Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Older Women Can Still Be Sexy

I recently spent a couple weeks in Europe. While there, I noticed something that genuinely surprised me: older European women are sexy. I found myself attracted to women over the age of 35 or even 45 much more frequently than I do in the U.S., where I almost never notice women over the age of 35. In Europe, it was a regular occurrence.

It didn't take me long to realize why. The difference is obvious. My attraction to these women could be almost completely attributed to the following factors:


This was kind of a revelation to me. I'd thought that wrinkles, loose skin, and thinning hair (the most obvious signs of aging) were the main factors reducing a woman's attractiveness. But this simply isn't true. Feeling my neck instinctively turn and my eyes involuntarily drawn to the hips of these European women as they walked by put an end to that idea. Perfect skin and perfect hair simply don't matter that much. My hormones were saying "YES" over and over again to women without either one.

This was a powerful realization for a couple reasons. The first was the simple satisfaction of realizing that it reinforces a couple points I've been making all along: that feminine beauty is highly controllable and that no women needs to be ugly.

But more importantly, it was powerful because it gave me hope. Yeah that sounds like exaggeration and maybe even a little gay, but it's true. I'd always had this background fear that after getting married and enjoying several years of physical attraction and great sex with my wife, she'd inevitably lose her physical beauty, I'd lose my physical attraction, and sexual fidelity would become a burden. A perpetually satisfying sexual relationship with an aging woman seemed impossible. And given that I never want to cheat on my future wife, that was a pretty disheartening belief. It essentially meant that I had to choose between having a family or a sex life.

I believed this was inevitable because I saw it happening all around me in the United States: the vast majority of women here become unattractive after 35. Physical attraction is by no means everything, but it's pretty damn important. So realizing that I could be legitimately attracted by women over 35 was a huge breath of fresh air. Sure, I'd always known it was possible for women to remain attractive as they age, but in the United States this is a rare exception, and seemingly impossible to predict. In Europe, however, it is the norm. And the fact that almost a whole continent of women can do it proves that it's totally achievable.

But here is the thing: European women don't just happen to wear heels and keep their hair long; it isn't a stroke of genetic luck or some fluke of cultural development. The decision to do those things is rooted in their mindset, in their beliefs. They do these things because as they age, European women continue to think of themselves as sexual beings. The wear dresses and stay in shape because they have zero doubt that they can still be very attractive to the opposite sex - and they are absolutely right.

In the United States, women either don't believe this, or they aren't motivated by American men to do this.* Probably it is some combination of these two factors, but I am skeptical about the importance of the latter, mainly because most European men are pussies, and they still manage to motivate their women to look sexy. Anyway, for the sake of not turning this post into a critique of cultures, I am limiting the discussion to the point about belief - or more specifically, American women's disbelief.

So let's get right to the point: that disbelief is unfounded, because you can totally look sexy to men well into your 50s. The exact same things that make you attractive to men in your 20s continue making you attractive well into your later years; there is no reason to abandon them.

Get rid of this idea that some clothes are "age-inappropriate," or that you have to somehow limit your wardrobe as you get older. The only clothes that are age-inappropriate are those that make women who aren't ready for sex look sexual. If anything, increased age should expand your wardrobe, since you'll be more confident, have stronger boundaries, and therefore be able to pull off sexier looks.

Nope, you don't need more makeup, and you don't need a boob job. Yes, believe it or not, your body is still sexy in spite of the wrinkles and grey hairs. Shit, I don't care if your hair is completely grey. If you are in good shape and you dress in a feminine, sexual manner, you are going to give men erections for a long, long time. The male need for Viagra says just as much about women's unwillingness to think of themselves as sexually desirable beings as it says about the impotence of their men.

Yeah it might be tough to see yourself getting older, especially in light of knowing how much men care about looks. I get that. But it is flat-out wrong and incredibly short-sighted to think that just because you are on a downward slope, the game is over.

Remember this as you age. And for those of you already well past your prime, recognize that it is never too late to reverse your thinking. You can still be sexy; you just need to make an effort and shed these puritanical American ideas. True, you'll be fighting your culture in doing so, and you'll have to learn to come to terms with looks of disapproval from the women who decided that it was acceptable to wear sneakers to the grocery store. But if your personal style is rooted in a firm belief about the kind of woman you want to be, you'll see those criticisms for what they are: comments from women motivated primarily by jealousy and the will to believe they don't have to work.

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* Some people might argue that American women stop trying to be sexy because the ones who get married and have children foster a culture that prioritizes raising children over being sexually attractive. This might be true, but it misses the point. The error lies not in American women's efforts to be good mothers, but in their belief that this somehow precludes being sexy. There is no reason why women can't do both, as evidenced by European women, who are also great mothers. In fact, this is a topic for another post, but I would argue that you actually can't be a great mother without continuing to think of yourself as a sexual being.


Related Posts
1. Female Game for Women in Their 30s
2. The Advantage of Dating After 30
3. Some Older Women Are Smart
4. What Men Think About Older Women
5. What Your Boyfriend Notices About Your Mother

236 comments:

  1. Thank for writing this, Andrew. I just turned 33. I wear heels, have long hair, wear feminine dresses that show off my curves, take very good care of my body, and still turn heads. Doing those things make me feel good and I never plan to stop. While I love your blog and agree with most everything you've ever said, it always made me feel a little bummed to think that when I turn 35 or 36 men might no longer find me attractive due to my age simply being "too old." I assumed you meant we would just have too many crows feet appearing around our eyes to be attractive anymore, no matter how we present ourselves otherwise. It's refreshing to read this.

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    1. As a 36 year old woman I also appreciate Andrew writing this. No, you won't suddenly stop attracting men when you turn 35. I met my boyfriend (online) when I was 35. There's always hope! It's not over at 36 either--I still get attention from men. The other day, another resident at my apartment winked at me (and he was hot! If I didn't have a boyfriend I might have flirted back). This, while I was wearing sweats and a hoodie while taking my garbage out to the dumpster. I'm not looking to get a lot of male attention now that I'm taken, but it did give me an ego boost to know that I could still turn a guy's head even while I obviously wasn't looking my very best (and while holding a bag of garbage!) Keep doing what you're doing and you can still attract men.

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  2. Excellent post. When I turned thirty, I remember being depressed and thinking it was "over" for me because I was still single, and had convinced myself that my chances of meeting someone were so slim that I should just give up. It all seems so ridiculous now; first of all, at thirty-nine, thirty seems very young to me now. What the hell was I thinking, over at thirty?! There followed several years of letting myself go, not making any effort to attract men, and generally feeling bad about myself. A couple years ago, I finally woke up, pulled myself out of the negative, self-pitying state I had allowed myself to become mired in, and got it together. I lost some weight, and started paying the sort of attention to my hair, makeup, and clothes that I hadn't since I was in my twenties. Actually, my personal style got even better - one distinct advantage of getting older is that you come to know yourself and what flatters you even more. And guess what? The quality of the men I attract has gone way up. I would never have believed this was possible, but it makes perfect sense; at twenty-five, sure, maybe I was more physically beautiful. But I didn't BELIEVE that I was, and I have definitely come to understand that confidence is the better part of beauty. I've had some bad luck in my last couple relationships, and am still looking for Mr. Right, (and that little voice that used to tell me "It'll never happen"? Gone!) but let me tell you, the men I date now are smarter, more established, and yep, even way hotter than anyone I dated when I was younger. And no, they're not hot "for someone my age", as though I were lucky to be dating them...they're just very good looking guys, period. It's pretty amazing, actually. So for any of you older ladies reading...Andrew is one hundred percent correct on this, and believe me when I tell you that you can not only continue to feel attractive as you age, you can feel MORE attractive than you did when you were younger.

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  3. Thank you for this. As a 29 year old woman it's nice to know that there is always hope :-)

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  4. So do men not really care if a woman has an aged face? Because from what I've noticed European girls might look good body and fashion wise, but face HELL NO. So many European girls look facially more aged than the average American girl. I've seen way way too many tanning bed addicted, chain smoking European teens who look like they are heading to their 30s.

    Lucky I'm Asian :)

    Hope I'll be like this in my 40s
    http://www.ramascreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Transformers-Age-Of-Extinction-Li-Bingbing-e1402846832265.jpg

    and this when I'm in my 30s
    http://images.kpopstarz.com/data/images/full/76838/one-particular-moment-of-lee-hyoris-appearance-on-wednesdays-episode-of-the-korean-broadcasting-system-show-happy-together-3-may-have-gotten-her-boyfriend-lee-sang-soons-attention.jpg

    The downside is that I'm in my 20s so I still look 12.

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    1. I'm asian too, and let me just say this : NOT all asian women are youthful looking so don't start getting all swell headed. As in life in general, the good comes with some bad.
      Asian skin is different - yes, it wrinkles less, yes. BUT it scars very very easily and scares do not heal as well on asian skin. Asian women who don't wrinkle tend to get age spots or sebaceous hyperplasia or little raised lumps on the face and body. Asian men with oily skin tend to get of a lof of the SH.
      Not matter how genetically blessed you are or take care of yourself, age spares no man or woman. Your skin is going to be less springy, more dry and flaky and less clear as you age due to drop in oestrogen. You think you look good in your 30s and 40s ? Wait till you hit your 50s and 60s. I remember women like Naomi Judd who got all complacent because they still looked very good in their 50s and started to get swell headed and give other women "beauty advice" - no plastic surgery for me, I am natural blah blah blah. Guess what ? They entered their 60s and totally crashed. Think Carmen D'Orifice looks fantasic for a woman in her 80s ? You only see her through touched up photos. C'mon stop being so smug, women.
      I freaked out when I started getting grey hair and crows feet until I men women who had their limbs amputated from car accidents or diabetes. Perspective and Priorities, ladies !

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    2. If you're the one who freaked out over your hair and crows feet then maybe you need to be the one who needs to get your priorities straight.

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    3. Asian women are overrated.

      The only reason they get white men is because their thin.

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    4. And I forgot to add, their determination on landing a super white guy.

      And before you dismiss me, just think to the last time you saw an Asian woman with a half hispanic or half black guy (outside of California).

      Yeah.... My point exactly.

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    5. Anonymous Asian ChickOctober 7, 2015 at 10:36 PM

      To the anon right above me, I dismiss you entirely. I am an asian woman who is almost exclusively attracted to hispanic men and I happen to have a sister who shares the same tastes. Neither of us live in California. Just goes to show that you should really think about what you're about to say before you go spewing some over-generalised trash. It's clear that you've had some event(s) occur in your life that caused you to become insecure/jealous around asian women, and though that truly sucks for you, that is no excuse to put down an entire race of people. Keep your biases to yourself because you sound like a salty little b*tch. :)

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  5. Were you in Eastern Europe? Because in Western Europe there's tons of dumpy women ...

