Sunday, January 20, 2013

Texting Tip 2 - How Should You Reply?

A reader recently asked
"...you said that a female should only be responding to a man's text. So, when responding, does she ask a question to keep the conversation rolling or just give an answer?"
This is a good question. In light of what I've written about not initiating contact, or cutting men off, I can see how a girl might think she should give only very short responses - or even ignore his texts sometimes, in order to see how hard he will persist to get a response.

However, if you extend that way of thinking to its logical conclusion, you end up with a situation in which you are essentially silent, and the man pursues you continually, with no feedback whatsoever. And of course, this would never happen, because after a couple weak responses, a man will simply accept the fact that he has been rejected and move on. This is not speculation; it happens to men all the time when they get phone numbers from girls who aren't all that interested in them. It's happened to me a few times. When a girl doesn't reply, the obvious conclusion is not "It's worth another shot because I really like her," it's "Fuck, well, she clearly isn't enthusiastic enough to continue talking... no sense trying again." Some guys will persist just because they figure they have nothing to lose, but a man who respects himself and has options won't try endlessly.

So there needs to be some kind of balance between not taking the initiative (which you shouldn't) and showing too little enthusiasm in your replies. I suggest you follow these rules:
  1. Never initiate a text conversation
  2. Always be enthusiastic in your responses
  3. Give him an opportunity to continue the conversation any time he gives you one. 
In other words, follow his lead. If a man has taken the initiative, he has already demonstrated his interest, so there's no need to test him further (in that way, at least). He wants to engage you in conversation, so you need to give him positive feedback if you want the conversation to continue. Otherwise, he will read between the lines and give up. So be authentic; show your interest openly.

Take a look at the example in the picture, which is a text conversation I had a few days ago with a girl I met last Saturday night in Clarendon. She'd only been out in DC before, not in Clarendon (a DC suburb) hence the first text I sent the next day. Her text savvy is solid. Just to avoid any ambiguity, I've underlined in red the opportunities she provided for me to continue the conversation, and noted with "[No Question]" the one time when she did not offer such an opportunity. It probably wasn't a coincidence that she failed to do so right after I made a comment without giving her a lead (see rule #3, above).

Also notice her clear enthusiasm to be exchanging texts. She uses smiles and exclamation points liberally, and is fairly verbose in her replies. There are no single word answers, even when only a single word was strictly necessary. While you don't need to be be this enthusiastic to let a guy know you are interested, it is better to err on the side of more rather than less, especially when using such a bland communication medium (as opposed to talking on the phone or interacting in person).

I am not suggesting that you analyze each and every text a guy sends you, consider these rules, then calculate your responses. But I am suggesting that you use these rules to understand the general disposition that you should have towards a man who initiates a text conversation with you, and then use that disposition to guide your replies.


Related Posts
1. Don't Initiate Contact
2. Other Texting Tips
3. Should You Give a Guy Your Last Name?

84 comments:

  1. I notice that those messages are sent very rapidly - there is never more than 20 mins between each, most of the replies happens within minutes.
    What are your thoughts regarding how quickly a girl should reply? Will waiting an extremely long time for a reply signalize that she's less interested?

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    1. I was hoping someone would ask this. I might say more about it in another post, but I don't think you should delay your texts at all. That being said, I also don't think you should go out of your way to reply if you receive his text while you are doing something else. Be authentic (i.e. reply when you can). The rule of thumb is that - no matter how excited about him you are - you should reply to his texts only as promptly as your reply to a friend's texts.

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  2. Texting etiquette seems like an area that women and men alike could use some advice in. Patience, paired with deftly delivered wit and enthusiasm, is definitely a good rule of thumb. Texting seems so trivial, but in the early stages of dating, how/when a guy texts tells a lot. It's much easier to weed out the guys who aren't interested from the guys that are when I never initiate contact.

    On another personal note, the guy that stop texting me randomly that I was just about to call off as a lost cause is now taking me out to dinner and a movie. He said he had gone to his family's house for the weekend last week (although he very well may have gone on another date), but whatever the case, patience paid off and he seems very eager to see me again. I'm glad I followed your advice to wait a full week.


