Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Book Release: Beyond the Breakup

After far longer than I ever expected it to take, my first book, Beyond the Breakup, is finally out. You can buy it in print format on the CreateSpace eStoreAmazon.com or any of the European Amazon sites. It is also available in electronic format on the Kindle Store (HTML format) or Google Play (PDF format).

As I've said previously (and I'm sure you can probably tell from the title and subtitle) the book is about understanding and handling breakups - specifically, the ones you didn't want to happen. For more detail about the content, I encourage you to take a look at the chapter list at the bottom of this post and read the book description just below the next paragraph.

As I've also pointed out previously, this book was originally intended to be a compilation of blog posts that I'd written about breakups and rejection; so if you are a frequent reader you'll definitely come across some familiar content. However, in the process of compiling the posts, I realized that a lot more needed to be said, and the book grew considerably. I'd estimate that the blog material counts for only 20% of the total content, so even readers who have read every post on this blog will find lots of new material - most of which I consider my best work to date.

Here is the description from the back of the cover:
"It might seem a bit backwards to write a relationship advice book that deals exclusively with breakups and rejection. It would be a lot more obvious to write a book that explains how to attract a man – or at least how to keep the one you already have. Better to give advice about how to start or maintain a relationship than how to deal with the end of one. 
"However, it has been my experience that, for most girls, a painful breakup or rejection actually is the beginning, not the end. It isn't the beginning of a relationship, obviously, but it is the beginning in the sense that it causes them to question for the first time their approach to dating, relationships, and the opposite sex in general. It is the beginning of their efforts to make a change. 
"This book is not written for women with a weak spirit. It isn't going to tell you how to mitigate the pain you feel in the wake of a breakup, and it isn't going to tell you that everything is going to be fine. And while it will tell you how to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, it isn't going to pretend that there are any 'tricks' to make that outcome likely. However, it will do something much more important: it will give you a strong insight into your ex's state of mind and male psychology in general. This will give you the foundation you need to navigate the breakup and – more importantly – propel yourself into honest and successful relationships with the men in your future." 
 – Andrew Aitken
Here are some of the book's stats:
Word Count: 56,000
Pages: 200
Print Format: Paperback
Print Size: 5.25 x 8 inches (13.3 x 20.3 cm)
Anyway, enjoy, and please let me know what you think, either in the comments here, the comments on Amazon, or by e-mail. As always, you can contact me at therulesrevisited@gmail.com.


Chapter List
Introduction
PART I – UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPENED
Men Don’t Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
The Analogy between Sex and Commitment
Why This Always Happens to You
Changing Your Perspective
Why You Didn't See It Coming
Men Don’t Have “Commitment Problems”
The Difference between Liking You and Liking You Enough
Why Men “Fade Out”
You Weren't Dating Him in the First Place
The Small Things Didn't Matter Anyway
Why Your Ex (Who Dumped You) Is Still Contacting You
Your Ex and Guilt
Your Ex and Pride
Your Ex and Decisiveness
Interpreting His Emotions
What’s Going through His Mind 
PART II – HOW TO HANDLE THE BREAKUP 
The Importance of Silence after a Breakup
No, You Can't Be “Just Friends”
How to Know If You Should Cut Him Off
Why It's Never Too Late
Why You Should Tell Him That You Are Cutting Him Off
What to Say
Managing Your Expectations
When You Should Fight to Save Your Relationship
Exceptions to the Rule
How to Know If You Should Dump Him First
When He Cheats
The Anatomy of Missing Him 
PART III – FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH THE BREAKUP 
Making Him Jealous Doesn't Work
Seeing Him at Work
Keeping in Touch With His Friends and Family
Being Connected with Your Ex on Social Media
Returning His Things and Getting Yours Back
What to Do When He Contacts You
When He Says He Wants Another Chance
Reason and Distraction
Stop Sleeping with Your Ex to Prove He Likes You 
PART IV – MOVING ON AND REBUILDING
You Are Responsible for Your Own Romantic Happiness
Stop Letting Him Waste Your Time
Know Why You Want Him Back
Why Getting Him Back Won't Help
Why Getting Dumped Is a Good Thing
The Importance of Emotional Honesty
Dating Again
Putting the Breakup in Perspective
When You Can Contact Him Again
Reframing the Future 
A Final Word

Related Posts

103 comments:

  1. SO excited! Great work Andrew. From Australia

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  2. Oh, wow, we now know your last name!

