Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Smoking and Dating

There is nothing I hate more than people who are self-righteous about not smoking. Far too many Americans have fallen prey to the excesses of anti-smoking campaigns. They actually get genuinely upset or frustrated when they see someone else making a conscious and educated decision to smoke. So let me preface this post by pointing out that I don't give a shit if you smoke. Do what you want.

I don't smoke. A few months ago I met a European girl at a nightclub in San Diego. I got her number and we went out a couple times. I didn't know at first that she was a smoker, but I wasn't very surprised when I found out - after all, she was European. The first time we made out, I could taste the cigarettes in her mouth, even though it had been hours since she'd smoked one. Because I was trying to have sex with her, I didn't bring it up.

However, the next time I did point it out to her. It would have been dishonest to continue to pretend that I didn't notice it, or that it wasn't a big deal. So after kissing for a little while I stopped and said, "You know, your mouth tastes like cigarettes. I don't like it." She was clearly embarrassed, but I didn't dwell on it. The point was made; there was no need to prolong her embarrasment. We did stop kissing though.

The next time we went out, she informed me that she had quit. I honestly believe that - despite the brief embarrasment - the two sentences I uttered did more to help her chances with men than any other two that had fallen on her ears in her life.

If you are dating a non-smoker, you can be sure that he is repulsed by the taste of cigarette smoke, and probably the smell as well. While some non-smokers might tolerate it, they do not like it. If you are dating and he makes no mention of the fact that it bothers him, you can be sure he is very attracted to you. If he is willing to risk mentioning it, he is probably not very attracted to you.

If you only smoke a couple cigarettes a week, it probably isn't a big deal either way from a smell and taste perspective - assuming you brush your teeth afterwards. But there are many men (in the United States anyway) that are more repulsed by the idea of smoking than they are by STDs or dreadlocks. As absurd as this might be, it is the way it is.

Countless men have told me that they would never date a smoker, and a large number of guys have told me they think it is disgusting. I've never been told by a non-smoker that that he didn't really care if a girl smokes.

Again, I am referring only to guys that don't smoke. Guys that do smoke obviously are a different matter. Most of them don't care if a girl smokes or not. Some might prefer it.

It is worth noting that smoking does facilitate social interaction in bars and nightclubs. You can always go to the smoking area and strike up a converstion almost immediately. But the number of men that want a girl who smokes is negligible.

So like I said at the outset, do what you want. But if you are trying to attract men, smoking isn't helping you.

40 comments:

  1. Wow. Not what I expected to hear from you (I'm the one who asked you to write about it a few days ago). Good insight and well written, as always. Why are you so strongly opposed to the anti-smoking campaign though? Just out of the libertarian rage or something like that? :)

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    1. What did you expect?

      I'm not opposed to the anti-smoking campaign; I am opposed to its excesses. I think it was good that the government to educated the public on the dangers of smoking. But telling people who are already educated that they shouldn't smoke is obnoxious.

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    2. What did I expect? Well, some of the bloggers of the "manosphere" have said that a girl who smokes is 1) a whore; 2) should never be considered for marriage; 3) generally "no good". I was expecting a strong bashing of smokers in your post too. I wonder if you'd agree with that sentiment though. Say, if you see a girl smoking outside of a bar/club, do you think she's likely to be a whore? Is smoking a marker of some sort? Thoughts? Thanks!

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    3. No, not really. Though I would prefer to date an ex-whore (i.e. a girl who had stopped being one) rather than a current smoker.

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    4. I like my girlfriend to smoke menthol because it looks sexy and little bit slutty. I like her to smoke socially, but not all day long. I don't smoke. Finding a social smoker is great. But menthol makes all the difference in the world. To be extra sexy, a short skirt, boots, and smoking is very hot!

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    5. I absolutely love women who smoke. I think that there is nothing sexier than a girl with a cigarette. I love the taste of cigarettes on her breath when kissing especially if she is smoking at the time. I even like the tell-tale signs that a woman smokes, her yellow stained fingers and teeth.
      There is something sexy about the way a woman puts the cigarette to her mouth, takes a long deep drag, pulls the smoke into her lungs and exhales a thick cloud of smoke from her mouth.
      The way a woman dangles a cigarette from her mouth is a turn-on too!
      Many men like smoking girls, but they just don't admit it...

