Ugly Girls Don’t Exist

Every once in a while I get e-mails from girls who have clearly resigned themselves to a life of lovelessness because they think they are ugly. This post is for them.

I used to feel sorry for ugly girls. When you're a young guy who still feels completely in awe of beautiful women, it's easy to fall into thinking that the girls who don’t have a visual effect on you are incapable of enjoying the dating world. Female good looks were overwhelming to me at the time, so the girls without them mustn't have been able to get guys – or so my 22-year-old logic went, anyway.

This reasoning sustained some damage when I finally went out with some hot girls. Doing so made me realize that what my mom had been telling me for years was actually true: a girl's looks aren't everything. But this actually wasn't what put an end to my pity. That didn’t happen until I realized that, when you frame the situation correctly, there actually isn’t anyone to pity. Let me explain...

It's common knowledge that physical beauty in women consists mainly of signs of health, youth, and fertility. Wide hips are attractive because they are conducive to childbearing. Long, full, smooth hair is sexy because it shows that a woman has all the nutrients she needs to grow it. Big breasts are attractive because they emphasize a woman’s ability to feed her child. Tight skin and big eyes are attractive because they make a woman look young and therefore more capable of bearing healthy children.

This state of affairs isn’t a coincidence. It exists because, throughout human history, the men who happened to be attracted to signs of health, youth, and fertility were more likely to fuck healthy, young, and fertile women, and they were therefore more likely to pass on their fertility-attracted genetics to future generations. The dudes who happened to be attracted to some other set of traits in females ended up having sex with less-fertile women, and their genetics were never passed on – or at least, they were passed on less and less until they died out completely. Likewise, the infertile women (in other words, the unattractive women) – or the women attracted to impotent men – also failed to reproduce, and their genes were similarly drained from the gene pool.

Most of you have probably heard all of this before. What is interesting here isn’t so much the evolutionary narrative, it’s the corresponding implication: because the weakest and least-attractive genes died out long ago, and the strongest, healthiest, most attractive ones have persisted, the human race is getting perpetually more attractive.

Of course, you don't need the spiel on natural selection to realize this; just look at what we used to look like:

A Neanderthal Woman and Modern Woman
(Image from National Geographic)

Yes, that’s right, I am comparing you to cave women. But it is a legitimate comparison because it makes an important point: if you exist on the earth today, it is only because men, collectively, throughout human history, wanted to fuck you. The ones who didn’t died off millions of years ago, along with all of the “ugly” genes in both sexes. Everyone left is sexy.

It’s like the whole human race has been using Tinder for millions of years, and now we’re living in a world populated only by our matches. Except it’s even better because our matches didn’t just swipe us right because they were bored on the way to work; they actually voted for us by banging our ancestors – there’s no ambiguity about what they wanted. And sure, maybe you like some of your matches more than the others, and maybe some of your matches like others more than you; but there is no getting around the fact that your sexual attractiveness (or potential for it) was a prerequisite for your existence in the gene pool.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you are attractive just the way you are. It may well be that you need to lose some serious weight and learn how to dress well in order to make men realize that they want to bang you. But that is a good thing, because it means that you can lose some serious weight and learn how to dress well and men will realize that they want to bang you.

And of course, there will always be “least hot,” “hotter” and “hottest.” Our minds have evolved to care about that, but the interesting thing is that men’s penises have not. I’ve talked about this with many guy friends many times, and we all agree that, when we are horny, we are willing to fuck about 50 % of women under the age of 60. And this considers even the women who don’t make an effort – imagine how high that number would be if everyone did.

Neither am I saying that every woman has an inherent capability to lock down a top-shelf dude. There are a lot of things other than looks that matter in dating and relationships, and there is a lot more to life than getting sexual attention from men. But what I am saying is that every woman who thinks she’s “just ugly” or somehow “unfuckable” is flat-out wrong. You are on this earth today because you have the ability to give men a boner. End of story.

This is a pretty important point – important enough that I made it in one of my earliest posts a few years ago. I drew the conclusion then that no girl needs to be below a 5 on the 10-point scale. And I stand by that. To borrow from what I said there:

...the time and effort you put into your appearance will produce results. Do not worry if your gut tells you otherwise; your gut is informed by beauty pageants and "100 Hottest Women" lists, and a thousand other influences that both reinforce and reflect the notion that beauty is a matter of winning the genetic gene pool - i.e. a matter of 'haves' vs. 'have-nots.' This notion is bullshit...no girl needs to be less than a five on the ten scale...If you present yourself well and get in great shape, you will be above average. And for those of you that are naturally about average, the sky's your limit.