    And a word of advice for the guys? Don't follow the 3 day rule. My girl friends and I have talked about how turned off we are by a guy who plays games- I'd rather the guy be assertive and persistent, it's much more masculine and attractive than him acting like the one who needs to be chased. I have turned down dates from guys who wait too long- it tells me I am an option low on their list.

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  3. Please continue this series, very interesting I must say.

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  4. Texting Tip 3 - Is He a Double-Texter?

    During a nice back-and-forth exchange wait--do not reply--for at least an hour after his last text to see if he Double-Texts you. Make sure to do this while the text thread still has momentum and before it has died down. If he's a sad-sack beta unworthy of breaching your love canal with his submarine, then he will follow his last text with at least one more of his own seeking a response from you.

    If he Double-Texts, ignore him and delete his number. You can thank me now for saving you from a "creepy" future stalker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is some truth to this, but unless he does it in the normal course of conversation (i.e. without you withholding your text from him), I wouldn't read into it as much as Mr. "And Balls" is suggesting.

      In general, reading into any text too much is a bad idea.

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    2. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, balls. Absolutes like this are just poor logic.

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    3. There's an entire site devoted to over-analyzing text messages from guys. Let other girls solve the riddle for you. http://hetexted.com/

      You're welcome. :)

      Delete
  5. Andrew, thank you for all of your stellar advice. I must admit, I am a huge fan. What about guys who only reply with one word or two answers? This drives me crazy, and I need to know what you think, please. Thanks.~Laura

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    1. It depends. If they are driving, for example, it makes sense. Other guys don't like texting. I think it is important to get an idea early on from a guy whether or not he is a "texter" since - if he isn't - you are liable to interpret his texts negatively, when it isn't YOU that is the problem.

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    2. OK. Thank you! :) ~Laura

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  6. Did you have a wild time at the Lichtenstein Retrospectrum?

    Whaam?

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    1. yeah good call on Lichtenstein exhibit...if a guy invited me to that, it would certainly up him a few points in my books

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    2. I couldn't go actually and didn't want to ask them to wait for me. But I did meet up with her later in the week for a drink and she was really cool. We'll see where it goes.

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  7. Reading this just conformed my suspicions.. my text game is shit. I dont care much texting to begin with (anyone will tell you I take forever and a day to respond) and I have a hard time reading innuendo/jokes from guys I dont know well enough. Looking back I blew it with a guy I was really into by essentially doing the opposite of what this girl did. I responded to his texts of course, but I didn't display the same enthusiasm as this girl.

    Also, how should girls respond to sexual innuendo from in text, especially if she is not willing to do go there with the guy because she just met him. There was a guy I liked who did this so I just gave him a snarky response, that ended with a :) to take the edge off. It wasnt a direct NO but it relayed the message. Yay or nay?

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    1. That sounds like it could have been interpreted as "yeah right, you wish!" which is not the right attitude. That being said, a guy who is trying to escalate the relationship sexually via text is probably not a guy you care to give the RIGHT attitude. But assuming he WAS someone you wanted to impress and there was an excuse for his attempt, I'd say something like "haha we'll get there at some point :)" would be appropriate.

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  8. What are your thoughts on women pursuing men?

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    1. Andrew I had a question regarding not initiating in the context of online dating websites.
      What is you are just randomly browses matches and see a guy who you think you might click with but there is a probability he hasn't see you in his searches or matches list yet? did you send a simple "Hey" or do you still not initiate? Please help....thanks

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  9. What about when men send you a message that only contains the word, "hi"? Are these men expecting you to carry the conversation? This has hapened often through texts, and even more on dating sites. Besides the reponding, "hi", I don't know what else to say.

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    Replies
    1. That's generally a feeler text. Any response on your part should be enough to get him talking.

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  10. I have never gotten anything that short. The least he should type is, "Hi, [your name]!" If it is just "Hi," then I suppose a "Yes?" would be adequate.

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  11. Andrew, I thought you lived in San Diego?

