the most ridiculous, self-centered, blog I have came across so far... Sounds like more of a jerk then gentleman... Doesn't even have a point other then having no respect for a female and only worried about getting his dick wet...

      Delete
    2. Wow, This is the most ridiculous, self-centered, blog I have came across so far... Sounds like more of a jerk then gentleman... Doesn't even have a point other then having no respect for a female and only worried about getting his dick wet...

      Delete
    3. Ben, you are right, but this guy serves his purpose. I am a female and I can't help thinking that there are lots of men who think and act like Andrew.In fact, the more I read his blog and the more I listened to online dating couches on youtube,the more I am coming to conclusion that women who want to get married should not sleep with their man before marriage. It might be terribly old-fashioned and not realistic nowadays, but there is so much heartbreak around. When you read posts like 'Cut him off' or 'Importance of silence...' nearly every single comment comes from a female who were dumped by her man.By giving sex so easily women lost all their power and men do not respect them. Men like Andrew are not capable of love.
      I can hold somebody's hand, I can hug a man and I have 'this feeling' of affection, love, romance, call it what you like. I can look at the man I like and get coy.And it's so great to see that the man you like likes you, too and he might blush or get slightly embarrassed, too.
      And I am sure that I can experience these feelings only because I had only one man (my husband) during my life.If I crossed this line, if I slept with everyone like Andrew, I would have lost this innocence ages ago.These people 'players' etc, are so rotten.And the only way to protect yourself from a man like Andrew is not to sleep with anyone before marriage (and the majority of women want to get married).

      Delete
    4. @ Anonymous December 9
      I think you’re being a bit harsh on Andrew. Modern mating/behavior has changed significantly and many people, both men AND women, enjoy casual sex. Now that societal/religious stigmas have dissolved, sexual behavior in free countries has fundamentally changed. In essence, people are following their mammalian instincts rather than consciously over-riding them due to societal pressure.

      Is that a good thing? I would say that, on balance, it is yes.

      “I am a female and I can't help thinking that there are lots of men who think and act like Andrew

      This is true; there are lots of men who think and act like Andrew. As that is how many, if not most, men are built. However, the vaaassst majority of men are not evil people out to screw you over; they are simply following their instincts. Which are very different from your instincts.

      “The more I read his blog and the more I listened to online dating couches on youtube,the more I am coming to conclusion that women who want to get married should not sleep with their man before marriage”

      I think this a reasonable position to take. But due to sheer numbers of men unwilling to do the same (i.e. most) it might prove difficult to achieve. Perhaps a religious guy might do it?

      “When you read posts like 'Cut him off' or 'Importance of silence...' nearly every single comment comes from a female who were dumped by her man.By giving sex so easily women lost all their power and men do not respect them”

      But don’t forget though, that women dump men too. And it hurts just as much. Well, the first time anyway. Guys seem to become less susceptible to this hurt as they age. Biology probably.

      “Men like Andrew are not capable of love.”

      I believe that there are studies that support this to an extent; guys who have slept with huge numbers of women are less likely to bond with anyone. I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a problem though? I guess it depends on your outlook on life and what you perceive “love” actually is. Many people, indeed much of our culture generally, seem to attribute some sort of greater meaning to “love” as if it’s some sort of noble aspiration that we should all be striving to achieve.

      Other people, however, see “love” simply as a bonding mechanism designed by evolution to keep two people together long enough to raise a child. Nothing more than that. By this rationale there is nothing “noble” about the pursuit of love. And therefore, conversely, there is nothing ignoble about losing the ability to love.

      I don’t think either understanding is necessarily any better than the other.

      “I would have lost this innocence ages ago.These people 'players' etc, are so rotten.”

      I think you’re entitled to your opinion Anonymous, but I feel it’s harsh to call them “rotten”. Believe it or not, many women also enjoy casual sex. Now, if a guy lies, cheats, or acts deceptively then ok, he is of poor character. But you will find that many don’t lie, or cheat, or act deceptively; they don’t need to, as women sleep with them anyway.

      They just like hooking up with women who also like casual sex. Nothing wrong with that. YMMV.

      I also think that you’re underplaying the role of women’s behavioral changes in influencing today’s dating scene. As women don’t need men for their money/support like in previous generations, they often chase “chemistry” in their pursuit of love. And as a consequence, guys who can generate chemistry (good-looking guys) are afforded so many options that they have no necessity to marry anymore. And the guys who can’t generate chemistry are rejected so much that they give up and opt out.

      I’m not sure where this leaves us all as a society. If anyone has any ideas on how a “better” dating environment would work I would like to hear them...

      Anyone…?

      Delete
  36. Depression can often be lifted by engaging in new activities and hobbies, or incorporating previous ones back into your life. Volunteers are always needed in the community and providing good work for non-profits in your community can be a great hobby. Your self-worth and self-esteem will benefit from helping other people.

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  37. I know this is a long time since the original post but I would be interested in Andrew's and others opinions. I seem to go against the abstinance idea, initially I want sex even after I orgasm. I do pester my wife and it puts her off, but after a few days I don't want it anymore. I still see her as attractive and very sexy, and even get hard, but I don't want to have sex. I would happily preform foreplay but when it comes to intercourse, nothing. I don't initiate and can try to stay away from my wife when she wants it. The thing that changes it all is my anxiety. It may be the reason I am different, but it causes a lot of tension. Initally i want sex because it calms my anxiety but when my wife doesn't want it I get more anxious worrying she doesn't want to be with me, once i have gone through a low period I come out of it and I am ok unitl I become anxious that my rejections will cause my wife to leave me for someone who will give her what she wants. Different libidos cause the problem as if we did it more often I would feel fine, but once i have abstained from sex for enough time I really have no desire to engage in it anymore, only giving in through fear. I have only let this go on for 3 weeks before giving in and it was truely the fear that made me give in and not the desire. That time my wife was pestering me everyday for sex, like I do when I'm miserable. It may seem ok for either gender to hold out on sex to make their partner want it, but this is a power struggle and more of an ego boost it doesn't really work either because as soon as the low libido person gets what they want they go back to not wanting it because they are satisfied, the food analergy again, starve someone for information, they give in for a full stomach and then they can hold out again until they are starving, they won't keep giving information when they are getting lots of food, sex starvation will not increase a low libido. I do receive mental therapy and I take medication, but they greatest help is love and sex from my wife, it's just she and I'm sure many others feel it is using her to make myself feel better. Before her I was single for over ten years so I don't have a fear of being alone, and my therapist says the sex is a way of feeling close to my wife and that most men see it that way as being inside someone is the closest you can be with them, and this is coming from a woman. Is it a normal thing to be able to say no more sex ever and be with someone you love, or is it more about someone suffering for love, most relationships tend to be the latter because there are very few people who find someone they love who matches their libido and things change over time anyway. If only we could be less embarrassed about things and give out more information about ourselves to aide compatability.

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