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  2. I think it goes as simple as this - Majority non smokers would prefer a non smoker. and most if not all smokers wouldn't care whether he/she is a smoker or not. Though I've come across smokers who are only attracted to smokers and can't see themselves with nonsmokers. Bizzare. I'm a non smoker, and cannot and won't tolerate a smoker BF (again). In your case you could taste the cigarettes from kissing her, in my case, I could smell it when he opened his mouth to "DIRTY" talk during sex. TURN OFF! Never again with a smoker. Furthermore, I do hear A LOT of guys say they HATE it when girls smoke....

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  3. Smoking has always kind of grossed me out. I feel bad that people who smoke feel so obviously socially shunned but I don't know what to say. It sucks when you are a non smoker and someone is smoking around you. It sucks that people think they can just throw their "butts" on the ground and not give a crap about the environment. It hurts me to see people I love slowly hurting themselves badly by engaging in this habit. I've tried to date girls who smoked before and it just didn't work for me. The smell, the taste, it's just too much. I always look at people who smoke and wonder what we would do as a society if there were people who just walked around punching themselves sin the face in front of everyone. Wouldn't we try to stop them? I know it isn't the exact same thing but damn people, do I really have to watch you slowly kill yourself walking around the street? I don't know, people can do what they want but we don't let people do many other harmful drugs walking around the streets in broad daylight, it's weird to me that this one is OK.

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  4. You seem to be really lenient when it comes to dating Andrew. Unusually lenient (for a guy), almost like you havent created any personal standards you would like a potential female to meet.....interesting!

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  5. I'm not a smoker and I detest the smell. However, i find the campaign against smoking maddening. Since the smoking ban in public buildings (I live in London) I am bothered more by cigarette smoke than before the ban. Unintended consequences. You cannot enter or leave a building anywhere without inhaling cigarette smoke. And lets not talk about the downright hypocrisy of it all. The tax revenue from cigarettes and alcohol is enormous. I doubt any government would prefer all its citizens to abstain.

    It is interesting that men today are saying they would not a date a smoker. I thought the sexy, sultry 1930s image of a woman lighting up persisted. You do still see fashion adverts evoking the image from time to time.

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  6. I'm a non smoker and the only two men I have ever had strong feelings for were smokers. They were both trying to cut down (the first wasn't too serious about it, the second was actually quitting). To be completely honest, if I'm in love then I'm in love and I probably would have kept dating either one of them despite their smoking if they didn't have other crucial problems. Of course I didn't love it, but as long as they went outside for a smoke, it was fine. I don't know if men feel the same way about female smokers though.

    A side note: if you're a guy and a heavy smoker, don't expect a girl to swallow. I've gone there and it tastes like liquid Marlboro. Perhaps they should put that on the pack, if they want to cut back on sales.

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  7. I've read some of the comments here and I am quite impressed how diverse people views are relating to smoking in a relationship with a non-smoker. I am a guy and I've never smoked nor drunk in my entire life and I hate being around smokers let alone inhaling the oder. I fell in love with my ex-girl friend who was a smoker but I didn't care and overtime she refrained without me saying anything. When she stopped I was neither happy or sad.


    I've recently met a lady who smokes and she seems a bit skeptical that things may not work out but because I have never criticized her, she seems very comfortable with me. She has told me that she likes me so much. I would agree that love and attraction play a major part when one partner smokes and the other doesn't. I will never mention to her negatively about her smoking habit because I am sexually attracted to her whether or not she wants to quit it will be at her own volition.

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    1. This is a great answer! Life is never black and white!

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  8. So true. You clearly embarrassed her, and that is really the motivation for most things in life! I bet she doesn't smoke again just because you said that.

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  9. Yanks really are so ridiculously gay about smoking.

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    1. I watched an older gentleman gradually die of emphysema caused by years of smoking and it was not pretty; not to mention the productive coughing bouts and that "sexy" oxygen tank he became increasingly dependent on.
      I do not wish to date a smoker because I don't want to be tethered to an oxygen tank, wake up to that awful cough, kiss ashtrays,or nurse them while dying of lung cancer. True, everyone's gotta go, but death by smoking is not sexy at all.

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  10. I have to quit smoking! I hope I've never been dumped because I'm a smoker and not known it. The last guy I dated was a non-smoker and I never smoked in front of him but I wondered if he ever smelled it on me and that contributed to the break-up. One thing is that I'm also concerned that I'll gain weight if I quit but I know that's better than the long term effects.

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    1. You're skin will thank you for it.

