Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"Because Of" Versus "In Spite Of" - Illustrated


I've also added the illustration to the original post, which you can read here: "Because Of" Versus "In Spite Of"

19 comments:

  1. If I may ask, is Kim K a woman most men would consider seriously dating? I know that was not the reason you posted her photo, it's just a general question.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most men?... probably. A overwhelming majority? No.

      If you change the question to "is Kim K a woman that most men would consider marrying?" then the answer, I think, would be a resounding "no."

      Delete
    2. I meant "seriously dating" as in just more than a fling. I assumed the answer would be; most men would have sex with her, fewer would go on a 3rd date.

      Are there any girls you would call "idols" in the sense that the majority would see them as both very sexually attractive AND marriage material?
      I know this varies from man to man, but in terms of image. I'm thinking girls like Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron etc?

      Delete
    3. Yeah there are some that generally have wider appeal than others, though like you say, it varies based on the type of girl men are attracted to. Any celebrity that is classy AND sexy is like this: beyonce, olivia munn, eva longoria, eva mendez, etc. The women that will pose in their underwear but won't ever pose for playboy; the women who will have fun but not drink to excess; the women who show emotion but have a filter on the things they say, etc.

      The same phenomenon happens with men. Think George Cluny, David Beckham, Jay-Z etc. These guys are tough, confident and good-looking (ok maybe not Jay-Z...) men, but at the same time, they don't brag about it and they maintain poise in all situations - unlike a lot of younger celebrities (esp. rappers) who are sloppy, rash and stupid.

      Delete
    4. Ok thanks. I think men have a wider range of what they think is okay than women might think. I think Beyonce's sexiness is a bit overdone, but as long she doesn't have a sex tape out it's usually okay.
      All of the women you have mentioned are latinas though, which is bad news for us blue eyed blondes :-) I know people (or particularly men) have an idea of latin women as more feisty, more exciting in bed and all that. They don't really have to communicate sexiness, it's just assumed (except Mendes, who only to sexy roles). Penelope Cruz for instance, actually has a completely low key personality, but her looks and accent automatically translates to 'exotic'. I think it's a stereotype, but not something I can do anything about anyway. For those of us who don't have the opportunity to pose in underwear on billboards to show that we are liberated, what else would you suggest?

      Delete
    5. Beyonce and olivia munn are definitely not latinas (latina implies Latin descent, though it is used almost exclusively to mean hispanic. Beyonce is African american and Olivia Munn is northern european and asian...

      Anyway, a couple blonde examples are Blake Lively or <a href = "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QjGX42QSC0")Kate Upton(/a); Charlize Theron, Shakira (if you count her), Katherine Hiegl, Heidi Klum, etc. Notice I've left out women like Carrie Underwood and Reese Witherspoon - arguably some of the hottest blondes, but not as sexy, at least in the public eye (which is all we can consider when it comes to celebrities).

      I think blondes, because they carry the "sexy/stupid" stereotype, are a little easier to call sexy, but a little harder to classify as classy. This might be why the examples that popped into my mind first were all darker women.

      Delete
    6. Yeah sorry I'm not so familiar with what qualifies as 'latina', I just noticed that all of the women seemed to have the same 'exotic' appeal and that they were all darker :)

      Yes you definitely have to watch out more for the "bimbo" stamp as a blonde. Brunettes can get away with more, and since the blonde hair colour gets more attention, it's been popular for sex symbols to bleach their hair. Pamela Anderson is a big part of it. When I was in my teens I refrained from wearing pink as I would be called "Barbie". Do men actually think of blondes as 'bimbos' or is it mainly just other women?

      Kate Upton is only 19 and has that bimbo stamp, because..well, she IS stupid ;) Her Twitter account and interviews give proof of that. It's women like her which give blondes bad rep, but of course, you get the men you advertise for.

      Delete
    7. Yeah the Kate Upton was a ditch effort to get another blonde on the list... I think she is still you which is why she seems stupid; but given time I think she will mature.

      Men don't categorically think about blondes as bimbos, but there is a tendency to stereotype in that direction. Women like Carrie Underwood and Reese Witherspoon are as far from bimbos as you can get; in fact they would probably benefit from undoing a couple buttons... Then again, they're both married and probably have husbands that they need to appease.

      Delete
  2. So, like, you're writing a blog about what you find attractive in women and then presenting it as what all men (or most men?) find attractive. Doesn't this seem rather self-centered and dishonest?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am surprised no one has accused me of this before now. You make a good point. In fact, I have even highlighted the "dangers" of projection in the post I wrote about why women don't know what men want. However, I don't think this is self-centered or dishonest, for a few reasons:

      (1) I am well aware of how easy it is to project my own opinions onto other men, and make concerted efforts not to do so.