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    1. I moved to DC temporarily.

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    2. Haha I really hope to run into you and see your "rules" in action! Can you do a post about being single in DC? It's a hard city to meet guys.

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    3. No kidding. I've been hit on more by girls in the last couple months than I was in the last two years I lived in San Diego... DC has 13% more women than men, which is probably explains a lot of it.

      I have really liked Lima on K St. and Circa in Clarendon. The U St. bars are OK. Would be funny as hell to run into someone who has read the blog - though I don't often bring it up when I meet girls out. For all I know we could have gone on a date already ;)

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    4. I didn't picture you as a "Lima" kinda guy. Well we will never know unless you post a pic ;)

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    5. Haha really? I've talked about how awesome heels and hoop earrings are, and dressing sexy, but you don't think I am the kind of guy who likes nightclubs???

      I like that the women that go to them care about their appearance. Sometimes it carries with it stupidity or bitchiness, but those girls can be recognized a mile away.

      To be honest though, I only like clubs up until they got too loud to talk (unless I am hammered and with good friends).

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    6. How can we make this happen? ;)

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    7. Haha..Andrew is probably a woman. Chances are he/she has lived in DC all along

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    8. Yea "Andrew"... and tell us if you're dating anyone since since people need someone reliable to take advice from! If you're single, why?

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    9. "I didn't picture you as a "Lima" kinda guy. Well we will never know unless you post a pic ;)"

      yes, picture please

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  12. Andrew,
    How would you advise a woman to respond when a guy sends her a picture message of himself with his shirt off? Ignore the text and DO NOT respond or continue to hold off in responding, then write something to show disapproval (Then of course, cut off contact and delete number). To put it into context- I had known this guy a week, and he sent me a drunk photo message. He texted the following evening apologizing. I shold just delete this guys number, right, and never respond?

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    1. Ehhh, I dunno. I mean, he was drunk and he apologized and it wasn't like he was trying to pressure you into sending one back. While he probably doesn't have the best intentions if he did something like that, I'd wait a while and see if he tries to hang out with you seriously.

      Deleting numbers is only a necessary move if you think you need to prevent yourself from calling a guy that you know you shouldn't (e.g. and ex boyfriend).

      Delete
  13. So no "taboo" for this girl asking you out in this situation? I thought you frowned on this...? :)

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    1. It is taboo, and I do frown on it. I didn't mention it in the post because I didn't want to get too off-topic. Besides, I knew someone would point it out and I could explain here ;)

      Though, in reality, asking a guy to come with you and your friend to something you are leaving in 15 minutes to do is a pretty mild violation of "the rule." I think her biggest mistake here was telling me she was willing to wait (and make her friend wait) if I wanted to join them. Note that this isn't a mistake because she should fake being "hard to get," but it is a mistake because if she really put ME in perspective, she would realize that a guy she met for 30 minutes at a bar isn't worth that kind of effort - because if I was interested enough, I'd ask her out again.

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    2. "Besides, I knew someone would point it out and I could explain here ;)"

      You're welcome, then ;-)

      I think it's fair to guess that if this was a girl you were only marginally interested in, then you may have considered this a fatal mistake.

      For example, a guy who texts frequently can be one of two things depending on the girl's interest level. If she likes him, it's nice, sweet, thoughtful. If she's not as interested, he's a clingy creep.

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    3. Great point! Andrew- what do you think of that???

      "I think it's fair to guess that if this was a girl you were only marginally interested in, then you may have considered this a fatal mistake."

      Delete
  14. Don't initiate contact. I know, I know! I love that post and I read it frequently to remind myself. I think my text savvy is pretty good. Liberal use of smilies, enthusiasm, open ended questions... but I have had several guys ask me why I never initiate a conversation. They have said it seems as though I am not interested or don't have time for a relationship (I work 2 jobs and have young kids) if I never have time to start a conversation. I don't want to come off as uninterested or lose an oppurtunity for a potential relationship... Any words of advice?