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    1. Maybe Southern Europe? A Portugese lady once told me it's bikini season for like half the year there so no one can afford to let themselves go. As for the west, French women carry themselves well well into old age, German women pretty much stop caring at 25 and Brits just look shit at any age.

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    2. I agree. I live in Europe. Not all of Europe is the same. If I went to work in high heels, people would almost give me funny looks. It is not that common in everyday life where I live. I also think Andrew is talking about Eastern Europe or Southern Europe.

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  6. I'm glad someone else finally realizes this. If a woman takes good care of herself, feels sexy, and stays confident, she can stay attractive well beyond her age of "hitting the wall" as they like to say.

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  7. You're growing up before our eyes, Andrew.

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    1. My thoughts exactly Alice!! I'm 38, and the older I get, the younger my mother seems to be.

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  8. As a European woman, I agree that women in Europe are more feminine in their looks. We have beautiful long hair {from the age of 10}, we wear stylish clothes with high heels or closed toe flats and make an effort to dress nicely just to walk to a nearby grocery store. We also watch our diet. We cook a lot, at home, healthy but also tasty dishes, eat a lot of fruit and vegetables and drink a lot of water. Almost every woman goes to the gym {at least 2-3 times a week} and to the hair and nail saloon twice a month or even more. We like to take care of ourselves and the people around us!!

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    1. I agree with 10:50 Amal looks like a horse, she has very masculine features, but comum man still think that shes "unusually attractive" .
      I think thats she may be interesting because of her possible good personality.
      Yes I also believe that man are totally basic, with really low standards. But I also think that thats is great for us, you just have to be skinny and were a "costume " to convence a man to do whatever you want . In parallel try to meet other man, interesting ones, with who you can have amazing conversations , drink good red wine and have great sex .
      Just use what you have and have them both.
      Basic man deserve to be used, they are asking for.

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    2. I agree 100%

      Men call anyone thin stunning, and gorgeous. Amal Clooney, Michelle Obama, Zoe Saldana, Uma Therman, every skinny blond girl in porn etc.

      -AnonymousLilly

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  9. If you went to the Eastern Europe ( in particular, Latvia or Russia) you would find that women are even more beautiful there. In Latvia, where I was born, there are virtually no overweight women, they are all nice looking and slim. However, there are virtually no men there, statistically there were four women for one man. In Russia, there is the same problem (lack of men statistically).
    Anyway, when I read your posts where you write something like 'women at 35 can still be attractive' I feel nearly insulted, because I am 35 now and I look about 5-10 years younger, because I am slim,tall and have a thick skin virtually without wrinkles.My legs are ideal (like the legs of a model) even without high hills and all I have to do is to wear a skirt to get attention from men. And yes, in UK, where I live, there are plenty of nice looking women (30-50s), although there is lots of overweight ones, too, but they normally belong to sub-class (living on benefits and eating junk food everyday).
    As for marriage, I would advise you to think twice, before marrying. If you make a wrong choice, you are stuck. It is not that easy to divorce (children, house, finances, a sense of guilt, etc.).

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    1. You sound quite full of it. I have NEVER seen a white woman look 5 let alone 10 years younger than she really is. I've only seen wealthy black women, and asian women look younger than they are. The average white women looks 10 years older, but if you have a nice body that's not a problem according to men here.

      Anyways... if you're so flawless how come you're not married?

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    2. American white women age horribly...

      And yet have a COMPLETELY inaccurate view of themselves.

      My hair dresser the other day was telling me how she is going to be 50 in in 4 months and how everyone thinks she looks late 30's.... I thought she was closer to 60's... So yeah, and inflated sense of self.

      Linsey Lohan

      http://www.google.com/search?q=linsey+lohan+age&client=safari&rls=en&oe=UTF-8&oq=linsey+lohan+age&gs_l=heirloom-serp.3..0i10l8j0i22i30l2.3553.3903.0.4017.4.4.0.0.0.0.104.196.1j1.2.0....0...1ac.1.34.heirloom-serp..2.2.196.NOHr8sal-iU

      European white woman age not as harshly but still not great.

      And what makes them attractive is INSPITE this, not because of this. They have other features over American women.

      1. Weight
      2. Feminine
      3. Form fitting clothes
      4. They don't focus on careers or master degrees
      5. Don't drink in excess
      6. Don't deliberately tan
      7. Healthy hair
      8. Live a lower stress life
      9. Value traditional wife/husband roles
      10. Are non argumentative

      Black and African American women age the most graceful, and it's mostly because of genetic reasons. (more melanin their skin tones) even when compared to Asians, Hispanics, Arabs etc.

      -AnonymousLilly

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    3. I agree that black women who take care of themselves age the best. Asian women mostly age well because they take care of themselves - don't smoke, drink, tan like European women. This raw vegan woman Annette Larkins is in her 70s, INSANE!

      http://visianinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/Annette-Larkins.jpg

      Too bad most black women don't take care of themselves much, and are quite obese. It has to do with poverty as well, but I do think Africans by far have the best genetics.

      I also agree that European women have many traits over American women, but number 6 is inaccurate. I know so many European girls who tan like CRAZY and have leathery skin... sad to look like you're 30 when you're only 16 :(

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    4. Not sure why anyone's saying the "standard American woman" is lindsay lohan. She's an addict and is in very bad general health shape. She "aged horribly" because of all the drugs/partying, a lifestyle most American women can't even do because we have to hold down a job.

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  10. Did you notice many of the women smoking?

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    1. That is how they stay slim apparently - and they also starve themsevles. Not healthily beautiful if I may say so. If beauty is a reflection of health and vitality, I don't what what kind of beautfiful these women qualify as.

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    2. I mean maybe that contributes a little bit, there are plenty of Europeans who don't smoke who are equally thin.

      No, I think it's more related to the lower levels of stress in European life, and (as another commenter pointed out) the fact that they care more about looking good, and less about getting rich (like Americans).

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    3. They actually do not starve themselves, they just have better eating habits. Do you have any European friends? Pay attention to what they eat. They always make fun of what Americans eat (and wear, for that matter).

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    4. Andrew you won't be able to leave South America whenever you go! :)

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    5. Different anonymous, but yes they do starves themselves. European cuisine is full of crap like meat and dairy and eggs, so if you eat those foods you need to starve to be thin. It's not a race/nationality thing. The only girls who eat as much as they want and stay slim are vegans. It's how the human body was meant to eat, therefore you cannot become overweight and unattractive on a plant based diet.

      Look at Renee Somerfield:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STyzNH2W5Gk

      She eats as much vegan food she wants, 6 times a day, and stays lean, gorgeous. Seriously her body is so perfect, and she maintains her size unlike the Victoria's Secret models who fluctuate all the time. Candice Swanepoel has gained a TON of weight over the years, and Miranda Kerr was looking puffy and fat a year ago, and then starved it off again. If you go for girls who have good "self control" and portion control you're going to risk her blowing up later in life. The only people who maintain skinny as hell through the years while eating animal products also very publicly have eating disorders like Victoria Beckham, but she's also a vegetarian which makes it slightly better though she still fluctuates.

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    6. I weigh 56 kilos without starving, without eating only vegan food and without ever having any disorder problem. In fact I eat all kinds of food. I only avoid fat, fried, refreshments. This doesn't mean that I avoid them completely, just on a regular basis. In my family we never had problem with weight. My mother, who is now 60 years old, weighs 58 kilos, so I guess family history is important too. The fact is that you don't have to be of medium looks to take care of yourself and you don't have to be overweight to watch your diet. Even if you are a slim beautiful woman you still have to try.

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    7. I have met fat vegans.

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    8. Me too. I personal known two women who have been vegans since their 20s and both of them are significantly overweight.

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    9. Who the hell is telling you to drink oil, and eat processed food? Read my other comments, I specifically said high carb low fat PLANT BASED. Oils, sugars, processed food are not plants. Doesn't matter if you eat unprocessed meat, dairy, eggs - you will still have to restrict your calories to avoid being a fat ass.

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  11. Andrew,
    I have enjoyed reading your posts for a couple years now. I am responding for the first time because I think I can add relevant information to this particular post:) I am 52 years old. The last few years I have gone through quite a transformation in my life. I ended a 24 year marriage, spent a couple years working on myself inside and out, and went on my first date this summer for the first time in 26 years. Pretty dramatic changes:) LOL

    I joined two dating sites this summer and of course posted updated photos and clearly listed my true age. To be honest, the most surprising thing was the TONS of men in their twenties and thirties who were interested in dating me. I actually ended up writing them and bluntly asking why on earth were they writing a 52 year old:) Most of the responses were that they thought I was HOT! I said, what about wrinkles, I'm 52:) They did not care one whit about my wrinkles. I actually did not want to date men in their twenties or thirties not because of their age, but because it's difficult to actually have a relationship with someone so much younger than you and you're at different stages in life. LOL Now if I only wanted to have sex with them, that would have been a different matter.

    I think the key is that I feel BETTER than I did when I was thirty. I am confident in myself and I feel beautiful inside and out:) I wear clothes that I feel beautiful in and I don't worry about what anyone else thinks about that. I absolutely LOVE what my 4-6 days of a week weight training, running, biking, and whatever else I can find to do has done for my body. Ladies...all of you that wrote thinking your life is over once you hit your thirties...LOL..well..that will only happen if you decide it is the way you want to go.

    Andrew, please keep writing your honest commentary to women. It is quite refreshing and as I read the women's responses to your posts, it is quite clear you help women think a bit differently about things and help the.

    Take care and enjoy life!

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    1. Thank you for this. You are absolutely right. A lot of the attractiveness stems from an attitude. If you take care of yourself, others see it in you, and are naturally attracted. Age has very little to do with it.

      To understand this better, think of the acres of ill-mannered, selfish girls in their twenties that Andrew has to make sense of. Gullible, foolish, and self adsorbed. A mature woman has time and energy for others. It is intoxicating.

      It is also true that porno sites get very heavy hits on attractive mature women. There is a cult that puts older women into a category, and draws their own weird ass conclusions. The media just loves this stuff, even if it isn't true. I myself have never met a cougar.But you can see it's influences in some of the commentary here.

      We are referred to as a generality, when in fact we are highly indivudual.