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    Replies
    1. Not really... you just know my full pen name - and that I have a penchant for alliteration.

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    2. Haha, I had a feeling it may have been a pen name!

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  3. Seriously making sure all my girlfriends buy this book! I pass out your website to every woman I meet since it has been so incredibly helpful after divorcing over summer and being out of the dating game for so long. Congrats on the new book, super excited to get my copy asap!

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  4. so damn excited!. im refreshing my kindle every minute.

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    1. Andrew, as much as I like the cover picture -- is it a sign or symbol to a "dumped" female that what she deserves/gets from her ex now is a crawled to vision from genitals down?... With the cup of coffee she use to serve him every morning :-)

      Delete
  5. Amazon international does not service Australia, and i dont own kindle. what solution do u have for Australia reader? Thanks

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    1. I actually made a mistake (which I've just edited in the post) - only the Kindle version will be available through Amazon's international sites. The print copy will be available through Amazon.com or Amazon's European sites.

      If you want a print copy in Australia, I suggest ordering it from the closest European country to minimize the cost of shipping.

      You can also e-mail me for a PDF copy if you're willing to pay directly via PayPal. You'll be able to read that on any computer or smartphone.

      I am currently also looking into CreateSpace's extended distribution channels, which would involve bookstores. I am not sure if this is just in the US or in other countries as well; but I think the idea is that any bookstore could order and stock copies. Then you could just ask your local bookstore to order a few, and you could then buy it from them. I will probably wait to see how popular the book is before doing this.

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    2. I am working on getting the PDF copy onto Google Play, which you can buy from in almost every country in the world. It should be only a couple days before that is up and running.

      Delete
  6. Your book does not appear on Amazon/Kindle in Canada. Any idea if it will be available?

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    1. The status on Kindle is still "Under Review," but the review is supposed to take only 12 hours. I suspect it will be up before the end of the day, but obviously this is assuming Kindle sticks to their normal timeline.

      Delete
  7. Hi Andrew,

    I've been closely following your posts since my junior year of high school. I'm in my second year of college now, and I have to say - your posts have been incredibly helpful in shaping my beliefs and actions towards dating. Just Primed the book to my college mailbox, and looking forward to reading it! Thank you for sharing your insights.

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  8. Just bought it - congrats Andrew!!!
    -Elizabeth S.

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  9. Hey Andrew do you think you'll ever reveal your true identity? Do any of your friends or family members know about this blog or the book?

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    1. I doubt it... there wouldn't be much benefit of doing so for me, and there would be plenty of downsides.

      No, I don't think my friends or family know - unless they found out somehow and aren't telling me they know. But I doubt that.

      Delete
    2. Isn't is annoying having to hide that part of yourself from those you love?

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    3. He's like spider-man.

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  10. So expensiveeeeee, Andrew. But bought the Kindle version. Released just in time for my life. Looking forward to reading.

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    Replies
    1. The price of a cheap meal, actually....

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  11. Andrew, when will the PDF version be available for sale? I can't seem to find it on Google Playstore.

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  12. Good timing for me :) I just started reading your blog merely a couple of weeks ago as I came across it one night after mindlessly searching articles on breaking up..mehh. I ended up pulling an almost all-nighter to catch up on the gems that run throughout your writing. I'm truly finding your writing inspirational and it got me out of my 2 month breakup rut I found myself in that night in particular. I emailed you the first night I discovered your blog and ironically you came out with a book on the very subject I was in need of support with. I'm an avid reader of Sci-fi and fantasy...but I am excited to put that aside and read more of your writing from your book. Congratulations and thank you..love from Chicago, keep it up!

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  13. Just bought it. Chapter 4 was worth the purchase alone. Looking forward to reading the rest.

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  14. Replies
    1. You can download the kindle phone application and then buy the kindle version.

      Delete
  15. Hey Andrew about age differences in relationships...What's the youngest girl you've ever dated that was actually mature enough? How young are the ones you usually pursue? Should a girl be cautious of anyone more than say, 8 years her senior or do you think that's okay?

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    1. I have the same question!

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    2. He doesn't pursue anyone, he writes blogs -- can't u tell?