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    1. At a certain stage in a relationship, you should start to initiate. It is only in the early stages that you need to be strict about this. After a while, you have enough information about how interested he is and don't need to test it as much (though be wary because his interest can wane over time...). That being said, if these guys are asking you why you don't initiate in the EARLY stages, I would just tell them honestly that you do it as a habit in order to make sure that he is interested in you. Also point out that you have never been anything less than enthusiastic when he initiates with you.

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  15. Andrew, sorry I hijacked someone else's comment when I should have probably started my own.

    Regarding not initiating in an online dating site community, does the principle still hold true when there is a probability that the guy just hasn't come across you yet in his searches?

    Should you still not initiate in hopes that he would somehow come across you and send you a message? I say this because I have always got a 90% return in replies and gone on multiple dates with some of the guys I initiated with. Ultimately there was no chemistry....so I should stop initiating in an online setting?

    Sorry if someone else has asked this question before....really need some clarity on this. Thanks

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    1. No, no one has asked it. Online dating is a little different than dating/meeting in person. If you have cause to believe that he hasn't seen your profile, I suggest that you simply view his. Most dating sites let users see who has been checking them out, and if he sees that you've looked at him and still doesn't message you, then you can be pretty certain he isn't interested.

      I'm not trying to put you on the spot here, but did any of those guys you initiated with and then dated turn into long-term relationships?

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    2. I've been online dating for almost a year and I would say I almost never send messages. I would so much rather be persued! But to show interest, I will do multiple views of a guy's profile over the course of a couple days. If he has seen that you have viewed his profile a few times, I think it be pretty equivalent to catching his eye in a bar a few times and making eye contact. It's worked for me! In the last 10 months I've met 13 guys, and went out with one for 3 months, so during that time I wasn't meeting anyone new.

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    3. @ Andrew no, they didn't but I was the one who did not want to pursue.

      About 9 months ago, I ended a very long term relationship (>5 years) with a suberb guy.....but we were ultimately not compatible (we met when we were 19 and core values/beliefs system change over time etc...I am 26 now)) so I have not been doing the online thing for only a month and a half now. This is why your blog is very important to me, because even though I am 26, I don't have much experience dating multiple guys since I was with one for so long and don't want to make too many dating mistakes.
      Just want to get advice before I go further in the online dating process. To be clear, I have gotten way more approached first more online than I have approached.

      I did the checking out without messaging thing to one of them, I had seen he checked me out as well and then on several other occasions he checked me out again still without initiating, so I sent him a "Hi", he then responded and wrote "I noticed you checked me out,I thought you read something on my profile and it put you off since I got no message from you"....he asked me out and we went out on three dates and even though he was very attractive, there was "nothing upstairs" but he was very persistent in wanting more dates and called/texted until he got the hint. I have gone on similar dates with other guys where they want to pursue after and I don't.

      Since I have been online dating for such a very short time, I am not sure the LTR question applies?

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    4. Yeah, I was just asking to point out the fact that even though you got dates from the guys you messaged, they didn't work out. Though it is significant that you ended it, not them. If they'd been the ones to end it it would have proved my point. The way it happened, it doesn't really prove or disprove it.

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    5. okay, but I guess your final point would be to not say anything first, I am not gonna lie, it feels awkward initiating first as in real life I would never approach first and always the one being pursued. Like you said in a separate post, if a guy does not initiate online even if he feels I was not interested, it would seem he lacked confidence and I don't want someone like that anyway!

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    6. I'm going to initiate with two different people, and see what the results are as an experiment. I may come back and repost.

      Delete
  16. Hello,
    I took your advice on not texting and it worked, he text. Good morning : ) hope your week has gone well. The last time he text I said playfully that" I would like to hear that voice of yours" prorated to that asked him to call. We dated and hungout here and there,I adore his style attitude. He's a man but bit metro, art history and law degree. Well last thing it text was it was nice and went by way to fast. Him:"was uneventful but okay"Me(trying not to sound excited) -" okay is good, uneventful sometimes even better" so not to give him any idea what I have been up to. Well he didn't text back bit I know he will in a couple days. Its been now two weekends we didn't hang out.he told me he's not an initiator. And one more thing I am friends with his sister new but staying close! I will run into him and know ill have to keep myself from letting him charm me. We have by third hang out and last had sex. Please tell me what to do, I really dig this Guy we always laugh and both are so good together.what gives? He's 40 and I am 35.(thought i was 26)worried he wants younger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "he told me he's not an initiator."

