Thursday, January 12, 2012

Posture And Attractiveness

Components of Feminine Beauty by Attention Deserved
I've estimated previously that a woman's posture accounts for 3% of a woman's external attractiveness. And because posture is 100 % controllable, I concluded in the same analysis that it was worthy of 5 % of the time that a woman spends on her appearance. This might not sound like much, but that 5 % was second only to fitness, hair and makeup. In other words, once you take care of those three (obvious) things, you should be shifting your attention - not to your nails, breasts or even the color of your clothes, but to your posture.

Posture is important because it is a direct projection of your sense of self-worth. Looks are critical, even for long term relationships, but without personality and confidence you will not get past a first date or a purely sexual relationship. I plan to write a lot more soon about the importance of personality, and when I do I will make the point that a woman's sense of her own value is vital to her internal attractiveness. Posture is the subtle but primary mode by which that sense of value is conveyed, and men definite notice - whether consciously or subconsciously. A woman with good posture exudes confidence, and confidence demands attention. Attention, in turn (the good kind at least) breeds attraction. In addition, being the external expression of an internal state of mind, posture is also a large contributor to external attractiveness.

I went to a bar last night, as I am apt to do on Wednesdays, and ran into a girl that I know and occasionally flirt with. She varies between a 7 and a 10 (depending on how she presents herself) - a very good looking girl, and in great shape too. She was sitting on a stool, hunched over - clearly tired and ready to head home. After chatting with her for a little while, her posture started to bother me, so I told her "you should sit up straight, you look a lot better that way," as I placed my hand on her back and shoulder to straighten her out. She laughed, agreed and sat up straight.

I had always known that a woman's posture makes a difference, but this was one of the clearest examples I have ever seen - suddenly she seemed alive. As she lifted her upper body, her back straightened and her chest pushed out, accenting her breasts and diminishing her previously scrunched-up waist; her neck straightened and appeared more slender; her hair fell more naturally over her shoulders and neck: her physical beauty radiated.

But these were merely the physical changes. In addition, her head was lifted - probably by about six inches - so that she became more present in the group, and her beauty was magnified by its sheer prominence (this is an argument in favor of female height that I have perhaps overlooked until now). She also seemed more confident, as if she could accept or reject any guy that approached her - and looking the way she did sitting up straight, she probably could have. Finally, she smiled. The effect of holding herself up triggered the emotions that normally cause her to hold herself that way, and she was visibly happier. A new energy seemed to come over her. While she was slouching she had seemed tired, maybe even ill; but now she appeared healthy, youthful, alert, engaged, exuberant.

But here is perhaps the most interesting and telling part: when this girl corrected her posture, I felt a distinct pang of intimidation. It surprised and dismayed me, because I was sure until that moment that I had this girl wrapped around my finger. Suddenly the roles were decidedly reversed. The impression only lasted a moment, because her mood and attitude were not organic and ingrained; but it still concerned me afterwards - what if she had appeared that way when I first met her? And if she had maintained it, would I have ever been able to gain the upper hand? This is the power of posture.

16 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you're such a bright person.
    Good luck, I hope you'll have a very happy family.

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  2. Andrew,

    I love reading your posts. I have learned a lot from them. (The last one was a bit risqué, but helpful nonetheless!)

    I wsa intrigued by your comment in bold, but I think I get it. Even more fascinating is this:

    "She also seemed more confident, as if she could accept or reject any guy that approached her - and looking the way she did sitting up straight, she probably could have."

    I can't tell you how many times I have been shot down for suggesting that a woman chooses (or at least should) one or more of the many men who approach her during the course of her lifetime.

    Thanks for making me realise I am not completely mad.

    JT/Spacetraveller
    (PS: Can I add you to my blogroll? My female readers would benefit!)

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    1. It is ture, a female chooses rom amongs her suitors. You should check out the book "The Femle Brain." Great book, sometimes a difficult read for those without an anatomy/physiology back ground.

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  3. Completely true. I've noticed, since Ive gone Paleo and bagged most of the cardio in favor of mostly weight- related workouts, I stand up much straighter, and by extension, all the things you mention in the post happen to my body naturally!

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    1. Doing weights is key. I'm male and always had bad posture even though I constantly rode bikes, ran, swam and every other aerobic activity. The last 3 months I've been hitting the gym and with massive improvements. no amount of pulling your shoulders back will correct structural/muscular imbalances. When I was younger I tried chiropractor but all that destroyed my back. I also don't sit at a desk all day, my housemates are both deskbound students and they're both hunched like crazy.

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  4. It's funny you post this. I have terrible posture. My boyfriend is ALWAYS pulling my shoulders back and telling me to quit slouching. And before he was on my case about it, my mother was. Everything you said in this post is what they are always telling me...I thought it was just them being weird about it, but I guess it's pretty universal.

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  5. You are bang on as usual. I got complimented the other night on this, as well as on many other points you mention about female attractiveness being highly controllable (and noticed) - "the way you carry yourself, to the way you do your makeup, and your dress which is so flattering, and you have a great figure, and your decolletage is... wow". He gets points for busting out a word like decolletage in conversation....

    "Posture is important because it is a direct projection of your sense of self-worth."

    I totally agree. I think focus and visualization is key on achieving and maintaining this internal state/sense/confidence. I feel different than I did a couple of months ago. You've said, and I've read many places elsewhere, that you don't have to believe it at first, just keep saying it to yourself and (like you say about how her physical change in posture then created the emotional response) after repetition and persistence, you'll find it's true. I am really liking this. Andrew you are so invited to my wedding.

    C.

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    1. Most guys I know who use the word "decolletage" are fashion designers, make up artists or gay men. Or someone who just insists on using the French words for everything.
      If a guy said that to me, as in "I'll try to mention her boobs, but use a sophisticated word", it would not be a turn on for me. I suppose women are different here. I speak French and I hate when people do that, unless they are French themselves (in which case you can pull of a lot). I suppose if he went "your cheveux smells like roses, ton lèvres are erotic", things would be even better? Sure decolletage has been adopted to English, but he uses it for a reason.

      Andrew, this is unrelated, would you pleeaase do a post about men's age and dating? I know it's been a hot subject on HUS and I recently read an article in a magazine on which factors determines that a guy is ready for a relationship (such as his buddies are settling, he feels to old for the nightclub scene..), and what makes a man settle rather than play the field (other than meeting the right girl)? And if you are familiar with the 'taxi theory', do you support it?

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    2. I just finished writing two, the first of which will go up later this week.

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    3. Anonymous Jan. 17 reply - I had earlier in the conversation mentioned how a man's being articulate is very important and a turn on for me, and so I saw him using "decolletage" as a play to impress me further. Some guys will just say "your cleavage - wow". He got points for being a little more creative and subtle. :)

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  6. Ha! I had to look up the word decolletage, but glad you like what you've read. Looking forward to the wedding ;)

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  7. In this case, you should up the score for "heels" in terms of how much they play in female attractiveness. They basically force good posture. One cannot slouch in heels.

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  8. Well done, as per usual :)

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  9. Great post! Thanks for sharing (Glad I found your blog).

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  10. Cool.You have a knack of explaining these things.
    Nice blogs

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