Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Downside of Cohabitaiton Before Marriage

Check out this post at Charming Disarray:

http://charmingdisarray.blogspot.com/2012/04/wouldnt-it-be-nice.html

From the conversations I've had with my male friends, I can confirm the masculine opinion described here:
"Women are more likely to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or postpone commitment."
If you are currently living with your boyfriend, or even just open to the idea of moving in together, this post is worth reading - assuming, of course, that you ultimately want to get (and stay) married.

13 comments:

  1. I read the article this is based on yesterday in the New York Times and found it very interesting. The full article is here:
    {http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?_r=1&partner=bloomberg}

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  2. I have felt this way for years. I dont believe in living together when you are of marriageable age. In my world, that means 25. If you are under 25, you're (in most cases) too young to get married, so go ahead, play house, have fun b/c you're most likely going to break up anyway. BUT once you're over 25, dont live together....you're old enough to get married so if you're not engaged but want to live together it's because one or both of you dont want to get married. I knew a couple (she 30s, he 40s) and then moved in together and worse, they bought a house together, then they got engaged for yrs, then he had an affair & she broke up with him just as the housing market tanked ...they were broken up for yrs and still had to deal with each other because of the house they were struggling to pay for / sell.

    Major face palm for me watching this ordeal from the sidelines. I had told her not to buy the house with him because as we saw in the real estate crash....getting divorced can be easier/cheaper than unloading a house in a bad market.

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  3. interesting post. thats how I always felt about it too- I just think its unnecessary unless you're married. Too much commitment, something thats a way bigger deal then a lot of people would like to think. It just traps things, and I don't see any reason for that ever. If we're not married I want things to have a safety if they go awry which some times they will. (and sometimes you just don't want to be with them anymore). I totally get some people who want it for the financial situation- but seriously why dont you just move in with a friend? I really see 0 benefits. I have 2 friends who did this. 1 relationship was terrible. the other I feel if they didn't move in together and overinvest would've broken up already.

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  4. I totally this article from a personal standpoint. I was living with my girlfriend up until recently (We broke up because I wasn't ready to get married and didn't know if she was "the one") and if I wasn't strong enough to break it off because of said reason I could imagine myself sleepwalking into a marriage that I didn't want.

    That being said, divorce rates aren't the only measure of successful marriages. I would be curious to see if people who live together prior have happier marriages than those who don't. There's also a huge bias here towards religious people, they're both more likely not to live together prior to marriage and not see divorce as an option even when they're unhappy.

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    Replies
    1. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/03/us/03marry.html

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  5. Interesting article, really good comments as well.

    So what do you think is more important to men - body or face?

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    1. I would go for face, but then again i am just one man, it depends on the man's intention, if he don't want noting serious he would say body, if he is looking for a possible girlfriend/wife, we would say face, since body always loses beauty with time and facial beauty is for ever ;)

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  6. In general, face, but there are always exceptions. The cutest face in the world can't compensate for an atrocious body, and vice versa.

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  7. Did you read this one on HUS?
    www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/05/07/relationshipstrategies/can-a-manwhore-ever-really-settle-down-even-if-he-wants-to/

    If so, do!
    It brings up some interesting facts:
    The more women a man has had sex with, the lower the odds that he can be sexually gratified by one woman. Ever.
    Marital sexual satisfaction declines more than 5% for every partner a man has been with other than his spouse.

    So to add to your advice, women should not only try to interpret how a man treats them, they should pay attention to how many partners he appears to have had before her and (assuming they want a reasonably good sex life), disqualify those with a high count.

    Still waiting for that post on how to best see the signs of a man's sexual past!

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    Replies
    1. I did read that, found it pretty interesting, though like all statistics, you need to understand what causes them in order to really decide if it affects your situation (i.e. the guy you are considering dating or getting serious with).

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    2. What makes you think these good men won't care about how many sexual partners YOU'VE previously had? So it's all about you you you huh? Some are going to want an equally non promiscuous partner ya know? And you may not fit into his standards of how many partners was too many.

      In my opinion, you get what you deserve, if you are constantly finding yourself in regret of relationships, it's probably what you deserve for being a slut.

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  8. Fascinating. I have been raised w/ the expectation that I would not cohabitate before marriage, but I've always been curious if that was just an church expectation to maintain purity in couples before marriage or if it really did compromise the possibility of a good marriage. In my mind, "test-driving" does make sense to an extent, but then again, I am female and apparently this is a female thing to think this way. It's very interesting to hear this discussion from a non-religious point-of-view, since I have mainly only ever had this discussion from a "God doesn't want you living together" point-of-view.

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  9. A woman who just lives with a man, loses 4 important things: 1. Her independence. 2. Her freedom to make choices. 3. All of her mystery. 4. And the protection of the law.

    Back in the day, if a man wanted a woman to have and to hold, he damn well had to marry her. In living with a man a woman has all of the drudgery of being a wife and NONE of the benefits.

    I'd always thought "'tis a more honorable thing to be a man's wife than his mistress."

    Thinks twice before you shack up.

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