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    3. Andrew, how many people writes your blog, actually, and is your book written by purely you or a bunch if assistants? Thanks~

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  16. I loved it! I've read a lot of the dating/relationship literature, both for enjoyment/curiosity and for improvement and your book does a really good job of addressing new things I hadn't encountered before and giving me some fresh perspective on dating phenomena I've encountered in my own life. Thank you!

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    1. Awesome. That was the goal. Glad you liked it.

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  17. I Especially Like the Man Crotch Cover - Mmmm...

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  18. Just finished the book. Very well done Andrew. Gave me a new POV on how guys think about breakups. I came very close to losing my LTR last month but we pulled it together. He cited some good reasons for wanting to continue after attempting to break it off. Reading your book reassured me about his commitment and I feel less anxious going forward.

    Thank You!

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  19. Hi, thank you for explaining so many things on this Blog. From my experience, many of them are true. The problem is: the way men are portrayed here might be accurate in many ways, but who should be seriously interested in them if they are like that? I think that more and more successful and confident women realize over time that they are not that invested in this whole Dating thing any more because the other side tends to be so shallow. Friendships with women feed brain and heart much more, so over 30, many of my friends who don't want kids only have sex with men and get everything else from women. Maybe classic dating is predominantly for the young and insecure. I am happy that in Europe, where I will live one day again, men are a little to a lot different from what you are portraying here.

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  20. I have just bought your book (paperback) on amazon.co.uk and it will arrive some time before the 2nd of May. I will leave my review of your book on amazon when I finish reading it. However, £14 for a book of a new, unknown author isn't that cheap...

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  21. ....yes, the description of men is obviously that of adolescents mainly. People over I would say 35 and with a university education e. g. in the humanities tend to be very different from that - men and women alike. It starts with the notion of "perfect" or "quality" human beings and ends with marriage as the most important goal. So just choose other people.

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  22. Hey Andrew :) Here's take 2: I love your book. Aside from it being well-written (quintessential you), it seems like you've compiled the kind of book people wished they had when dealing w difficult relationships. ...I don't agree wholeheartedly w everything you say, but it was a great read that was well thought out, and comprehensive. You were ranked #19 at one point in ur category (a competitive category no less) on amazon, which is very very cool...which was higher than some tres racy-sounding sex books, lol.

    Anyway, hopefully ur book will give people who are actually interested in learning from their mistakes and failures the tools to get their shit together. Kudos and congrats again! I look forward to reading book #2 :)

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    Replies
    1. Glad you liked it. Where did you see that it is #19?

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    2. Hey Andrew, when you click the kindle option scroll down to product details and it shows where you rank in kindle versions and hard copies. The numbers/rank fluctuate. That's where I saw #19. Very cool for your first book! Any general ideas what you'll focus on in #2? :)

      I forget in which chapter, but you mentioned that it's generally a good idea to take maybe a month off from dating for every year you were in a relationship, after the relationship ends. ...or something to that effect? I've done something similar in the past. What I found gratifying was that "taking a break" and focusing on other aspects of life (e.g., work, trying to get a perfect body, learning a new sport, self-improvement etc.) are good ways to detox (if necessary) and ultimately go into ur next relationship with an open heart/mind. Plus, self-improvement (when done right) generally makes a person more attractive. That's my take on it, but either way, I really liked that you suggested that.

      Delete
  23. So cool it's available on Amazon France. I'll order it in a few days. Can't wait to read it!!

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  24. I just bought the book on Amazon. Super stoked to read it! You're an amazingly insightful writer.

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  25. thefemaleperspectiveApril 25, 2015 at 4:19 PM

    Congratulations Andrew! I haven't commented on here for awhile but I still come back to your blog to reread your posts. Since the start I've always appreciated your perspective and trying to help women understand the blurred gender lines. I'm so glad you wrote this book, I'm sure more are in your future. I did have a question though as I was reading, I got confused by one part in particular. Can you clarify?
    "To men the most desirable women seem absolutely unmotivated by the idea of sex." Are you referring to women who want a relationship in this statement or the ones who are not phased as to whether or not sex leads to a relationship.

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    Replies
    1. Hi,
      maybe I can help you with this.

      I think the ''most desirable women'' should be understood in a way that means ''it piques the man's interest the most'', since the girl is not easy to get (= ''she seems to be unmotivated by the idea of sex''), so the guy has to put some work (or mental effort) into winning the girl for himself. It is a mental challenge. And it is psychology that the women who are hard to get (i.e. not interested in sex intially) are the most desirable in the long term as they're the biggest challenge.
      Correct me Andrew if I'm wrong.