      Red flag. That could very well read as "i have many options".

      If you aim for a LTR, take precuations.

      Delete
  17. What do you do if the guy takes a long time to reply to a text (eg 24 hours later)? Should I (i) not reply, (ii) take just as long to reply, or (iii) pretend nothing's different?

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  18. not reply, it means he's not interested enough

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  19. I initiated contact on a dating website and he responded positively. He texted first, invited me for the first meeting, and following your advice - I didn't text him first after the initial meeting. He then initiated again asking to meet for date two the next weekend. After date number two, I made the mistake of initiating by sending a text the next day saying I had a good time and thanks. Was that a big mistake? How can I recoup from this?

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  20. Funny how I've been married for 7 years to a guy that I called first! The rules are BS. As long as you aren't crazy needy, and look good, guys won't care. This guy is full of crap.

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    1. While your situation is great, it is very much an exception. The vast majority of situations (and men) are like this and respond -- albeit subconsciously -- to texting very much in a way Andrew describes. So, just because something worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for a lot of other women. I've, personally, seen men bolt and disappear after I initiated emails/texts/phone calls, only a day after expressing great interest in me.

      So, great you're happy and in a marriage with a man you called first. Doesn't happen a lot. Just letting you know from the other side.


      Delete
  21. I have a question I just met a woman two days ago who told me she was moving out of town soon. At first she did not want to meet me because of that but then when I got ready to depart from where we were when we met she made a play for me so left her my number and told her if she had a change of heart and mind to give me a call. Well she called me the nex day and after a 15 minute conversation with her she asked me to loan her 20 dollars because she was in dire straits. What is on this woman's mind does she really want to become friends or does she just want to use me for money? Anyone's thoughts?

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  22. I met a man, he initiated contact after first meeting and continued to do so. Was really keen infact got impression he was quite smitten. I played it cool, I showed interest because I made an effort to be with him in quite exceptional circumstances. He said he wanted a relationship he would come and see me when on leave and had looked into getting flights, he text me before he left saying I'd made his time better than good. Then nothing...stupidly I text him to check if he got home ok, then another a week later without him replying. I deleted his number i thought message loud and clear however thought id give him last chance afortnight ago and again nothing. He told me he didn't keep in touch with his parents and had a best friend he's not seen or heard from in 2 years. He lives far away and in a job that is very tying, feel like a fool for expending energy on him and gutted too as was starting to like him. Ive found this advice really useful and wish id seen it a month ago. How stupid am I!?!

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  23. I went out a few dates after this we are still texting each other and now he has not responded or text me for the past two weeks. So I have text him to ask if everything is ok but no reply. What should I do?

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    Replies
    1. Nothing. Dont contact him again. If he really wants to talk he will make it known.

      Delete
  24. Thanks for that. I really like him as well, its hurts.

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  25. Andrew,
    what about when a guy stops texting you every time you ask a personal question (ex. I need to have a nice, relaxing weekend do you ever feel that way?) and he just never replies. This happened quite often and 2 days later he would text hey, whats up? like nothing happened.. and the cycle continues... what am i supposed to do??

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  26. O.K. I'm confused - I have this situation - I met a guy and he kept inviting me via texts and phone calls to go to concerts, bike riding with his friends like five times in course of two/three weeks (not exactly a classic date, right ?) but I declined all the time due to crazy work/university schedule and didn't really explain to him that I was busy, because I wasn't sure I was that interested in him.

    Then I accidently met him on the street a week later and we had a nice talk and he said that I should give him a call if some event/party or sth comes up.

    Now it's been two weeks without him texting or calling. The guy actually seemed interested in more than sex. And the last time we spoke I actually kinda liked him.