      (2) If you read more of the blog I think you will see that I have disclaimers throughout when I comment on the female traits about which men's opinions vary. I also give examples in an attempt to capture the range of male opinions.

      (3) My tastes are pretty typical of men in general, and I am well-aware of the few places in which they deviate.

      People in general, when encountering others' opinions, naturally cross-check what they hear/read with their own experience. If you read through the comments on the various posts, you will see that there ARE some cases where readers have disagreed; but in general I think you will see that the readers have generally recognized what I've written as being accurate and reflective of their own experiences.

      Thanks for the comment though. The question needed to be raised.

      Delete
    2. "I am well-aware of the few places in which they deviate."

      Tell us tell us

      I think your opinions regarding physical attractiveness are quite close to the majority, the only differences I can tell is regarding female behavior and promiscuity. I think men's opinions are slightly different in Europe and that more promiscuity is 'tolerated' although I don't think it will HURT any woman to follow the advice you give about not putting out too soon. There is very little to lose anyway.

      Delete
    3. I think dreads are hot, and butch girls are hot. And I know there are plenty of men who think so too. Just because your readers tend to be a particular type of man, one who values traditional femininity, does not mean all, or even most do.

      Delete
    4. My readers are mostly women, but you are right that their opinions (or mine) do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the general American population, let alone the world's. I happen to have good reason to believe that my taste in women is fairly close to the norm, but this shouldn't be taken for granted - you can judge for yourself.

      That being said, it is unquestionably true that most men do prefer stereotypically feminine women (not all though, you are right).

      This fact has no normative implications; it doesn't mean that it is wrong for a man to find butch women with dreads attractive. Nor does it mean that is it wrong for a woman to wear dreds and build muscle. I personally have no problem with either of those things. People can do what they want when it comes to their personal look and demeanor.

      On this blog I am simply pointing out that these things are ineffective in attrracting the majority of men, and highlighting the things that are effective.

      Delete
    5. Turtle, if you think dreads are hot and butch girls are hot, then you should at least have the common sense to realize you are in the minority. This blogger always acknowledges that tastes diviate from man to man but he does seem pretty spot on with what is generally considered attractive to men across many time periods and cultures. You would be very hard pressed to find many other men who agree that dreads and butch looks are hot.

      Delete
  3. wow anonymous #1 derailed the whole comment section. Please just email Andrew with your insecurities, most of what you spoke of is nonsense. There is many pros to being a blonde. Stop judging celebrities and exotic creatures and live a little. Damn! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he can delete posts he finds them irrelevant? You don't have to read replies to comments you are not interested in. Great contribution to the discussion btw.

      Delete
    2. This is a fairly new blog and Andrew has done a great job of fielding every and all comments. He has even open himself to personal emailing. I can not know what a comment contains until I read it. Clearly Anonymous #1 issues are more about being insecure than being blonde. Women can often think about being perfect and deflect everything else. With the multiple comments why not email Andrew? Taking your stance, Andrew did not have to publish my comment either. This isn't a therapy blog it is a tips/tricks blog from the male perspective. Women (that includes myself) need to take what applies and discard the rest.Being blonde is not a curse and is promoted as the ideal in the country where I am assuming she lives (USA), so if you can't see the underlying meaning to comments that's okay, but I do. Again Andrew is open to personal emailing if you didn't know otherwise. Also all men have different tastes, so stop with the ego stroke, be the best you can be! And rock a look! Damn! lol

      Delete
    3. I'm not sure if you are serious, seeing as you finish every post with "lol", but I'll make an attempt to explain. Firstly, I am not American. Secondly, I am aware that I can email his personally, but this was (as I pointed out!) a side note and not the main topic. I also chose to comment because other girls might profit from the answers. The reason the "entire thread was derailed" was because there were explanations needed.
      I asked for examples of "classy + sexy", and all of the girls had (from where I stand) the same type of 'appeal' or at least appealed to men with the same taste, and therefore not general enough as an answer. I had to point out that I'd like some options that were easier to identify with. It almost seems as if you were offended because you look up to Kim K, as many Americans seem to do, and the conclusion was that she is not marriage material.
      You see that as an "ego stroke" because the people were you live (or mostly you personally) consider blondes to be more attractive, but that is not the case everywhere. Furthermore, blondes suffer from the "bimbo" judgment in a way brunettes to not, so it is a different situation altogether.

      Delete
    4. I am absolutely serious. Please spare me I was trying to benefit the group type logic. Ironically the "stars" that Andrew listed for you as blondes are more to my liking, but at last...what does it matter?

      Andrew didn't seem to need to make explanation. It's his blog and wow what a great blog it is. I really don't get why you WANT more and if you do just email him. But to each his own. Devised reasoning...I guess it's not a skill everyone can have.

      I've made my point. I believe you made your's. Have a good one!

      I like blogs that encourage informed and knowledgeable readers.

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.