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    2. Sorry to burst your bubble, here but these men are telling you what you want to hear. These men are hitting you up because they think you are an easy mark and don't need as much work or effort as younger women in more demand. If you look good for your age, then it is a bonus for them if they can get with you. You may be lucky enough to find a younger man interested in all of you (inside and out) but that is very very rare. Just like older men do not date much younger women for their beautiful personalities.
      Sometimes if is hard to accept the truth, but we are all the better off for it. Tons of women who think and feel like you do end up getting scammed thousands of dollars by fake loverboy because they were under the delusion that they are attractive and much younger men can, and truly love them

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    3. LOL..interesting that you should say that when you don't even know what I look like. Don't worry, I am not building a bubble because young men are trying to have sex with me. The whole point is that you don't NEED men to be attracted to you or pay attention to you to feel beautiful. You just feel beautiful because you're looking and feeling your best. A beautiful woman with no character or substance might as well be a picture. Beauty is as much about how you feel about yourself internally as you actually look on the outside. Confidence in yourself and how you carry yourself is key. Anyway, I wish you well:) LOL

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    4. I've always found it annoying when guys try to tell older women that men who talk to them are just trying to have sex with them...like, DUH YOU DON'T SAY. I'm 37....most women have had guys with less-than-honorable intentions trying to sleep with us since puberty. :-p

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  12. I'm from Russia, hell, used to be Ukrainian, now Russian ...I'm from Crimea...I'm 50, but do not look like... no plastics, nothing... Well, genetics, yes... No one believe I have son who is 26.... They think I was a "teen mom"

    When I was a teen, my grandma childhood friend, being in her 60-s told me what I still keep in mind: "Take care of yourself always.."

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  13. Andrew, I can see that you are writing about ageing women, but what about your age and looks? As far as I remember you mentioned somewhere that you are in your 30s now. If you choose to have a good sex instead of family life (because you are afraid that your future wife will lose her looks), it means that you will be one of those bachelors who are always after young women. So, what kind of woman are you going to have when you are 40-50? You will either have to pay for sex (escorts, etc.) or you will get some young gold digger. Naturally, a young woman will not be attracted to the old man who is getting bald or has wrinkles, etc.

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    1. If I resigned myself to not getting married I'd probably be OK with gold diggers.

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    2. Though that's a pretty big "if"

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    3. Please don't get married if you think you can't be faithful. I married a "reformed" player or one who claimed to have put those days behind him. Guess what ? He ended up cheating on me and our marriage crashed, leaving two bewildered children in it wake. Believe it or not, I was prepared for him to have an open relationship at his end (after all, I did marry an "ex player". But then he got himself a girlfriend whom he was seeing regularly so I ended keeping house for him and cooking and cleaning for him while he spent all his attentions on this other woman. Suprise, surprise they have since split up because she was not going to put up with what I had to put up with. Well, I'm much happier now without him. So please, Andrew don't ever get married ! Or have children.

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    4. A man's ability to be faithful is not only a function of his past.

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    5. I agree with Anon. Andrew thinks he knows everything but he obviously doesn't. Some of his insight is legit, but some of it just makes me LOL. He clearly is still learning a lot in his own life and doesn't have it all figured out yet.

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    6. Nobody has it all figure it out. We are all learning, nobody knows for sure how he is going to end up tomorrow. When someone decides to get married, decides also to take some king of a risk. There is no way of knowing or predicting how another person will react to the challenges of marriage. As time passes circumstances change and so do people. So you either take that risk or you don't.

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    7. Andrew is looks really that important to you?

      Your highly educated, good career, good with women, have a good understanding of the world, and your biggest fear is your wife letting herself go to the point you rather have a superficial relationship with golddiggers?

      That doesn't make any sense.

      -AnonymousLilly

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    8. Amal Clooney attracted George Clooney by being an amazing person. He could easily date more attractive women, and has. But it's hard to find someone brilliant who has similar interests and is working to save the world.

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    9. Elaine S - celebrities are really not good examples. They have their own motives going on, most of which are unrelated to love.

      Amal was a good prospect for Clooney as he's getting older, his career is changing and he's looking to get into politics. This marriage opens some doors and he's more likely to be taken seriously. Not saying they are not attracted to one another, but the marriage (or relationship) would be highly unlikely unless he was looking to get into another industry.

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  14. Thank you for this, Andrew. It’s a bit late, but it’s there.

    I was born in Europe. My Auntie Nellie was still running around in stiletto boots into her eighties. Before you make faces, remember that Andrew is right – eighty there looks nothing like eighty here. You say “It’ll never happen”, and in Dogpatch, Alberta, it sure as hell won’t. But then think about Sophia Loren. Always the exception....

    European women wrote the book on skincare, self care, fashion, and allure. They invest in themselves, not cars, or MBA’s, or bigger houses. It’s cultural. They go to the hairdresser , the dentist, and the masseuse. They eat the very best, freshest, and simplest foods. They wear the best of fragrances. If they gain ten pounds, this is a Problem to be managed with full force.

    It’s like the difference between Victoria’s Secret, and Agent Provocateur.

    And they have damn good sex.

    You only have one life. I turn 62 on September 26. Without a word of a lie, everyone who hears my real age, including medical professionals, are astonished. Yet according to popular thinking, I should be dead.

    It’s never, never too late.

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  15. Sounds like your saying ANYONE can be sexy EXCEPT FAT women.

    Older women
    Short haired women (because of inspite of)

    But being overweight is the kiss of death...

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    1. Yep, pretty much. Look at the post "feminine beauty is highly controllable," I rank weight as the most important factor by far.

      Though the number of women with short hair who are still attractive us pretty low.

      Delete
    2. fat is NEVER sexy. and that is not fat-shaming, it is just the truth

      Delete
    3. Yeah because being overweight is extremely unhealthy. Most "skinny bitches" are in a healthy BMI range, or slightly underweight. Also BMI scales are inflated because of the obesity epidemic. Most fat people are really overweight to the point that it is unhealthy.

      Delete
    4. Andrew, I think that is a bit cruel and largely a matter of taste. Also, being overweight cannot be controlled as easily as many people think.There are a lot of deeper psychological factors involved. This is why there are so many eating disorders.

      Delete
    5. Haha, and so the biggest takeaway from this site:

      NO FATTIES

      Delete
    6. Some men like a little bit of fat. At one point I was 15 pounds over my normal weight I actually seemed to get more attention from some men. I could see that they liked my curves. (Normal, hot looking young men.) Of course I was 15 pounds up, not 30 or 40+

      Delete
    7. To 9/17 Anon- I read a weight loss story where a woman said she decided to get counseling to deal with her issues (that was related to her weight) along with her regular diet/exercise routine. That combo worked great for her. I do agree, part of it is psychological, but than let the psychologists handle it.

      Delete
  16. Amal Clooney seems to be a perfect example to your blog post: 37, in shape, stylish, long hair; and she landed arguably the most eligible bachelor on the planet who for years claimed he would never marry (again).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I mean yeah, but she's unusually attractive. I'm more saying that normal women, women who are way below Amal Clooney's league, can be sexy. You don't have to be an ex model who devotes all of her time to her looks to make men's heads turn. But you do have to stay in shape and dress like a woman who believes she still has it - because you do.

      Delete
    2. You think she's unusually attractive? She seems pretty normal to me, she just knows how to take care of herself.

      Also, if I want to attract a man like George Clooney (not just A man), I probably should want to be as attractive as possible.

      Delete
    3. This website gives me hope. Men have such low standards, I think she looks like a man. Nice body though.

      Delete
    4. I don't think men have low standards. Being attractive and being beautiful are 2 different things. Amal is an attractive woman, which means she is capable of getting sexual interest. Any woman can be attractive if she takes care of herself. Beautiful means having some outstanding facial features and is quite rare - Monica Bellucci is beautiful (and also highly attractive).

      Delete
    5. Amal Clooney looks like a DOG.

      She is considered beautiful because Americans are so anti fat, that a dog faced he-she is considered an attractive "woman"

      SHE WAS NOT MARRIED BY 30.

      So according to Andrew's other article, something went clearly wrong with her attempts to attract a mate.

      Take off the makeup, tailored clothes, and celebrity status, and tell me she is still attractive.

      The ONLY thing men care about is having a thin body.

      Delete
    6. Yeah, I'd have to say that if you consider Clooney's wife "unusually attractive," you may have more lenient tastes than I would have guessed.

      Delete
    7. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  17. Refreshing post, Andrew.
    I've always attracted young guys, and at 36, things are not changing at all.
    Attractiveness does come from within. If you feel good, you look good :)

    I'll tell you a secret about committment.
    You want to get married and always be attractive to your wife?
    Then get married as late as possible.
    Get married at the moment your prime is going away and you will never get a girl of the quality you are dating at that moment.
    Very importantly, get married to a girl that has a spirit that stimulates you, and the fading physical attraction will not matter so much.
    But I believe a certain level of insecurity is key to a succesful marriage.
    If you really feel you can't do better and you don't want your partner to go away, then you're good!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Looks like you may want to court a European lady, Andrew.

    I will contend that Birkenstock shoes, or "glorified Jesus sandals", are universally unflattering and many women abroad wear those.


    ReplyDelete
  19. I do not find Amal Clooney attractive or particularly young looking. At the age of nearly 36 I look like 20 something compared to her, who is 37. This just shows how Andrew's (and everyone's) perception of beauty is different.
    In my opinion, in Amal Clooney's case it is a question of her PERSONALITY. As far as I remember she is an international lawyer, so she is successful, confident and independent woman who did not chase Clooney and was not desperate. Clooney is a millionaire and he had plenty of beautiful women around him. I am sure it was just a matter of his taste and her personality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men care about a woman's accomplishments, maybe not directly. Women who are accomplished have more confidence and personal boundaries. Of course no guy is going to get turned on by an extremely overweight girl with cystic acne because she went to Harvard, but most GOOD men are going to want women who are well educated, intelligent, AND have the looks. No decent guy is falling in love with a playboy bunny. Most men would take a girl like Olivia Palermo even though she looks extremely aged, and old, but is thin and dresses well, over a dumb Maxim model.

      Delete
    2. George Clooney waited until he was 54 to consider "personality" into the equation.

      Same thing for the guy who played Mr. Big in Sex and the city, 59, recently married to a woman half his age.

      They slept with a bunch of women, became successful, and waited until they were close to grandfather's time age while marrying women half their age.

      So let's not use these type of men to make some sort of generalization that personality really matters.

      It doesn't.

      -AnonymousLilly

      Delete
    3. Excellent point Lilly, although I think people here are interested in how to get the MRS/girlfriend designation rather than that of the scorned lover (of which Clooney has many). To that end, paying some attention to personality development can do no wrong.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous 705. It's a two way street. I think in the case of some of these older, never married actors, young women use them to advance in their careers. (Not Amal Clooney, but most of these "models" Also I do believe a lot of them are quite possibly closeted homosexuals, even in today's day and age, who still want to make believable on screen romantic leads. Finally a lot of famous rich older women date much younger men as well. (J. Lo for one), Ashton and Demi were together for quite a long time by Hollywood standards, even if it didn't work out, as many marriages do not. Youth will always be a commodity. But to fall in love and have a good relationship, it's only part of the equation.