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    2. Yeah and with moderate timing in playing hard to get :)

      Delete
  26. Will there be epub version of the book to buy?

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  27. Will there be an iBooksStore version? :)

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  28. Hi Andrew, when will your book be available as PDF?

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  29. Hi Andrew, I just bought your book this weekend, and I'm having it shipped to me through Amazon Prime just so I can get it as soon as possible in my mail. I'm going through a particularly bad breakup and haven't been able to let my ex go since late January. I know he got together with another girl and is happy without me, yet I'm still pining for him and I find myself getting emotional every time I start thinking about him or the past. I don't want to hold out hope that he will come back for me, he has stated repeatedly, in hateful words, that he never wants me back. I hope that your book will help me move on and become a better version of myself.

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  30. Hi Andrew! I have just bought your book. At first, I thought that I didn't have a problem with a break up, but now I realised that it was my problem with all the guys.

    I recommend all the ladies here to buy the book, because there's the root of our troubles and the other things are just symptoms.

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  31. Wow, this book has a much better focus on changing the mindset than your blog.

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  32. Andrew, i have a question- About 'cutting' men off, especially those you have only sort of dated for a few weeks, i wont even say dated, the ones that sort of showed interest which dipped within a few interactions. (without any sort of physical intimacy at all), or the ones who never even voiced their interest but you hung out a few times etc..

    If he wants to stay friends,- doesnt cutting hom off sort of shut out the other men you may meet through him? eg he invites u to his birthday party.. and another man there may find you attractive- or he invites you to events and lets you 'be' during those events without trying to claim you etc. and never tries to kiss you or anything at all.

    So my question is, if he isnt useful as a potential boyfriend,cant we keep him around as a 'ladder' to is friends / colleagues etc especially if hes a high quality guy with high quality friends?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it does cut off access to his friends, but if you have to rely on his friends as a source of new men to date, you have bigger problems than not having access to his friends. Also, it is a dangerous thing to get into - not because it will piss him off, but because it will take an incredible amount of self-awareness and honesty to know when you are dating his friends because you are attracted to them, and when you are dating his friends to get back at him.

      Then there is also the consideration that his friends probably won't date you. If they would, they probably aren't good friends - and therefore, probably aren't good boyfriends.

      Delete
    2. Like i tried to imply earlier.. we never hung out as a 'potential couple' with his friends, i will be surprised if they 'know' about me.

      The background story is- a mutual friend tried to 'hook us up'.. we met up a few times, but he never voiced an interest or anything of that sort.

      So we never advanced past that stage, never met any of his friends except when he invited me to open events where he just said hello to me casually and continued to host the party.

      How then are his friends out of bound? He didn't like me or say he liked me- made no move, no physical contact. just a few drinks together.

      So there was no 'break up' in this case.

      My point is, he keeps inviting me to events (which in my opinion are a good place to mix with high quality people like i said earlier). I'm wondering if cutting him off makes sense. - seeing as neither of us are pursuing an attraction or a relationship. (OK OK OK TBH he's a perfect guy and i will date him if he pursues me, but seeing as he isnt.. well tough luck, moving on)...

      Reading the chapter of BTB that speaks about cutting men off just sort of made me box him into the - 'likes you but not enough to make a move' category, (seeing as he keeps inviting me to group events- where he doesn't pay me any special attention as opposed to proper dates) , doesn't make any physical moves, according to BTB, he qualifies as a recipient of my 'cut off' scholarship.-

      But the chapter about a man being nice to you without having relationship motives sort of confuses me, seeing as he may actually not understand why i'm 'cutting him off' especially if i have to tell him why (im cutting him off ) as the book advises


      I prognosticate a conversation of this nature

      I prognosticate a conversation of this nature;


      Hi, xyz i see you aernt willing to take this further etc etc so im going to not contact you etc etc

      Me; look xyz, i see you're not interested in taking me more seriously etc etc.. i will stop contacting you and expect the same etc etc..

      XYZ ; -I'm confused. what are we taking further? did i mention i liked you? what is happening? Are you okay? this is xyz, are you confusing me for someone else?

      *(awkward silence)*...

