Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Fantasy of Nightlife

When women go out, they are done up: they have makeup on, their hair is done, they are wearing heels, wearing their best clothes, etc. In addition, nightlife venues are almost always dimly lit, so that any cosmetic imperfections are hidden. In other words, they look their "best."

Men also get dressed up when they go out; but more importantly, they drink. The alcohol makes them more social and confident, more willing to go for what they want. And the magnum of Grey Goose they bought makes them look more important than they are. The loud music and bustling environment makes it unnecessary for them to lead a real conversation, so any lack of social skills is masked. In other words, they also look their "best."

Granted, men often over-drink, in the same way that girls often over-dress. Taking extra shots is the male equivalent of wearing too short of a skirt, or too much makeup. But the point is that, in nightlife, men and women lean on the crutch of added confidence or beauty (respectively) in order to appear more attractive to the opposite sex. The interesting thing is that, in addition to leaning on their own crutch, both sexes actually lean on the opposite sex’s crutch as well…

When men go out, they indulge in the belief that they can get girls who look like supermodels. The truth, of course, is that these guys can only get girls who look like supermodels in the club, and only when they themselves have liquid courage to assist, or loud music to mask their insecurity, or when they have the best table in the club to hide the fact that they are a run-of-the-mill manager in a medium-sized company.

When women go out, they indulge in the belief that they are attractive enough to get confident and powerful men to approach from across a room; but the reality is that they can only attract the men who can act confident after a couple drinks, or guys who know how to look powerful in a nightclub.

While this dynamic is far more exaggerated in nightclubs than it is in bars, it still exists in degrees wherever women are dressed up and men are drinking. Women lean on their appearance and sex appeal to be more attractive than they are normally, men lean on alcohol and status symbols to be more attractive than they are normally; and both sexes bask in the glow of the “results” they get in those circumstances.

This isn't necessarily a problem as long as you recognize what is going on, and enjoy it for the fantasy that it is. But it can be a problem if you let yourself slip into the mentality of “I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex,” when the reality is that you only get a lot of attention from the opposite sex when you go out – in other words, when you participate in the fiction of nightlife. This is significantly different from being able to attract someone in normal life, and assumptions to the contrary might be fueling your complacency.


Related Posts
1. The Analogy Between Confidence and Beauty
2. Bars Are a Bad Place to Meet Women
3. Bars Are a Good Place to Meet Guys – Part 1
4. Nightlife Tip 1 – Create Space at the Bar

3 comments:

  1. Interesting. I know someone who flaunts drinking nights in bars in the guise of watching sports (if any would actually be on) but who said, "That's what guys do when they go to bars; they talk to girls..." I think it's his outlet to convince himself that it's where he can find girls whom eventually would give him their number. I don't know if he's a "collector" of that to boost his ego or to find "someone to call on a date." But undoubtedly, his alcohol-induced behavior/attitude emboldens him, and the fantasy of nightlife distracts him.

    As an outsider, I've observed what you wrote about in this fantasy night life, in a rolling-of-the-eyes kind of way and fleeting awe for those (men and women) who exhibit and manage to uphold your impressions. The thing I always wonder about is, "When that fantasy life passes, what then?"

    Perhaps it's as simple as an ego boost or being out of character in testing personal and social boundaries. Still, does it ever translate to real life?

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  2. This is exactly why I don't give my number out in nightclubs. It's all a facade. Women dressed to the nines and men high on liquid courage, all in a dimly lit room. Dimness gives anybody confidence. Your imagination runs wild thinking you've met your perfect match, until you meet up during the day. Suddenly your both main characters in Transformers, and the liquid courage of the night is no more. Both sitting there in awkward silence sipping coffee when just last night you were grinding the night away like rampant rabbits.

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  3. Supermodels look like supermodels because they are dressed up all the time. Just like people at the club.

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