      Delete
  20. This post just proves Andrew is in fact a stereotypical American with a flat thinking trajectory. First denim, now this. What are you, five? Andrew, I genuinely love your work, but just can't help but feel disappointed. European men are generally pussies (unlike their super masculine American counterparts, obviously) and European women tend to remain feminine (read: act like normal women). Ha fucking ha.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Andrew,
    59 year old Yasmin Rossi is a good example of this

    http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/59-year-old-model-is-still-giving-young-girls-a-run-for-their-money.html

    http://indulgy.com/post/kPshR62tJ2/yasmina-rossi

    so is 61 year old christie brinkley
    http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-body/news/christie-brinkley-heidi-klum-supermodels-over-40-fitness-secrets-2014151

    Do you think this is unrealistic?

    ReplyDelete
  22. lol,

    European men are not pussies. They actually are way better at seducing women and making them feel feminine and taking the masculine role. They have manners, they take the male role and are not afraid of showing their interest. American men look like though boys but they can't make a move and they think women should flirt them first. European men can make even pink crocodile shoes look manly. (excuse my english)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing manly about wearing the skin of a dead animal. Educate yourself please.

      Delete
    2. Pretty sure the pink crocodile shoes thing was a joke... But anyway, dominion over nature, hunting, etc. (represent by the wearing of dead animals) is pretty widely accepted as manly. It isn't just a matter of "education."

      What do you call "manly"?

      Delete
    3. From all the quotations you are using, you clearly are defensive. No, wearing animal skin is NOT masculine, nor is it feminine. It's simply uncivilized. Would you wearing a fur coat is masculine by that logic? Wearing fur is not feminine either, it's simply disgusting. Also "dominion over nature" is not a valid argument, let's not bring religion into this.

      Even if wearing animal skin is masculine, paying someone else to do the dirty work for you makes you far from it. There is nothing masculine about wearing shoes made from this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xLIlituBCs

      What I think is masculine? Rip Esseltsyn on the top of my head is one good example. I value intelligence, compassion, being health conscious etc qualities that would make a good father. Also being able to stand up for what is right even if it is hard, and against what most people have been brainwashed to believe takes strength, courage, and is also manly. So another example would be Kip Andersen, who is risking his life by exposing the environmental damage of animal agriculture in his film Cowspiracy. Also men who are not obsessed with what is considered masculine/feminine are also seen as more masculine to me because they aren't insecure with their own masculinity that they need to find ways to be more masculine, which are often socially constructed and silly (such as wearing dead animals).

      Delete
    4. Also forgot to add that diets high in saturated fat cut off blood flow to the penis, and not only is impotence sad and pathetic, but it is also the first sign of heart disease. This goes back to what I said about how being health conscious is attractive. Unable to get your dick up is very unmanly.

      Delete
    5. What do diets high in saturated fat have to do with masculinity? (rhetorical question)

      I'm not being defensive, I'm just annoyed that you are derailing a conversation about the sexes by injecting unsolicited opinions about vegetarianism into the comments.

      Delete
    6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfNPiRYd6iY

      Really? You don't see the connection. Saturated fat narrows your arteries, causing erectile dysfunction. Diets high in saturated fat make you the opposite of masculine. And they're not my opinions, they're facts. Try and prove me wrong, I'll wait.

      Delete
    7. If you're annoyed that tells me a lot, especially about why you're in your 30s and still unmarried, never been in love. I'm giving some of your readers helpful advice, especially about diet, which you failed to do. Unless you have scientifically proven that "eating less" works, then no you are not qualified to be giving that type of advice. Science has proven the opposite that eating less, going to bed hungry DOES NOT work, and is the reason why we have such an extreme of eating disorders, and obesity today. Maybe you should think before giving such irresponsible advice, but at the same time you think plenty of your own opinions are facts like the ridiculous article about denim, and leather, which is your own opinion at most.

      I will admit that you do have good insight on many posts, but anyone who takes your words as law without practicing their own critical thinking is just silly. You may think of you have thought about everything, but it's pretty clear to me you have a hard time thinking outside of the box you're trapped in, which explains why you keep hitting the wall in your own relationships.

      Delete
    8. Oh look at that! Another doctor selling a book! lol :)

      Delete
    9. Are all vegans this hateful?

      Delete
    10. 8:44 AM I know just which Anon you are... Anyways I know your bitter you're too stupid and uneducated to be able to interpret the studies in The China Study. I was a biostats major at a top college and I can tell you that Dr. T Colin Campbell is correct. Anyways I know you only eat 1400 calories of fatty foods like meat and dairy, so I'm just sitting here waiting for you to blow up in 3, 2, 1 ...

      Delete
    11. That's hilarious. Keep waiting... I'm sure you're a hit at parties. :)

      Delete
    12. Oh everyone loves me just not stubborn close minded fat bitches like you :)

      Delete
    13. And funny you mentioned you're in your 40s and still on blogs like this. Guess you missed the party entirely! HAHA old grandma hypocritical ass dumb whore.

      Delete
    14. You're absolutely adorable. Keep up with that stunning personality of yours! :)

      Delete
    15. At least I'm not the one killing and murdering animals like you :) :) :)!!!!

      Delete
    16. Wow! Why are you being so mean to each other. No one should use the W word to describe women. Ever.

      Delete
    17. Im vegetarian and I have to say to you, vegan screaming girl:
      You (and others like you) are the reason that so many people think that vegetarianism and veganism is a bad thing, made by crazy people.
      You sound completely crazy, totally out of control .

      look for help, a doctor, a priest, etc, anyone that you can relate, and talk about all that anger.

      Delete
    18. I have no anger at all. Just stating facts, and calling out pathetic cunts like the 40 year old grandma with a dried up pussy.

      Sorry but if you're vegetarian you are contributing to global warming, animal cruelty, and also you're giving yourself cancer with all the cheese you eat and you're probably fat. It's nice to know all you bitter angry bitches here are probably all fatter and uglier and older than me :) :) :)!!!!! <3 <3 <3

      Delete
    19. You really hate people dont you ? its pretty shocking to read how are out off controll.

      How can you talk about cruelty if you have so much hate inside of you and you are so cruel to others.

      Without any irony, I wish you the best, you are not mentally ok.

      Delete
    20. Hate people? You mean how I've volunteered extensively in the USA and abroad, and how I donate money to charity quite frequently, give money to homeless, try to help other people etc Oh wow I must really hate them!

      You're just mad because I implied that you are fat, which you probably are.

      Delete
    21. ()you were aggressive to me and to other even before you cal me fat, so think better)

      Im mad because I see you insulting people constantly ;
      "pathetic cunts like the 40 year old grandma with a dried up pussy, bitter angry bitches,old grandma hypocritical ass dumb whore, close minded fat bitches"

      ......and you dont realize that's wrong.
      People try to show you thats wrong , over and over, and you still continue to do that, so.... yes , you hate people!!! doesnt matter how many volunteer you do, if your pleasure is to offend and diminish the others.

      Delete
    22. It's sort of funny and you can't take it seriously. It's like being insulted by a 3-year-old. You just want to laugh, pat them on the head and send them back to their mummy. This girl is obviously a child and has some mental issues. Best to roll your eyes and ignore.

      Delete
    23. I don't hate people, I just hate stupid people, like you. Yes because saying a few mean words on the internet cancels out all the other nice things I have done in my life. I'm like a prettier Mother Teresa in real life. And it's so funny how upset you get over a few words, but you're OK with supporting the veal industry, and paying for people to slaughter baby calves so you can have the milk... which makes you fat. Also you have not denied you are fat, so I was right HAHA

      And 4:56 yeah grandma I might as well be 3 compared to you I am half your age after all mwah :x

      Delete
    24. Wow you really a truly vile person. Deny it all you like, the only person believing your protests is you. It's actually quite sad.

      Delete
    25. Wow I'm SO sad that you called me vile. NOT. Learn how to not take people on the internet seriously. At least grandma got ONE thing right. Peace bitches.

      Delete
    26. How can some parents educate a child like that ? with so much hate inside of her.
      Its unbeliveble.

      So rude, so mean, so ridiculous.

      Delete
    27. Doesn't change the fact that I'm a 9+ and you're a 3 :)

      Delete
  23. I am not the anonymous commentator who posted the comment about 'manly', but I want to say what 'manly' means for me. I am attracted to high-status,confident and domineering men, but who are kind and have good manners at the same time. I have recently met a man like this (a doctor from Eastern Europe). Unfortunately, he is 62 and I am 35 who looks around 28. The worst thing about all this was that I saw that he liked me, too (looked at my legs, but not openly, lingering shoulder touches 3-5 seconds, telling jokes, teasing, the legs spread wide apart and eye pupils dilated.). Damn, why is he 62 and married? And I am married, too...I have never met such a powerful man in my life. He is speaking with such an authority...and yet his voice is so deep and pleasant. I guess if you imagine George Clooney who is full of charm, then you will be able to understand why I like so much a 60 year-old...However, I would not have a relationship with a 60-year-old. At least, not publicly.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dita Von Teese, the most famous burlesque dancer, is 43 years old, and she is a fashion icon to me, even though I'm about half her age. Her style is impeccable, as well as her face and body. Look her up.
    her style:
    https://www.google.gr/search?q=Dita+Von+teese&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAWoVChMIh6ORvpv-xwIVhLUUCh0mdQPb&biw=1252&bih=602#tbm=isch&q=Dita+Von+teese+style&imgrc=_
    her in burlesque shows:
    https://www.google.gr/search?q=Dita+Von+teese&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAWoVChMIh6ORvpv-xwIVhLUUCh0mdQPb&biw=1252&bih=602#tbm=isch&q=Dita+Von+teese+burlesque&imgrc=_

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh and why do you believe that a woman should take care of herself in order to be a good mother? What about situations where the mother has a serious illness? Or when the child has a serious illness and the mother gives up her life to take care of her child?

      Delete
    2. Dita Von Tease appeals more to women than men.

      Men like Megan Fox or Kate Upton, not Dita.

      And from the pictures on your link majority are professional photos and photoshopped. Plus make up and contouring does wonders now a days.

      -AnonymousLilly

      Delete
    3. AnonymousLilly
      Many of her 'style' photos, are snapped by paparazzi while she was walking on the street. She has no stylists. She picks her clothes and does her hair and makeup by herself. She's skilled at it, don't you agree?