      Delete
    3. Hey sefb! I disagree with Andrew. Go to those events! Yeah maybe his friends probably won't date you but you can meet their girlfriends who has other friends who may introduce you to a guy who doesn't even know your original date.

      Delete
    4. You would have to honestly have no interest whatsoever in this guy before you go to any fo these events! Otherwise him being in your vicinity will cloud your thinking and not allow you to love on from him properly. So maybe don't go to his events for a few weeks to clear your mind, and gradually re-enter this social circle later

      Delete
    5. I agree w Daphne; depending on your personality, hanging around him might not be emotionally healthy.

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    6. A good gauge for whether you're making a good decision includes some reasonable consideration of everyone else's perception. Do you really think that EVERYONE can be wrong?

      Delete
  33. The book is now up in PDF format on Google Play, available internationally.

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    Replies
    1. I also updated the post to reflect this.

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  34. About halfway through and loving it so far. I'm happily married -- as I think I've mentioned in previous blog comments -- but your perspective on male-female relations generally has always been informative and enlightening for me, and this book is no different.

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  35. Andrew, I started reading your book, and it's wonderful. Your posts have always been insightful, but your writing in the book is genuine and compassionate--yet witty and funny without being flippant. I'm finding myself becoming a fan all over again. ; ) Great work.

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  36. Hello Andrew,

    Writing from Nigeria, Africa. I could not find 'Beyond the Break Up' on Google play. Didn't you say it was available internationally?

    How do I get this book electronically, pls? Thanks.

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    Replies
    1. Ayor,

      I did say internationally, but unfortunately that doesn't mean everywhere. I should have been more specific. Here is the list of countries where you can buy from Google Play: https://support.google.com/books/partner/table/6052428?rd=1.

      Send me an e-mail and we can find a way to get a copy to you.

      - Andrew

      Delete
  37. Andrew, a mail has been sent via gmail. First name is Ayo. Thanku.

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  38. Hey Andrew this is kind of unrelated but I know you mentioned before that turtlenecks are ugly.... what about this? https://instagram.com/p/xmi2kTmqLc/?taken-by=thefashionbybel ..... I think this looks really good don't you agree?

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    Replies
    1. Gotta disagree. It's BARELY a turtleneck, and she's attractive in spite of what little turtleneck neck she's wearing, not because of it.

      Delete
    2. Very true.

      Just take Amanda Knox. She was attractive despite her having murdered (or at least being convicted with murdering) her flatmate. not BECAUSE of that. HA! huge difference.

      Delete
    3. I like tight turtle necks because it makes boobs look bigger.

      Delete
  39. Andrew what's your type (of females)?

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  40. Andrew-can you write a post about sex? Just sex. Nothing more (not how to look good during sex, or when to have sex, for example). Some of my girlfriends and I are "debating" what the elements of great sex are (aka girl talk), and thought I'd ask.

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  41. Andrew at the beginning of the book you say you shouldn't blame yourself for a breakup but by the end of it you say you have to be honest with yourself and admit you weren't good enough. How can you reconcile these two modes of thinking?

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    Replies
    1. Definitely a legitimate question. Basically, the two pieces of advice are aimed at different readers. Some girls will fall into the error of beating themselves up over the breakup, and they need to realize that this isn't fair to themselves. Others (either out of laziness or lack of understanding) will ignore the fact that they have room for improvement. These girls need to hear that they can work to correct what pushed their ex away.

      It's like a dietitian giving advice to clients: the advice "eat less" for an overweight girl and "eat more" for a bulimic girl don't really contradict each other because they are appropriate in different situations.

      Every reader should be able to know (if they are being honest with themselves) which applies to them.

      Delete
    2. Andrew-heart ur book. Q: would you ever know someone is a mentally ill psycho who has to shame you into dating her, but then you date her, then break up with her, and then decide to date her again? Ever noticed that? Do you think that's good decision-making on the guy's part or self-destructive? More importantly, what does it say about the guy who knows this, and gets unanimous confirmation from EVERYONE of her psychotic behavior?

      Good or bad decision making?

      Would you ever advise the guy to go see a psychiatrist, or discuss it with his psychiatrist if it's a recurring pattern of bad decisions you see him making?

      Good or bad decision-making?

      Would you consider the guy's behavior self-destructive?

      Delete
    3. Thank you for replying, that makes sense.

