There Is Nothing Modest About Loose Jeans

Every now and then I meet or see a girl wearing loose jeans. By "loose" I don't mean that the crotch is sagging around her knees, I just mean that there are places on her hips, ass and upper legs where the fabric is not touching her skin. I suspect that girls do this for one of three reasons:

(a) They think their figure isn't attractive enough to wear tight jeans.
(b) The think that tight jeans are immodest.
(c) They don't care about their appearance and loose jeans are more comfortable.

I realize I won't convince group (c) of anything, so I am only going to address (a) and (b). Let's start with group (a)...

No matter how fat you are, or how badly your ass is shaped, loose jeans make it look worse. Tight jeans might not make your ass or legs look good, but loose jeans will make you look like a man.

As for the group concerned with modesty: you need a reality check. Tight jeans are not provocative; they are normal. Despite what your parents probably raised you to believe, modesty is not something objective. What looks "appropriate" or "slutty" or "conservative" changes significantly depending on two things: context and social norms.

If you were to walk down the street of your city in a bikini in the middle of winter it would shock people and look slutty. Any man who saw it would be turned on. But on the beach, bikinis are normal. Men are much less turned on by them because they are expected. They don't look slutty at all. This is what I mean by context.

In Victorian times, swimsuits were less-revealing than most women's dresses are today. Today, swimsuits are more revealing than most women's underwear in Victorian times. Dress-like swimsuits didn't seen slutty or over-conservative in Victorian times, and neither do bikinis today. This is what I mean by social norms.

Here is the thing: modesty isn't a function of the quantity of skin you show, or the tightness of the clothes you wear; it is defined by how much your outfit makes men (or people in general) think that sex with you is imminent. The more you incite in men the thought that they can bang you easily, the less modest your outfit is. This is why short dresses are so much more sexual than pants. Men see you in a short dress and part of their subconscious recognizes that your vagina is essentially exposed (i.e. from the bottom). Sex seems much more accessible and immediate because there is only one thin layer of clothing covering the most sexually intimate part of your body.

But the threshold for triggering a man's thoughts of sexual proximity - the criterion for immodesty - is entirely relative to social norms and context. The man on the beach doesn't think sex is imminent when he sees you wearing a bikini, because every woman on the beach is wearing in a bikini, and he knows it is for swimming or sunbathing. But in 1910, if a man saw a woman on the beach in a bikini, he'd be sure that she was a woman of loose morals - and he'd probably be right.

Anyway, the point here is that wearing tight jeans in everyday American life is about as shocking as wearing a bikini on the beach in 2014. And wearing loose jeans in everyday American life is far more similar than you think to wearing a Victorian bathing costume to a Las Vegas pool party. Perhaps more importantly, when you use your clothes rather than your behavior to be modest, you are far more similar than you think to the girls who use their clothes rather than their behavior to get sexual attention. Don't be so sure that you are more intelligent just because you made the mistake about modesty rather than sexuality.

Is there an opposite extreme, where tight jeans start to look like a bikini on a Victorian-era beach (i.e. slutty)? Yeah, probably, but that's not the point - there are always excesses on both extremes. Today I happen to be calling out the conservatives.

So remember: wearing loose jeans doesn't avoid the wrong kind of attention; it just makes you look terrible.


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What Men Think About Your Sexual History

No guy wants to date a whore. No guy likes the fact that his girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) has slept with a lot of other guys. Most guys want women who are sexually comfortable and have some experience, but the same men simultaneously prefer a woman who hasn't been sexually intimate with other men. Consider an excerpt from the post Don't Fuck On the First Date:

...when it comes to a potential spouse, guys don’t like the idea of a sexual relationship being “easy” any more than girls. We want to know that our date, or girlfriend, or spouse is a woman who is unobtainable to most if not all of the other men in her league. We don’t want to work for it per se, but we do want the kind of girl that guys of our caliber need to work for. We know that the best things in life never come easily, so if a girl let us have sex with her on the first date, it shatters the perception that she is someone unobtainable to other men.

The reality, of course, is that it is extremely rare to find a woman who is (a) a virgin, but also (b) open-minded in bed, confident with her naked body, knows what a guy likes in bed, etc. For better or worse, the latter qualities are the product of experience, and therefore preclude the former as a real possibility. Men know this, and are therefore willing to accept some degree of a girl's sexual history in exchange for some degree of her experience: we actually prefer a girl that has had sex with X number of guys because it means she will have A, B, and C qualities in bed.

The idea trade-off will be different for every guy, but the extremes - wanting a virgin or a whore - are rare enough that they aren't worth striving for - at least not if you want to attract a typical American guy. If you want a very religious man, he will probably prefer a virgin and you should plan accordingly; and there are even guys out there that will actually prefer a girl whose legs have been perpetually open. The thing to remember is that your typical American man wants a girl with some experience, but less than most girls in her demographic. So when it comes to choosing how many men to sleep with, always lag what is deemed "acceptable."

While I don't claim that my taste in women is representative of the average American (I do think it is reasonably close), I can tell you that my preference is a girl who has had sex with between 2 and 6 guys. Ideally, one of these would have been a drunken one-night stand, and another would be with a guy that took her on a few dates, had sex with her, and then bailed (so that she would have these experiences to better understand men - even if only to pass the lesson on to our daughters if we were to marry). The rest would hopefully have been men that she was dating seriously. Remember, these sexual encounters are good in spite of not because of what they imply about the girl (i.e. because of the lessons learned and experience). And remember that this is only my preference; the bolded sentence above is the generalized truth.