      Delete
  25. Bravo Andrew.Good for you.
    i come back to your "Rules" site because i want to see how you are evolving and hope that you continue to grow and so do your ideas which make so much sense sometimes. I hope you will enjoy these new discoveries and continue to expand your findings.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I like this blog, too and I read Andrew's book. However, the more I read Andrew's posts the more it becomes clear to me that his advice is good for teenagers and the women who are in their 20s. The author of this blog seems to be unable to form any meaningful relationships or deep attachments. In fact, in his book he said that he regretted the fact that he was not able to fall in love with a few serious girlfriends.
    I just feel that Andrew does not have a clue about family life, about bringing up children. It does not occur to him that lots of wives lose interest in sex soon after they had a baby and during the pregnancy, too. There are sleepless nights, nappies, crying children and basically, you become a slave to your child and your own life stops. Then there is a school run every day, endless homework, school meetings, donations, coffee mornings and so on...There are also arguments because of finances. A husband might want to buy a new car and his wife might want to spend this money on something else. If anyone loses his/her job and there are financial problems, then it just kills love, basically. It is difficult to be romantic when you don't have money. In addition, you have to cook, to do ironing and to clean the house.

    So, when Andrew says that ' I am afraid that she will lose her looks etc.', I just think that he does not realise what family life is about. I remember how badly I wanted to have a child for four years (which finally was conceived through IVF) and yet, although I love my child a lot, my life has changed completely. There is not enough time for myself and I don't really care about 'my looks' too much. Sex life often becomes a duty because you understand that your husband needs it. And I know that there are thousands of wives out there, for whom sex with their husband is a duty. So, based on Andrew's personality traits I would not advise him to get married because he will make himself miserable. Also, how many people are happy (I MEAN REALLY HAPPY, FOREVER) in their marriages? If you look at any couple who spent 15-20 years together you will see that they are not happy. Sometimes we have lunch in a pub and you see the following scene: a wife is reading a newspaper and her husband is looking into his mobile phone'. Couples do not even talk anymore. Young people in their 20s and 30s seem to be more interested in their i pads/mobiles/facebook than in their girlfriends. Lots of them are gamblers, online porn addicts and God only knows what else they are up to. How such people can make a woman happy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is insanely concerned with the appearance of a woman to the point I think it's hindering him from falling in love.

      And he is in his early 30's and has never been married, so that is why he is limited on the relationship advice he can give to women who are 40's, 50's, 60's, second marriage etc.

      He knows too much about the world, overanalyzes and has "what if" thoughts when he gets close to a woman. (Ex, the woman he was dating, but when he saw her mother was overweight, started noticing imperfections about her like her arms, then dumped her)

      -AnonymousLilly

      Delete
    2. I am a mother of two 11 years old girls (who I also had with IVF) and all the above you describe comes with the package of marriage - children. Children can be exhausting and nerve breaking, but I cannot imagine my life without them. There are days I wish I was a single woman and be able to do whatever I wanted, my house would be perfectly cleaned and everything would be in order. But in the end it would be an EMPTY house and I would be a lonely woman. My husband works a lot, sometimes even the weekends, so I get to see him only late at night. I do miss the time when we were alone and we could spend more time together. I never stopped taking care of myself, without neglecting my children. I am a very organized person and I am telling you that you can find time to do some things for yourself if you plan your every day routine correctly. Our lives are not over just because we have children. The other day my husband told me that I looked way better now than I did 15 years ago when he first met me. Through those 15 years I improved my appearance. I also like myself way more now than I did back then. You should not give up on yourself!!!

      Delete
    3. Hi Anon, thank you for the words of inspiration.

      I'm in somewhat of a unique situation because I strongly believe I have an underlying medical condition that causes me to be obese. On top of that I take care of a physically disabled grandparent with no help and attend night classes and look for work during the day while I'm helping grandpa (who takes up most of my time)

      I've never really had any luck with men unless I went on an extreme diet of 500-800 calories a day and that was short lived. What took nearly 4 years to lose came back in 8 months.

      I do my hair, makeup, nails, have clear skin, work on my personality, don't sleep around, and guess what? I get overlooked for thinner women every where I go to the point I'm wearing 3x men's shirts and not showering because I'm so distressed over the cards I've been dealt with.

      Men don't care that I take care of my grandfather.
      They don't care that I cook everyday.
      They don't care about my implacable clean house.
      Or me being in grad school and one day giving back to the community.

      It's a hard pill to swallow.

      I haven't had children yet, and I know women (plural) with 4+ kids who have flatter stomachs than me and weigh a lot less.

      -AnonymousLilly

      Delete
    4. AnonymousLilly, about being obese, I do not believe that it is a medical condition that cannot be fixed through PROPER diet. 500-800 calorie diets are not only extreme, it is STARVATION.

      Watch this video:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWUiQHGnvrE

      It's not how much you eat, but WHAT you eat. When you eat foods that the human body is designed to eat, there is no such thing as over eating unless you are force feeding yourself. It makes me cringe when I see women starving themselves on these high protein diets like Andrew has suggested because it DOES NOT WORK. I have been there too, sometimes eating only 300 calories a day, and now I'm able to eat over 2000+. I would suggest watching Forks Over Knives, reading The China Study. A HIGH carb low fat plant based lifestyle has worked for me and so many other women, it also has been proven to reverse: cancer, heart disease, diabetes.

      Delete
    5. I also agree with the above comments about how Andrew should not get married. If anyone else has noticed, pretty much all match makers are single themselves.

      Delete
    6. Andrew is single because unlike what everybody else thinks here, he doesn't care only about the looks of a woman. I am sure he is also looking for a loving, caring person, who he can communicate. And YES she has to be beautiful, not super model beautiful but normal beautiful. Why is that a bad thing? A person who takes care of himself or herself is a healthy person. Although he sounds harsh most of the times, there is another side of him, a more gentle side of him (you can tell that from some of his posts).I believe that he can be a loving husband and father. Nobody can tell him what to do or don't do. Each person knows what is best for him. If he decides that getting married is the best thing for him to do that is fine. If not then he will be saving himself and another person from trouble.

      Delete
    7. Hey, don't misinterpret information. I am an avid reader of his blog - and in none of his posts he said that looks are more important than values or even alluded to that. Values, specifically your character matters tremendously!

      But, looks are important for some. Period. I like to dress well and look good because it shows that I care about my body. It shows that I treat my body with the respect it deserves. Therefore, my aim is to be with someone who dresses well and eats well, too. Does that make me superficial? No.

      I desire to be my best. Physically, too.

      Also, married life and children shouldn't stop you from looking your best. I know plenty of mums who work full-time, have children and still find time to take care of themselves. So my respect to the mother of two 11 year old girls who posted here recently.

      Delete
    8. "Young people in their 20s and 30s seem to be more interested in their i pads/mobiles/facebook than in their girlfriends. Lots of them are gamblers, online porn addicts and God only knows what else they are up to. How such people can make a woman happy?"

      Interesting, you never ask yourself the other way around, how such people (women) can make a man happy, because women seem addicted to their gadgets at least as much as men. Your whole post exudes bitterness and resentments against men and Andrew in particular, because he has some standards regarding the looks of his future wife. All this while you admit that you have "duty sex" with your husband, whom you don't find attractive and you lament the unhappiness of your marriage and of so many marriages.

      Nobody forced you to get married and have children, it's you who wanted them so badly that you had IVF to be a mother. It doesn't mean that other people would be miserably married like you.

      Delete
    9. Why are you all desperately trying to defend him? Are you in love with him?

      I don't have a problem with him wanting an attractive wife, that's pretty normal, but it's his attitude towards many other things that makes it extremely clear why he is still single, and will probably continue to be (for the best). He shows an extremely immature attitude towards love and relationships, and is also unable to accept when he is wrong. It's very clear from reading this blog that some of his opinions have changed over time and it's obvious that he doesn't have it all figured out yet. The problem is he acts like he knows it all, but still wants a girl who is smart, just slightly less smart, but then maintains a slim weight, but his method of predicting if she will stay slim is completely inaccurate ... Anyways he really should stay single.

      Delete
    10. First of all he is not a defendant so he doesn't need any kind of a lawyer to defend him. I don't personally know him, so I don't owe him anything. I am just a woman who appreciates the undoubtedly help he offers with his blog to many women. The fact that he is harsh and provocative sometimes doesn't necessarily mean that he is immature or insensitive. He has not figure it all out, he is still learning and this is a blog, where he and the rest of us share our experiences and discuss. You can of course disagree and argue with what he (and the rest of us) says but you cannot call him names and you cannot tell him what to do. The most important fact here is that his advice HELP US a lot!

      Delete
    11. AnonymousLilly, I had some problems with my weight when I was younger too. It helped when I tried to change what I ate a little bit. Try more vegetables and maily home cooked meals made from scratch. Also maybe some exercise (even if it is only walking) helps. I also limit my consumption of sweets and chocolate to the weekends.

      But first of all. Remeber that you are already great as you are. Work on your self confidence and continue dressing nice and looking after yourself !!! You might get compliments and that will motivate you further. I mean try to work on your appearance but from a positive place. That kind of means being confident and happy with what you have in the first place. That is the main thing.

      That you look after your granddad is wonderful and so important. Also continue doing what your doing in grad school. It is great, it will help you in the long run.

      Sorry for all these pieces of advice, but I felt a bit sorry when I read your post had and I was also a bit negative when I was younger.

      Delete
    12. Actually I believe that Andrew represente the immaturity, he is a stereotype of everything that I dont want in a man.

      Like I read once before in other comment box from this blog.
      If you dont want to be like this person or have a boyfriend or friends superficial like this just be aware of the signs indirectly descript in this blog that they give,

      This blogs works for me as a "not to do " list.

      Delete
    13. Then why are you still reading his blog?

      Delete
    14. I explained already Vasiliki , we need to learn about everything in live, the good things and the bad things, then we use the information as we need.

      I will repeat myself. This blogs works as a "not to do " list, it represents the bad things of a human being, and is good for everyone to be able to identify good from bad in daily basis.

      Delete
    15. Vasiliki is a tragic bitch who is desperately in love with him. I agree with you other anon. I will give him credit where it's due and there is a lot of good advice in this blog, but he does not know everything that's for damn sure. He is clearly very close minded and thinks he knows everything, that's what makes me laugh.

      Delete
    16. Hint *** Andrew is a horrible, shallow, boring dude bro. He wants women to become as empty and boing and miserable as he is. Not a good idea to listen to his nonsense and advice on how to lead a miserable existence mmm kay? K.

      Delete
  27. Andrew, I'm curious: What country/countries did you visit specifically?