      Delete
  42. Hey Andrew! So I recently read your post about men not caring about accomplishments, and I was reading through the comments and noticed that you said something along the lines of not understanding why a woman would want to be accomplished, as it doesn't attract men. But where do you draw the line between not being accomplishment driven versus simply being lazy? Because I always understood that a man won't be attracted to a woman's accomplishments in and of themselves- like being a nurse vs. a doctor isn't going to influence his attraction. Howevever, isn't the fact that becoming a doctor takes intelligence, hard work, and dedication - things that are important qualities in a long term partner- affect his judgement of you? Basically, if you know a girl can work hard enough to become a doctor, isn't that a good indicator that she's also the type of person to work hard on maintaining a relationship?

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  43. Bought the book and loved it! It was insightful, well-written, and very comforting in a difficult time of being dumped. Great piece of work and it really helped me feel better. It was encouraging and empowering.

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  44. Andrew: Can you write a post about borderline personality disorder? Would be interested to hear your views.

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    Replies
    1. Rollo has some great posts on BPD:
      http://therationalmale.com/2012/08/01/flashes-of-alpha/
      http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/20/borderline-personality-disorder/

      Here’s another: http://www.justfourguys.com/on-the-care-feeding-of-lady-trolls/

      It would be great to hear your take on BPD, and I’d be curious to see how you’d write it for your (primarily?) female readers. Could be a great post! And I guess a specific question I would ask is this: would you characterize BPD qualities as attractive to men; or when a man realizes a woman demonstrates these qualities, do you advise him to stay in the relationship with her? Could be a great post :)

      Delete
    2. Andrew, in addition to Rollo's here's another link a la BPD http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

      As a side note, I noticed on amazon.com that some of the books others purchased w. ur's include: "Ignore the guy, get the guy"; "The power of the pussy"; "Solving single: How to get the ring, not the run around"; and "Ho Tactics: How To MindF**k A Man Into Spending, Spoiling, and Sponsoring." Haven't read any of them (and don't plan to), but any thoughts on whether there's a sincere effort towards self-improvement versus sheer manipulation to get a man? That's probably an impossible thing to say anything definitive on since there are so many variables, but just curious whether you had any thoughts about it.

      Delete
    3. Andrew-In addition to the borderline personality disorder post request, did you ever do a post on 50 shades? I was chatting w a gf about a guy she's dating. He lacks confidence, but tries to assert himself sexually which she says is awkward because it's incongruent w his personality; kind, soft-spoken demeanor...then he transforms into someone drastically different and dominant during sex, which she finds awkward and a bizarrely odd way for him to attempt feeling confident. I guess i'd be curious to know how sexual dominance translates into genuine confidence (I'm not sure it does bc w/o the sex, every other aspect of the person's life demonstrates a lack of confidence). Not sure it does much than make for some strange sex and an awkward relationship...based on how she described the effect/dynamic.

      Delete
  45. Where was this a year ago (yes, I'm still not over it)?

    Such a refreshing book, I have read many about break ups and they all demonise the man, as do my friends. I really don't think that reaction to getting dumped is helpful to anyone.

    Forgetting men are humans too, they make mistakes and it doesn't make them a bad person if they don't love you.
    Anyway my ex has said he made a bad choice, wish me luck!

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  46. Pls check your mail, Andrew.

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  47. Hey Andrew, I just scored 45 (an honest 45 :)) on CH's test and thought I'd share the post here. Particularly, at the end:

    "I hope everyone noticed what was missing from this test:

    Your job.
    The amount of money you make.
    Your accomplishments.
    Your social status and number of friends.
    Your deep and profound worldview."

    https://heartiste.wordpress.com/dating-market-value-test-for-women/

    Do you agree? Personally, I think women who have to make a big deal about their education, status, etc are really low value women trying to make themselves look better than they are; low value.

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  48. Andrew, I am reading your book. While I am liking it so far, it seems to be exclusively written about breakups initiated by the guy and not the girl. I can honestly say that I am plagued more by doubts from a relationship that I ended, than by any that were ended by the guy. It has been seven months and I still wonder if I should have given him more of a chance, whether I had let friends who didn't like him poison the well, whether we could have been happy. Are you going to write anything that might be helpful for moving on when the girl has ended the relationship, but has regrets?