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    2. Yes, he smelled it. If he cared or not is a different question - but you cannot hide the traces of cigarette smoke. Unless you change outfit and shower and brush your teeth in between every cigarette. And even then your skin will still show the traces, not the least will you not have the same glow.
      D.A

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  11. Even when I smoked I never liked the taste of making out with a girl that smoked. Go figure.

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  12. "She was European".
    Just for the record: Europe consists of many different countries. In some countries there are fewer smokers than in US, in some there are more. So don't judge all Europeans from one experience.

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    Replies
    1. Really? Which ones?

      And I am talking about per-capita statistics, not total smokers.

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  13. I love e cigarettes and use them almost every day.I used to smoke at least a pack a day and would always come home from my job smelling like a bar. My companion hated it and then she told me about the e cigarette and I looked it up online and came across a site that full me about everything there is to know about e cigarettes. I didn’t know that a great deal at the time and now I know how to use them and I use my e cigs every day. Stop Smoking in Brisbane-Lifetime GuaranteeI don’t smell and I love them because you’re only smoking out water vapor instead of all of the other junk that is in usual cigarettes. They’re way healthier and save me tons of money, and particularly in today’s economy because of how luxurious just one pack is.If you wanted to know more about e cigarettes and how to find deals and how they work then I highly suggest that you check this site out.

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  14. I would not date a guy who smoked. I used to smoke and I have people I love who smoke so I know it's hypocritical but because of the health concerns and the overall grossness of it. its definitely a deal breaker. Also I am on a mission for skin tightening and smoke around me would not be good for that. Nice post, keep up the good work :)

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  15. I have been here done this SEVERAL times --- just get your partner or the person you are dating an electronic cigarette! Kissing an ashtray is freaking gross!!! I got my boyfriend a starter kit from www.zemocigs.com - problem solved. If anything - it got our bedroom life jazzed up because no more ritual to get clean and free from cigarette smoke anymore.

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  16. This is really an interesting subject since I'm "European" (I'm from Romania, eastern Europe). I can say that more than half the population smokes, among young people the rate is about 75%. While there are some people who are very much against smoking (definitely a minority), for the rest of us it's a fact of life. I do not smoke, yet, but I have dated guys who smoked and it honestly never bothered me. About girls smoking - most girls I see smoke, and they don't appear to have any trouble getting a guy/married/generally being happy. Smoking is not banned in all public places here, restaurants and cafes rarely have a non-smoking area...so you just get used to it, I suppose.

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    1. You do get used to it. I grew up before the anti-smoking campaign began, and though my parents were not smokers they kept ashtrays for friends. People smoked everywhere, all the time, but once you get used to clean air, it is difficult going back to an oxygen-deprived environment. Nothing like fresh, clean, air,clean breath,and white teeth. And, forget second-hand smoke, who wants to take care of smokers when they die from cancer and emphysema?

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    2. You say that you don't smoke yet....

      Are you considering starting smoking?

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  17. I was looking for crucial information on this subject. The information was important as I am about to launch my own portal. Thanks for providing a missing link in my business.
    Electronic cigarette

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  18. Sadly cleaning your teeth does nothing but make an even more disgusting taste. Love hot girl smokers though.

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  19. I love women that smoke and love the smell and taste that comes with it. Google "Smoking Fetish" and you'll see there are many, many men that love it when a woman smokes and find it a very sexual thing. Surprisingly, most of these men (including me) are non-smokers. The smell of smoke on a woman is extremely sexy, I love it on her breath, in her her hair and on her skin. I go crazy if she smokes during sex, there is no bigger turn on than the smell of the second hand smoke escaping from her mouth and nose after she has taken a hard drag on her cigarette and pulled it deep into her lungs. A girl goes from a 5 (out of 10) to an 8 or 9 once I see she smokes.
    Some of you are probably thinking this is some kind of attempt at sarcasm and that I'm not serious ... but I am very serious, many men fantasize about having a girlfriend or wife that is addicted to smoking cigarettes. Again, if you doubt what I am telling you then Google "Smoking Fetish" and see the amount of material that is available online for us fetishers.
    I wish I had a wife that was happily addicted, rather than hating it and asking her to quit, I'd be the one lighting her up at every opportunity!

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    1. I agree 100%.

      I have a Wife who smokes and I smoke too. She prefers a man who smokes and she knows that I like a girl who smokes too.