    So my question is - have I discouraged him from calling me again with my behavior or should I call him as he said or is it a no, no even in this situation?

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    1. Yes, you discouraged him with your behavior. He's into you, but he's not going to put any more effort into seeing you without any feedback from you. If you wanted to date a guy and kept asking him out but he kept putting you off, how many times would you ask before giving up on it?

      Send him a text and say you finally have time to hang out, make a plan, THEN DO IT.

      Delete
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  28. Hi Andrew! I've a quick question. What happens when a guy has asked me out on all the dates (around 8 dates, but there are days when we skip texting each other? Does this show lack of interest on his end? For instance, no text for one day. I don't initiate either, unless he has initiated it the last time. For instance; he initiated the last text, and replied two hours late (but he had an explanation for it)and after a few texts back and forth, I ended the text by saying 'Have a great time and good night'. He responded with a Sweet dreams and kisses'. The next morning, I initiated a good morning text, with a fun question (nothing dirty!) but he hasn't replied at all. I'm wondering if this shows lack of interest or if he's busy and deems the message not important to reply for at least 8 hours now.

    Thanks!

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    1. Andrew already addressed this in a previous post: if a guy is genuinely enamored with you, he'll crave interaction with you. Given that your dude is sticking to texting and emailing instead of calling on the phone sporadically instead of consistently, you know two things: (1) that he's keeping his options open and likely dating other women and (2) that it's in your best interest to find a guy who will treat you better and will love you more. From what I've learned in my senior thesis research on mate choice thus far, it appears that men never stop desiring perfect 10s in looks, personality, and accomplishments--it may just be that you need to lower your standards and settle for someone who treats you with the amount of respect accorded to your looks, personality, and accomplishments. (And if this is the marriage market, include virtue, mothering skills, and wife skills.)

      FWIW there are two great website that allow you to assess your facial beauty--www.anaface.com and www.prettyscale.com. I recommend looking at the raw score/percentage and shooting at least one to two points below whatever you get in terms of the quality of men to keep around for a long term commitment. You're only going to decrease in attractiveness over time, so it's smart to make wise decisions when you're still in a position to make decisions (i.e., there are still single men in your desired age group to go around). Good luck.

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    2. Apparently I'm an 8.5 in the looks department. But what does that matter when the chemistry isn't sizzling :( sigh.

      Delete
  29. Just to update, he emailed me at night to ask if I'd like to go out with him on the weekend. I hope this is a good sign .

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    1. Never accept a last-minute date unless you're married. Even if you're not a 10 in looks but you're a 10 in personality, accomplishments, and wife/mothering skills, you still deserve to be treated well and to have some semblance of an appropriate courtship by virtue of your worth as a long-term investment. Following the advice of Fein et al, only accept weekend dates if he asks you out prior to Wednesday at 9 pm. Even if you have no other date options with other guys, the guy you're with should fight for your time and fight to be in your life so you know that he's in it for the long haul. Never be someone's second choice.

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    2. Thank you Manisha! As much as it sucks, I think you're right and I'm not going to bother with him unless he puts in more effort.

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  30. What should I think if I've been on one dinner and movie date with a guy who didn't kiss me or even hold my hand? He indicated that he'd like a second date, and I always let him initiate contact. He hasn't scheduled the second date or texted me in over 24 hours, and it hasn't even been a week since our first date. He's the eager beaver extremely nervous and extremely nice type so to not hear from him is a bit odd.

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    1. Either
      A) He doesn't like you enough, or
      B) He really likes you, figures you're out of his league, and thinks you're going to eventually dump him, so he's sparing himself the heartbreak by just not going out with you again.

      Either way, you shouldn't do anything, because if it's Scenario A, nothing you do will likely change his mind. If it's Scenario B, do you really want a guy who can't muster the balls to ask you on a second date?

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  31. Can someone answer this please!

    What if the guys who ever ask for my number all want to escalate things sexually? Where can I find men who takes me seriously and what does this mean for my level of attractiveness?

