Never Say No To Sex

The full original text of the post is below, but you can see in red struck-through text the parts that I think were problematic.

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In another post I pointed out that a woman only needs to make sure that her husband is not getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and she will receive his sexual attention for life. Although the various means of accomplishing this are not all so simple, the first and best way is to never say no to sex. (Obviously this applies only to women in a relationship, in which they have commitment from a man and trust him. I am not advocating that girls never say no to propositions from random men, or even men they've been dating a little while.)

This isn't news to a lot of women. I know some girls that put out even when it hurts them. In fact, a lot of girls do this, because they understand the point I am about to make. Granted, some do it purely out of subjugation or fear of their man, and this probably isn't healthy. But others do it willingly, and they are smart women.

The practical side of this argument is simple. If a man is aroused enough to want sex, he can probably be finished in 15 minutes, so not having the time is a poor excuse. And with all of the lubricants available, equally poor are excuses about "not being in the mood." But the practical reasons aren't usually the important ones. More than likely, you refuse because you don't want to make the emotional or mental effort necessary to get into a sexual state of mind - and I don't suggest that doing so is easy. If it were, this post wouldn't be necessary. However, neither is it easy for your man to put down his work to listen to you vent about your bitchy coworker, remain emotionally stable in difficult times, lead and support the family, etc. - all of which are the kind of things most women want and even expect from a man. In a good relationship, women and men both make sacrifices to give the other what they want - and men want sex.

To put this in perspective, consider the following. Men are largely independent, and don't seek the same things from a relationship that women do. While men love your radiance, your light-heartedness and your femininity, we don't crave these things anywhere near as deeply as we crave your body. Saying no to your man when he wants sex is analogous to him saying no to you when you look to him for emotional stability, direction, comfort or protection: though it is not the only reason he is attracted to you, it is the primary one. Sex is the one thing he wants most deeply but cannot provide for himself. I don't mean that women exist solely for a man's sexual satisfaction; but I do mean that his sexual satisfaction is critical to his happiness (more so than a woman's is to hers) and that you hold the key to that satisfaction.

A woman who attends to her man's sexual needs is like a man who attends to his woman's emotional ones. Conversely, a woman who neglects her man's sexual needs is like a man who neglects his woman's emotional ones. Think about that for a minute. It means that the equivalent of a woman who slips into lingerie at the end of a long, exhausting day because she can tell her husband is in the mood, is a guy who turns off the TV and listens to you when you need to talk, or drops everything to hold you when you need affection. It means that the woman who Googles "how to give a great blowjob" or tries to learn what her man likes best in bed is like the man who reads a book on understanding the female mind, or makes an effort to understand what you need most when you are in different moods. It means that a woman who refuses sex because she is angry with her husband is like a man who intentionally refrains from stepping in to deal with the asshole car salesman that is trying to rip you off, because he is still annoyed about the argument you had with him earlier that day.

Yes, men also have some emotional needs and appreciate a woman who understands them - just like a woman has sexual needs that want satisfying. But a man's sexual needs are his priority just like a woman's emotional needs are hers. (Obviously there are exceptions to this rule, but I am speaking in general terms.)

So break out the silicone and lingerie and tune up your acting skills. And the next time you struggle to get in the mood, remember how much you appreciate or want his efforts to support you emotionally. Better yet, anticipate his sexual desire and initiate it yourself, just like you want him to anticipate your emotional desires and provide the affection or companionship you want, without having to ask for it.

7 comments:

  1. well-written piece of writing.
    Women seems to have problem understanding this point. but this article was just very clear and straight to the point. Get it women, embrace your womanhood and just accept that men want to be inside of you most of the time

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  2. Andrew I seriously appreciate you telling like it is!!! I am a woman and it just is a lot better to hear it like it is instead of the sugar-coated version. This is so interesting to hear, I think we women can understand it when you mention the emotional stuff:). I am lucky that I like pleasing my man, love BJs and all...but I can see how what you are saying is not "politically correct". "Equality" should not be applied in the bedroom, IMO.

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  3. Interesting article, makes alot of sense. How does a woman deal with "it's only when he wants it and rejects when I do". Living together 2 yrs.

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  4. ALL Women are cum dumpsters.....ALL women are used vessels..like the bible women.....Women don't give a damn about emotional support......they only interested in our resources.......but you left that out.... don't forget...97% has had the dick from their father......know wonder men fucking babies and little girls.......you don't need to emotional support them....they have no connection to intimacy....88%women hate/fear being alone with husband or boyfriends.....but love talking shopping....t v watching.....gossiping......getting our money......asking for penetration to women nowadays......is RAPE.......MOST......Women who like/love sex love making....intercourse.....sex in the mouth.......you see the have no problem giving it up.....whores.....sluts......cockcarousel riders....... but you WILL PAY.......FOR THE PUSSY.........DON'T GET MARRIED......JUST LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION........

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    Replies
    1. Mysoginst alert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go back to your mommy's basement little boy...looks like a girl broke your fragile heart :)

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  5. I agree with this. In a relationship, we always have to compromise about things. And women need to understand that men and women are different. Not better or worse, just different.
    I happen to like sex a lot, and it's quite easy to turn me on. I'm not a nymphomaniac though. I've been single for 7 years and went without sex completely.
    But yes, it is about boundaries, about not getting hurt. And that is one thing that I like most about this website, is that you are very clear on the fact that women should be independent beings and responsible for our own happiness.
    To me, that is real feminism when it comes to relations and sex, romance, love. I am responsible for me, for not getting hurt or be abused.
    My partner is responsible for what they do. When you say no - it's no. But be clear on that! Don't say no and then change your mind! That creates hell for you both, and for everyone really.
    Be clear about what you want, and then go for it.

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  6. Honestly, I'm really glad you took this down. As a woman who struggles to tell her (very persistent) boyfriend that sometimes I don't want to have sex for reasons completely unrelated to him (i.e., my pet just died, I have an very high-stakes test to study for tomorrow, etc.), seeing that men believe something like this is hugely deflating. While I can pretend to enjoy having sex with my boyfriend (and yes, it may only be for 15 minutes) when I truly cannot feel aroused, if I am truly so stressed or depressed about something that I don't want to have sex, then while I am allowing you to have sex with me I am suffering. Honestly, that degree of intimate contact is very uncomfortable to me in some mental states (i.e., guilty, extreme sadness or anger, extreme stress etc.). I don't think any conscientious man should want to have sex with a women who suffers from it--that's seems enormously selfish and disrespectful. The challenge then for both sides, from my perspective, is having good enough communication to be able to say no without making it about the other person and continuing to maintain a varied and active sex life.

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