I realize this message probably doesn’t apply to most of my readers. If you are reading websites like this, you haven’t given up hope. You know or at least suspect that there are things you can do to improve the quality and quantity of attention you get from men. So this message isn’t necessarily for you. But you probably know other girls who have given up. Maybe you have a friend who thinks she’s inherently unattractive or that she’s destined to be single her whole life because men don't want to fuck her.

The next time that conversation comes up with her (or even if it doesn’t), remind her of what I've said here. Remind her that hope should never be lost. Better yet, remind her that hope should never be necessary. You don't need hope when you're a winner in the genetic Olympics; you just need motivation. And a damn good way for her to get motivated is to recognize the truth: that with a little effort, being sexually attractive is well within her reach.


Related Posts
1. Feminine Beauty Is Highly Controllable
2. You Can Control How Attractive You Are
3. Should You Focus on Your Looks or Personality More?

How To Look Good During Sex

It has often been said that women are turned on by what they feel, while men are turned on by what they see. There is a lot of truth to this. Of course it may not be so black-and-white; probably men are aroused by what they see only in proportion to how masculine they are, and women by what they feel in proportion to their femininity. But whatever the case, men are primarily aroused by what they see. While certain moves, positions or behaviors also play a role in arousing a man during sex, visual stimulation is the most important yet most frequently overlooked aspect of a woman's sexual performance. In addition to making yourself as attractive as possible by using non-bedroom techniques such as working out, doing your hair, etc. the following list of things should help to catch his eye. I've been careful not to list things that some guys like and others don't - this list should only be the things that apply to the vast majority of men.

1. Leave the lights on, at least enough so that he can see the form of your body, your hair, etc. Without light, nothing else on this list will be as effective. Dimmed is probably better than leaving them full-on, but darkness is not sexy at all to a man.

2. Arch your back. This is the single most potent bedroom posture a woman can assume. Most women do this naturally during heightened sexual pleasure, and he becomes more aroused by seeing you aroused. Do it regardless of being face down, face up, or on your side.

3. Point your feet down as if you were standing in high heels. I haven't figured out why this is sexy yet, but rest assured: it is. Do this when you are lying on your back with your feet in the air, crawling across the bed, or in any other situation in which your feet are free. Consider leaving your heels on during sex, as it assists and heightens effect.

4. Throw your head back. This is also done naturally during heightened sexual pleasure. Combine with #2 and #3. Also try turning your head to the side, as if the pleasure is too intense to look directly at him. In addition to demonstrating your pleasure, both of these actions slightly contort and accentuate the neck, one of the most delicate and feminine parts of a woman's body. Close your eyes or it will seem unnatural.

5. Wear matching underwear. This makes you more comparable to the supermodels he fantasizes about routinely, and generally looks a lot better on you (models do it for a reason). Simple colors and types of underwear are perfectly acceptable. Also, let him initiate the removal of your underwear. I am usually disappointed when a woman takes hers off too soon. It looks sexy and I don't get to see it very often, so I want to enjoy it for a minute before I rip it off.

6. Don't pull his upper body down towards you during missionary or similar positions (e.g. to make out or hold him while he penetrates you). This will prevent him from watching himself enter you, which is hugely erotic.

7. Put your arms above your head. This widens the upper portion of your body, accentuating the relatively small width of your waist and bringing out your curves. A small hip-to-waist ratio is extremely sexy to men, and by doing this you give yourself more of an hourglass shape. This is also an open posture - one which uncovers and "opens" the vulnerable front of your body, indicating your gift of yourself to him, and therefore your trust and love. This openness establishes a much deeper connection, which has all kinds of benefits, but is also sexual. The picture below (on top) illustrates the accentuation of the waist, while the photo below (on the bottom) shows a more natural instance of the posture. (Also see the right-most picture under #2.)

8. Make your movements slow, sexy and constant. The general idea is that you are slowly but continually moving in rhythm with and response to his sexual lead - in a sense, "flowing." The movement is something like squirming, but in a slower, more sensual (rather than uncomfortable) way. He will be turned on by watching you respond to the pleasure he is creating in you. The video linked in the postscript illustrates this best.

In some instances, the things above will feel strange and require a little acting on your part; but over time they will become your natural response to pleasure. In addition, it is likely to be self-fulfilling acting, since by doing so you will arouse him, and his resulting lust for you will ultimately arouse you more. If these things aren't natural for you, I suggest that you try to implement only one at a time, otherwise you will likely disengage from the sex itself by focusing too much about your body. It shouldn't be too forced.