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    Replies
    1. Andrew's book is very specific to the type of audience his message aims to inform/advice. He has a chapter about guilt and pride about guys breaking up but may have regrets. I think they move one once the girl decides to cut them off, just as I think *you'd* move on if you accept with self-honesty the real reasons why *you* broke things off and what could be triggering those regrets? Do you think you can't do any better because you're feeling nostalgic about what's familiar and comfortable? Andrew has a good chapter on attraction and pride as well.

      Delete
    2. Yes! Andrew could you please write a post about dealing with breakups initiated by the girl?

      Delete
    3. No he won't.... This blog's not about "reading female's mind".... :-)

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  49. I've came across your blog about three months ago, after searching for advice on Google (!!!). I've been through a break-up a while ago and your blog kinda helped me, so now I decided to give myself a present and bought your book. :) If it's the same quality of your blog posts, I'm sure I'm going to like it.
    Congratulations on your book, Andrew.

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  50. I'm so proud of you Andrew, I'm going to be all over this book like a fat kid with a cup cake! I've been following your blog for ions now and every now and again I go back to certain posts to gain strength: The importance of silence after a break up, comes to mind....Anyhoo, well done, its a great accomplishment and hope you'll be able to do more posts now!

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  51. Andrew,

    I just cut off a guy who had been leading me on for months but I hadn't cut off due to the distance. Now that I am close by, I texted him Monday that we should meet up, he said he would be free yesterday and today. Yet yesterday he didn't contact me so I asked him if he still wanted to meet up cause if not i would make other plans; he said he would love to and that he would give me a call. Today instead of calling me he texts me that he was still out of town so we would have to meet later.
    So I cut him off.
    I am having second thoughts cause when I sent him the message you have in your book he said he really wanted to see me.
    Did I make the right choice? I feel like I was just being anxious, or that I should have cut him off after meeting with him. I am really sad.

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    Replies
    1. He is just being a jerk...and u being a desperately blind..

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    2. Dump him if you have read anything at this blog its not to be a doormat! Why are you sad about some guy who has lead you on for months??

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    3. You were all right. I guess I really liked him and was being desperate. But after a couple of days I I kind of got over it (finally), stopped thinking about him so much, and started dating again. Now I am dating someone who is not only more confident, funny, and physically attractive than him ("I can get another you in a minute!"), but who also goes out of his way to see me (drove for an hour) and get to know me. He respects me a lot too, he didn't even try to kiss me during the first date. I feel like he cares about me as a person. He makes comments about the future, points out things that we have in common - even silly things like that we have the same initials, is always complimenting me, always tries to make me happy. What I love the most is that he clearly has options (young, really high status, physically attractive, great personality) so there must be something about me that he really likes and appreciates other than my body. So refreshing. Thanks Andrew.

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    4. I spoke to you above May 25 3:18 am. Stop over thinking things. You already are in the fantasy stage with this new guy! You love nothing about him because you don't know him. I do believe you have not read this blog. I'm not Andrew but I 've read this blog. I repeat you don't love this new guy slow down!

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  52. Hey Andrew, As a long-time reader, I just wanted to thank you again for continually telling us what we NEED to hear, vs what we want to hear. As someone who always attracted many men to begin with, but would drive them away inadvertently with my coldness, your lessons on approachability and 20s female game has helped more than you know :) I bought a Google play edition of your book when it came out and the portability factor of being able to pull it out at anytime/place is really coming in handy! I was just wondering if you have any plan of compiling all the articles/guides on your website into a book as well? I think it'd be a really great way to allow your readers to access everything on the go! Thanks and Love xx

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  53. Andrew, I have been looking for this book almost all over Manila (Philippines)...I soo need this book now :'(

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    Replies
    1. You can order the electronic version from Google play or kindle.

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  54. Andrew, about two weeks ago I was indirectly dumped by a guy I was seeing for a year and a half. I started reading your book two days ago because I like your blog, and I enjoyed it. The advice you gave at the end is obvious and I probably didn't even need to buy your book to hear it, but everything that led up to you giving that advice--the two things we have to do to recover from a break-up--was worth the price of the book.

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  55. It's always good break-up for you! It's seems that those people wasn't for you! And you'll find better one! But it's always hard to survive it that's why I've found a solution https://kovla.com/blog/5-vital-steps-start-dating-bre.. . After that you'll be able to begin a new life! Good luck!

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