      She is also Eastern european and most girls smoke a lot in her country.
      She knows that I like to see her smoking and she smokes sexily for me and also kisses me when she is smoking as she knows this turns me on especially when she has painted Red nails holding her long thin cigarette between her tar stained fingers.
      I always light her cigarettes and she knows I like to do this as she looks into my eyes whilst doing a long cheek hollowing drag as I light her cigarette, then she exhales a long stream of thick smoke from her nose and mouth.
      We both Love smoking and smoking and kissing together...

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    2. Never smoked a cigarette in my life, but got the equivalent of several truckloads in second-hand smoke thanks to my mother and the bars that I hung out in when I was single. Married a woman who used french inhales, nasal exhales, etc. as part of the seductive mating ritual. I fell for it.
      Over the years, my wife developed chronic bronchitis, then emphysema. During this time, both my mother AND her mother died of COPD. After years on oxygen and eventually a ventilator, my wife also passed away.
      I hate the smell, the dirt, ruined clothes and all associated with smoking. Yet, I still find the sight of a woman playing sensuous tricks with cigarette smoke exciting and arousing. Guess
      I'm just a sick puppy.

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  20. My boyfriend used to be really opposed to me smoking. He made me promise him when we first started dating that I would not smoke a cigarette again. We were on and off for a while and when we broke up for the majority of a summer, I would smoke here and there. I've never been a big smoker, maybe a cigarette a few times a month at most, one pack can last me a really long time. However I knew he wouldn't like it. We got back together and I never told him about it. One day on a vacation he asked for a cigarette from one of his friends, I was shocked and he let me smoke it with him. We agreed it's only bc we were drinking and not an okay everyday thing. This prompted him to tell me that after a fight we had a couple weeks prior, he smoked. He's the last person on earth I thought would ever smoke, but after he told me I admitted to him after the fight I had smoked too, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal after his confession, and that it would feel good to be honest. I was wrong. He blew up, almost wanted to break up over it. Took a while but after his friend helped mediate we made up. He told me that he doesn't mind if I smoke but only if it's with him. I think he worries if it's not like that I will smoke all the time or, his worst fear, buy my own pack. He doesn't like that we smoke at all bu when we're drinking it almost comes naturally. Unfortunately it seems to be he can smoke with or without me and I'm forced to do as he prefers or face the wrath of a stupid fight. I'll smoke now every once in while when I'm out with my friends or drinking, I bought my own pack for the simple fact of I hate bumming cigarettes from people. I don't like that I have to hide this, and I don't think it's fair that I have rules like I'm a child. I'm about to turn 21 and know I'll want to have a conversation with him about this sometime in the newr future, but I dont know how to bring it up. I don't want him to worry or feel weird about it, I'm active and really enjoy running for excersise, so I know my limits and don't see the big deal. If he can make his own choices then I feel I can too.

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    1. I think you have bigger worries in his relationship than the smoking issue. You have the right to make your own choices and decisions. Take it from someone who has a couple of decades on you. You have the right to be your own person. Good luck to you.

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    2. Gotta go with Unknown on this one. Smoking is the least of your problems. Grown folks have the right to decide whether or not they want to smoke, and if your boyfriend chose to be with you while knowing that you smoke, then he has to accept it. If he can't or you started smoking after you met, then he needs to decide whether or not he can hang with it, but he doesn't have the right to force you to be a non-smoker or punish you for smoking. You're grown and he ain't your dadddy.

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  21. I am dating a smoker (20-25 a day) but if he does not give up soon, I intend to leave. I used to smoke 20 a day so no I am not sitting on my high horse. Simple things is it stinks, makes everything around you smell bad, makes your gums bleed, makes your nails yellow, makes you look old, risk of fire i.e. falling asleep with ciggie in hand, puts you off sex/making out, higher chance of them dying on you in future or you having to be a carer for them due to illness. It also is a big waste of money, having to buy fags, lighters, chewing gum etc.

    Furthermore it is such a waste of time, I hate to see my bf with his brother and cousin just puffing away for hours. Just think of all that time which could be spent on doing something productive.

    I know some people will say if you really love someone, you will put up with their faults, but on the other side one could say surely if they loved you they would make an effort.

    If I become single again I will make sure to find a non smoker. As an ex-smoker it is easy to get tempted to smoke again by being around a smoker as well, and that is something I do not want in my life or body again.

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    1. You can't change him; he has to want to stop for himself, and you don't have to put up with health-threatening faults. Not at all.

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    2. I'm hurt by the dreadlocks thing. I had beautiful dreads for 10 years. Men seemed very attracted to me.

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