    ReplyDelete
  28. To the Anonymous September 17, 2015 at 8:43 PM

    I am not regretting having a child at all! I also have time to myself (I am going to swimming pool twice a week, my height is 170 cm and my weight is 52-53 kg). The purpose of my post was to point to Andrew that married life is not about looks. I mean there is much more to it than looks. It is TOTALLY different life. It is not dating anymore. If he marries just for the sake of marrying (social pressure, time to have children, all my friends are married, etc) he will not be happy in the long run.
    Also, he says 'I don't want to cheat on my future wife'. These words just show how naive he is! Does he really think that his wife will never find out, if he cheats on her? Women feel these things, they have intuition. And if you live together it is not easy to commit adultery without being noticed.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Having recently read your book, I made my way to your blog just in time for this post! I'm 37, and my boyfriend of 2 years is 28. While I do think I look good "for my age", I think the more important factor in his attraction to me is that I ACT young (note the difference between acting young and being immature).

    If you are an "older" woman who has substantial maturity and relationship skill due to life experience and is ALSO fun-loving and young-at-heart, it's a VERY powerful combination in my experience. For that reason, I consider my sexual market value to be at an all-time high at the moment.

    Great post, and I also enjoyed the book!

    ReplyDelete
  30. 'Your whole post exudes bitterness and resentments against men and Andrew in particular, because he has some standards regarding the looks of his future wife. All this while you admit that you have "duty sex" with your husband, whom you don't find attractive and you lament the unhappiness of your marriage and of so many marriages'.

    I am not regretting having a child, I love my child. I do not have 'duty sex' with my husband, because he has a prostate cancer, which makes him unable to have sex. He is not in any pain, he has cancer for 5 years now and probably he will live another 10-20 years. But yes, you are right, I did not like sex.
    This marriage suited me at that time, but now I am ready to go, to divorce. If I truly fall in love with someone and it will be mutual, then I don't have a problem to divorce. However, I am not in any hurry to divorce as I have a child and I don't want to live on my own. I like being on my own, but not all the time.
    As for resentments against men...I have always had high standards myself. I met very few men who I truly liked. These/those men are/were middle-class professionals with money and manners. They all are/were married. I have never been dumped by men, so I don't 'hate all men'. I have never been used for sex, so I don't have any reasons to hate men. Men (in general) do find me attractive, they do make passes at me, but I am not interested in one-night-stands, so I decline politely. I am not good at communication as I am an introvert, but I can live with it.
    And may I repeat myself, I DO LIKE Andrew's blog and I DO LIKE his book. I left a good review of his book on amazon.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In addition to my post above...

      Ask yourself how many happy marriages you have seen?? In general? I have watched videos posted by life coaches who deal with women. It appears that many women marry just because 'the time has come'. Biological clock and social pressure. Often they grab the first man available at a time. I did the same, but I had difficult circumstances at that time. But I know many women like this or I heard about them. I have lots of relatives who are married all their life, but husbands had affairs...Nobody is really happy and I am not talking about myself. My marriage was an arrangement from the very beginning, a marriage of convenience. The trouble is that I saw lots of marriages like mine.
      And the only fact I truly lament is the fact that I will probably never meet anyone...My looks will fade in 10 years (I will be 45-50) and I will be living on my own...Will I really want a man when I am 50? I doubt it. I feel bitter at the moment, that I have recently met a nice man, but he is old enough to be my father and married. I cannot be with him. However, I liked the fact that a man of high status and obviously, popular with women, with his staff, liked me. He also gave me a discount for the treatment although I did not ask him and he did not have to. Damn life. For the first time to be attracted to someone so much that I am considering a one night stand with him (I know that he would not be mind) and yet, I am not destined to be with him Why is he so damn old...And married anyway...

      Delete
  31. Well one thing is for sure. We do learn a lot from the different reactions different people have!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Dear Andrew, thank you so much for this article! It's eye opening, gives me hope and gives me confidence in how I should continue to dress I grow older. It's reassuring about many things! I was starting to think that as you age you should change the way you dress, dress less sexier, but I was totally wrong,... Even though I'm from Europe it is easy to fall into that way of thinking.
    Thank you so much! I always come back to your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hi Andrew,
    I have recently read an article (in Russian). I copied the extract from this article and used Google automatic translation service to translate it. There might be mistakes, but you will get the point. In fact, this extract will be useful to everyone who reads your blog.

    ‘Those living in the sin of fornication kill a very capacity to love, which is carried out in the sacrificial service of the family and children, loyalty and devotion, ready to make all the mental and physical strength for the prosperity of the family and upbringing of children. Today, more than obvious that the very absence of peace in the family, the inability to create in it an atmosphere of love and mutual respect - a punishment for lewdness in the young, "reckless and crazy years" ...
    "Most of the sodomites and prostitutes did not succeed in his quest to find their other half, dooming themselves to the dull loneliness, because fornication leads to monstrous selfishness - not the best assistants in family life. ‘

    ReplyDelete
  34. I feel very sad because many people in the comments judge Andrew, say awful things about him, about his character, about what he should be allowed to do, ... It seems some people don't even think he also is a person with feelings. They just throw awful words at him like he is a rock.
    I am very grateful to him for his blog and for what he writes. He is honest and has helped me many times. He feels like a true and trusted friend to me. He has made me think and rethink things. I hope he will continue to write for us and not be affected by any of the nasty comments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is a man with 30s that ONLY NOW realizes that older people also have sex.
      Only now.
      That older people get horny with eath other, and that also younger man a woman gets horny with older people , he doesn't understand that's live .
      He's was so immersed in the teens, 20's looks, that never observe that we "all" will have sex (probably a much better one) until we are in our 80 s years old. He refuses people sexuality to their looks and age, and not only that he associate looks and age, when that is so out of reality.

      -He thinks that fidelity in a marriage has to do with the responsability of the other , more exactly the woman, to maintain herself hot all the time, he doesnt realise that what keeps fidelity in a marriage is the caracter of the people involve. If I want to sheat my futur husbant, it's my choice and my responsability, what Andrew does (and he is not the only one) is to put the cheating responsibility in the victim.

      -He thinks and teach all the time that bein sexy its synonym to look like a prostitute(he said that several times), thats is definition of sexiness and sensuality, thats absurd.

      -He breaks up a relationship because of a person arms, or maybe a nose shape, or because that person likes chocolate and maybe she will gain weight in the futur, I think actually that lucky of the girl or boy who is dumped quiqly by this reasons, imagine if they make the mistake of marring with someone who dump people because of their arms.

      - He believes that there is no interest in having a intelligent woman, just her looks is importante because man dont like to have interesting conversations

      This is not a Man, its a man, or to be gentle, its a boy .
      He is articulate , maybe high IQ , but has no emotional inteligence and has no idea what sexyness, sensuality, erotism means, he doesn realize the nuances os sexyness that exist since we are 18 until we have 80.

      Im glad that you find help in wharever you need, just be careful with the type of man that you atract .
      When you are dress like a prostitute, dont feel the need to educate your self , think that is normal be cheated in the marriege because you have nor recover from baby wheight and associate your sex live with your age and looks.......you will find a man that thinks exactty like that. If thats whant you want in a man, thats what you will get !!! a man that dump woman because of the shape of their arms.

      You deserve better, its my opinion, we all deserve better.

      Delete
    2. Hey, don't misinterpret information! As an avid reader of his blog - in none of his posts has he he stated that looks are more important than character.

      Now, have you considered why he may stress the important of looks? Question: How well do the majority of women take good care of themselves, follow basic nutrition, exercise and groom properly? My understanding is that obesity is growing in numbers. That is something to be seriously concerned about! Sure, some are obese due to the medical reasons, but not all are.

      In regards to grooming and excercise, look around your environment. How many women exercise or dress well? Perhaps some women genuinely do not care if they smell, clothes are dirty, look like they have just woken up and so forth. But I do care about how I present myself to others. And so do other women who read this blog.

      Does that make us superficial? No. It simply shows that we want to treat our bodies with the respect it deserves!

      I desire to be with someone who respects his body and for that I need to do my bit as well.

      The above doesn't make character less important. In fact, a good presentation of yourself enhances your already amazing character!

      Lastly, this is a blog for women. Not for men. So therefore, whilst men do need to do their part in a marriage / relationships, information found here will cater to women. That is, telling women what men need to do in a relationship is not necessarily of use to us.

      Delete
    3. Hey , but I do take care of my body !!! maybe more than you, we will never know that.
      The diference is that I know that sexuality doenst finish when we are 35, last until you die, I also know that sexuallity have nothing to do with shape of the body or the way you look.
      I also know that is schoking to put the blames of infidelity in the victims, assuming that if smeones body changes that means that infidelity will ocour and that is normal !?!.
      Its absurd to relate sensuality with prostitution looks.
      Top of it I also know that is horrible to say to someone that you can never (or almost never) refuse sex ,promoting marriage rape.
      And at the end dump your boyfriend/husbant because of the shape of his arms.

      Come on ??? this has nothing to do with healthy food
      This type of things are not the "rules" that you should take to a happy live, its the opposite.
      Imagine the woman that read this things and believe that its ok to think and act this way?

      Delete
  35. After reading some of the comments in this post I now feel ashamed for being a woman!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. This:

    "...where I almost never notice women over the age of 35"

    You need to STOP peppering you generally VERY GOOD advice with superfluous sh*t like this. There is something deeply unattractive underlying the need to write statements like this (hint* it has to do with some personal insecurity----oh YES it does)... if you'll notice, making the merits of your points clear did NOT at all require this statement. YOU yourself required this statement. Why?

    Don't argue. Don't reply. Don't get your ego up in a tizzy. Just be receptive.

    I wish you well. I think your blog is a very good resource for women. It will be even more noble if you stop writing things like that.

    If you earnestly want to be noble and good and helpful to women---then you'll just be receptive to a worthwhile criticism.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So what is he supposed to do, lie and tell that he finds most American women over 35 yo attractive? You demand like a Soviet commissar lies and self-censorship because you don't like what you hear. Pathetic.

      Delete
    2. Depends, Andrew wants to help or he wants to criticize ? he (or me, or you) can pass all the messages in the world without diminish anyone.
      Somehow he always shosse to diminish. Its a choise, un ugly one.

      (not the inicial anon)

      Delete
    3. It's true, though...western women in general become sexually irrelevant around age 35. i'm saying this as a 42 male, single who is not in his best shape either, but still, i'd rather quit the dating/mating market than date the large majority of women my age.

      is it a bad thing? I don't think so. there's more to life than women...(and men)

      Delete
    4. anon 3:29

      Really ?
      I dont think that at all , and i also dont observe that with my male and female friends.
      I believe that is possible to think that way , if you reduce attractivines exclusivly to someone shape, for exemple. However if you pay attention, you will realize that getting horny has to do also with the other person smell, how it moves, the tone of their voice, what they say, how they say it.
      Hornyness we feel under our skin. Its a skin thing, its not a visual thing.