Now, all of this being said, there are a few interesting things to note:

1. Promiscuous men will be lenient in their expectations. You may have encountered men who claim to have sex with lots of women, but in their next breath demand virginity from girls they will actually respect. This attitude is not the norm. Most guys project their own standards onto women, in the same way that women project their own standards onto men. While a guy who has slept with 30 women won't prefer the same number from the girls he dates, he will identify and empathize with her decision to sleep around, and will therefore not mind as much.

2. You can't change your number, but you can change your attitude. Men know that although being a whore is more or less defined by how promiscuous a girl has been, what really makes being a whore troublesome (STDs aside) is the attitude that accompanies it. This is the attitude that says "I don't place any value on my physical or emotional health" and/or "I am insecure and need to be shown frequent affection from men, or constantly prove to myself how attractive they find me." This attitude can be changed. If you are reading this and are getting worried that the kind of guys you want will be disgusted by the number of guys you've slept with, you probably have the necessary motivation.

3.  Don't tell him how many guys you've slept with. Some guys will ask and others won't, for various reasons ranging from interest to insecurity. If he asks, I suggest you leave him in the dark. If your number is low, tell him it is "low," but don't give him a number. If it is high, just don't tell him. It does no good whatsoever to share this kind of information, aside from being slightly more open with him - but the same openness can be affected in other ways. However, the bad it does is two-fold:

• It makes more real and concrete in his mind the sexual experiences you've had with other men. Instead of being some vague, notional set of guys you've rolled around in the sheets with, it becomes X distinct sexual encounters with real men, to whom you felt some physical or emotional connection, either of which may have been better than the connection you have with him.
• If you have changed your attitude as described above, telling him your number only serves to connect your new self more strongly to the old self that slept around. Keeping that tie severed works in your favor.

I suggest saying something along these lines if you are questioned:

"Really? You actually want to know? Weird. I am not going to tell you anyway, but why would you care? No good can come from that conversation. Think about it."

And then if it is appropriate, explain the reasoning I give above. Most guy won't freak out if you don't tell them, but you should emphasize the reasoning given here as your motivation for silence, rather than letting his imagination wander and concluding that you must have a number so high that it can't be spoken.


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The Bigger The Hoops, The Bigger The Whore

Women that wear large hoop earrings have a reputation for being slutty. I was recently fortunate enough to be taught the expression "The bigger the hoops, the bigger the whore." Most men have not heard this aphorism before, because it is not usually featured in male-female conversation. Instead it is saved for instances when Girl A steals Girl B's man in 'da club, when Girl A is then verbally relegated by Girl B to the circle of skanks and hookers. Oh, and it's because Girl A was wearing hoop earrings.

Anyway the expression is completely false. The accusation is something akin to Man A calling Man B - who gets a lot of attention from girls - a "douchebag," when the truth is that the Man A is just jealous because he doesn't know how to attract women. Being able to attract women doesn't make a man a douche any more than hoop earrings make a woman a prostitute; plenty of men are successful with women without disrespecting them and there are countless examples of gorgeous women that wear big earrings but aren't hoe-bags. Some women that wear them might be slutty, but that is only because slutty women get one thing right – they know how to make themselves hot. It isn't because hoop earrings look bad.

But I digress. Besides giving me an opportunity to share what is now my favorite expression of all time, the point of this post was to attempt to explain why hoop earrings make a girl look good. Though first I should elaborate slightly: it isn't only hoop earrings that make a girl look good. Hoops will almost always improve a look because they are almost always large. Size is the essential element. Obviously the earrings have to match the rest of the girl's look: her face shape, the length of her neck etc.; but all else being equal, it's a case of the bigger the better. The effect is extremely subtle due to the proliferation of earrings, and especially because women (collectively) wear such a variety of sizes. Men will not know why they are an extra 5 to 10 % attracted to you when you are wearing them, but our ignorance only makes the effect all the more powerful.

(An aside: I have never seen a woman wearing large earrings and found it unattractive, or thought she would look better without them. But on numerous occasions I have seen a girl wear them for the first time, and I found her noticeably more attractive. This does not mean there is no limit to who can benefit from them; but be liberal in deciding whether or not you can pull it off.)

Although it is ostensibly the reason for this post, why large earrings make a woman so much more attractive is still a bit of a mystery to me - and the world at large, apparently, as I've recently learned from asking many woman about their choice of earrings, and trying all kinds of different internet searches for an explanation.

I even did an experiment of my own in an effort to rid the world of such a confounding problem. I searched the internet for pictures of women with large earrings, and removed the earrings using a photo editor. Then I compared the two pictures side-by-side to see if I could determine what it was exactly about large earrings that improved a woman's look. Here are a few examples:

Kim Kardashian

Random Earring Model


Emmanuelle Chriqui

Katy Perry

There is no question that all of these girls look better on the left than they do on the right, but why is still not obvious to me. Here are the explanations I have considered:

1. The size of the earrings has a diminishing effect on the size of a woman's neck, making it look more slender and therefore sexy.
2. The low position of the earrings draw the eyes down, emphasizing the neck and collarbone - a highly feminine and sexy area of a woman's body.
3. The earrings offer balance to the face, which is otherwise dominated by the eyes, eyebrows and nose.

After looking back and forth between the photos, it was clear to me that the earrings do draw the viewer's eyes downward. This would suggest number two; however, I did a quick check by cutting the pictures off below the chin (i.e. removing the neck and collarbones) and seeing whether the earrings still made the girls look more attractive. They did. So although one and two might still be partially truthful, they are definitely not the only or the most important factors. Number three seems the most plausible based on my observations of the pictures, but I don't understand why the face needs or even benefits from this supposed "balance." And if a girl has pretty eyes (as Katy Perry does), wouldn't "balancing them out" make her less attractive?

I'm stumped. Any thoughts?
__________________________________
Note: In a later post, I shared an answer that seemed accurate: Why Large Earrings Are Attractive


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