I read the blog POSTMASCULINE regularly. The author is a guy who spent years wading through the bullshit world of pick-up tactics, only to finally break through all of that into a place of confidence and authentic success with women. His blog seeks to help other men do the same.
Recently, he made a hugely insightful post about practicing authenticity (or as he calls it, being vulnerable) with the opposite sex. In it, he gives four example dialogues that perfectly illustrate male-female interactions between different combinations of men and women who are either confident and secure (vulnerable) or else insecure: closed and defensive, seeking affirmation from (rather than connection with) the opposite sex.
I've spoken before about being open in the presence of men. His post gives concrete examples of women (and men) being both open and closed.
Although the post is written for men, the concepts are just as applicable to women. I highly recommend reading this post, especially if you are over the age of 25 (younger women will still get something from it, but less perhaps than those with more life and dating experience).
Here is the link: http://postmasculine.com/vulnerability-and-manipulative-women
Related Posts
1. Femininity, Authenticity and Compatibility
2. Are You Repressing Your Femininity?
3. How To Improve Your Posture
Recently, he made a hugely insightful post about practicing authenticity (or as he calls it, being vulnerable) with the opposite sex. In it, he gives four example dialogues that perfectly illustrate male-female interactions between different combinations of men and women who are either confident and secure (vulnerable) or else insecure: closed and defensive, seeking affirmation from (rather than connection with) the opposite sex.
I've spoken before about being open in the presence of men. His post gives concrete examples of women (and men) being both open and closed.
Although the post is written for men, the concepts are just as applicable to women. I highly recommend reading this post, especially if you are over the age of 25 (younger women will still get something from it, but less perhaps than those with more life and dating experience).
Here is the link: http://postmasculine.com/vulnerability-and-manipulative-women
Related Posts
1. Femininity, Authenticity and Compatibility
2. Are You Repressing Your Femininity?
3. How To Improve Your Posture
Read his post, and he seems to be a bigger a**hole than most PUAs by far.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! This reminds me of Brene Brown's work - a vulnerability researcher who studies human connection. Her two 20 minute talks on Ted.com are really eye-openers, I'm not exaggerating when I say she changed my life! Her latest book Daring Greatly is also very insightful.
ReplyDeleteI love that you read postmasculine! I actually think some of his general life advice about setting and reaching goals and making changes in your life are really good...regardless of gender
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you introduced us to this blog. I look forward to reading more from him.
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI have a question about personality and interacting with men. I think this is where I have the most problems, and the reason I haven't had a long-term boyfriend (I'm 23) - I didn't have much experience interacting with men when I was young (sisters + all girls school), and men never seem very interested in my personality, just looks. I was very shy and reserved when younger.
I have been trying to improve my personality, but then I have noticed however that gay men LOVE me, and I make friends with them so easily. So my personality can't be all that bad? When I'm with my gay friends I feel like the popular girl, the life of the party. With other guys I don't feel like that at all. I have a new friend who straight guys seem to love - she is a bit boyish in appearance but pretty - they are always falling in love with her. She has a great personality.
What I'm getting at is - what kind of personality is it that makes straight guys think a girl is really cool? Because I have no idea how girls like my friend and other girls I know do it ...
Would love your opinion, thanks :)
You feel comfortable around gay men because you know they aren't sexually interested in you. You feel no threat from them and you feel no need to "perform" in their presence; you can relax and let your truest self shine. It is worth recognizing that the person you are with them IS your true self, not the anxious, nervous self that you are around straight men.
DeleteMy guess is that the anxiety you feel in the presence of straight men stems either from one of two things:
(a) being weary of constantly fending off sexual aggressors, as would be the case if you are very attractive and are tired of dealing with the stress of men approaching you, trying to reject them nicely, etc.
(b) being weary of always having to look your best and suffer through experiences in which men pass you by, as would be the case if you are less attractive and go out without getting any attention from men despite your wish that you would.
The point, though, is that in either case you are not living openly, that is, vulnerably (so this post is very much relevant) in the presence of eligible men, and this is what is ruining your chances with them. Once you can remove that fear, you will have positive results, I guarantee you.
And this brings me to the answer of your specific question: there is no personality that men like more than others categorically. What is unattractive to men, however, is when women live with their true personality closed off and shielded from the world. The personalities of men are as various as the personalities of women, and some men synch with one type of girl while others sync with another. What matters is that you get past your fears so that you can live vulnerably and let a man into your life.
As a step towards living vulnerably, I challenge you to read all of the posts about posture that I have written, and come up with a concrete way to implement the suggestions in your life:
Delete1. Posture and Attractiveness
2. How to Improve Your Posture
3. How to Improve Your Posture - Part 2
Many thanks for such a helpful reply Andrew. You are right, being my authentic self is something I have always struggled with. You've given me a lot to think about :)
Delete