      The most sexy man that I ever dated, was a very small man, ugly face, fat, and tottaly poor......and before you say, oh that only happends with man!! thats no true, I have female friends, that are not in shape (on the opposite), have not a very pretty face, have no money, dont dress nothing spetial and they always had amazing boyfriends , because sexyness its so much more than those things.
      And notice that Im only talking about phisical atraction, Im not talking about intelectual emphaty , kindness, tenderness, admiration, respect, because if you attach this emotions with the others you probably fall in love .
      So, open all your senses not only your eyes, maybe you will have a surprise.

      But in one point I tottaly agree with you, there is much more than men and women.

      Im European, Im not as Andrew describe at all, but I have no doubts thats sexuallity is something that can be lived until we die , if its thats a desire, because living without sex its also perfect and valid, each person have their own libido and should act according to that.
      Its like you say , there is so much more in live.......

      Ps: Sorry my english, i dont have the corrector activated and I too lazy to search in Google.

      Delete
    5. well, i've tried going the non-sexual route with abysmal results:

      most women i was trying to be just-friends with (since they were actually interesting, just not in a sexual manner) ended up resenting me after they realized i'm not into them in that way, even though i thought it was clear from the beginning since they were married (!!!)

      the moral of the story for me: women want to feel sexually desirable even in old age and they consider every male attention as a sexual prospect!

      Delete
    6. Oh God , that's hilarious , probably you are the only man that is complaining of being na object of desire for woman. I'm not criticizing at all , I agree with you in your story....its just funny to read.
      But I understand what you are sayng, and I believe that doesnt have nothing to do with peoples age. There are a lot of man and woman that really believe that it is impossible to maintain a friendship with the opposite sex. Probably those "friends" of yours secretly think that way.

      And yes its true, women like to feel sexually desirable in any age, (also man , I guess) but I think is more than that,because I know woman that dont like sex at all, but still want to be desirable, bottom line, its not totally a sex thing .
      People just want to feel admired.

      (The part that they are married and want to cheat their husbands is very sad.)

      Delete
    7. sure, i don't mind the criticism anyway...and it's not like I am sexually objectified by these women (i wish!). i'm just saying, as an average man in his 40's, I sense that women my age are so devalued looks-wise that they see any interaction with the opposite sex as an opportunity to extract sexual gratification that they often miss the point of the interaction.

      Delete
  37. Hello! Andrew I want to THANK YOU FOR YOUR AWESOME eBOOK "BEYOND THE BREAKUP" It's incredibly perfect and good adviced!!
    Thank you and Thank you again!!!!
    You are cool and nice for help us girls :)
    I know here's not the place for that but I had to!


    Have nice day!

    ReplyDelete
  38. "I'd always had this background fear that after getting married and enjoying several years of physical attraction and great sex with my wife, she'd inevitably lose her physical beauty, I'd lose my physical attraction, and sexual fidelity would become a burden."

    Andrew, I still think you will loose your attraction and fidelity, not because she won't be attractive, but because as you say, men crave sexual variety..

    After a while, you will be bored to have sex with the same woman, even if she looks great for a 40/50 years old.
    So what is the solution to keep a satisfying sex life?

    A European woman that loves your blog

    ReplyDelete
  39. So what is he supposed to do, lie and tell that he finds most American women over 35 yo attractive? You demand like a Soviet commissar lies and self-censorship because you don't like what you hear. Pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Off topic: Question for the men:
    When a man is going through an extremely stressful time at work, like maybe he might lose his job, does he want to hear from his woman (incredibly strong relationship of 2 1/2 years), or would he rather be left completely alone til it's sorted and she should wait til he reaches out ????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not a man, but my guess would be that she could reach out to him and offer an ear or a shoulder of support, then let it be, and let HIM decide to make that move. I've found that the more you reach out, the more stress it causes them, but if you let them know you're there and then let it drop, oftentimes they'll brood for a while then come back like a rubber band.

      Delete
  41. Which European women were you referring to? Mediterranean? Eastern European? Etc.

    ReplyDelete
  42. ^^ I too, would ask you to specify. Women from the united kingdom don't look all that hot past a certain age, and I think that's because of Western ideologies. Mediterranean, French, Italian, and even some Eastern European women stay gorgeous for a long time. I think it has to do with the patriarchal environment these women grew up in. Father's word is law, and from a young age women are taught to groom and maintain themselves to please their future husbands. Your value as a woman, (I'm not saying that's right, I'm saying that's the culture they've grown up in) is inextricably tied to if you manage to get married. The stigma of reaching a certain age unmarried, or unattached is much harsher in these European countries where family is valued above everything.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This post is funny and confirms the immaturity of the guy writing the blog.

    Being reasonably well groomed is a matter of respect towards others and being civilized. Being well kept as long as possible is a matter of self respect and health. This stuff is true for men and women.
    People from cultures which value the relationship among people tend to be more 'sociable' and 'funny' but also more conscious about the impression a person gives on others.
    At the same time, pleasant manners and 'being civilized' is important too. That means that women and men tend to have much better manners, better looks and are fitter than Americans.

    Western European men pussies? Nope, they are just well bred men. Guess what we think of Americans? I said it in another post: bad educated, bad manners, bad aptitude, no class. Well, if you like rustic, uncultured farmers...

    Problem with British: too much alcohol. Compared to other Western European, people from English speaking countries drink too much. That affects the looks.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Women look better because men let them do it/patriarchal society/no interested in career or other superficial and ignorant reason? Nope, they are just well bred women.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or they're just vain.

      Delete
    2. Nope, they take care of themselves. Do not forget that it's USA the biggest market for make up products. European women invest in skincare.
      Also, European women tend to have less clothes in their wardrobe -that's my impression. 6 pounds more on the scale means "All my clothes are too tight. I can't really buy a new set of clothes...diet!"

      Delete
    3. Where do you live that European women are such amazing goddesses? I live in Los Angeles and European women are literally as dumpy and unimpressive as American women. European women look so damn old, few exceptions, but key word FEW. Only some European countries have real stunners like Russia, but then it's not everyone. You all act like every woman in Europe is Doutzen Kroes or something ... yeah right.

      Delete
    4. Also never noticed that European women have nice skin. Actually noticed the exact opposite. European women look better than American women IN GENERAL because they are less obese, the end. But still by numbers there are still many that are overweight. This whole European women are the most amazing goddesses type mentality just screams I only like white women.

      Delete
    5. I am a Western European and I live in Europe. In the city I live white people is a minority. Still, American women around follow in two categories:completely fake or completely slack. American men...the same. Besides, they lack of morals and are very 'uneducated/barbaric' (aka primitive....I suppose they perceive themselves as masculine ROFTL).

      Delete
  45. Andrew do you have any social media page where we can see what you look like?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is an EXTREMELY SIGNIFICANT point. More significant than the writer of this blog realizes.

      He must ACCEPT HIMSELF. ENTIRELY.

      For his advice to be worth anything to any others.

      You do not know what he looks like----

      Simply because he DOES NOT ACCEPT HIMSELF

      (Andrew, ACCEPT YOURSELF, because you must, and if i that self-acceptance---means every woman runs from this blog screaming---so be it---that is okay. We are only here to ACCEPT OURSELVES alone----if you do not accept yourself---you will never accept another----you shall never marry....you shall never have children of your own---and how deeply sad is this?)

      Delete
    2. If you've ever read Andrew's other posts you'd realize that he remains anonymous because he doesn't want his family to find out he writes this blog (probably for religious, cultural, and/or personal reasons). It's a bit ridiculous to suggest that he doesn't accept himself and therefore hides behind anonymity.

      Delete
  46. Andrew,

    I would like you to expand your horizons and to look at truly feminine and soft woman. Please, have a look at few songs by Alsou (she took the 2nd place on Euro vision contest about 5-7 years ago).
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phNlBpbDExM
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG6BEdfkMSg
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgc6WaYbP0k
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fX1BkpMBT2k
    One song is in English and the rest are in Russian. Alsou was educated in England and she is Muslim. She is very feminine, modestly (but sexy) dressed and now she is married. As a Muslim she stayed a virgin until she got married and her husband is her only man. There are plenty of her songs on youtube, so you can listen to all of them, if you like her.
    Russian women (from the former USSR) are the best!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dressed modestly !! really ?
      She doesnt represent Russian woman in anthing, in look, in clothing or even in religion.
      Actually her family has turkish origins, thats why she look like that, the opposite look of Russian ladys.
      She is a muslim woman with turkish back ground that married with a jew man.

      About her virginity , you dont no if she was virgen or not or that he was her only boyfriend ( and yes, I do know muslim people, I know what Im talking about )and virginity should never , never, never be in any description of someone,

      One thing I agreed , she looks very good in a turkish stylle and Russian typical girls also look very good.

      Delete
  47. I am a 45-year-old happily married American woman who gets hit on more often now than I did in my 20s and 30s. I'm Caucasian, have taken excellent care of my skin, kept my weight stable, and work out at least five times a week. Hair has been long all my life, and yes, form-fitting clothing is a must. Baggy clothing looks frumpy and screams, "I give up." My husband is happy, but I'm also concerned about what I model for my daughter--I want her to know that her mum cares enough to project confidence and some degree of attractiveness. It's ok not to give up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But is it unfair to say that a woman that have a short hair, big size body or unfit clothes , have given up ?
      Im saing this because, when you look at woman that did and still do things heroic in the world, they dont have those phisical characteristics .
      I believe that people have diferente priorities in live, for one person the priorities is to be fit, for others is to save us all , like Vandana Shiva for example, and the fact that they dont use fit clothes has nothing to do with giving up, they are the oposite of giving up.

      I believe that people just mix conceps.

      Delete
  48. I always use makeup to cover my skin because I have some acne and uneven skin tone. It's not that I don't take care of myself - I always wash my face, I've been to dermatologists, but so far nothing seems to get rid of it completely. It isn't terribly bad, but it makes me self conscious. Even though it's not noticeable with makeup on, I always feel like I could be more beautiful without acne. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to take care of acne? I wouldn't mind paying for expensive treatments if it's gonna help me have a super smooth skin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suffered from acne for all my teens (I'm 21 now) and have finally found a regime and diet plan that enabled clear and blemish free skin. For starters take a look at your diet. Are you eating sugar? Wheat/gluten? Do you cook with vegetable oil? Do you eat dairy? I cut out all these foods and my acne improved tremendously. Swap your cooking oil with coconut oil or red palm oil.

      You're probably low in zinc, vitamin A, and vitamin D. Enrich your diet with vegetables (leafy greens and rainbow coloured veggies), organic and antibiotic/hormone-free meat and eggs, and take up Cod Liver Oil as a supplement (worked wonders for me).