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  32. I recently decided to try online dating. One of the men I met offered his phone number and I politely responded, "I do not initiate phone calls/texts with men, sorry I'm just old fashion when it comes to some things" then I offered him my phone number. He texted me at midnight his photo with a text saying "Hi beautiful, this is David :-)". AT MIDNIGHT??? I wished him good morning when I saw the text the next morning and added "Just curious, what would make you think it was ok to text me at midnight?" Was I too direct with my question? It seemed like a reasonable quesiton to me as I didn't want to make any assumptions as to what his intentions were for texting me at midnight. He interpreted my response as an attack and thought I was "fussing". What do you think?

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    1. If a guy texts you after midnight he wants sex from you plain and simple! It happens to me all the time! He acted that way since you already gave him his number and initiated contact and so he assumed you wanted his penis! That's a trick guys do! When they want you to initiate to test if your a slut! I would drop him! Don't contact him again EVER! You will be thankful!

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    2. His exact reply was " Wow! Am I already getting fussed at?... I was on my way to work (graveyard shift) and I thought it was too late to call." I replied "Fussing? Not at all, that's just a perception. We don't know each other yet. It was merely a question. In my opinion a reasonable question. Don't want to make assumptions about getting text messages at midnight." At first I thought I was too forward & should have given him the benefit of the doubt because he works "the graveyard shift" but after reading the text again, I agree with you, he shouldn't get a pass for his work schedule. He doesn't even know me, how could he think it was appropriate! Thanks Krystal :)

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    3. If a guy you barely know is getting this upset after you questioned him consider yourself lucky. He isn't into you. If a guy is truly interested in you he would respect your wishes. He just wanted to get laid and is angry you found out his intentions. Good thing you questioned him. Most girls would go along with him because of desperation. Good job!

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    4. By the way, I didn't initiate contact and I explained to him why I don't, which is why I don't understand why he thought it was alright to text me at 11:57pm...

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  33. Andrew, what if he doesn't offer an opportunity to continue the conversation?
    Ideally I should wait until he starts a new one instead of making another comment/bringing a different topic? Would I be initiating if I did that?

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  34. What do you think of guys who follow the "3-Day Rule" after a first date? I went on a great first date with a guy. Have not contacted him after the date. I was disappointed he didn't contact me I think he should have called the next day) and left wondering if he liked me. He texted me 3 days later (I'm talking, to the minute 72 hours later!!) after our first date. I was annoyed. Now I think he is trying to mess with me or playing a game. I ignored the text.

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    1. I think he was just trying to play it cool (not play games). I think the fact that he initiated contact with you shows interest.

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    2. Trying to "play it cool" IS a game. If a guy is really interested, I think he should call or text the next day after a great date, no later.

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    3. Your right. He's prob just trying to get in your pants. He should've sent you flowers and a card after your first date. What a jerk!
      All kidding aside....it's just my opinion, if you truly had a good time, give him a chance.

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  35. my questions is I hooked up with a girl, but before we went all the way she said lets wait i like you. The following fri we went out to dinner had a great time. made out etc. but she said she had to get up early so i took her home around midnight. That following tues, my bday she was so excited to take me out for drinks and dinner before we met up with friends. But again stated she cant stay out late bc she has work early the next day...we end up stayign out until midnight she drives me home more kisses and then makes plans again to see me fri where she will have more time and can stay over since she doesnt have work sat morn... well fri rolls around she comes over is super affectionate makign out cuddling but says she got screwed at work and has to cover a shift in am....she leaves my house at like 2am after movie and says shes upset she cant stay over. Well since last fri basically no replies to texts and most of em are liek 24 hrs later. SHe has worked non stop since sat so i know shes busy and finally responded "still grinding finally off starting this afternoon" i texted back to her and didnt hear back until this am to the effect "sorry i didnt get back to you, got off work and holed up in my apt.." I waited and responded, "can only imagine how bad you needed that after 6 days of work" before that the past 2 weeks we would text back and forth not immediate would reciprocate within a couple hrs. I want to say shes busy and needed time to herself but now i feel like im loosing my mojo in the situation and have lost control over communicating.

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