Monday, July 21, 2014

Book Announcement

I am sure everyone who reads this blog regularly has noticed the decline in post frequency in the last several months. What's probably not as evident is the reason, which is that I have been working on a book. In fact, since December, more than 100 % of the time that I typically devote to the blog has instead been focused on writing it. So while it might seem like my output has declined in recent months, the reality is that it has increased significantly - you just haven't seen the output yet.

I've mentioned the book a few times in the blog comments, and in replies to some readers' e-mails; but I've largely kept quiet about it - mostly because I didn't want to announce the book and then wait months or years for its release, but also because I didn't want to announce something before I was absolutely sure it would actually happen. But as of last week, the manuscript is finally finished, and it's mostly downhill (at least in terms of my commitment to the project) to the point of publishing; so this is a good time to make the announcement.

The book is about how to understand and handle breakups and rejections. It explains in detail why they happen, what the guy is thinking, how to maximize your chances of getting him back, and how to move on. I will rely on an excerpt from the introduction to explain my choice of topic:
"It might seem a little strange to write a relationship advice book that deals exclusively with break-ups and rejection. After all, if the break-up has already occurred, it is a little late for the kind of advice that could have made a difference...
"...[But] it has been my experience that, for most girls, a painful break-up or rejection is actually the beginning, not the end. It isn't the beginning of a relationship, obviously, but it is the turning point at which they start to question their approach to dating and relationships – the beginning of their efforts to make a change... 
"It is only after a painful or repeated loss that a woman begins to think twice about her approach to the opposite sex, and it is precisely then that she has the interest and motivation to learn why things didn't work... It also happens to be the time when she is most in need of advice about how to forget about him and move on – even if it isn't the advice she is most interested in receiving."
An additional consideration was that I get hundreds of e-mails every month asking for advice, and 95 % of them are questions about breakups. Although writing this book was a fairly big undertaking, it's a hell of a lot easier than re-writing the same 30 e-mails over and over again for the next ten or twenty years.

The topic is ostensibly narrow, but the reality is that you can't navigate a breakup properly without a pretty comprehensive understanding of male-female dynamics; so the book covers just about everything: what makes a man fall for a woman, the mindset with which men approach relationships, the model you should use for your expectations in relationships, what pulls relationships apart, the nature of your relationship with your boyfriends' family, the importance of emotional honesty, etc. - not to mention all the practical stuff like what to say, when to say it, how long to wait before contacting him again, and all the rest. I will post a full chapter list prior to publishing; but the point is that the book's topic is more of a framework for the discussion of much larger issues in dating and relationships than it is the theme of a purely practice guidebook. So the book will be extremely relevant to anyone who has been broken-up with or rejected, and probably even helpful to those who haven't. While I won't say that I'll never write another book, I don't have any plans to write a second one, so I didn't hold back any topics that might be more appropriate for future publications; I addressed everything here.

Originally, my plan was to simply publish a compilation of previous posts from the blog that were loosely related to the topic of breakups, with some additional wording weaving them all together. But the more I wrote, the more I realized was missing in order to cover the topic comprehensively; and the book soon grew into something far greater than just the existing material. I estimate that the re-used parts from the blog account for only 20 % of the book; and even those parts have been significantly expanded and improved. They also benefit from being placed in the wider context of the surrounding chapters. 

In total, the manuscript is just over 15,300 words, so it will probably be about 200 pages printed. Unless I receive an attractive book deal, the book will be self-published, in both paperback and electronic formats. It will also be available for purchase worldwide. I am not sure of the release date yet, but if I do go down the self-publishing route, it shouldn't take more than a few months to at least publish in electronic format, and the printed version will follow soon after. This might be a good point to mention that I am a complete rookie in self-publishing, and I know I have readers with experience of not expertise. So please e-mail me if you have any advice. I am very open to ideas, and I am also looking for one or two more (experienced) copy editors.

I want to end by pointing out that I am very proud of this book. Around the time that I started writing it, there were a few comments on the blog about the decline in post quality. That didn't surprise me, because - having started the book - my mind and energy was entirely dedicated to the topic of breakups and rejection, which meant that every new and insightful thought I had went into the book rather than the blog. Only the remnants ended up on the blog, which is why you only saw posts about jeans and sports for the last several months. But the book contains my best material to date, and I hope you will look forward to reading it as much as I am to publishing it.

Stay tuned for more...

28 comments:

  1. Ahh I need this book now! When is it out? Can we finally see what you look like??

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  2. Hi Andrew. I'm a professional copy editor and longtime reader. I'll shoot you an email shortly.

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  3. you didnt say the price Andrew

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    1. I haven't decided on one yet. It won't be unreasonable.

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  4. I think the price range should be between 50-100 dollars, I am not American but it will be reasonable for me

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    1. It will be significantly less than 50 US dollars.

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  5. So will the book have your address, phone number, and personal details??



    ^ As you can tell, after reading your blog, my flirtation skills are impeccable.

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  6. The sooner I read this book, the better!

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  7. Congrats, Andrew! Look fwd to reading the final product.

    BTW, I enjoyed some of those what-to-wear type posts. Sometimes it's good to have lighter topics balance the heavier topics. Physical fixes are important too.

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  8. Emily, sometimes I read your comments and they are quite insightful. I saw your post on Just for Guys as well.

    My question to you is: if a guy indicates that he is attracted to you (by sitting next to you) after a very long time (i.e. months) is it worth initiating contact (such as talking to him)? Even though he may be experiencing some sort of grief (loss of a sibling), I am very attracted to this guy and I do feel some sort of chemistry. He appears to be sincere and does not look/stare at me like I am a sex object,

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    1. @Somerandom - who are you? and what's your real agenda behind that comment? curious.

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  9. This is an interesting article about ok cupid lying to users by mismatching their compatibility as part of a research project. Another strike against online dating! Makes me wonder how many people are frustrated w online dating failures and end up settling for the sake of settling. http://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2014/07/28/okcupid-experiment-compatibility-deception/

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  10. Beyond excited by this.... I read your post "importance of silence after a breakup" bout 20 times a day and it has saved my self respect and sanity! Having a guy be bang into you then

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  11. @Debra Ladkin: Me too. I'm so excited. I always re-read the post "The Importance...After A Break Up". The post is very helpful for us girls/women to gain back our self-respect after a break up.

    I can't wait to buy the book. I remember Andrew told us that he's writing "Why the ex who dumped you still contacting you", I hope there's a chapter about it too in the book? Because I'm part of the people who face the situation.

    Thanks again and so proud of you, Andrew.


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    1. Yeah there are a few chapters dedicated to that topic actually.

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  12. Oh btw, I'm outside of the US. So, I hope I can still afford to buy the book : )

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  13. Replies
    1. I have a cover and title I'm pretty happy with, but I am not finalizing anything until the last minute in case a better idea comes to me.

      I'm still looking for suggestions and cover designers willing to help.

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    2. Hi Andrew, are you still looking for cover designers? I would love to help since I love reading your blog. I've used Photoshop for over 6 years. Let me know!

      S

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    3. Shoot me an email and we can discuss.

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  14. Will you be releasing your book as an e-book too? I think that that would allow it to be more accessible to people who prefer just having it on their computer or tablet, or if they're from another country! :)

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  15. Hey Andrew when are you expecting to publish the book? In the coming Sept month? Hoping to purchase it asap!! Thanks.

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