      Second, look at your face routine. Are you using a cleanser that has alcohol as the first ingredient? If so, you're drying your skin out and stripping it of its natural oils. Body Shop has a wonderful line for blemished and acne prone skin and so does Dermalogica. Skip the toner and don't forget to moisturize.

      Birth control might also help too (it did for me), especially if your acne is around your chin and jawline - hormonal acne.

      Expensive treatments like microdermabrasion and IPL's should only be considered as a LAST resource. I would first clean up your diet, find a great skin care routine, get tons of sleep and sunshine, and drink at least 2 litres of water a day. If you follow all this and you still have acne consult your dermatologist and look into Accutane. I've personally never taken it but I've heard that it eliminates acne completely (at the cost of many side effects).

      I know how difficult it can be to have a face full of bumps and inflammation, but rest assured it is curable. Good luck!

      Delete
    2. The only thing that helped me, after trying almost everything, was to take strong medication. So I would suggest you find a good dermatologist, who will advice you accordingly. My insurance covered the whole treatment and now my face is clear, as a porcelain.

      Delete
    3. It's your diet.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qdwn2itsgg

      Delete
    4. Re: Acne. It is not your diet. The only thing that worked for me was what Anonymous at 12:05AM suggested, strong medication. Accutane worked wonders for my severe acne. I didn't even have insurance at the time and paid for everything out of pocket, but still worth it!! I could finally leave my house without putting on a ton of makeup and feeling like people were only looking at my skin.

      Delete
  49. Anyone here have a take on asking a girl out too early (ie before building rapport)? Usually I'm very direct so I figure if someone is interested she'll meet up and decide. The case I'm talking about was one in which the girl always replied to text, but wouldn't pick up the phone. I just think texting sucks so it seems weird to use it so much ... unless it's all about constant attention, which may be the case here.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I have a theory, that the reason older European women look so much better than older American women is because there isn't really a culture of huge weight fluctuations over there. When I was living in France. I noticed that European women don't tend to put on pounds, and then go on diets to lose it and then repeat the cycle the way that American women do. Rather, they either stay the same size their entire life, or they slowly put on small amounts of weight, never losing it. I think the way they live stops their skin from stretching out as much, and as such, their bodies don't get as saggy as those of their American counterparts.

    ReplyDelete
  51. You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself to make yourself forget...

    ReplyDelete
  52. I'm not reading the comments. Not, not not. Andrew God bless you, you've made this over 50 woman very happy. What was I wearing to the supermarket today? Leather mini, knee high's and body form cashmere oh and dangly earrings. Got chatted up by a much younger Italian who fumbled over his words which I found cute. But then I live in London.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Andrew,

    The answers to your questions can be found in the Bible. Pray and ask God to help you make good decisions and to bring the right people into your life and remove the wrong ones. God's on your side. I pray that God blesses you.

    Matthew 6:33: But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

    Galatians 3:13-14: Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

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  54. You always surprise me in a great way. What you say in this blog has always been insightful for the time it was posted. Your advice has evolved and is maturing exponentially. I hope what you are saying in this article is genuine and not an attempt to endear your target audience to buy. Understand that I mean no disrespect. I am just sincerely looking for truthful insight. I will buy the books so long as I perceive your advice is real. This particular post means a lot to me.

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  55. I live in one of the biggest cities in the US. I tutor wealthy private school kids here and I occasionally go to the kids' houses. I've seen most of their mothers. The company I work for serves the richest people in my city, the ones with huge to super-huge homes.

    One thing I've noticed over and over--the moms, whom are all close to or past 40, are unusually slender and fit. A few are genuinely still--frankly--hot! Not one can I remember with short hair. They're all slender, slenderer than I am at 24 years (though I'm not remotely fat). All good dressers. And now, thanks to this blog, I understand why they keep it up--they know their position depends on being hot! I would not be surprised if their men would kick them out if they ballooned and cut their hair. It's tragic, but I admit true.

    So looks like women will remain hot as long as humanly possible--when scared they'll lose their men if they don't. Also, these women would no longer fit in with their social circles if they were fat and dressed poorly. It really seems that to belong to a higher social class you have to look the part--which includes being hot (if a woman) along with the correct education, occupation, car and home.

    But, one thing--white ladies sometimes seem to age quite poorly. I've seen several slender, well-dressed, long-haired mothers whom I know to be in their mid-forties that look in their mid-fifties. The only genuinely hot post-40 moms I've seen were those with fewer wrinkles than that.

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  56. 35 seriously what a terrible place to live.

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  57. Andrew, I ask this question out of curiosity. Based on your ideas about our craving for sexual variety (I know that you have written entries about this topic and this writing somewhat touches on it as well, when you mention your fear of losing your sexual attraction to your future wife), what is your perception on swingers and swinging lifestyle? Do you think that practice of swinging — as a mutually agreed practice — is a realistic way of addressing the limitations of monogamy? I am curious how you'd respond.

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  58. Hey Andrew! We haven't heard from you for quite some time. What's up?

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  59. Hi Andrew.

    I met a guy about 2 years ago, he was quick to push for a commitment, took me to his parents ( a sign of seriousness in my part of the world), i was a bit reluctant to date him for reasons that were mostly based on instinct. Anyway we made out then (i was a virgin), so we didnt go too far. after a while, he stopped contacting me- im not sure if this was due to my unwillingmess to commit or due to the virginity. moving forward.

    Ive seriously been self improving, evened out my skin tone, got a nose job, buccal fat removal etc, i must say i look way better than i did back then,


    He ran into me again and was all 'wow, OMG, youre so gorgeous etc, why didnt we work out, whats holding you back from me, etc he immidiately asked for a date scheduled for a few days later. im 26, hes 32

    The date was at his house, he asked his chef to make us some nice food, and a movie after- (in retrospect, sounds like netflix and chill but moving on)

    During the date( and while we were driving from where he picked me up), he spoke at length about his plans for the future, the financial roles he has taken in his family, his mums hair starnd escape from stroke, why i dint want to date him etc- all emotional talk which i believe isnt common with men that aernt that interested .


    We made out again, and stopped exactly where we did a few years back- and he mutters, oh youre still a good innocent girl etc.

    He dropped me back, messaged me later at night that i made his week and hes happy we met up, etc.

    I never heard from him again.

    I KNOW theres no excuse for fading off other than lack of genuine ineterst, but i want to know if i fuelled his disinterest by agreeing to meet at his house? or by making out with him after not seeing for a while? etc Because i swear by you this guy was continuing conversations where we stopped a few years back, asking if my parents will be willing to let me marry someoene from his country. etc

    Genuinely confused. is there something i could have done?

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    1. I'm not Andrew, but obviously this guy is not interested in you except sexually. He keeps talking about his family, marriage, etc. because he knows that's what a virgin from a conservative country and family wants to hear. Besides, he sounds like a class A jerk, not contacting you for years, then suddenly inviting you for a Netflix and chill. Move on and thank your lucky stars you didn't get more involved with such an asshole.

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    2. Jesus. Just confirmation women don't understand a viewpoint or perspective other than there own. No wonder women struggle to get what they want when they can't even empathise with men.

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    3. Emphasise with men in which sense? The guy described above was obviously not interested (relationships) in that girl.

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    4. Did you actually just refer to "most European men" as "pussies"? After reading such a comment, I find it sincerely difficult to hold the slightest of respect for any further observations of yours, considering you are so clearly prone to such ridiculous prejudices and generalisations.

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  60. Andrew,
    I read your post called 'Don't initiate contact'. I would like to know your opinion about direct vs indirect approach. When a man does hint at something, but does not ask you out directly, does it mean that he is only interested in having sex? Does he hint at something to see a woman's reaction? And if he does not get this reaction, then he might think that a woman is not interested? Especially, if this happens in a professional environment, where it is not appropriate to ask somebody out.
    I am asking because after reading your post 'Don't initiate contact' I got the impression that a woman should not do anything at all, even if she clearly sees that a man is attracted to her during initial interactions. I am now afraid to show that I actually might be interested. So, should I just passively wait and let the man do all the talking or to show some interest in him? I can't help thinking that I missed a few opportunities in life...

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    1. I would also be interested in knowing if it is ok to approach a man in a non direct way(for example asking for help, directions or even a recommendation in a restaurant or coffee shop).

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  61. Andrew, where did you go? Have you had a complete turnaround in your philosophy or have you met the one? :) Miss your thoughts, dude, come back.

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  62. I'm 46 and I'm often mistaken for late 30's. I "exude sexiness without even trying", I've been told. I've had four boys and weigh what I did when I was 18. I have no grey hair and work out by running and CrossFit. I exclusively breastfed my four children and have never inserted a bag of solution into my breast cavity to fluff my breasts back up. I have younger guys approach me all the time offering to be cougar prey. My hair is long and I wear heels despite being 5"9'. There are fit women in America that radiate intense sexuality and allure.

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  63. I also don't understand this post. Are American women so ugly after 35? I remember watching American soap-opera called 'Santa-Barbara' and all the actresses and actors were so beautiful/handsome there. Even women after 30.

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  64. I am 48 and still get hit on by men in their 20s and 30s and I do "look my age" but I also wear heels and skirts and DEFINITELY fee I am a sexual person. I am in good shape and I feel like I have way more "game" now than ever in my life. A big part of why women in the U.S. are less attractive is because we are so addicted to the media which sells everyone on the idea that we will inevitably unattractive after 35 so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And by the way, it's true for most men over 35 also. Horrible, 90's style jeans, tucked in awful cotton shirts with belts pulled WAY up and ugly tennis shoes, bad hair cuts- it's like for some reason being over a certain age is license for both genders to give up. I will not go quietly into that goodnight. ;)

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  65. 'I feel like I have way more "game" now than ever in my life'. I agree with Kelly E.
    I am not American,but in my 30s I also feel more confident than in my teens and 20s when my skin was younger.My figure is the same as before, even after giving birth.
    I am now happy to see that some men like me, but when I was a teenager and in my 20s I was so shy and did not dress in a feminine way, so nobody really liked me. I could not even dream of being liked by some high-status men like doctors. etc.I only got out of my shell when I met my husband who told me to wear skirts, bought me feminine clothes etc. I was so stupid that I did not even realise that I had/have beautiful legs.I hated wearing skirts...I am sorry, but in my 30s I am definitely happier than I was in my teen's and 20s with all that so called youth and no life experience.

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  66. Where's my comment ya dumb fuck? I'm desperately try to squeeze myself into my my most feminine spandex mini and doing yoga in my spike heels all in attempt to avoid a life of spinsterhood on account of my approaching irrelevance. The least you can do is answer before I blow my brains out! And another question, do I still need a man if I'm flexible enough to perform oral on myself? Thanks in advance--desperate spinster.

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